30 Nov

Get out of Your Head and into Your Heart!

When was the last time you were in the dilemma where your heart said yes and your head said no?  

Two parts of you in disagreement, battling with each other for pole position…

How often have you found yourself unable to make decisions based on that inner conflict, not knowing which way to go?

A question I would like you to become familiar with and to apply every time you find yourself reacting to something or someone is to ask yourself:

‘Am I in my head or am I in my heart?’

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Often times we are so much in our heads our heads analysing, judging and constantly weighing up the pros and cons of a situation.

We are so far removed from being in our heart space and connecting in love, that we wouldn’t recognise it if it came up and stared us in the face.

Our heads it’s where our ‘voice of doom/destruction/negative thinking’ lives. It will continue to rear its ugly head until we rein it in.

If we’re not careful, we could let our heads rule our hearts and our future, never considering the heart’s needs or wants.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart – Confucius

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Opening your heart

An open heart is very powerful, it has the capacity to love and be loved.

• Your heart is wise

• If you listen to it you will find that it knows all the answers to all your questions

• Your heart provides you with valuable sources of information

• Your heart has a blueprint for happiness, joy and compassion for yourself and others

• Your heart stores that which you seek…love, contentment, joy

The heart is where our true self resides, that place of inner knowing and intuition, the higher self, the source, our oneness.

Our heart speaks to us in a gentle voice and will guide us back home to ourselves if we stop long enough to listen.

Our heart truly knows what’s best for us if we can get the head out of the way.

Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart – Sarah Ban Breathnach

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Heart Based Exercise: Listening to Your Heart’s Needs

• Listen to your heart’s needs

• Be aware of the fears in your head

• Make a note of where these fears come from. Are they fears from the past, fears related to current concerns or fears about things you imagine happening in the future?

• Bring yourself back to your heart each time you find yourself going back into your head

• Go back to the heart space using heart based breathing, connect with and expand that feeling of love

• Act from the heart in every situation

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Wrist Band Exercise:

This is a great awareness exercise that supports you in bringing head and heart into balance.

  1. Wear a loose elastic band, hair tie, charity wrist band or just your watch around your wrist
  2. Every time you go into your head (over analysing, judging, labelling and categorising) which takes you further away from love, change the item over from one wrist to the other, to bring you back to heart centred awareness
  3. Filter your experiences through your heart space and you will experience life through the filter of love

It’s a very effective and simple exercise that further brings awareness to your thought process and will aid you to re-direct your thinking to that which is more positive

It will show you the habits of your thinking and make you realise where your mind wanders to…you just need to pull it back again

I offer this exercise to my clients and some of the feedback I’ve had is:

‘’ I can’t believe how many of my thoughts are negative and critical ’’

‘’Although I got annoyed at how many times I had to change the band over, it made me laugh when I realised half of what I was worrying about might not even happen’’

‘’My wife and I are now doing this together, I want my dad to do it too and he is so negative’’ (of course this in itself is a negative thought and the band has to be changed over to the opposite wrist)

You can read additional feedback about my services, techniques and the results gained from working with me.

Have fun along the way catching yourself; the more you practice the more you get your head and heart in balance.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes – Carl Jung

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From my heart you yours,

With Love,

X Wendy

23 Nov

How Do You Experience Love?

An open heart is an open mind – Dalai Lama

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How Do You Experience Love?

There are so many ways to experience love, it will be different for each and everyone reading this.

One way of experiencing love is to be ‘in the moment’. Fully alive and receptive with where you are in time and space. Using your senses to be in touch with the moment (seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting)

You are able to enjoy the feeling of love flowing through you with ease when you are fully present.

Neither being caught up with thinking about the past, or worrying about the future, simply accepting the present moment just as it is through heart centred awareness.

There are so many ways to connect in with your heart space and experience joy and love….

  • Self love/Self compassion
  • Simply ‘being’ in the absence of doing
  • Heart focused meditation
  • Love of another
  • Love of family
  • Love of a pet
  • Love of your work/vocation
  • Love of nature/gardening
  • Love of knowledge
  • Love of music
  • Love of people
  • Love of a hobby
  • Love of exercise
  • Love of reading/writing/journaling
  • Love of stillness/meditation
  • Love of life

 

How do you experience the flow of love in you?

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Flow is the feeling of wholeness, connection, contentment, just being in love with life and all that is regardless of external circumstances.

When you are in peak flow you are in your heart and there is no greater place to be.

Need some help in getting out of your head and into your heart?  I have a range of services and programmes to suit your needs www.bepositive.me.uk

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart Helen Keller

16 Nov

Get out of your head and into your heart

The world seems to be waking up and more and more people are turning to alternative ways of living, alternative ways to healing and alternative ways to being.

I do believe that in the next 100 years, major changes in how we care for ourselves and others as research becomes exponential, it will change not only our lives as these methods are revealed but also have the potential to positively change and influence the lives of our ancestors.

As stress becomes a major factor in people’s lives and ill health prevails, it’s as though ‘getting as low as we can go’ is the wakeup call many of us need to start to re-evaluate life and to work out what’s important and what’s not.

According to the HSE, the total number of cases of work-related stress, depression or anxiety in 2013/14 was 487000 cases (39%) out of a total of 1 241000 cases of all work related stress illnesses.

The 45-54 age groups had the highest incidence rate of all persons. The breakdown of mental ill health by precipitating event 2011-2013 includes Traumatic Events, Other Events, Home-Work Interface, Personal development, Changes at Work, Interpersonal Relationships and factors Intrinsic to the Job.

The breakdown of mental ill health by diagnosis 2011-2013 includes PTSD, Other Stress Symptoms, Alcohol & Drug Abuse, Other Diagnoses, Anxiety & Depression, Other Stress.
The full stats of the research can be found at www.hse.gov.uk/statistics/causdis/stress/

I encourage you to reduce any stressors and make positive changes to your life and health as soon as possible.

Tomorrow isn’t promised!

The Institute of HeartMath are leaders in the area of heart based research having spent over two decades exploring heart coherence and the role of positive emotions.

‘Science of the Heart’ is Institute of HeartMath’s signature work and quotes ‘’Coherence is the state when the heart, mind and emotions are in energetic alignment and cooperation’’

It’s no surprise when we connect with our heart space that we are able to bring heart, mind and emotions into balance.

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The benefits of getting into our hearts and out of our heads,  reduces stress, builds resilience and allows our bodies to heal more quickly from symptoms of ill health. Long and short term memory is also improved allowing increased ability to focus and process information.

Compassion focused meditations, breathing exercises, listening to uplifting music and keeping a daily gratitude and appreciation diary allow for positive emotions to increase, taking us back to our hearts.

Positive emotions, thoughts and feelings all contribute to being more heart centred.

I would encourage you to explore and research in this area for yourself if you wish to understand more about heart centred living www.heartmath.org

Getting out of your head and into your heart will aid in balancing  high stress situations.  Making it part of your daily routine will benefit on many levels such as lowering blood pressure, having more meaningful relationships, increasing work performance as well as being able to react and respond to life in a calmer manner generally.

When you’re ready to take action, invest in yourself and want to learn the various tools and techniques to reduce stress, manage your emotions and become more heart centred, please do make contact.  I have a range of therapeutic and holistic support strategies at www.bepositive.me.uk as well as offering specific love and relationship support  www.wendyfry.com

Remember the emphasis on the heart. The mind lives in doubt the heart lives in trust. When you trust, suddenly you become connected – Osho

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From my heart to yours, with love,

X Wendy

08 Nov

Your Mind is Amazing!

Your mind is amazing!

It’s a complete storehouse of information that you have gathered throughout your life from birth to now.

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We store information through our senses (sight, sound, taste, smell and through feelings)

Our minds can be compared to enormous filing cabinets or hard drives storing various movies that contain the good, bad and ugly experiences from out pasts.

Just imagine your mind as this enormous warehouse storing your own personal past.

What movies do you have archived away?

Which movies bring up fear, anger, sadness, bitterness and pain, putting you in a state of dis-ease?

These films are like taped conversations playing over in your head or an endless series of thoughts, feelings and emotions moving through you.

Although an event happened in the past we might re-live it a thousand times over by thinking about it, re-experiencing it like it was actually happening all over again.

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• Which personal movies of yours are on constant replay?

• How often do you wake up and go to sleep with an old movie still running?

• How does this affect you emotionally and physically?

• What do you want instead?

These movies often represent a constant flow of negative experiences that we’ve been through (the voice of our inner critic/voice of doom, like a parasite that eats away at us from the inside and a voice we start to believe in and feelings that we think are real).

We replay over and over the same movies and the same story, until story becomes engrained.

The movie or inner story then becomes a default behaviour that we respond to when presented with a situation that is like one we have experienced before and triggers off what we believe to be true.

Most of what we react to has very little to do with a new experience and everything to do with past experiences (old movies)

What a liberation to realise that ‘the voice in my head’ is not who I am. ‘Who am I, then? The One who sees that – Eckhart Tolle

Head F**k

Pardon my language here, though I feel it needs to be said.  What we allow into our minds and what we play over and over really does leave us feeling f**ked at times.

Think back to the past and remember a time when you spent all day worrying over something.  Perhaps you experienced sleepless nights and upset stomach?  Were you, smoking or drinking too much to help you cope?

We are our own worst enemies, re-living arguments from decades ago, complaining about the weather, our partners, the rate of inflation, the youngsters of today, the state of the health service, our fears for the future….I’m exhausted just typing this up and this is what our thoughts can do to us.

We cling onto negative feelings, thoughts and emotions not realising that it’s us that suffers.

We become addicted to talking about all the things wrong with life seldom coming up for air.

  • How often do you feel overwhelmed emotionally?
  • What happens to your physical body when your thought time is filled up with worrying thoughts?
  • What are your energy levels like when your focus is on what’s wrong going wrong for you?
  • What happens to your sleep pattern?
  • How is your daily diet and digestion affected?
  • What do you actually gain by going over and over events from the past, ranting, complaining, moaning and perhaps even nagging?

If you want a happier life, more connected relationships, greater confidence and good health read on.

Unless we gain control over our minds we really will be F****d! 

Remember, you are not your thoughts!

In order to change the world, you have to get your head together first – Jimi hendrix

 

Practical Exercise – Mind Dump: Freeing the mind one thought at a time

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Find yourself a note book or better still a lovely big pad of A4 paper and grab yourself a pen.  You’re literally going to dump out what’s in your mind freehand.

There’s nothing more liberating than setting yourself free from the ‘poop’ from the past that you’ve been holding onto. 

For this mind dump activity, I suggest that you do it first thing in the morning, last thing at night and whenever you feel emotionally overwhelmed.

If you’re dumping a lot that’s good – better out than in!

There’s nothing complicated about the activity you simply write out what’s on your mind un-censored.  Let rip and have a good old rant on paper, really say what you want to say, nothing is banned here, only you will see it.

You may have several topics that you write about such as people or outside circumstances that are causing you stress.

Write about your worries, concerns, fears, doubts, injustices, anxieties, frustrations, uncertainties etc.

Just write what comes into your head and allow yourself the freedom to voice your thoughts.

Write until you can no longer think of what to write.  Get it all out!

The more frequently you do the mind dump exercise the less you will find you have to think about and in turn the less you will have to write.

You will feel better for doing this exercise on a regular basis and feeing your mind.

No one else has had to hear your rants, you haven’t gone into the same story over and over in the day telling everyone you know what you’re going through, making them feel f****d too, you simply write and get it all out freely and easily.

If you need to cry do, get some extra soft tissues and make sure to give yourself some TLC (Tender Loving Care) as you work through freeing your mind.

Things can only get better from here on in.

The primary cause of our unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it –Eckhart Tolle

The Past is Over and You Have Your Whole Life Ahead of You

When we begin to realise that the past is over and it’s purely our thinking keeping it alive, we gain a sense of freedom.

No one ‘thinks us’. 

We wake up and realise that we do in fact have ownership over of the power of our own minds and that we can choose how we react and respond to life’s ups and downs.

If you need some help in finding clarity, support in working through your poop and making the rest of your life the best of your life I will be delighted to work with you please do make contact at info@wendyfry.com

For general therapy & support http://www.bepositive.me.uk

For love and relationship support http://www.wendyfry.com

02 Nov

Make time to smell the roses…

When was the last time you stopped to smell the roses, luxuriated in a bubble bath, read a whole book in a day, took time out with friends or simply closed the door on everything and made some you time?

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People often ask me, ‘how do you keep going’?  To me it’s simple. I listen to my body. When I need more sleep, I sleep more, when I need space to think and recharge my batteries I go for a walk. If I need some support in working through a problem, I use the energy psychology techniques which I teach or seek the guidance of friends and trusted therapists.

No matter how good you are at juggling, if you have too many balls on the go, guaranteed you’re going to drop one or two every now and then. There’s no shame in dropping balls, having to start again or even take a complete holiday from juggling.

Take a moment and reflect on your day, your week, your month ahead and count just how many balls you are juggling.

Along with the physical ‘doing’ action of juggling you also have the emotional aspect and stresses and strains that go with keeping your eyes on all balls as well as anticipating new ones that might land at any moment.

Consider:

What additional things you are you squeezing into an already busy day?

Which daily actions are you making that you are doing so resentfully?

How often are you saying yes to others and no to yourself?

What are you letting people get away with?  

When did you last set clear boundaries about what is okay or not okay for you?

How much do you respect your time, your well-being, physical and emotional health?

If you continue this way what are the negative aspects of doing so?

If you were to start saying no to others and yes to yourself what would that give you?

What would saying no allow more of?

Decide to take one small action every day to bring yourself into balance.  Notice the changes as you say no to others and yes to you!

Whether you choose to do nothing and stare out the window, listen to some music, read a book, walk in nature, luxuriate in a bubble bath, make time to spend with friends or seek the support of a skilled therapist .  Life doesn’t have to be a continual struggle.

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Imagine, what life will be like when you enjoy juggling knowing you can put the balls down when you want to.

Think about what it will be like to know, even if you stop, for just a moment, the sky won’t fall in!  Just like in the children’s fairy tale ‘Chicken Licken’.  Perhaps even now, right in this moment you might give yourself some time to read this story once more.

There are things I’m good at, one of them isn’t juggling, nor do I wish to improve on how many balls I can juggle at one time. I’m good at keeping my own life in balance and at helping you to do the same.

Imagine what it will be like to be able to set clearer boundaries, to communicate clearly your preferred way of working, being, living…

Think about what it will be like for you to be treated respectfully and with kindness…

What if you were so clear about what it is you don’t want and what you do want in your life that nothing stops you from achieving your dreams…

Whether it be help with reducing emotional overwhelm.  Working out your soul purpose.  Setting up or expanding an existing business.  Working through past issues or identifying what it is you want for your future.  I have a range of programmes and services to make juggling those balls a thing of the past.  I also offer VIP Days for those of you who are ready to say yes to you!

For specific love and relationship support go to http://www.wendyfry.com

Make time to smell the roses and say yes to you!