29 Nov

Effective Questioning to Change a Limiting Belief

Today let’s examine some of your very own beliefs.  You might want to think about an unresolved situation with someone or explore negative beliefs about your work then  apply the questions below to the situation or person to explore your thinking.

  • What is it that you believe?
  • Where does this belief come from?
  • How did you come to believe what you do?
  • Is this belief your own or one that was imposed on you?
  • What does having those beliefs mean to you/say about you?
  • What triggers this belief?
  • What does this belief accomplish?
  • Is that belief appropriate for you today or one that you picked up years ago and forgot to update?
  • What are the beliefs you hold about yourself or how the world works?
  • What is the negative or positive impact of having that belief?
  • What alternative belief could you choose/what would be a better belief for you?
  • If you changed that belief, what would you be able to do that you can’t do now?
  • What happens when you change that limiting belief?
  • What will you gain from letting go of this limiting belief?
  • What beliefs are scripting your life now?

Changing a belief from one that limits you to one that empowers you doesn’t mean that you are wrong in any way or that you accept what happened it simply means you move on from the negativity of the situation setting yourself free from the chains that bind you.

Beliefs are thoughts and choices, do yours serve you or limit you?

28 Nov

How to change limiting beliefs

90% of the process of changing limiting, old outdated beliefs is cultivating awareness, so that we can distinguish the difference between what we’d like to believe, what we think we should believe and what we truly believe.

It has become clear to me that having had my own coaching and mentoring and also having coached others that we all have much to learn and gain from questioning and challenging our limiting beliefs and looking at how limiting beliefs hold us back.  Beliefs are often so unconscious that we seldom question them, with effective questioning, taking into account: when the belief was formed, whose belief it is and if that belief limits us or allows us to grow, we can question if the beliefs we hold are still appropriate for us.  Each of us has a choice and by choosing new empowering beliefs much can be changed in our lives for the better.  We can each take the untamed potential of a belief and create a new and unique worldview that drives everything that we do.

In order to change a limiting belief we need to change the internal representation we have of ourselves, about others and about the world around us, so that over time, our creative subconscious mind recognises our new representation as a new reality

Changing a belief takes time, by creating awareness about what we believe opens up new possibilities for change. If a limiting belief is based on a perception that is no longer true or someone else’s opinion then it is time to change the belief. The desire to change what we believe, by taking action will assist you in finding new goals that are specific, attainable and measurable. Challenging a limiting belief will have enormous benefits in the sense that self worth is improved, fear subsides, and there is a renewed sense of freedom and there is a willingness to take new risks.

Exercises to support you in changing your own limiting beliefs:

  • Create an inventory of your beliefs (I can’t, I must, I Mustn’t, I should, I ought to, I need to, I have to, it’s impossible to) especially ones you realise as being fearful. Observe and question in the best way that you can, what you have come to believe, with absolute honesty and release the beliefs that no longer serve you
  • Stop collecting evidence that supports the old belief, instead look for evidence that supports the new belief.  Access the positive intention in the new belief
  • Choose a belief and look at the rules that support it, break the rules and compare the outcome of the catastrophic prediction built into the rule.  It is often the thought of doing something that stops us from actually doing it.  The thought is worse than the actual outcome or action.  Only by testing, experimenting, and noticing what happens can you determine the truth of what you have believed for so long
  • Keep a diary or journal where you keep track of your painful feelings, the situations in which the feelings arise and the self talk that you give yourself that makes you feel unhappy.  By analyzing the your self talk, you can uncover your underlying core beliefs
  • Use positive affirmations to strengthen or change a belief
  • Once you notice a thread of thought, see if it’s something propelling you forward or something holding you back.  Most of the non-stop dialogue running through our minds is not logical or necessary   thinking.  It is the voice of everything that we believe
  • Identify 3 of your own limiting beliefs, select the references that make these beliefs true for you, decide now what you want to believe instead and write the new belief in positive terms and use these statements to replace the equivalent old limiting belief
  • When you are aware that you are thinking or behaving in a way that limits you, and you identify that this is an old repetitive thought, replace the negative thought with a positive thought
  • Be aware that the words in our heads create thoughts, the thoughts create feelings , the  feelings create actions and actions create results (based on Law of Attraction principles)
  •  Ask yourself how well the limiting beliefs serve you and be aware that you have the choice to change your thinking and or behaviour in response to something that triggers a limiting belief
  • When you are aware of the negative thoughts you can imagine the following words or say them in your head or out loud:’ Erase that thought’, ‘ stop’, ‘enough’
  • Use ‘The Works’ by Byron Katie, Principles of questioning: Is it true? Is it absolutely true? , How do I react when I think that thought? Who would I be/feel without that thought?
  • Scripting (write out longhand an alternative situation to the belief in detail) write out what you would like instead of the current situation.  Fill the script with a description of positive thoughts and feelings.  The more often you write and re-read the script the more it becomes a new and empowering belief.  Date your script a year from now and script your beliefs as if they have already happened

What’s the cost of holding on to your limiting beliefs?

In tomorrow’s blog I will be posing some questions to further aid you in questioning your own limiting beliefs

27 Nov

What is a limiting belief?

A limiting belief is an intangible barrier that stops us from having the success that we want and deserve. A limiting belief is a mental block stored in our minds, which limits our ability to achieve goals that we set ourselves.  Limiting beliefs are constructs around which we organize our behaviour, they are guiding principles and maps of how we make sense of the world.  Some of our beliefs are not true; they are just thoughts that lead to learnt behaviour and responses. Limiting beliefs are often tied in with self-image or perceptions about the world.  A limiting belief is a repetitive   thought that we think over and over and over again.

Until we question our limiting beliefs we think that they are true and for this reason our beliefs come true, our limiting beliefs are self fulfilling prophecies.  Our limiting beliefs create our perception, through self talk and the internal dialogue that we run inside our heads.  We can talk our self into doing or not doing something, what we believe affects our behaviour and performance.  We will stay in the safety of our comfort zone if a belief creates FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real)

Look carefully and you will see that a limiting belief is nothing more than a thought that you believe to be true. As with judgements limiting beliefs are nothing but patterns of thoughts.  Just because in our experience something has always been true, it does not necessarily follow that it will continue to be true.  Any form of habitual thinking is called a belief.  The conversations that we have inside our own minds further form the limiting beliefs as we replay the limiting belief over and over.  Limiting beliefs can affect every part of our lives, our work, our well being, our relationships and ability to create personal abundance.

Limiting beliefs may be based on old fears, old hurts or old stories that have no relevance in the present moment.  They will collapse the moment that we stop feeding the limiting belief.  What stops us every time are the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves and the ability to get things done.  We are blocked within a certain area of our lives because of our limiting beliefs.  We may not be happy but we feel safer with what we believe to be fact, even if it limits us.

Rather than find new and empowering beliefs some of us choose to stay limited because of fear of the unknown or because we just have no idea (experience) of what life might be like to let go of that belief.  This is an unconscious response to internalised negative beliefs.   Irrational or limiting beliefs create fear of change, and as we resist seeing any positive outcomes we remain stuck.

In Lewis Carroll’s Alice through The looking Glass, the White Queen says, ‘why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast ‘  This gives an indication, in reality of the amount, the frequency and power of limiting beliefs that we hold.

Top 10 Limiting Beliefs

  • Fear of our greatness
  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of not being loved
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of success
  • I don’t deserve/I am not  worthy of success
  • Rich people are….all mean, selfish, arrogant, crooks or cheats
  • I have layers of deep-rooted beliefs that hold me back
  • I have to work long and hard for my money

Can you identify your own limiting beliefs?  How are those beliefs serving you? Are they your beliefs or someone else’s?

In tomorrows blog post we will discuss how we can change limiting beliefs

 

 

 

26 Nov

How our beliefs impact our actions and behaviour

We behave in ways consistent with our beliefs and values.  Certain beliefs can restrict our choices and limit our capacity to change the way we behave.  Our beliefs impact much of what we do, the thoughts we think, our feelings and physical symptoms  The actions we take and the behaviour  we display all contribute to the results that  we get.  We delete and distort information according to our beliefs, we look for things that reinforce our beliefs, both positive and negative.

Every time something happens to us we form an intricate filter of opinions, emotions and memories that we see life through and only notice the information that proves or supports your existing belief, it becomes self fulfilling and resistant to change unless a new and bigger life experience present itself that doesn’t fit in with our reality of the world.  The beliefs we hold create the reality around us and then we act according to the reality that we have created.  No matter what we have created for ourselves up to this point in our lives, we can now create awareness that we have been doing the best that we could.

Beliefs are the filters that we see life through, touching every thought we think and every action we take. What we have agreed to believe is the inner ‘inner reality’ that impacts our ‘outer reality’ such as health, wealth and each and every one of our relationships.

Beliefs vary in intensity, one way to measure the extent of a belief may be the degree to which a belief consumes ones thoughts and actions or believer throughout the day and night.  The emotions aroused as the result of a belief may be the indicator of intensity.  Our thoughts assumptions and beliefs (cognition) affect our feelings (emotion) and our actions (behaviour) and vice versa.

Think of a belief you have that’s negative?  How does it make you feel?  How do you act/behave when you think of that negative belief?  How long have you been running this belief?  Is it time to change the meaning you placed on an event so that you no longer suffer?

Check in tomorrow for the Top 10 limiting beliefs that hold us back from moving forwards

25 Nov

Beyond Belief

What you are experiencing in this very moment is the culmination of everything you have agreed to believe Ray Dodd (The Power of Belief)

This week you will see regular consecutive blogs that will guide you to explore the power of your own beliefs.  I will guide you to question whether the beliefs you currently hold are serving you or limiting you and provide you with tips about how to change the outdated beliefs that hold you back from achieving your goals and dreams.

The posts will include:

  1. How beliefs are formed
  2. How beliefs influence our actions and behaviour
  3. How limiting beliefs can hold us back from moving forwards
  4. How we can change limiting beliefs
  5. Effective questioning to challenge and change limiting beliefs

1. How beliefs are formed

Beliefs are stored neurologically in the hypothalamus and limbic areas of the brain.  These are the areas responsible for the autonomic nervous system and controlling unconscious psychological reactions.  In its simplest form, beliefs occur as a mental act or a thinking process in the brain.  A belief requires some conscious thought to accepting what you believe has some truth.

Our beliefs are unconsciously and accidently formed at different times and from different sources.  Some beliefs are so deeply held that these are considered to be our core beliefs.   Core beliefs can be about oneself, others or the world.   Our core beliefs are often formed prior to 7 years old; our core beliefs form our identity.   Surrounding our core beliefs are a set of rules that require us to behave in a certain or learnt way.  These rules are like blueprints which guide us in order to avoid pain or catastrophe.  They guide us into thinking we ‘are ok’ or ‘not ok’, which situations are dangerous or safe, which are adaptive and which are disastrous.

The beliefs that we formed when we were children were influenced by our peers as we had minimal ability to reason or to think rationally.  Often the painful feelings that we experience as children that have not been resolved   return to haunt us, our unmet needs and beliefs from childhood are carried with us to this day.  Our beliefs were formed by the influence of our mentors, teachers and parents and from our environment and culture, we were taught by the adults in our early years their own personal view of the world, their opinions about other people and opinions about themselves, they showed us how everything is.   They told us what we were and what we are not.   Our beliefs create our identity and how we feel about ourselves and set the emotional tone of our life.  Core beliefs form the picture we paint of ourselves, a portrait of our abilities, our worth, flaws, strengths and our relationship to the world.

Our beliefs establish the limits of what we can achieve.  Core beliefs can be tested by looking for evidence that they are true or not 100% true. Our beliefs continue to form as we experience new things and we create a meaning around the events that happen to us, these beliefs affect our feelings, actions and thoughts, the cycle of belief remains continuous until we question and change them. Our interpretations of feelings, actions and thoughts reinforce the belief.

Check in tomorrow to discover how beliefs influence our actions and behaviour.

24 Nov

You only live once…

Today I was inspired to write a post about living and enjoying life.  Perhaps when you go to sleep tonight you may reflect and ask your self a question ”how much of my life did I live my life today?”

It would be easy to say no to meeting friends, attending different Christmas events, making excuses not to try a new hobby or activity.  It would be so easy to stay in and watch TV and retreat into ourselves, but is that really living?

Yesterday I didn’t feel like walking 40 mins into my local town though I’m glad I did.  I saw a neighbour and we chatted, I enjoyed the cold crisp air and sunshine, I stopped to pet a friendly dog, enjoyed the colours of the autumn leaves, enjoyed the feeling of energy in my body after a brisk walk, had a tear in my eye while listening to over 20 primary aged children sing Christmas carols in my local high street.  I knew that I was really living and enjoying life when an African drumming band playing in the high street asked for adult volunteers to get up and dance with them..i did, it was amazing to feel the music in my body and to dance like no one was watching!  I don’t know what I looked like the fact is, in that moment I realised that opportunity would never come again, that moment would pass never to be enjoyed again.

So today, what can you do to live life just that little bit more?  What can you notice with your very own eyes that can be appreciated? How will you spend each moment of your day today?  Today will never come again, some call it ‘The Precious Present’.  When you’re old and grey will you look back over all those old TV shows you watched or remember the moments that took your breath away that filled your heart with joy and appreciation?

As the saying goes “You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth.” William W. Purkey

23 Nov

Who knows what will happen………

Yesterday a friend finished her email off with these exact words….‘Who knows what will happen!’  This got me curious in lots of ways.  How often do any of us go through life with a sense of curiosity and wonder about all the good possibilities and opportunities that could come our way.

As children we have a natural sense of wonder, curiosity and excitement about life and the world around us, we explore and seek out new experiences, we learn lessons along the way, we get up if we fall down and we accept other unconditionally without judgement or opinion.

I remember many years ago I had an idea to study anatomy, physiology and holistic massage.  I had the course bookmarked and was excited by the prospect of being a massage therapist…however, when I told a close friend they told me ‘everyone is doing that, it’s too competitive, you won’t make any money, you’ll find the course too hard’ I took her word for it.  I never attended the course.  My sense of curiosity was clouded by another persons opinion and my sense of excitement was squashed.  I’m sure that my friend never meant to stop me in any way (perhaps if she was doing it might have been too much of a risk for her) I merely make the point to encourage you to keep your own sense of wonder.  If you’ve never done something before how will you know it won’t work?  Unless you try you’ll never know if it will.

I’m pleased to say that my curiosity returned and I went on to train in many aspects of holistic health.  I remain curious as to where my future will take me.  I’m curious about the people I meet and encourage them also to be curious about all of the possibilities that might come from being open to wonder.

So my message to you this weekend is to think about all the possibilities a change might bring for you instead of focusing on the things that could go wrong.  Energy flows where attentions goes and it will make the difference if you do or you don’t…think wisely

 

 

22 Nov

Who’s in the driving seat of your life?

Who’s in the driving seat of your life? I wonder how many of you are considering that question for the first time.

When we are born into the world the beginning of our journey is often decided for us by our caretakers.  In the early years of our life our own choices may be limited.  Often our journey’s and plans for us are based on the needs of our caregivers and their wishes, dreams and beliefs.

As we grow older we forget that we can take responsibility for ourselves and can make decisions based on our own needs and values as the individuals that we are.

So…I’d like you to consider…for a moment…your life as a journey…

As if you were travelling by car.  To make that journey you would first need to decide on a destination.  Without a clear idea of where you want to be, you could end up anywhere or going round in circles.

You may need a few things on your journey to make it a success,

  • Fuel for energy in the car
  • A map or Sat Nav so that you can plan your route
  • Water if you get thirsty or if the car over heats
  • Some music for entertainment
  • Some sweets for sustenance
  • And Roadside Recovery membership just in case we break down

Consider what necessary things that need on your own personal journey to get to where you want to be?  And I’m not talking about road trips here.

If you come across a red light whilst travelling, do you take the time to reflect on how far you’ve already been and how much you’ve achieved or do you see it as a stop sign? Suspended in time, frozen, and trapped inside your car and mind, seeing Red!!

If you come upon a cross roads, what will you do then?

Decisions, decisions, which way now I hear you ask yourself? What if it’s the wrong way?

Hey….what if it’s the right way….who thought of that?

Often we have no way of knowing which road will be the right road…..

We have to take a risk, a chance and muster up our self belief, telling ourselves that we will get to where we want to be we just have to keep heading in the direction of our dreams.  If we keep the destination in mind  and why we want to get there all the time and if you take a wrong turn, you simply start again.

The good things about cross roads are that we have choices…

If at first we don’t succeed try again.

Where is your journey taking you? Are you still held back in the past too scared to move ahead?

Are you here in the present moment considering your options?

Are you planning for a happy future fulfilling all your hopes and dreams?

Which colour of the traffic light system do you choose? Red to stop still, amber to get ready to move or green to get ahead?

So my question to you is…who’s in the driving seat of your life?

Are you driving consciously or falling asleep at the wheel?

You have a choice….enjoy the journey

21 Nov

Jackanory – What’s Your Story?

Have you ever stopped and thought about the stories you tell yourself or others?  Your story could be one of how bad your health is, how fed up you are with your relationship, how you never seem to have enough money, stories of arguments, conflict, unfairness.  Stories of how bleak the future looks.

We are all guilty of voicing externally or internally the stories that make us feel bad, angry, sad, hopeless.  Some of the stories we tell we may have been telling for years, over and over again.  We might tell these stories to get attention, to let of steam, to try and bring justice to the injustice we may have felt in the past.  We keep the story alive by voicing it and thinking about it.

What story can you tell instead that makes you and others feel better just hearing it?  Can you focus on how grateful you are for the parts of your body that are healthy and able.  Can you remember why you fell in love with your partner and all the wonderful things they bring to your life, can you be grateful that you have the money for food, shelter, warmth and electricity to read this blog, can you tell the story of despite your challenges, you have had the strength and resilience to get this far.

Are you willing to let go of your old stories so that you can write the story of a more positive future?  Today is the first day of the rest of your life…what stories will you be telling yourself and others?  Think about it, does the story you are telling give you ‘peace’ or ‘stress’ and then make your choice accordingly to that which you wish to feel.

Jackanory was a successful BBC children’s TV series 1965-1996, it was designed to stimulate an interest in reading, many of you may remember this programme and enjoyed listening to these stories.  Stories hold great influence…make yours a good one!

20 Nov

What’s the weather like where you are?

Depending on what part of the world you are in, the time of day, the season the weather may be different for all of us.  Weather is external, it’s what happens around us.

I’ll ask you another question…what’s YOUR weather like?  Emotions are like the weather, they might be warm and balmy, happy and sunny, cold and stark, dark and depressive or even thunderous.

We may have no control over our external weather though what goes on inside of us we can regulate.  Thoughts become feelings, your thoughts create your own weather pattern.  If you woke up feeling dark and depressive today, think sunny thoughts…take your mind to a time and place where you felt happy, inspired, loved and your internal weather will change as your thoughts change…try it and see.  Use as many of your senses as you can to remember happier times.  What did you see, hear, feel, smell taste?  Allow those senses to grow and expand and re experience those positive vibes.

You can’t think a negative and positive thought at the same time.  So…regardless of external weather, remember YOUR weather is something you have control over.