23 Nov

Are you still learning about love?

The Beatles sang ‘All You Need is Love’ but to love or not to love, that is the question?  When we are hurt and a relationship ends,  often the thought of ever loving someone again or being loved may seem like an impossible dream, is this true for you?

We all crave love in our lives, though sometimes love can be painful and that can create fear of ever loving again.  We are stuck between a rock and a hard place, uncertain of the future, unsure of our lovability or even our capacity to love again.

We may beat ourselves up and say things like ‘when will I learn to trust my instincts he/she was wrong for me from the start’ , we may berate ourselves and tell ourselves ‘I’m stupid to have ever trusted again’, we might wonder ‘what am I doing wrong?’and ‘why do I keep attracting the same type of partner?’  We might feel hopeless about love and relationships and steer clear of forming new ones based on past experiences and fear that the past will repeat itself again.

  • How much of the 86,400 seconds in your day is taken up worrying, anguishing and thinking about love and relationships? 
  • How much thought and air time do you give to talking about love when things go bad? 
  • How do your thoughts affect you physically, emotionally, spiritually?
  • Does love despair spill over into your working life?
  • What’s the cost of keeping hold of the thoughts and feelings about love and relationships that you may be having right now?

loves me loves me not daisy

  • What are you willing to change?
  • What actions can you take that would  make you feel better than you do right now?
  • How will you know when you’ve worked through your love and relationship problems and feel ready to love again?
  • What will that look like, feel like, sound like for you?
  • If you were to focus on what is possible in terms of love and relationships and you took actions to implement all that can be, how would your life be different?
  • Need some help in getting started?

As a love and relationship expert, many of my clients say ‘how long will it take to get over this?’ My answer is, it’s different for each and every person. When a relationship ends, it is always an opportunity for careful exploration of ‘the self’ and what may contribute to making the wrong choices from the start.

When you look inside and work though the things that may have contributed to love and relationship problems, well that’s the best relationship investment you will ever make.  Instead of looking outside of ourselves for love, acceptance, approval and a sense of self, it’s Important to do the ‘inner work’ and explore how we each operate in and out of a love relationship.

Find YOU, Find LOVE http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  is my first book about love and relationships and focuses on the relationship you have with yourself.  It’s a workbook full of practical exercises and techniques that help you explore your past and what may be contributing to love and relationship problems for you right now.

There is a full love and relationship inventory in the book, or you can download here for free http://www.wendyfry.com/resources   Use the inventory to gather the information that will help you work through your love and relationship beliefs.

You may need some support after completing the inventory to work towards transforming past doubts and future fears, though in doing so, you will gain a greater sense of self and in turn be confident that who you are is lovable regardless of the past circumstances and events that will have shaped you life up to now.

If you’d like to work with me in person in Surrey or over Skype, please do make contact to discover how The Spotlight Process and EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique) can get you back on track. If you need some 1-2-1 support and guidance please do contact me direct to see how I can be of support to you via http://www.wendyfry.com

Still learning about Love?  If you want to take control of your future, resolve the past and make the rest of your life the best of your life.  Choose Find YOU, Find LOVE, in doing so you will find yourself, an endless fountain of love and joy that you may not have even been aware of.

x

17 Nov

Going back to your roots

 

Take a moment and reflect on your early upbringing, who you grew up with, where you lived, who with and what that was like for you.  What do you remember seeing, feeling, hearing? Do you remember any specific smells and tastes when you think about your childhood?

Each and every one of you reading this blog will have a different experience of life and what that was like for you growing up.  For some you may have had a very happy and healthy upbringing with your family or caregivers, for others it may be less so.

What were the highs?  What were the low points for you in your early years.  Think about home, school, friendships, siblings, family relationships, general day to day experiences.

At the weekend I ran a Find YOU, Find LOVE workshop and we discussed as a group our beliefs about life, love and the world around us.  It was interesting that some common themes came up for us that may of our limiting beliefs are formed in our early years.   This did not surprise me at all as before the age of 6 were are like sponges soaking up everything as fact, whether it is true or not.

When we are able to trace back to the root of when a limiting belief first became apparent, we can work with it and explore how carrying that limiting belief has impacted your life and perhaps limited you.   Limiting beliefs are often formed to protect us, though carrying old outdated beliefs can also limit us.

It’s possible, using EFT, Matrix Reimprinting or Hypnosis to transform those beliefs so that all we take away from the event or situation that created it is the learning, we no longer allow the belief to keep us trapped in the past, repeating the same patters and behaviours.

The truth is we get so comfortable with our beliefs

When we can transform our thoughts about the past and make a choice to work through old limitations, doubts and fears, we give ourselves the opportunity to make the rest of our lives, the best of our lives.

If you would like to download for free the ‘belief’ chapter of Find YOU, Find LOVE hop on over to www.wendyfry.com/book/resources and enter your name into the sign up box.  You will receive the download of the free chapter and the exercises, questions and tips to get to the heart of your love & relationship beliefs that may be limiting you.

Chapter 3: Beliefs

  • Discovering Your Limiting Beliefs, Behaviours, Thoughts and Emotions
  • What Are Your Limiting Beliefs?
  • Understanding Beliefs and Past Conditioning
  • What’s Blocking You from Love?

Feel free to feedback to me what you have learnt about your own limiting beliefs after reading the chapter.

If you need some 1-2-1 support and guidance please do contact me direct to see how I can be of support to you via www.wendyfry.com

Find YOU, Find LOVE is available on amazon at http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  If you wish to explore the heart of your love and relationship problems.  This self help workbook will  help you to get to the root of the problem and what to do about it.

Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them- Eckhart Tolle

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 Nov

Time – is it on your side?

Over the years working as an Emotional Health & Relationship Consultant I hear so many people say talk about how they would have spent their time and energy differently.

They say things such as: ‘if only I knew then what I know now, I’d do it all differently’ , ‘If I had my time over I would have chosen differently’ or ‘If only I’d known he/she was like that…I wouldn’t have I wasted my time’.   Have you ever found yourself saying the exact same things?

When you think about the past and what you’ve learnt through your experiences:

  • What would you advise someone struggling with love and relationship difficulties?
  • What would you have said to the younger you all those years ago with hindsight?
  • Would you be saying that from a place of love and compassion or a place of hurt and bitterness? 
  • Knowing now what you wish you’d known back then, how are you  going to use your time?

It’s often easy to advise others in hindsight of our own experience, but do we actually take our own advice?

I decided to walk my own talk and have written for you, Find YOU, Find LOVE to help you get to the heart of your love and relationship problems – available on amazon http://goo.gl/crnvoZ 

This self help workbook contains the questioning techniques, exercises and practical applications that I have learnt in over over 8 years of experience of working and training as a therapist helping my clients move on from the past improving not only the relationships that they have with others but also the relationship they have with themselves.  It includes also an insight into my own life and how I have become a love and relationship expert

Find YOU, Find LOVE

Time is on your side, especially if from this moment on your choose your thoughts and actions carefully.  Being aware of how you spend your thought time is the first step towards creating positive change for yourself.  Having an awareness of the past and what you have learnt from it is helpful, living there and spending your thought time in the past, only limits you. 

I have included for you some free resources on my website www.wendyfry.com/book/resources which includes a Love and Relationship Inventory. 

Using the love and relationship inventory as well as reading Find YOU, Find LOVE will help you to discover your beliefs about love and relationships and what areas of your past you may need to work through.  If you’d like some support and a guiding hand in working through the painful parts of your past I’m available to work with you privately face to face of over Skype www.wendyfry.com and info@wendyfry.com for information about the various support programmes available to you.

 Taking you gently by the hand to work through your love and relationship problems

Alternatively If you’d like to work through your love and relationship challenges in a group setting the next Find YOU Find LOVE workshop is being help on Saturday 15th November 2014.  Book your place via Event Brite this link  http://goo.gl/aMlZQY

So…time really is on your side and taking time for you, to work through the things that limit you, really would be a good use of your time.  What’s the cost if you do nothing?

If you’d like to sign up to my newsletter that is longer and different from my blog, check out  www.wendyfry.com and simply enter your details in the email capture box, it will be my pleasure to connect with you this way

There are 86,400 seconds in a day, spend them wisely!

From my heart you yours, with love x

Wendy

04 Nov

Spotlight on the future and all that is possible

 

So many people stay trapped in the past.  Being aware of the past and the lessons learnt in it is healthy, living in the past isn’t.

Find YOU, Find LOVE, will help you get past the past and support you to make the rest of your life the best of your life.  It’s time to shine your light on the future, time to think about the things you want and how you’re going to get there in a realistic and achievable way.  It’s time to focus on the things that lift you up, the things that bring you joy. It’s time to focus on what you love.  It’s time for you!

You have ultimate control over your thoughts, guide them gently and get really clear about where you are heading, adjust your sails and let the light of your own faith in yourself never waiver, remember that you have everything inside you to weather any storm.

Loving yourself for the rest of your life

A Heart Based Exercise (apply daily as many of these self care choices as you can)

miniheartquadrant

I have listed below some activities that will aid you in being more loving to yourself and making time for you to be with you.

Affirmations – starting and ending the day with positive affirmations speaking the affirmations out loud or inside your head aid towards general wellbeing creating balance and positive energy flow.

Being out in nature – connecting to nature is very healing and cleansing, being out in fresh air and green spaces restores one’s emotional health and physical wellbeing on many different levels.

Boundaries – setting boundaries with others and saying ‘no’ to them to say ‘yes’ to yourself can be quite liberating. Saying no doesn’t mean that you are being rude or inconsiderate; it simply means that you care about yourself enough to look after your own needs, as well as supporting others to fulfil theirs.

It may take some time and practice to say no when you mean no though in doing so, gradually, it will become easier. Many of us learn in childhood that it’s not OK to put our needs first, but as adults, self care is an important part of loving yourself.  When you look after your own health and wellbeing, it enables you to be in a better space to offer love and care to others and brings balance and harmony.

Complementary Therapies – there are some wonderful therapies that may make you feel relaxed and at peace with yourself – for example massage, Reiki and Reflexology, as well as EFT, all are treatments which aid in the release of built up emotions in the emotional and physical body. Please check out the range of therapies that I provide on the ‘about the author’ page.

Eating well – choosing healthy foods that you enjoy and which are natural and energising are an important part of looking after you. Prepare for yourself delicious meals and treats with love and care. Use beautiful china to eat and drink from.  Make eating a beautiful ritual where you honour your body and your health.

EFT – EFT used daily is something I encourage, as this will always support you to manage your emotions and regulate energy flow.  If you’d like to work with me personally using EFT or Matrix Reimprinting please do make contact www.bepositive.me.uk and www.wendyfry.com will show you the various ways I work and the client feedback received from this amazing technique.

Exercise – Any form of exercise, whether it’s walking, cycling, yoga, swimming, aerobics, dancing or using a trampoline will release endorphins (the ‘happy’ hormone) into your body. Exercise can make you feel energised, positive and confident and is also great for toning and shaping.  Be sure to have some form of exercise in your daily routine and to build up gradually listening to your body at all times.

Rest and relaxation – down time such as listening to music, reading, taking a nap or making sure you have plenty of sleep when you need it, is a very loving way to look after yourself. You may also find meditation helps you to relax after a busy day or, as part of a daily morning ritual. Check out my very good friend Caroline Maidments CD’s and MP3 downloads at www.tranquility-music.co.uk

Self care – such as taking luxurious baths with scented oils, candles burning and using wonderful body moisturisers and having a pamper,  generally all helps one’s body to feel loved and cared for.  Choosing carefully the outfit you will wear for the day ahead, how you style your hair and if you wear make-up, taking care to apply and wear the colours that love you are all an important part of you showing yourself love, attention and care.

When you are kind and loving towards yourself and you accept yourself exactly as you are, you have the capacity to transform, dissolve and neutralise outdated emotions about yourself and your lovability.

When you choose to act from a place of self love, it’s possible to expand, connect, amplify, magnetise and bring balance to your life. Your thought processes change and you may find yourself  being more positive about life in general, as well as being more positive about love.

When you are more loving towards yourself without needing to receive love and approval from another, you can give from a place of love and trust, a place of self acceptance and acknowledgement. You offer love without the need for external appreciation, validation, praise or acknowledgement, because you already appreciate and value yourself.  You offer love to others without conditions and enjoy giving love without any attachment to what you hope will be returned to you.

‘’I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.  And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other’’ –  The Vow – Stuart Sender

Can you imagine how your life would change if you made this vow to yourself today and all your days that follow?

If, every day, between waking and sleeping you said this to yourself, what do you think you would notice?

How will you be thinking differently?

How will you be feeling?

What will happen in your relationships with others when you give this unconditional love to yourself?

Accepting yourself, warts and all and acting in kind and loving ways to yourself first and foremost, will add to your pot of love. Each and every day that you repeat this vow to yourself, your pot of love will fill to overflowing.  You have all the love inside of you that you will ever want and more.

Start with the vow today and tomorrow and the next day and just notice what changes within and around you.

If you’d like to discover additional tools and techniques to get you back on track to finding you and finding love check out these means of support:

The next Find YOU, Find LOVE workshop is on Saturday 15th November 2014, follow this link to book (there are just a few places left http://goo.gl/aMlZQY and it will be so great to meet you and share the techniques from Find YOU, Find LOVe

You may wish to work with me personally in Surrey or over Skype http://www.wendyfry.com/services

Find YOU, Find LOVE, self help workbook available on amazon http://goo.gl/crnvoZ

Connect on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/findyoufindlove?ref=hl

Sign up to my monthly newsletter at  www.wendyfry.com on the home page