27 Oct

Forgiveness

Forgiveness will set you free from the past, it is essential to your personal growth and well-being. The act of forgiveness sets you free from the negative energy you are holding onto.  Without forgiveness, we are not completely whole, as part of us remains split off in the past.  Holding onto the emotions, thoughts and feelings connected with not forgiving an action, word or deed by someone else, means that we suffer.

It’s time to stop shining the light on the past, because that’s not where the future is

Chapter 4 of Find YOU Find LOVE http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  includes a section on forgiveness here is just a snippet and exercise for you to work through.

Work through your own forgiveness process using these questions as an insight into your underlying emotions.

  • What does forgiveness mean to you?
  • Have you ever forgiven anyone?
  • Has anyone ever forgiven you?
  • Do you need to forgive yourself for something?
  • What is the cost of not forgiving yourself or others?
  • What emotions do you hold onto when you choose not to forgive?
  • How do these emotions limit you?
  • What would you need to stop doing in order to forgive?
  • What would you need to start doing in order to forgive?
  • Is there someone who forgiving would benefit you?
  • What are some of the personal benefits that you would gain from moving on from the past and forgiving, in order to set yourself free?

I have worked with many people over the years, who have held onto their anger, grudges, hatred, spite, injustice, jealousy, and fear because of something that happened in their past. The thought of forgiving someone I realise, may evoke many emotions for you, as it’s often thought that by forgiving someone it means that you agree with what they said or did. This is not the case.

Forgiveness, releases any internal negative energy towards ourselves and any external negative energy towards others.  Forgiveness sets you free to live the rest of your life on your terms, you will feel more balanced and in control of your life.

If you would like to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems and learn more about The Spotlight Process and EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique) which will aid you to release the past and move into forgiveness my next workshop is on Saturday 15th November 2014 at Sutton Life Centre and can be booked via this link Event Brite http://goo.gl/aMlZQY

Here are just some of the insightful things you gain from applying the techniques that you will discover in Find YOU, Find LOVE workshops.

 

  • Explore your thinking and how this may be limiting you

 

  • Expose the inner critic that holds you back and gets in your way of achieving your love and relationship goals

 

  • Identify and release limiting core beliefs and any aspects of the past that may be holding you back from achieving the love and relationships you desire

 

  • Discover the connection between your mind, body and emotions bringing all three into balance

 

  • Learn how to align your thinking to that which you want for your future

 

  • Find out how to shift patterns from the past to change your focus and change your life, love and relationships

 

  • Master effective ‘self questioning’ techniques that guide you to awaken your heart and open the door to happiness

 

  • Accept, love and appreciate yourself for who you are

 

  • Get to the heart of love and relationships using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

 

All workshops feature: The Spotlight Process

With many years experience working as an Emotional Health and Relationship Consultant, guiding others to work through the reasons they have felt unloved, unappreciated and rejected, I have gone on to develop The Spotlight Process so that you too can find your way out of the clouds and into the light.

 spotlight process 1A

The Spotlight Process reviews your Past, Present and Future

The process examines the events, perceptions and beliefs that may have contributed to your love and relationship problems up to now.

You will gain awareness that the past need not influence the future,   giving you the freedom, encouragement and motivation to start your journey of personal transformation and bring you back home to you, the place where love resides.

check out www.wendyfry.com and  www.bepositive.me.uk for the various ongoing support options available to you after the workshop.

 

If you wish to connect to the Find YOU, Find LOVE facebook page it will be great to connect with you there too https://www.facebook.com/findyoufindlove?ref=hl

19 Oct

Rewriting the Past Using The Spotlight Process

Having worked therapeutically with many people over the years, I have seen how people were limiting themselves and their love and relationship goals because of their negative thinking.

They were either spending too much time thinking about the past, focusing entirely on current problems, or projecting catastrophic and disabling fears into the future.

I developed The Spotlight Process which is featured in my very first book, Find YOU, Find LOVE to help you acknowledge where you have been spending most of your thought time and will guide you to work out where your thoughts may be out of balance and how to change them.  By being aware of your thought time and how it may limit you, you are given an opportunity to rewrite that past.

Where have you been shining your spot light?

  • Are you stuck in the past thinking about all the things you regret not having done? Do you feel angry and bitter about your choices? Do you wish you have your life all over again wishing you knew back then what you know now?
  • Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your current problems, feeling like there’s no way out? Do you feel overwhelmed, bogged down, fed up and tired of life?
  • Are you constantly evaluating, judging and filtering for all the things that could go wrong for you in the future? Are you scared of taking risks and things going wrong? Do you find it hard to trust, to live, to love?

Rewriting the Past

The Spotlight Process  in full will be featured in my next workshop on Saturday 15th November 2014, you can book here http://goo.gl/aMlZQY 

Now is the perfect time to apply The Spotlight Process to your own life simply by examining your thoughts.

  • Wherever you are at this moment, I invite you to think about a spotlight and the light that shines from it. Whether you see it, sense it or imagine it, think about that spotlight right now. This ray of light could be a light in the form a torch, a lighthouse, a stage spotlight. Whatever spotlight comes to mind is perfect for you.
  • Think of this ray of light as a ray of your thoughts, feelings and emotions. This light can shine back into your past, ahead to your future or into this very moment.
  • This is your spotlight. You are in control of shining the light. You are the director of where you narrow your beam and what you choose to illuminate and think about. Whatever you shine your light on, you will experience.
  • Using The Spotlight Process consider where you have been spending most of your thought time?
  • Examine your thoughts & feelings about past are they positive or negative in terms of love and relationships?
  • How you feel about your current relationship status in the present?
  • Consider what concerns and fears you have about the future of your relationships?

Using this process you will gain insights into what has been holding you back from finding you and finding love.

past figurepresent figurefuture figure

The Spotlight Process – Key Questions:

I suggest you copy these questions into a journal to carry them around with you until the questions become part of your natural thought process.

  1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)
  2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?
  3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?
  4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?
  5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?
  6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

When you are clear about where you have been spending your thought time and how this may be limiting you, the path ahead is brighter and more achievable, using this process will support you into brining your thoughts into balance and what you need to do to change them.

It’s time to rewrite the past and decide from now on that you will use the past to your best advantage, to learn from it and grow into being the lovable person that you are.

If you wish to sign up for my fortnightly newsletter and download the freebies I’m offering you go to  https://www.wendyfry.com and connect if you wish to on the Find YOU, Find LOVE facebook page you can do so via this link https://www.facebook.com/findyoufindlove?ref=hl

From my heart to yours with love x

Wendy

 

 

13 Oct

The Child Inside

The Child Inside

The past is where we learn about love, where we learn how to give love and how to receive love. It is in our early years that our identities concerning our lovability are formed.  We soak up every piece of information around us through our senses and store this information in the retrieval system of our minds.

Our parents and caregivers are the people who teach us about love, based on what they know to be true and are formed through their own experiences of love.

We watch, listen and learn from our caregivers, their beliefs about love become our own beliefs (or, we may form totally different beliefs about love and relationships depending on the perceptions of events that we have experienced in our lives to date).

There is never any blame as to whether or not you felt unloved growing up as a child, the people who cared for you were doing the best that they could with the knowledge and experience they had at that time. They, too, had their own unique love needs that may or may not have been met by their own caregivers or with their own love and relationship experiences.

Think back to your past right now and reflect on the times where you may have felt that love was denied or withheld. Where love may have been conditional on how well you behaved.  Where it appeared you had to compete for love (sibling rivalry, step family jealousy, family members being unwell and needing a lot of time and attention etc).

As children, we have our basic needs such as being fed, cared for, clothed and homed. Emotionally however, our needs are complex and extend far beyond the simple desire to be loved.

A baby requires attention, sensory stimulation, communication, affection (physical touch), a sense of safety and a secure emotional attachment and bonding with our parents or caregivers. These things are needed for a child’s development and to build up a healthy mental foundation to be able to form strong, positive and secure relationships.  This foundation influences how we behave as adults and shapes and forms our future and dictates how we respond to others and the world around us.

There are many childhood studies in this area. The Unicef Office of research documents – The United Nations Convention requires that ‘’children, including the very youngest children be respected as persons in their own right.  Young children should be recognised as active members of their families, communities, societies, with their own concerns, interests and points of view’’ Distr.General CRC/C/GC/7 Rev.1.  20 September 2006

How we are influenced as children

Our caregivers will be influenced by their culture, family of influence, religion, spirituality, media, their environment and perhaps many other aspects such as personal experiences, gender and not forgetting each parents’ personal identity, self concept and overall level of self worth. It’s natural for our parents to pass onto us their own influences, behaviours, values and beliefs, as this is what they hold true for themselves.

As children, we are often far more fragile than is realised and our sense of self can be shattered often by the words, actions and behaviours shown to us by our circle of influence (the circle of people around us) as we are growing up.

A child doesn’t intuitively know that it’s often their behaviour or actions that are unacceptable, unwelcome or challenging for the parent and when scolded or disapproved of, the child may think it’s fundamentally ‘them’ that’s bad, unloved, and unacceptable and disapproved of (and not their behaviour).

If love is conditional, given only as a reward for good behaviour, the child may often be in fear of being their unique selves and it may feel unsafe for them to reveal the full range of emotions that all children have.

How we form our identity and sense of self worth

It’s in our earliest years from birth to the age of two, that we develop our basic emotions such as happiness, interest, surprise, fear, anger and sadness. We are like sponges soaking up the emotions of others and learning from them about how to respond and behave.

From age two we form a sense of ‘self’. Self worth and self identity are influenced by many factors.  We are learning about our value and self worth as a person and our self concept which is developed by how others regard or treat us.

We develop the emotions of guilt, envy, pride, shame and embarrassment at this stage of development and we are aware of when we are scolded or being shown approval, affection and acceptance. It’s at this time that we develop self-efficacy (the way we think about and motivate ourselves) and self-reliance, learning about persisting with tasks independently.

Our self-talk develops at this time, which impacts us negatively or positively, depending on our internal dialogue and this in turn affects self esteem and self worth. We can often feel invalidated, disregarded and unloved without another’s external approval, acceptance and love as we seek this constantly when growing up.

‘Little Me’

That ‘Little Me’ is developed, along with the inner misconceptions about the sense of self. The little me operates from this place throughout life, often only taking action when things seem certain and safe.

The ‘little me’ reacts all through adulthood and when it is re-triggered. It reacts not in this current moment, but from the place and time when our earliest emotional or physical needs were not being met by our care givers for whatever reason when we were children.

Our emotional need for safety

Any emotions and feelings not acknowledged in childhood, may impact how we show up in the world as adults and we run a constant cycle of responding emotionally from the hurt place of our younger selves.

Every time we experience something that seems similar to that which we have already experienced, we feel an intensity of emotion that comes from the past and not wholly relevant to what is going on in the present moment. We have often reacted automatically to new experiences through old emotional filters.  It’s only with hindsight that it’s possible to see that this is an old dynamic and an old pattern of responding.

Our emotions are so powerful. We use them to guard our basic needs and to keep ourselves safe.  If we feel threatened in any way, our emotions signal to us and alert us to a perceived or real threat, the bottom line for us is survival in its barest form.  We function from the fight flight or freeze response which is often disproportionate and unnecessary in terms of what we are reacting to.

If our unmet needs were never grieved for, if the beliefs that we formed were never questioned in relation to an actual experience and our emotions were not transformed, we would carry on with this cycle of behaving and reacting to the past with fears for our survival, instead of experiencing things in the present moment.

Guidance can be offered to the parent or caregiver through a variety of ways on how to raise children, though this advice may not take into account what has happened to the parent or caregiver in the past. Perhaps they never experienced for themselves love, acceptance, approval or acknowledgement. If they have received these things growing up themselves they do not know how to give these things to another.

Different experiences can result in different emotions   and will shape how we respond to and fix or solve problems and overcome difficulties.  We gauge what our personal qualities are, our strengths and our limitations from what we hear about ourselves growing up.

How our early upbringing drives and shapes our future

Our self identity affects our self worth and impacts our perceptions of others and indeed, we form judgements and misconceptions on how we are being perceived by them. The knowledge we have of ourselves may be built from false beliefs where we have inferred from others doubts about our capabilities.

There are many books on raising babies, children and teens and I do believe that each family is unique in the sense that every family will have its own set of beliefs, values and rules passed down through ancestry.

This historical blueprint (the characteristics of our body and mind) and genetic inheritance come from our ancestors. This blueprint can shape our abilities, mannerisms and physical features. We also receive through our time line, the emotions of our ancestors carried from their lifetime.  If you find yourself plagued by emotions that seem to have no root in your life time, it might be interesting to look back at your ancestors for clues.

Emotions in the womb

Something else to consider is how ‘in vitro,’ in the womb, emotions are being picked up by the child from the mother. This will include how she feels generally, her experience of pregnancy, emotions that relate to her relationship with the father, the father’s presence too if he is with the expectant mother, will all contribute to the environmental factors that may be influencing the mother and child.  The way the mother cares for herself in pregnancy and her emotional wellbeing, also influences the child’s development physically and emotionally.

How we react to today, may also be as a result of how we felt as a child in the womb. If our mothers were anxious and afraid during pregnancy or if she was unhappy about being pregnant or had a difficult pregnancy and birth, we too may feel unhappy or anxious with the belief of ‘the world is not a safe place.’

I’d like to share this case study with you to highlight how our early upbringing drives and shapes our future.

Case Study – Jenny

Jenny was born into the world with alcoholic parents, her mother was in and out of psychiatric care. Life was very chaotic growing up and Jenny spent periods of time in and out of foster care. Life, love and relationships for most of Jenny’s young life were traumatic.  Years would go by when she never saw her mother; her father had affairs and introduced her to ‘new aunties’, none behaving as Jenny’s desired mother figure as they were not able to show her the love, time and care that she craved.  It was hard for Jenny to trust that love was possible as she had closed off the idea that she was lovable.  Jenny felt incredibly lonely, confused and neglected for much of her early life and it was hard for her to realise that despite this, she was in fact worthy of being loved by another.

Working with Jenny using The Spotlight Process we explored where her fears came from. Nothing was certain growing up for her and she believed that men were unreliable, could not be trusted not to cheat on women and that love was unreliable. Jenny had a fear that love would be taken away as her own mother was taken away many times into psychiatric care, she never knew when her mum would return and was not allowed to see her mum in hospital.  Her needs as a child were not met adequately enough for her to form positive beliefs about love and relationships in later life.

Jenny was reluctant to believe she would find lasting love and was scared of taking risks. She wanted very much to be in a relationship and to have her own children; so that she could give to them the love that she felt she never had growing up

We worked together using EFT to clear the unhappy and traumatic memories from the past. We worked through low self-esteem issues and also transformed the grief and loss of not having the kind of parents that she would have liked to have had.  We worked on forgiveness of her parents, so that Jenny could set herself free from the heartache of her past and also acknowledge that it was not her fault that she did not receive the love and care that she needed growing up.  Jenny was able to resolve and work through many layers of built up emotions using The Spotlight Process and EFT and the change in Jenny’s confidence, self worth and self esteem was amazing.  Her feedback to me in an email was ‘’I wake up every day now believing in myself’’.

Jenny contacted me recently to say that she had got back in touch with a childhood sweetheart and to tell me that she has been dating him for some time and that they are living together and planning to get married. Jenny’s sense of self love had grown immensely, she said she believed that now she could do anything she set her mind to.  Jenny had learnt to love herself first, to look after her own needs, rather than be dependent on another to provide what she can provide for herself. She no longer rejects herself or feels unloved, if her fiancé goes away for a weekend or is home late, she trusts fully and completely that she is a wonderful person worth loving, regardless of how others behave or act towards her.  She knows and believes fully that she is lovable and worthy of love.

Jenny has come such a long way, she has blossomed into a wonderful woman. She has let go of the emotions she had been carrying with her from the past and now focuses fully on the future and all that is possible for her. 

Love and emotional bonding are key influencers for our survival

We form beliefs based on survival instincts in their barest form. When we think that love is being denied, taken away from us, or based on conditional love, we think that we cannot live without love so our survival instincts and the fight and flight mode kick in.

Love is what we are born with, fear is what we learn – Marianne Williamson

  1. Todays blog is taken from Find YOU, Find LOVE available on amazon http://goo.gl/crnvoZ 
05 Oct

Old outdated movies and how we remember things

If I asked you to name your top three favourite movies, I bet you would be able to tell me about them straight away. The characters, the story line, the emotions that come up for you watching the film, where you first saw the film and who you were with.  Memorable movies have a place in our hearts, and when we talk about why we love those particular movies so much, we re-experience watching the film for the first time.  We may experience a sense of euphoria filling us up, lightness, hope and a sense of joy.

How we store information through our senses

We store information through our senses and just talking about what is remembered from the movie will re-trigger how you have stored that movie in sensory terms. You may remember what you saw vividly, what you heard with clarity and your favourite lines from the film, what you felt experientially watching it.

As an example, you may remember how you felt watching a love story where the hero and heroine have a happy ending or perhaps one partner dies. Or you remember a comedy that made you split your sides and cry with laughter, or an action film that got the heart racing and the blood pumping through your body or, perhaps a horror film that scared you and kept you awake at night.

In the same way, every time you replay your own personal movies, be aware that the thoughts, feelings and emotions you have, are all on replay and you may experience emotions that are fearful or terrifying. As well as remembering the movies that make you happy, your mind stores all of your life’s experiences as if they were films, you have a storehouse of information within you that you will recall consciously and unconsciously.

The meaning we place on our experiences

Many years ago I studied NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) an approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy which was created by Richard Bandler and John Grindler. Studying NLP helped me understand the way the mind works, how we store and retrieve information and how we communicate.

The mind is amazing, it’s a storehouse of information that we filter through, judging new experiences through an old lens. We distort, delete and generalise experiences based on what’s happened in previous ‘movies’.  We often predict how something will end even when we have no evidence, we just go back to an old movie that’s similar in some way to the new experience and evaluate it through comparison with the record we already have.

Our past experiences influence how we react to others and the world around us

We often get things totally confused and what is actually happening may not even be recognised, as we have jumped back into default mode where we are basing current experiences that compare to similar ones that we have experienced in the past.

Our past experiences influence how we react to others and the world at large and also determine how we act and behave.   An external event will be experienced through our senses and before we make an internal representation of the event we filter the event. We literally go inside that storehouse of information deleting, distorting and generalising the information through our five senses.

Our storehouse of sensory information

  • Visual (what we see outwardly, including how someone may look at us)
  • Auditory (what we hear, including sounds, the words that we hear and the way words are spoken by others including tone and pitch)
  • Kinaesthetic (what we feel internally inside our bodies or externally via touch, including the texture of something and level of pressure felt physically)
  • Olfactory (smell)
  • Gustatory (taste

Deletion: When we delete information, we may be paying attention only to certain aspects of a situation and delete other aspects overlooking, ignoring and omitting sensory information coming into us. We delete in this way as there is so much information coming into us, that if we didn’t delete we would experience too much sensory stimulation (information overload).

Distortion: It’s easy to misrepresent reality. What is actually happening in an experience can be distorted and we can perceive things incorrectly. We distort, creating imaginary futures often in a negative way.

Generalisation: We can make up and form our beliefs based solely on one or two experiences.  We absorb information and make assumptions about what the information means, comparing it to the information that we have already stored.  Sometimes our assumptions are incorrect.

Insightful Questions

insight

Use these questions to reveal what you may be distorting, generalising and deleting as you process information

  • What aspects of your relationships to you delete? E.g. perhaps your partner takes out the rubbish and mows the lawn but does not say they love you or take you for meals, deleting what someone does do for you which may to them be a loving action can put pressure on a relationship if what they are doing isn’t recognised. Spend some time noticing what others already do for you and you might be surprised and how much they do, do
  • How do you distort information that you are receiving in your relationship? E.g. your husband/wife wants to go on a stag or hen weekend with friends, do you immediately think they are going to be unfaithful to you?
  • When do you generalise negatively about love and relationships? E.g. men/women are all the same, everyone will let you down, no one is worth it etc

 

My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me or defeated me, it has only strengthened me – Steve Maraboli

What do you say when you talk to yourself?

You may have noticed that you have a voice inside your head that sometimes whispers very gently to you words of encouragement, acknowledgement and praise, words of comfort, care and understanding. Words of support and tenderness though, more often than not, the second you have your back turned that voice may  bellow,  cagoule, ridicule and remind you of your faults , your inadequacies and may nag you at times, seldom coming up for air.

I like to call my voices ‘The Voice of Doom’ and ‘The Voice of Love’. Do you have names for yours?

That negative inner voice may criticise you, judge you, compare you and tell you you’re not good enough, worthy enough, capable enough or strong enough. Worse than that, it may even call you names or swear at you.   It may keep you tied to the belief that you’re not lovable, that relationships cause pain and opening your heart to love is too risky.

Your voice is with you morning, noon and night, it can turn on the charm or pull the rug out from under your feet until you have a word with it and rein it in. That voice is with you at every stage of your life, every decision you make, every crossroads you face, every choice and every venture is dictated by that voice.  Everyone has an internal voice, an endless stream of chatter a narrator talking you through your waking moments and through your dreams as well!

Confronting and questioning the voice of doom

Name your own voices and identify them as characters, the voices you may in fact know, they may be the voice of your parents, teachers, people you have lost contact with or a combination of internalised voices merging together, these voices are in fact just thoughts.

Creative Practical Exercise (15 minutes)

angled pencil

Draw your voices (your versions of the voice of doom and the voice of love) in a journal or on pieces of paper.

Find a way to record the voices as characters perhaps sketching them or you may like to make a collage of how the voices look.

It’s been interesting in my work to see my clients drawing their characters, changing the voices of the characters in their heads and also naming and shaming the voice of doom.

There is a stark contract between the voice of love and the voice of doom, one often an ugly scribble, a monster or a mess. The voice of love gentle, flowing and beautiful.

Adding humour to the problem

That critical inner voice doesn’t have the same impact when you turn it into a cartoon voice, speed up or slow down the voice. It’s very cathartic to get a grip on the voices and realise that you control them, they don’t control you.  Adding humour to the voice of doom changes the impact it has on you.

The voice of doom you may be familiar with as it’s often the louder of the two voices in your head. It’s the voice that holds you back, the voice that takes you down and holds you tight in the grip of fear.  It has a detective like persona that will only look for and gather together all the negatives it can about why love and relationships are ill fated, impossible, too risky, and too scary.  This voice will do little to encourage you to be open to the love, hope, joy and connection which having a positive relationship can bring.

The purpose of the critical voice

You may have found your voice of doom likes keeping you in your comfort zone where everything is safe and familiar; it shelters you from perceived threats, from the risk of harm, from danger, it is on the lookout, constantly gathering information to support the negative beliefs that you hold about yourself, other people and the world around you.

The voice of doom actually has a positive intention and what’s beneath its harshness is a form of protection and tries to keep you safe from perceived risks to your survival.

Your internal dialogue was formed as part of your life experience from childhood to today. Every voice you have ever heard will become part of your own inner landscape and contribute to how you talk to yourself in moments of joy and moments of stress.

Knowing that the negative voice is really there to try and protect you gives a different meaning to it. As adults we can reflect on whether or not we listen to that voice or simply thank it for trying to watch out for us and then make our decisions based on the facts of a situation.

 ‘’We were born with love, fear is something we learn’’ Marianne Williamson

The voice of love

The voice of love comes from deep within, from the very heart of you, from your intuition or what some may call higher wisdom (or gut feeling) from the very core of your being, the voice that was part of you when you were born, open to love, open to receiving, open to joy and possibility.

Taking back your power

Once you start to listen to this voice you have the potential to transform your life. You will be looking through the eyes of love, filtering for opportunity and open to receiving love.  You will move to a place where anything seems possible and you welcome the unknown whatever it brings.  We can never quantify everything, sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith, find our wings and fly

The job of the voice of love is to keep you true to who you really are, to allow the essence of who you are to flow through, it’s there to guide you towards happiness and love if you will stop and listen.

The voice of love may have been waiting in the wings for decades waiting to be heard. Allow it to step forward, to welcome it with open arms, listen to it and trust and respect that this voice needs some air space too.

Breathe life into the voice of love

Listening to this voice, connecting with it at times of indecision, will serve you well. Ask yourself ‘’what would love do here?’’ and then let the voice of love (your inner voice) express itself.  This is the voice of your inner power, the truth of who you are.

The voice of love can be compared to a gentle voice perhaps caring for and speaking with a two year old, calming and soothing them, being patient, loving and forgiving.

Now that you understand more about your negative internal voice and its intention you can decide if it’s time to stop listening to the voice of doom, because there is another way – to listen only to the voice of love.

Insightful Questions

insight

Read through the following questions. Begin to which voice you pay attention to the most, notice how your emotions change based on which voice you listen to:

  • What voice have you been paying more attention to – the voice of doom or the voice of love?
  • Does one or the other voice get louder when you’re with certain people or in a certain place?
  • Think about the tone of voice and what it says, who does this remind you of?
  • What type of things do your voices say the most often to you?
  • How has listening to the voice of doom affected you and your life to date?
  • What opportunities have you missed out on by listening to the voice of doom?
  • What would you have to give up to hear the voice of love?
  • What can you put in place today to be sure that you listen more to the voice of love and less to the voice of doom?
  • How can listening to the voice of love improve your life, love and relationships?

 

Todays blog is taken from Find YOU, Find LOVE my first book  in a series of books about love and relationships.  If you would like to read Find YOU, Find LOVE it’s available on amazon http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  or you may wish to attend a one day workshop that teaches you The Spotlight Process, a unique technique that I have developed to help you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems.  The next workshop is on November 15th and bookable via this link  http://goo.gl/aMlZQY