31 Mar

Stop Playing the Fool

Stop Playing the Fool. 

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  • How often do you find yourself laughing things off when deep down you’re hurting?
  • What makes you wear a mask of who you think you should be rather than being all of who you are?
  • When do you find yourself not putting you first in relationships only to find the relationship fails anyway, when you’ve given all you’ve got and then some? 

April Fool’s day comes but once a year, though how often are you playing the fool and not really living your life on your terms? 

Help is at hand.

If you’re:

  • Fed up with waiting for more love, fun and happiness in your life…
  • Ready to let go of the past and focus on having a positive and loving relationship that fulfils you…
  • All set to be accepted for who you are and totally and free to be yourself…
  • Eager to make the rest of your life, the best of your life…

I hate to say it.  The only thing stopping you is you!

I stopped playing the fool a long time ago and have to say it’s liberating.  Gone is the mask of fear, the long nose of lying to please others, the need for approval or acceptance.  Gone is the me I thought I had to be, it’s the best thing i’ve ever done and I want to share with you the tools and transformation techniques which stopped me playing the fool.

On your marks, get set, go! Ready to discover all you can be….

Using an extensive tool kit, I can not only show you how to be the best that you can be, I will guide you to get out of your own way so that you can experience the love that you truly deserve.  Playing the fool and wallowing in the self-sabotage that goes with it will be history when you say yes to you!

By examining the events, perceptions and beliefs you have formed about yourself,  love and relationships you will gain the awareness that the past need not influence the future.

I will share with you the transformational tools and techniques to give you freedom from your past including the emotional baggage, self doubt and fear. You will move from helplessness to happiness and become the person who you’ve always have been and just forgot about.

Offering you the strategies for positive and lasting change guiding you back home to you, the place where love resides.
Who you are is so worth loving.  You are the key to finding and keeping the love you deserve.

For the month of April and in recognition of April Fool’s Day you be foolish not to take up this great offer.

Save 10% off ‘12 Weeks to Total Love and relationship Transformation’ when booking in April 2016.

Would you like to:

  • Get to the heart of your love and relationship problems?
  • Release the past?
  • Start believing in yourself more?
  • Move on from doubts and fears?
  • Improve your confidence and self Esteem?
  • Improve current relationships?
  • Learn to trust again?
  • Let go of feelings that you’re unlovable?
  • Remove the blocks that are holding you back from love?
  • Find practical solutions to your love and relationship issues?
  • Accept yourself just as you are?
  • Turn up your love dial and let love in?
  • Redirect your focus and find love?
  • Envision your future exactly as you want it to be?

It is easy to fool the eye but it’s hard to fool the heart – Al pacino 

Say yes to you!

26 Mar

Slow Down You Move Too Fast

You’ve got to make the morning last…

Just kickin’ up the cobble stones…

Looking for fun and feelin groovy…

I wonder how many of you found yourself singing along with this all time famous Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel song? Feel free to listen in by clicking the link and hum along as you read this week’s blog which is all about slowing down, going inside and finding out about you and what you want.

In recent weeks I’ve become a bit overwhelmed with things.  I wonder if you too can relate to saying yes to other people’s requests when you really mean to say no?

Do you find yourself over committing, saying yes when you mean no, agreeing to do things and then wondering how you can get out of it?

I love to help people, it’s second nature to me to say a big fat YES without stopping to consider, do I have time for this extra thing?  I’ve realised the more I say yes to others, the more I say no to me and this often depletes my energy supply and source of happiness.

So just like Mr Snail here, I slowed down, had a serious word with myself, reflected on what i’ve already committed to, I re-evaluated my goals and also explored what is it about me that says yes before I say no.

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Many of us learn in childhood to put our needs last and to consider other people before we think about what it is we want.  We are told it’s selfish not to do so.  It’s natural as children and as adults too,  to seek the approval of others and to want be accepted and in doing so have this default behaviour of opening our mouths, saying yes and then squirming when you really meant to say no.

In what situations do you find yourself saying yes when you really don’t want to?

  • Work
  • Relationships
  • Family
  • Friends
  • New ventures
  • Neighbours

In my experience ‘The Universe’, will keep throwing the same lessons to you until you learn what it is you need to learn from the situation.  In the case on my own recent yes, yes, yes, I realised this was a very old pattern of mine which needed some serious updating.

Even if you have an underlying fear of upsetting other people, by saying yes it’s only you who suffers.

Saying yes to you doesn’t mean you don’t care about other people, it’s a little like putting the oxygen mask on first, if you aren’t saying yes to you your emotional and physical health may suffer as a result of overstretching yourself.

  • What can you do today to say yes to you?
  • What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently  in order to fulfil your dreams?
  • Trace back where you first learned saying yes to you and no to others was wrong.  How old were you and is it still appropriate right now to operate from an outdated belief?
  • How does keeping your early behaviours limit you?

If you can’t say no these options may help you:

  • I have too much on right now
  • Have you asked …if they can help, i’m not able to
  • Thanks for asking me, I appreciate it, it’s not something i can say yes to
  • I’m flattered you’ve asked me, thank you, i’m going to say no as it doesn’t fit in with my plans
  • It sounds like you need some support, have you thought about who else can give this to you as i’m not available 
  • Can you come back to me in a few months time if no one else can help I may be able too once i’ve worked through prior commitments

Saying no, or versions of no might well make you uncomfortable at first, though the more you do it the easier it gets.

I will leave you to ponder:

  • In what areas of your life you might be over stretching yourself?
  • What is the negative aspect of over giving, how does this show up emotionally and physically for you?
  • By saying  yes to things you don’t want to how does this impact your time, energy, health and well-being?

Let your yes be yes and your no be no now 

Say yes to you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

21 Mar

The Truth about Limiting Beliefs

The power of your beliefs can either limit you or set you free.

The truth is we get so comfortable with our beliefs

 

In this week’s blog we talk about understanding limiting beliefs.

What is a limiting belief?

A limiting belief is a mental block stored in your mind which limits your ability to achieve any goals you may set for yourself.   A limiting belief acts as a barrier stopping you from achieving the success you desire and deserve, not only connected with love and relationships but in fact, with many other aspects of your life.

You will unconsciously organise your actions and behaviour depending on your beliefs, your beliefs are guiding principles and maps of how you make sense of the world.  Some of your beliefs are not true and are simply thoughts that lead to your learnt behaviour and responses to people and events.

A limiting belief is a repetitive, habitual thought that you may think over and over and over again and it is my intention to guide you to discover what your negative beliefs and blocks to love and relationships might be.

Until you question your limiting beliefs, you may think that they are true and for this reason often your beliefs may come true, your limiting beliefs may act as self fulfilling prophecies even if the thought is undesirable.

Your limiting beliefs create your perception, through self talk and the internal dialogue that you run inside your head.  You can talk yourself into doing or not doing something and what you believe influences your behaviour and performance.

You may find yourself staying in the safety of your comfort zone if a belief creates F E A R (False Evidence Appearing Real).

Look carefully and you will see that a limiting belief is nothing more than a thought that you believe to be true. The word ‘beLIEf’ itself includes the word LIE and until we explore our beliefs, perceptions and judgments, we will not be aware of what lies we have been telling ourselves about love and relationships that are no longer helpful to us.

The limiting beliefs you have formed may be based on old fears, old hurts or old stories that have no relevance in the present moment.  You may be blocked within certain areas of your life because of the beliefs that you are running, these beliefs do not just influence how positive or negative a relationship will be, our limiting beliefs impact all areas of our lives.  Those beliefs will collapse the moment that you stop feeding the limiting belief and you can achieve this through the use of EFT and The Spotlight Process.

Ready to find out more about your own limiting beliefs, how to change them, get out of your own way and start living the life you know you deserve?

You can either download a free chapter on beliefs for a broader understanding and when you’re ready to take action use the techniques  to clear the past and begin to live your life with passion and purpose.

If you’d like to work with me in person to clear your limiting beliefs over Skype or face to face in Sutton, Surrey.  I have a range of programmes to suit your needs and also tailored options to meet you where you’re at.

Beliefs aren’t set in stone, you have the ability to change them now

 

13 Mar

The Power of Thought

Your thoughts good or bad control the outcome of your day.

In last week’s blog I introduced you to The Spotlight Process aiding you to bring balance to your thinking and this week we go a little deeper into how to use your thought power for you rather than against you.

Thought Power

Here are The Spotlight Process Key Questions:

1.    Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)
2.    What proportion of my thinking is negative?
3.    How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?
4.    Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?
5.    What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?
6.    Coming from my heart instead of my head what changes?

To explore your thinking in a broader sense feel free to use this exercise below.

Practical Exercise using The Spotlight Process (15 minutes)

Periodically throughout the day and at the end of each day, use The Spotlight Process to take stock of where you have spent most of your thought time (past, present or future) and answer the following questions which complement the process beautifully.

• What have I been focusing on?
• Where have my thoughts been (past, present future?)
• How have I been talking to myself for the last hour or two?
• Have I been talking to myself in a kindly way or a critical way?
• What images, stories, thoughts or feelings have experienced today that have caused me distress?
• Which emotions and feelings have I experienced the most today?
• Have I been thinking about the future negatively or positively?
• What advice can I give myself so that tomorrow is a better day?
• What choices can I make that will take me closer to my goals?

If you’d like to learn more about The Spotlight Process and the power of your thoughts, beliefs and behaviours you can either work with me in person www.wendyfry.com  for love and relationship support.  For general therapy www.bepositive.me.uk or check out my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE

You don’t have to stay trapped in your thoughts just because you think them – Doug Dillon

07 Mar

The Spotlight Process – bringing balance to your thinking

Having worked therapeutically with many clients over the years, I have seen how people were limiting themselves, their love and relationship goals because of their negative thinking.

They were either spending too much time thinking about the past, focusing entirely on current problems, or projecting catastrophic and disabling fears into the future.

I developed The Spotlight Process TM to help you acknowledge where you have been spending most of your thought time and will guide you to work out where your thoughts may be out of balance and how to change them.

The Past is Over

 

Where have you been shining your spotlight?

past figure

Are you stuck in the past thinking about all the things you regret not having done?

Do you feel angry and bitter about your choices?

Do you wish you have your life all over again wishing you knew back then what you know now?

present figure

 

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your current problems, feeling like there’s no way out?

Do you feel overwhelmed, bogged down, fed up and tired of life?

future figure

Are you constantly evaluating, judging and filtering for all the things that could go wrong for you in the future?

Are you scared of taking risks and things going wrong?

Do you find it hard to trust, to live, to love?

 

The Spotlight Process

Now is the perfect time to apply The Spotlight Process to your own life simply by examining your thoughts.

  • Wherever you are at this moment, I invite you to think about a spotlight and the light that shines from it. Whether you see it, sense it or imagine it, think about that spotlight right now.  This ray of light could be a light in the form a torch, a lighthouse, a stage spotlight. Whatever spotlight comes to mind is perfect for you.

 

  • Think of this ray of light as a ray of your thoughts, feelings and emotions. This light can shine back into your past, ahead to your future or into this very moment.

 

  • This is your spotlight. You are in control of shining the light. You are the director of where you narrow your beam and what you choose to illuminate and think about.  Whatever you shine your light on, you will experience.

 

  • Using The Spotlight Process consider where you have been spending most of your thought time?
  1. Past?
  2. Present?
  3. Future?
  • Examine your thoughts & feelings about past are they positive or negative?

 

  • How you feel about the present?

 

  • Consider what concerns and fears you have about the future?

Using this process you will gain insights into what has been holding you back from achieving your goals

Ready to find out more about The Spotlight Process and how you can use it to transform your life check out the full process in my latest book Find YOU, Find LOVE

If you’d like to connect with me and work in person I’d love to hear from you.