26 Jun

Love is on the Other Side of Fear

Many say hate is the opposite of love though it is in fact FEAR!

What are you afraid of?

” Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast”  Lewis Carroll ~ Alice in Wonderland 

  • How often do you find yourself thinking like Alice? 

At some point in our lives we all, unwittingly sabotage ourselves through fear based thinking.

We dash our future hopes based on past experiences without any real evidence that what we fear will repeat itself.

Do you really want to stay at The Mad Hatter’s tea party or are you ready to live your life in the absence of fear?

costumes-695358_1280 (2)

Which of these fears are true for you?

  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of not being loved
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of separation or loss of relationship
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of ill health
  • Fear of being controlled by another
  • Fear of success

What has been the price you have paid or are paying now based on fear of the past repeating itself?

Be aware that some fear based core beliefs come from our conditioning whilst growing up.

There is no blame here on our caregivers, we were very young when we formed our core beliefs and at the time, these beliefs seemed to be appropriate for us

Core beliefs may be formed based on the following conditions:

  • Fear associated with rejection/not being lovable, worthy or approved of
  • Fear associated with not meeting expectations, being good enough, adequate, recognised
  • Fear associated with criticism, judgement, being made wrong, being told off, being compared
  • Fear associated with people giving you attention, unwanted attention, smothering, feeling singled out, harassed, embarrassed

There is no evidence at all except the story in your mind, that the negative aspects of your past will repeat themselves.

It’s a story that you may have been playing for way too long and when you play that story over and over your body hears that story and will respond with the fear, sadness, despair and the limitations that you place on your future.

The future is not limited, but your thinking may be…

It’s time to change the story!

heart-792080_1280 (2)

If at this point you want to explore your limiting beliefs that may have created fear based thinking you can download for free Chapter 3 ‘Belief’s of my book Find YOU, Find LOVE 

When you are able to review your past as a learning experience taking with you the knowledge and wisdom gained from challenges, setbacks, wrong choices and perceived mistakes, it’s possible to make your past work for you to your best advantage.

Your past will no longer keep you in fear, terrified, doubtful, limited, trapped or anxious about the future. You simply transform your beliefs about fear and begin to take risks based on what you know for sure, not like Alice based on the imaginings of a creative mind!

Being aware of your responses to real and imagined situations is part of the journey towards transformation.

A fear only has to be acknowledged to be transformed!

The primary cause of our unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it –Eckhart Tolle

Stepping into the space of love in the absence of fear and trusting that you can and will overcome your your limiting beliefs is the first step to the road to recovery.

When we get into our heart’s and out of our head’s fear dissolves.  We begin to feel rather than think!

red heart-5594_1280 (2)

There are so many ways to create love in your life…

  • Self love
  • Self compassion
  • Simply ‘being’ in the absence of doing
  • Heart focused meditation
  • Love of another
  • Love of family
  • Love of a pet
  • Love of your work/vocation
  • Love of nature/gardening
  • Love of knowledge
  • Love of music
  • Love of people
  • Love of a faith/religion
  • Love of a hobby
  • Love of exercise
  • Love of reading/writing/journaling
  • Love of stillness/meditation
  • Love of life

What other things fill your heart with love and your life with joy?

My best advice is do the things you love and do the things you fear you never know you might just fly!

I love writing about love!….

If you would like to read more about how to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems my book Find YOU, Find LOVE will lead the way.

I also offer in person support in Sutton, Surrey UK and over Skype internationally

Find Out More ~ work with me!

Thanks so much for reading and making time for you!

From my heart to yours with love x

 

cropped jpeg of logo

 

 

 

21 Jun

Fathers and Daughters

It’s Fathers Day today here in the UK.

This just happens to be my favourite picture of my dad and I, back in 1999.

dad wedding

What does the word father bring up for you?

How will you spend today?  

Will you be celebrating your father, reminiscing over times gone by if your father is no longer with you?

Perhaps it’s a day where you feel nothing at all?

In my work as an Emotional Health, Love & Relationship Consultant I will ask my clients what was their relationship like growing up with their family of origin or caregivers.

Many had happy and idyllic childhoods where they were nurtured, loved, supported and encouraged  by their natural parents.

Some have very specific memories of happy times with their fathers and key moments of connection and love.

Others share with me that they do not even know who their birth father is or were abandoned at an early age.

Many adult children still hold a sense of not belonging and question their identity and wonder if they take after their fathers.

Often there is much anger present and have limiting beliefs of ‘not being good enough’, ‘not being lovable’ or ‘worthy enough’.

These limiting beliefs may continue right through their adult lives leaving a trail of broken and unhappy relationships behind them.

What part of what I’ve shared here so far resonates with your own personal story?

The past has a lot to answer to as does our earliest models about love, loving and being lovable if they do not help us flourish.

For some of the people I have worked with, their fathers have passed away and there is a sense of regret that perhaps they they never spent much time together, or they wish they’d said or done more to show their love.

Many have step-fathers as male role models and have gained an a additional dad or two along the way.

I’ve also worked with children and teenagers that have had lots of different ‘uncles’ in their lives with different rules and an array of demands made on them.

Being a child and learning about love isn’t easy and I know now as an adult that being a father isn’t either.

Having worked through my own limiting beliefs and spent thousands of client hours helping others work through theirs, I see a pattern related to unhelpful comments and experiences in childhood.

As a result I specialise in working with people come to terms with difficult relationships and realising that whatever their past relationship experiences that who they are is so worth loving!

I’m so pleased I had the foresight to save this poem my dad sent in a card on 18th birthday.

It has helped me to understand that sometimes we cannot help who we love and that we do all indeed deserve love.

Butterfly Card Dad 0001

My Story

I share my story to let you know that you can use your past experiences to excel and achieve.

The pain of the past need not be used to build up a brick wall of protection in fact your past experiences can be the foundation and the stepping stones for you to reach new heights in your personal and professional life. 

I wouldn’t change my past for a thing as it’s lead me to being who I am and given me the insights into family dynamics and the absolute privilege to work with others who need to understand themselves and how their own perceptions of experiences have shaped their lives.

How I learnt about love…

My dad left our family home when I was twelve, came back and left again when I was fifteen.  It was devastating at the time as my mum was suicidal, we moved house, I changed schools and I gained a new step dad, step mum and a whole extended family by the time I was sixteen.

Now as an adult I understand why my dad left, he simply felt unloved by my mum for many years within their twenty three years together.

It took me such a long time to understand that even though my dad left, he wasn’t rejecting me, he hadn’t stopped loving me and I hadn’t done anything wrong.  It was merely my perception as a teenager which led me to forming beliefs about myself that were untrue.  I ran that pattern of believing I was unlovable right up until my thirties.

Although many years of my life felt painful because of this belief, I now know that perhaps this was the experience I was indeed meant to have for my own self-actualisation.

There is a happy ending and my dad is re married to my now step mum.  He’s very happy and I’d go as far as saying even after thirty plus years being married with her, they are still very much in love.  I’m happy that he’s happy and that’s all we can want for others and for ourselves.

Everyone deserves happiness and even if we don’t understand the why’s and the wherefores at the time, we  begin to learn as adults that our parents were doing the best that they could while in the midst of their own personal challenges.

Whatever your relationship with your father if you feel unhappy in any way about the connection that you did or didn’t have.  It’s never to late to change the past, we simply change the future!

To gain some personal insights into your beliefs , you might like to work through this series of questions.

  • What negative beliefs about yourself are you still holding onto that in some way are connected with your father?
  • How do your beliefs about love and relationships impact your own relationships?
  • How do you limit a potentially good relationship happening because of your past experiences and projected fears? 
  • How would letting go of these beliefs benefit you?

I could write heaps more on the subject of love and relationships though you may prefer to download for free Chapter 3 ‘Beliefs’ from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE

I also offer a service called Future Life Progression where you can connect in a future lifetime with your loved one and say the thinks you didn’t say before their passing.

There is always an opportunity to transform your past and use it to your best advantage!

This picture if from the front of the card my dad sent.

Butterfly Card0007

Learning about love creates personal freedom and who you are is so worth loving.  

Know it, feel it, experience it.  

You are the butterfly, set yourself free form the past and be ready to live life.  

You are the creator of your future and the legacy you leave behind through learning…

As ever, from my heart to yours with love x

Please do make contact for personal support in person in Sutton, Surrey, UK or internationally over Skype info@wendyfry.com | Love and Relationship Support

cropped jpeg of logo

12 Jun

Don’t Look Back ~ You’re not going that way!

The past is over! 

Many of us stay stuck in the past.  Wishing, wanting, hoping and dreaming for the future to be different but actually doing very little to change it.

What is it you want for your future and what stops you achieving that?

FLP snail

Future Life Progression is a unique and safe way to look ahead into your future for the purpose of finding out what next steps to take in your life now. It’s a positive experience that can only change your life for the better.

~ What would it be like to learn how to overcome the challenges you have right now?

~ What if you knew that making a certain choice was the right choice?

~ Is a certain job or relationship right for you?

~ Do you want to know if the next house move the right move?

So many questions can be answered this way.

Future Life Progression will give you all of these answers and more. 

The future is yours to create for yourself!

Future Life Progression will help you to achieve the best possible future you could ever imagine, when you apply the knowledge and wisdom your future self gives you! 

If you could give yourself advice 10 years ago after all the challenges you have overcome since then, what would you say?

Future Life Progression, other wise known as FLP is no different to that.

Whatever your questions ~ Future Life Progression will get you moving in the direction of your dreams.

I’ve recently used FLP for the following questions posed by clients:

  • What line of work/career should I be in
  • Will I cope if I have children/will my partner help out
  • Will I get married
  • Should I work on products or services
  • What are the names of my products
  • Will I meet anyone 
  • Should I take this business venture/opportunity
  • Will my business be successful
  • Where will I be living 

Rose gives her feedback here about her experience of FLP.

One week ago I visited Wendy for a Future Life Progression, I have a keen interest in Past Life Regression but knew very little about this.  The session was relaxing and I felt quite energised afterwards.  I am setting up a business so my focus was how this would progress over the next 5 and 10 years, I found the insight I gained from this session quite invaluable.   I had many ideas regarding the direction my business would take and was becoming very confused over where I should be concentrating my energies, this session has helped me to streamline my thoughts and focus on one path.  Looking back it is now quite obvious what I should have been doing but in my confusion I just couldn’t see it.  I would recommend this to anyone who is looking for some direction in life – Rose

~

FLP therapy was an absolute delight! It’s difficult to describe in words the potential I can now see within myself which without Wendy’s guidance I may never have been woken up to.  Wendy’s genuine passion to help others reach their full potential makes for an exceptionally rewarding experience – K Thomas

Additional information about FLP can be found at Future life Progression working in person in Sutton, Surrey UK or over Skype for your convenience.

What are you waiting for?….

The future is yours…

Wendy Fry, Emotional Health & Love & Relationship Consultant is an Advanced Practitioner of Future Life Progression.

Author of Find YOU, Find LOVE and offering  a range of services helping you to help yourself live an awesome life!

 

 

05 Jun

External Validation. Why does it leave us wanting MORE?

Do you have the disease to please?  

  • How often do you find yourself seeking validation and approval from others?
  • When do you hand over decision making and why?
  • What stops you from being the sole creator of your future?
  • How does needing approval, acceptance and love from others limit you?

From an early age we learn about how to behave in ways that make others happy.  We begin to understand what actions are and aren’t acceptable.  We realise that if we show up in a certain way, we are accepted.

Often we hand over our identities to be moulded and shaped into what other people want.

Our feelings as children are fragile and we are easily hurt.  It’s in those early years that our disease to please is formed and without realising it may become our only goal.

The need for approval, love and acceptance becomes addictive, the more we get the more we want!

house-wall-113542_1280 (2)

If we’ve not experienced unconditional love as a child and in adulthood not being loved, accepted and approved of by others when we have a bad mood, PMT (pre-menstrual tension) or forget to put the lid on the toothpaste or the seat down we begin to tread on eggshells.

We fear upsetting others and loosing their love as a result and the disease to please grows and grows.  We hide our real selves for fear of rejection and loss of love.  We put other people’s happiness before our own.

Having rules growing up is both helpful and harmful.

Love for many is conditional.  Rules about how love and relationships ‘should be’ are made and if rules aren’t followed love is withheld.  I see many couples in my work as a therapist behaving in this way.

The truth is we have each have unique relationship experiences.  From parenting, intimate relationships and societal relationships, each of us carries our own blueprint of what we want a relationship to be like.

It’s not until we explore where we learn about love and relationships that we begin to understand some of the old rules and conditions set in childhood are no longer appropriate in adulthood. There is no blame here.  Our parents and caregivers were  no doubt were doing the best they could to raise us in the best of their abilities and knowledge at the time.

care-43938_1280 (2)

My first book Find YOU, Find LOVE explores our beliefs about love.  In fact you can download the chapter completely free at www.wendyfry.com 

When we understand why we behave the way we do in love relationships life becomes more tolerable.

Exploring why we might believe that we are unlovable, unworthy or inadequate and where those limiting beliefs come from we are able to work through those limits and bring ourselves ever closer to the love and relationships we desire.

Improving the relationship you have with yourself is key to making the rest of your life the best of your life!

Please do check out my website and free love and relationship resources including 21 Steps to LOVE and Standing in the Spotlight of LOVE audio downloads www.wendyfry.com/book/resources 

If you need a gentle guiding hand perhaps you would like to work with me on a programme of support.  I work over Skype internationally and also face to face in Sutton, Surrey UK.   It will be my pleasure to guide you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems.

From my heart to yours,

With Love x

Wendy

cropped jpeg of logo