30 May

Our beliefs influence the way we feel and what we choose to do

A limiting belief is a thought, or series of thoughts, that stop us from moving forwards in life. Limiting beliefs could be based on past personal experiences or through witnessing the experiences of others.

When we truly grow up

Limiting beliefs also shape the form of our thought patterns, including irrational thinking. We all, at some point, experience limiting beliefs. Until we examine what it is we believe and change any limiting beliefs to a more empowering belief, we are often stuck in the prison of our own thinking.

This is the 3rd in the series of limiting beliefs, you can check out the previous blog posts Part 1 here and Part 2 here

Beliefs have the potential to be changed by cultivating awareness; we can choose what it is we want to believe. Challenging a limiting belief with awareness, effective questioning and using The Spotlight Process and EFT, may seriously improve a person’s sense of self worth, reduce fear, improve confidence, improve communication (internal and external dialogues) and open up all sorts of new and exciting possibilities.

What are your limiting beliefs?

Practical Exercise (10 minutes)

Measuring Limiting Beliefs using The VoC Scale (Validity of Cognition)

To measure the how true a limiting belief may be for you there is a scale called The Validity of Cognition (VoC) Scale which is an individualised measure of beliefs, developed by Francine Shapiro.

Use the VOCSscale to check the percentage of your current self limiting beliefs rating them from a 0 when you have no belief at all and 100 when the belief feels completely true for you.

Read through the list below using the Voc Scale to identify which limiting beliefs are true for you. Fill in the blanks where appropriate and add your own limiting beliefs that have been holding you back from love.

• Fear of not being good enough
• Fear of not being loved
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of separation or loss of relationship
• Fear of failure
• Fear of being controlled by another
• Fear of success
• I don’t deserve…..
• I am not worthy of…..
• I’m not lovable
• I’m too……..
• I’m not…..
• I won’t be able to…..
• It’s impossible
• I can’t…..
• Something bad will happen if…..
• What if it doesn’t work out?
• What if I get hurt?
• What if my partner isn’t faithful?
• What if I lose…..?

You may be wondering right now how you can transform your limiting beliefs so here goes:

Part of the process of changing limiting beliefs is cultivating awareness, so that we can distinguish the difference between:

• What we’d like to believe
• What we think we should believe
• What we truly believe.

It is often our limited and negative thinking that holds us back from the things that we seek. Beliefs are often so unconscious that we seldom question them.

With effective self questioning, taking into account:

• When the belief was formed
• Whose belief it is
• If that belief limits us or allows us to grow
• If the beliefs we hold are still appropriate for us

Each of us has a choice and by choosing empowering beliefs about love and relationships, much can be changed in our lives for the better.

In order to change a limiting belief we need to change the internal picture and representation that we have of ourselves, of others and about the world around us, so that over time, our creative subconscious mind recognises new pictures and beliefs as a new reality and filters from a different perspective, instead of looking through dirty windows at the same dirt, we notice things we never saw before or experienced before.

If a limiting belief is based on a lie or is a belief formed by someone else’s opinion, then it is time to change the belief. Challenging a limiting belief and working out where it comes from will provide enormous benefits.

Changing our beliefs offers a renewed sense of freedom and there is a willingness to take new risks once we decide to look at the world through new windows.

Ready to uncover your limiting beliefs and move beyond them check out my full range of services here It will be my pleasure to work with you.

23 May

Limiting Beliefs and Lifetime Issues

In childhood we form many beliefs, in fact childhood represents a huge percentage of our overall life experience.

The experiences we have growing up contribute to our inner dialogue and we may often tell ourselves that we are at fault in some way for whatever went wrong in our early years, even though this assumption was based on false information or a misguided perception.

Creating our own prisons

If you want to back track and read the start of the series of blog posts about limiting beliefs go here

Limiting core beliefs are the driving force in our lives and reflect our deepest vulnerabilities and pain and it’s from the younger part of ourselves that we react from. Often our limiting core beliefs are what distance us from believing we are lovable and open to receiving love. Operating from the negative parts of ourselves, we cannot see the positives and opportunities available to us.

Working through these beliefs will bring more balance to your life and allow you the opportunity for personal transformation. This section supports you in gathering together the negative messages you heard about yourself or others growing up, the abuses, the traumas, and the conflicts. We have all had these kinds of experiences growing up and are affected in different ways. Giving a voice to our feelings and experiences, no matter how old we are now, gives us a new sense of liberation, a sense of empowerment and an opportunity to put the past in the past once and for all.

Discovering limiting beliefs, behaviours, thoughts and emotions

Here is a list of limiting beliefs that you may have formed about yourself, life and love relationships.

Life issues related to core beliefs come from the perception of success, love, belonging, self worth, control, security, reality and reason.

Core beliefs often grow stronger rather than weaker (as we are filtering for perceived evidence to back up the false belief)

Practical Exercise (10 minutes)

Work through this list and record which limiting beliefs are true for you:

I’m unlovable

I can’t do it

I’m flawed/imperfect

I’m unwanted

I’m different

I Don’t matter

I’m bad I’m unforgivable

I must be approved of

Something bad will happen

Something must change for me to be ok

I’m powerless

The world is dangerous

I’m helpless

Life is hopeless

People take advantage

I must be perfect

I must be in control

I don’t belong

I’m not good enough

I can’t trust anyone

I’m a failure

I’m insignificant

I’m shameful

I’m a mistake

I’m helpless

I’m not special enough

I’m invisible

I’m guilty

I’m not interesting

I’m unworthy

I’m undeserving

I’m worthless

I’m incapable

I’m misunderstood

I’m abandoned

I will be betrayed

I’m unproductive

I’m unattractive

I’m Incompetent

I’m a failure

I’m a victim

I’m a burden

I’m dumb

I’m used

I’m alone

I’m bad

I’m guilty

I’m sinful

I’m confused

I’m trapped

I’m unlovable

I’m powerless

I’m inferior

I’m separated from God

I’m un-teachable

I’m vulnerable

I’m stupid

I’m weak I can’t get it right

I’m vulnerable

I’m unsuccessful

I’m ugly

I can’t say no

I can’t stand up for myself

I don’t belong

I should not be here at all

I’m afraid

I’m fat

I’m unattractive

I’m left out I don’t deserve to be loved

Global Issues

Global issues relate to people who you may have had negative experiences with in your life and who have contributed negatively to your concept and beliefs about yourself:
Mother/Father Religious Institutions

Societal influence Brothers/Sisters

Extended family/step family

Teachers/School/College

Other relationships

The good news is, beliefs aren’t permanent and can be changed

Beliefs are nothing more than empowering or limiting thoughts. The beliefs we choose to give our attention to, guide our actions, behaviours and circumstances. Our core beliefs were developed at a time when we were children, when we had minimal ability to reason and think rationally for ourselves. The beliefs that were handed down to us were formed by our parents, mentors, teachers, environment and culture.

Core beliefs form the picture we paint of ourselves, a portrait of our own abilities, our worth, flaws, strengths and our relationships with others and with the world. Our beliefs establish the limits of what we think we can, or can’t, achieve.

We behave in ways consistent with our beliefs and values. Our beliefs impact on much of what we do, the thoughts we think, our feelings and our physical symptoms. We delete, distort and generalise information by forming an intricate filter of opinions, emotions and memories and we only notice what we think supports the existing belief.

Working through your limiting beliefs may bring up a range of emotions.  Please go to www.wendyfry.com/book/resources and download your free EFT Tapping Chart and EFT Process to work through any emotions associated with these limiting beliefs.  If you need any further support in working 1-2-1 please do make contact via my website.

Changing your beliefs puts you back in control of living your life with passion and purpose!

16 May

Discover Your Limiting Beliefs

What is a limiting belief?

A limiting belief is a mental block stored in your mind which limits your ability to achieve any goals you may set for yourself. A limiting belief acts as a barrier stopping you from achieving the success you desire and deserve, not only connected with love and relationships but in fact, with many other aspects of your life.

You will unconsciously organise your actions and behaviour depending on your beliefs, your beliefs are guiding principles and maps of how you make sense of the world. Some of your beliefs are not true and are simply thoughts that lead to your learnt behaviour and responses to people and events.

A limiting belief is a repetitive, habitual thought that you may think over and over and over again and it is my intention to guide you to discover what your negative beliefs and blocks to love and relationships might be.

Until you question your limiting beliefs, you may think that they are true and for this reason often your beliefs may come true, your limiting beliefs may act as self fulfilling prophecies even if the thought is undesirable.

Your limiting beliefs create your perception, through self talk and the internal dialogue that you run inside your head. You can talk yourself into doing or not doing something and what you believe influences your behaviour and performance.

You may find yourself staying in the safety of your comfort zone if a belief creates F E A R (False Evidence Appearing Real).

Look carefully and you will see that a limiting belief is nothing more than a thought that you believe to be true. The word ‘beLIEf’ itself includes the word LIE and until we explore our beliefs, perceptions and judgments, we will not be aware of what lies we have been telling ourselves about love and relationships that are no longer helpful to us.

The truth is we get so comfortable with our beliefs

As with judgements, limiting beliefs are nothing but patterns of thoughts. Just because your experiences in the past may have been true, it does not necessarily follow that they will continue to be true. You may find yourself building up walls of protection, trying to keep yourself safe from disappointment and heartache when in fact, it is these very walls that confine you and may stop you from having amazing relationships with yourself and others.

The conversations that you have inside your own mind may build on existing limiting beliefs, as you find yourself replaying the limiting beliefs over and over. Limiting beliefs can affect every part of your life, your work, your well being, your relationships and it is the beliefs we form about love in our early years, which impacts our lives in later years.

The limiting beliefs you have formed may be based on old fears, old hurts or old stories that have no relevance in the present moment. You may be blocked within certain areas of your life because of the beliefs that you are running, these beliefs do not just influence how positive or negative a relationship will be, our limiting beliefs impact all areas of our lives. Those beliefs will collapse the moment that you stop feeding the limiting belief and you can achieve this through the use of EFT and The Spotlight Process.

These processes will be shared in my blogs across the coming weeks ahead.

Limits exist only in your mind!

If waiting to learn more about your limiting beliefs seems like torture you can read more about how to change them here

09 May

Turn up your love dial and get in the zone of love

It’s true, everybody’s looking for love. Since we were mere babies, to be loved is a natural human need from our earliest years. As adults, we no longer have to depend on others to love us; we can meet our own needs fairly and squarely.

Think about a dial with -10 being the lowest love score, 0 being neutral and +10 being at its highest rate of love

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• How high is your love dial right now?

• If your dial is anything less than a + 10 what do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently to get it to a +10?

• How will your life change when you are thinking and acting from a +10?

• What three things do you love about yourself? (keep adding to that list so that you have a growing list of things to love and appreciate about yourself)

• What memories do you have of giving and receiving love?

• Remember how giving and receiving love felt, what you saw, heard and experienced.  Turn up those feelings….

• How can you be more loving towards yourself today and every day?

• How will you benefit when you accept, allow and welcome more love into your life?

• How will your day change when you filter for and look for all the loving experiences you can find?

• Think of all the possibilities that being more open to love could bring…

• How will your life change if you said yes to love for now and for always?

Make love your mission…

Love comes in many forms – how do you experience love?

Have you ever put love outside of yourself as if it’s a thing that can fill up a void, a hole, a need? I know I have, that is until I learnt that love is something that we can generate within ourselves. Each of us has inside of ourselves, everything we could ever need and more.  We are the ones who can turn up our love dials.

There are so many ways to experience love. One way of experiencing love is to be in the moment. In love with loving where you’re at, able to enjoy the feeling of love flowing through you with ease, neither being caught up with thinking about the past, or worrying about the future, simply accepting the present moment just as it is.

There are so many ways to love ~ what resonates with you?

• Self love
• Love of another
• Love of family
• Love of a pet
• Love of your work/vocation
• Love of nature/gardening
• Love of knowledge
• Love of music
• Love of people
• Love of a faith/religion
• Love of a hobby
• Love of exercise
• Love of reading/writing/journaling
• Love of stillness/meditation

What other ways can you think of that create the ‘flow’ of love in you (flow is the feeling of wholeness, connection, contentment, just being in love with life and all that is)

Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worth while – Franklin P Jones

Find YOU, Find LOVE the resource guide to getting to the heart of your love and relationship problems.

01 May

Live, Laugh, Love

May 1st is not only Global Love Day, it’s also World Laughter Day and what a winning combination loving and laughing is.

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I’ve come to realise in recent years the importance of really living life, not just going through the motions and every day blending into another but to actually live my life with passion and purpose to the best of my ability.

In the past six months I personally have experienced bereavements, some closer to home than others, I’ve known of friends losing loved ones and those close to me having health scares.  It’s all too easy to focus on fear and forget to direct our minds to the best possible outcome.  Fear keeps us safe from the worst case scenario but is also keeps us from living life to it’s fullest potential.

I’ve made it my mission to focus on gratitude and appreciate the wins of the day.  I use my mind to remember beautiful experiences, I use my heart to reconnect with love even after someone’s physical body has gone.  I invite you to do the same.  Focus on what is going well, what is working in your life, focus on the things which bring you joy, directing your mind to a higher feeling thought will raise your vibration and increase your overall health and well-being.

My invitation to you at the end of every day is to have an end of day reflection:

  • What did I see today which warmed my heart?
  • What did I hear today which made me smile?
  • What did I taste today which delighted my tastebuds?
  • What did I smell today which brought back happy memories?
  • What did I experience today which made me feel alive?
  • What made me laugh today?
  • What filled my heart with love today?
  • What am I most grateful for today?

Every day may not be a good day though there is something good in everyday ~ Alice Morse Earle