We use language to express ourselves, to get our point across, to share emotions, state a fact or convey a meaning.
Communication is key to getting on in life!
How we communicate or interpret another’s communication can make or break a relationship whether that be an intimate relationship, a work/college relationship or the relationship we have with our families and children
How are you expressing yourself?
Working as an emotional health and relationship consultant and having studied NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) I listen out for what’s spoken as well as unspoken. If I receive an email from someone reaching out for help, before I’ve even met them, I can see patterns in their communication.
It’s not until you have fed back to you, what it is you are saying that you even realise how you might be communicating inwardly to yourself (internal dialogue) and what you are expressing outwardly.
I simply love words and always have.
Next time you’re out and about (coffee shops or restaurants are great places for this) notice how the diners and those meeting speak to each other.
It’s true body language will come into play here and you will be seeing visual communication, though listen specifically to what’s being said.
It’s possible you may even react to others people’s conversations, and you don’t even know them, based on the content of what is heard and how you relate to this personally.
Notice the people that are fighting for air space, talking over each-other, notice those shouting at each other, be aware of those who are taking it in turns to listen and speak, notice your own’self talk’ as you watch these interactions.
When you’re next out with your own friends and family:
- Notice who cuts you off and takes over the conversation and what you were going to say remains unheard, making the conversation about them and not you.
- Who listens attentively and who feeds back to your their interpretation of what’ you have shared?
- Be aware of your own responses, based on your experiences (some may be negative in relation to what the person is saying) Notice too, when you might not be listening, checking your phone or staring off into space.
Words can harm and words can heal!
- What are you saying about yourself that limits you?
- If you were to listen more rather than speak, what might you learn?
- When and with whom do you feel unheard? Let those people know you haven’t finished speaking, or it’s important to you to share what you want to say
- What’s your communication style? Are you passive, assertive, passive aggressive or communicate with direct aggression?
- When you communicate how often are you being ‘nice’ (keeping the peace and saying what you think others want to hear and when are you being real?)
It’s a little way off yet, though in Series 4 of the Dial a Guru Self Help, Personal and Business books, I will be writing about the topic of clear communication, aiding you to explore which communication style you might fit into and how changing the way you communicate with others may have long term benefits too!
- As you go through the week, notice your own internal dialogue which brings you down.
- Be aware of other people’s words which trigger you (sending you off into a rant of negativity)
- Notice the words you read and hear which make you feel happy, vibrant and alive!
- Choose a word or day that you wish to resonate with. i.e. ”Every day may not be a good day but today i’m choosing HAPPINESS!”
If you’d like to work with me to improve how you communicate with yourself and others, I’d love to hear from you. You can contact me here.
You might like to read about the success and changes my clients have made here
Use them wisely!