24 Aug

The Power of Words

We use language to express ourselves, to get our point across, to share emotions, state a fact or convey a meaning.

Communication is key to getting on in life!  

How we communicate or interpret another’s communication can make or break a relationship whether that be an intimate relationship, a work/college relationship or the relationship we have with our families and children

How are you expressing yourself?

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Working as an emotional health and relationship consultant and having studied NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) I listen out for what’s spoken as well as unspoken.  If I receive an email from someone reaching out for help, before I’ve even met them, I can see patterns in their communication.

It’s not until you have fed back to you, what it is you are saying that you even realise how you might be communicating inwardly to yourself (internal dialogue) and what you are expressing outwardly.

I simply love words and always have.

Next time you’re out and about (coffee shops or restaurants are great places for this) notice how the diners and those meeting speak to each other.

It’s true body language will come into play here and you will be seeing visual communication, though listen specifically to what’s being said.

It’s possible you may even react to others people’s conversations, and you don’t even know them, based on the content of what is heard and how you relate to this personally.

Notice the people that are fighting for air space, talking over each-other, notice those shouting at each other, be aware of those who are taking it in turns to listen and speak, notice your own’self talk’ as you watch these interactions.

When you’re next out with your own friends and family:

  • Notice who cuts you off and takes over the conversation and what you were going to say remains unheard,  making the conversation about them and not you.
  • Who listens attentively and who feeds back to your their interpretation of what’ you have shared?
  • Be aware of your own responses, based on your experiences (some may be negative in relation to what the person is saying)  Notice too, when you might not be listening, checking your phone or staring off into space.

Words can harm and words can heal!

  1. What are you saying about yourself that limits you?
  2. If you were to listen more rather than speak, what might you learn?
  3. When and with whom do you feel unheard?  Let those people know you haven’t finished speaking, or it’s important to you to share what you want to say
  4. What’s your communication style? Are you passive, assertive, passive aggressive or communicate with direct aggression?
  5. When you communicate how often are you being ‘nice’ (keeping the peace and saying what you think others want to hear and when are you being real?)

It’s a little way off yet, though in Series 4 of the Dial a Guru Self Help, Personal and Business books, I will be writing about the topic of clear communication, aiding you to explore which communication style you might fit into and how changing the way you communicate with others may have long term benefits too!

  • As you go through the week, notice your own internal dialogue which brings you down.
  • Be aware of other people’s words which trigger you (sending you off into a rant of negativity) 
  • Notice the words you read and hear which make you feel happy, vibrant and alive!
  • Choose a word or day that you wish to resonate with.  i.e. ”Every day may not be a good day but today i’m choosing HAPPINESS!”

If you’d like to work with me to improve how you communicate with yourself and others,  I’d love to hear from you. You can contact me here.

You might like to read about the success and changes my clients have made here 

Word Power!  

Use them wisely!

 

 

 

 

 

17 Aug

It’s time to let go of the things weighing you down!

What are you holding onto that’s weighing you down?

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Choose from the list and feel free to add your own:

Anger |  Unwanted weight |  Grief  |  Hurt  | Physical Pain |  Conflict  | Sadness  | Fear  

Resentment  | Hatred  |  Uncertainty  |  Shame  |  Guilt  |  Anxiety  |  Depression  

Boredom |  Confusion  |  Embarrassment  |  Failure  |  Inadequacy  |  Hopelessness  

Stress  |  Unworthiness  |  Vulnerability  |  Powerlessness  |  Loneliness  | Despair?

The weight of emotion bears heavily on us as does the past if we spend too much time focusing on the negative aspects of time that’s already done!

The past only exists in our minds, a bit like a hard drive, if we keep going to the anger file and re-read all the history of every time we’ve felt angry, chances are just thinking about those events, people who made us angry and situations where we didn’t feel heard, validated, loved or approved of, well it feels like you’re back in the past and experiencing the event all over again.  And we both know that’s no fun!

Why would we do that to ourselves?

A lot of our thought time is wasted in the past.  Once you’ve spent that time, you can’t get it back!

We’d make better use of our time if we focused on what we’ve learned about the past and how to use that information to get clearer about what we do want!

Changing our thought’s always to ‘okay so what do I want?’  Will be thought time well spent and actually makes you feel more hopeful about life.

Being aware of the past is helpful, living there isn’t!

I invite you to have a ‘Mind Dump’, literally dump out all the contents of what you don’t want on this free to download Pdf worksheet and then go right on ahead and turn your don’t wants, to do wants and notice how your enthusiasm, motivation and focus changes when you spend more time thinking about what remains to be achieved.

The example in the Pdf is about love and relationships though you can use this exercise in all areas of your life.

Fill in the don’t wants first, then complete the do wants.

Now to have some fun, tear off the left hand (don’t want column) jump on it, burn it, rip it into little pieces, make a paper air plane of it and set yourself free form the don’t wants, you’ll be glad you did.

Now, you have just one lovely list about what you do want.

Focusing this way changes your energy vibration and you will find yourself attracting all those beautiful do wants to you.

Letting go of the things that hold you back will open new opportunities.  Your thoughts become clearer, your actions more defined and your goals easier to reach.

Watch out for the side effects…letting go of the things holding you back can seriously improve your life! 

Need some help in letting go?  Please contact me and discover for yourself a range of transformational techniques that will get you back on track to living your life with purpose!

Why look back when you can look forwards.

It’s time to let go of what’s been weighing you down! 

From my heart to yours with love

x Wendy

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10 Aug

Keep On Going Until You get There!

I’ve known so many people have a goal and give up half way. How many of your reading this can relate?

~ What do you regret not having followed through with?

~ How did you make your decision to quit?

~ What would you have done differently if you knew you couldn’t fail? 

~ Using this knowledge to your best advantage how can you use it to motivate you to achieving your most important goals?

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New Years Eve is the all time classic for making New Years resolutions.  A time for planning, stating your intentions and surely…following up with actions…hmm, not always the case!

I for one have set many goals over my life time and have even changed the goal post when I have been uncertain of my decisions and choices.

I admit, I’ve procrastinated over goals as well as sabotaged myself from achieving.

How often has fear or procrastination got in your way of achieving? 

It’s crazy to think that as humans we do actually get in our own way, talking ourselves out of doing something purely based on a thought, notion or limiting belief about what will happen, good or bad as a result of achieving the goal.

When it comes to goal achievement, It’s easy to get distracted too, asking others ‘what do you think I should do’?

Our goals can be shattered if someone offers what they think is good advice but we don’t take action because we believe that what they say is right for us.

I’ve been there, done it and got the t-shirt several times over!  I bet you have a pretty awesome collection of t-shirts too and it’s time to get rid and time to get the Superman or Wonder Woman t-shirt on instead!

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So a little light reflection here if you care to join me….

~ What goals have you set in the past only to realise half way through either the goals weren’t  what you wanted after all?

~ Ever felt like achieving a goal was too much effort, too hard, too difficult?  What got in your way of achieving it? 

~ How many of your goals truly reflect who you are now and who you want to become?

~ When you think of success what does it mean to you?

~ How are you going to achieve the level of success you want?

~ What makes you passionate and motivated about achieving?

~ Using that passion and motivation: What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently to reach your goals?

~ What can you do today, tomorrow, the next day, next week, next month, next year to achieve your goals? 

~ Repeat after me: ” I  insert you name here take full responsibility to commit to my goals ” and then list all the reasons why achieving those goals are important to you

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There are still many things I want to achieve in my life.  Every day I get cleaner and clearer about what it is I want.

You might like to check out the ‘Do Want/Don’t Want’ Exercise here This sample helps you to get clear on relationships though you can adapt it to any area of your life that you wish to.

Often knowing ‘what I want’ is because I’m presented with ‘what I don’t want’.  

Things go wrong, I learn from mistakes (although sometimes it might take several mistakes until I can see my errors and misjudgements) I might go down a wrong path or three.

Even as a therapist life still throws me ‘curve balls’ and it’s when those balls hit, I stop and ask myself ‘so what do I want‘.  It stops me going into the story of what I don’t want and takes me closer to achieving my goals.

Over the years, I’ve learnt to ask for help ~ Goal achievement is’t always about flying solo.  

I share my goals with people I trust.  I ask for an opinion but still weight up  the pro’s and con’s of their opinion before making my final decision.  If I don’t understand let’s say technology, I call in the people who do understand it.  Just like setting up this blog in fact.  A very good friend set it up for me and showed me how to use wordpress, someone else helped me develop a new website and boy as a result did i have more time to do the things I’m good at.

So back to goals, why wait until new year!

I’m a nosey old bird and will be checking in with you from time to time to be sure that you are doing everything you can to reach your full potential! 

If you need a helping hand in achieving your goals you can check out my goal setting and life evaluation services here

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~ What is it you want to achieve in the next 6 months, year, 5 years?

~ What existing strengths, skills and resources do you already have to achieve what it is you dream of? 

~ What might you need to learn, find out or experiment with to reach your goals?

~ What help and support do you need right now that others can offer you?

~ What is this learning an opportunity for?

~ When you take action towards your dreams, what’s the best that can happen?

My best advice is to keep going until you get there!  

Whether it’s a relationship goal, career advancement, learning something new, moving home, having a child, creating more work-life balance, leaving behind something that’s been limiting you or starting your life over.

It’s never to late to evaluate where you are and set a new goal!

Keep me posted with your successes, I love happy news!

 

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