31 Jul

Trigger Happy!

You’ve probably heard the term ‘Trigger Happy’ without really thinking too much about what it means. If you search the term on various dictionaries it will relate to the use of guns, violence, aggression and hot-headed behaviour.

I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘triggers’ of late and how each of us, whether we are aware of it or not are triggered in various ways by other people, our environment, culture and immediate circle of influence as well as the media, religions and even marketing for food, cars, fancy watches and designer clothes.

We are sensory beings filtering, responding and storing information through our senses of touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. Gut instinct and intuition comes into it too.

So before I go into too much jargon (i’ve been knows to do this at times) i’d like to talk with you about ‘Happy Trigger’s’

I said Happy Triggers, not Happy Tiggers!

Who here knows and loves Tigger from Winnie the Poo?  I thought i’d post a picture of me here in costume, what do you reckon?

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Before I digress…back to happy triggers!

What makes you happy?

  • Waking up at the weekend knowing you haven’t got work
  • Having time to play with your children
  • Eating your favourite meal or snack
  • Gazing at the stars, sunrises or sunsets
  • Meeting your friends
  • Listening to your favourite band
  • Reading a book
  • Seeing your family
  • Being in nature
  • Soaking in a luxurious scented bath 
  • Treating yourself or someone else to a gift
  • Stroking a pet
  • Planting a garden
  • Watching your favourite movie
  • Laying in the sun
  • Playing a sport
  • Singing, acting or dancing
  • Seeing other people happy 

Guaranteed reading through this list you will have been triggered by a word, a thought, a feeling and a memory or series of memories.

When you feel out of kilter, notice what triggered a bad mood, was it something you saw, heard, felt, touched or tasted, or just a sense of gut intuition kicking in?

When you become more aware of your triggers, you don’t have to keep shooting yourself with them, playing the scenario over and over (you know that’s no fun), you can catch your triggers and begin to recognise what you are responding to might have nothing at all to do with what’s going on in the moment and everything to do with something from the past.

Load your thoughts with happiness….

Now for a little ‘home play’, because it’s so much nicer than ‘home work’.  Grab yourself a pen and paper or open up your notes on your phone, pc or tablet and get busy writing down 100 things which make you happy, then when you’re done, write another 100.

And while you’re at it, feel free to sing along Come on Everyone Get Happy!

 

 

25 Jul

Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All

Remember at any given moment there are a thousand things you can love – David Levitham

When was the last time you said ‘I Love You’ ~ to yourself?

When I ask this question to my clients colleagues and friends, nearly always they say, it’s wrong to love yourself, selfish, big-headed, arrogant etc The truth is the more responsibility we can take to meet our own needs, nurture and care for ourselves as adults, if a relationship ends, or we do not receive validation, love or approval from those we would like it from, it’s okay because we are still whole, complete and beautiful just as we are.  Love isn’t taken away from us, it’s inside of us and this blog post will help you realise when you put love outside of yourself you are really giving away your personal power.

Love is the path to healing.  When we honour, respect and care for ourselves giving ourselves as much attention as we might to our partners, lovers, family and friends, we blossom – simple.

Seeing yourself through the eyes of love every day is a wonderful exercise to practice. The statements below can be completed by either writing them out or speaking them aloud. They will set you up for the day ahead and put you in a positive frame of mind, guiding your thoughts to those which are kind and loving.

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• When I look through the eyes of love, how do I choose to see myself physically today?

• When I feel from the heart of love, how can I be more loving to myself today?

• When I use my inner wisdom, what thoughts can I choose to think about myself that are more loving?

• When I see the love and beauty all around me I start to notice…..

• When I focus on all that is possible for me I…..

• Today, I realise that when I choose love I…..

• Today, tomorrow and the next day I commit to…..

• I accept myself today

• I love myself just as I am

• I think and speak positively about myself from my heart

• I deserve love

• I open my heart to love

• I attract love easily and effortlessly

• I am willing to receive love

• I give love with a good heart

• I nurture myself and my needs

• I choose to do something thoughtful and deserving for myself every day

• I am surrounded by love

• As I move throughout my day I choose to interact with others from the love that is within me

• I seek for the opportunity to notice love in every experience

• I am grateful for each loving experience

• I choose love in my life every day

• I am love

As whitney Houston would say…’Learning to Love Yourself is the greatest Love of All.’

Need some help in the self-love department.  Check out the range of programmes to get you back on track to loving you right here and be sure to check out the free love and relationship resources here 

Find YOU, Find LOVE, my first book in the range on the topic of love and relationships can be found right here

16 Jul

You’ve Always Had the Power My Dear

For those of you familiar with Glinda The Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz, these words of affirmation will be familiar to you.

Judy Garland playing Dorothy, lost in an unfamiliar land doesn’t believe she will find her way back home.  Have you ever felt like Dorothy alone, uncertain, lost or fearful and unsure which direction to head in?

Maybe you’ve not been lucky enough to find a yellow brick road meet a Tin Man, A Lion, a Straw Man or a Wizard along the way or had the love of a ‘Toto’, Dorothy’s pet dog on your journey so far,  though the good news is beliefs can be changed and you no longer need to feel limited in what’s possible for you.

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A limiting belief is a mental block stored in your mind which reduces your ability to achieve any goals you may set for yourself.  You will unconsciously organise your actions and behaviour depending on your beliefs, your beliefs are guiding principles and maps of how you make sense of the world.  Some of your beliefs are not true and are simply thoughts that lead to your learnt behaviour and responses to people and events.

A limiting belief is a repetitive, habitual thought that you may think over and over and over again.  Until you question your limiting beliefs, you may think that they are true and for this reason often your beliefs may come true, your limiting beliefs may act as self fulfilling prophecies even if the thought is undesirable.

Your limiting beliefs create your perception, through self talk and the internal dialogue that you run inside your head.  You can talk yourself into doing or not doing something and what you believe influences your behaviour and performance.

You may find yourself staying in the safety of your comfort zone if a belief creates F E A R (False Evidence Appearing Real).

Look carefully and you will see that a limiting belief is nothing more than a thought that you believe to be true. The word ‘beLIEf’ itself includes the word LIE and until we explore our beliefs, perceptions and judgments, we will not be aware of what lies we have been telling ourselves that are no longer helpful.

Whatever has been stopping you from finding your yellow brick road up to now can be changed.  When you change the way you think, you change the way you feel. Download your free chapter all about limiting beliefs right here and make those all important changes.

You can listen to Glenda The Good Witch having a conversation with Dorothy about realising she had the power all along right here 

You’ve always had the power My Dear ~ Use it wisely, Dorothy, Glinda and the munchkins will be proud of you!

11 Jul

Tick, Tock….Is time speeding up or are you lagging behind?

Self sabotage, generally feeling tired, lack of motivation or having a sense of your goals not being achievable are just a few of the niggles which get in the way of us being our best selves.

I will be completely honest, three times in the night I was woken first by my noisy neighbor at 2:30am who lives above me. At 5:30am with someone’s car or house alarm ringing for over 20 mins, at 6am the builders started coming in to collect equipment from their garage 2 doors down.

If ever there was a time to give in to self-sabotage, put my head back under the pillow until noon or give up on the tasks I have set myself for today, this is a classic example of letting externals get in the way.

It’s fair to say you can’t bank time, trade time or claw back those hours of interrupted sleep and it’s even truer to say I could let my tiredness put me in a bad mood, not write my weekly blog, give up on the list of things I have set myself to do, maybe even take out my lack of sleep on my clients, friends or family.

You see sleep, time, irritations and getting things done (or not) is all about perception.

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The meaning we place on our experiences

Many years ago I studied NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) an approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy which was created by Richard Bandler and John Grindler.  Studying NLP helped me understand the way the mind works, how we store and retrieve information and how we communicate.

The mind is amazing, it’s a storehouse of information that we filter through, judging new experiences through an old lens.  We distort, delete and generalise experiences based on what’s happened in previous ‘movies’.  We often predict how something will end even when we have no evidence, we just go back to an old movie that’s similar in some way to the new experience and evaluate it through comparison with the record we already have.

Our past experiences influence how we react to others and the world around us

We often get things totally confused and what is actually happening may not even be recognised, as we have jumped back into default mode where we are basing current experiences that compare to similar ones that we have experienced in the past.

Our past experiences influence how we react to others and the world at large and also determine how we act and behave.  An external event will be experienced through our senses and before we make an internal representation of the event we filter the event.   We literally go inside that storehouse of information deleting, distorting and generalising the information through our five senses.

Our storehouse of sensory information

  • Visual (what we see outwardly, including how someone may look at us)
  • Auditory (what we hear, including sounds, the words that we hear and the way words are spoken by others including tone and pitch)
  • Kinaesthetic (what we feel internally inside our bodies or externally via touch, including the texture of something and level of pressure felt physically)
  • Gustatory (taste)
  • Olfactory (smell)

Deletion: When we delete information, we may be paying attention only to certain aspects of a situation and delete other aspects overlooking, ignoring and omitting sensory information coming into us.  We delete in this way as there is so much information coming into us, that if we didn’t delete we would experience too much sensory stimulation (information overload).

Distortion: It’s easy to misrepresent reality.  What is actually happening in an experience can be distorted and we can perceive things incorrectly. We distort, creating imaginary futures often in a negative way.

Generalisation:  We can make up and form our beliefs based solely on one or two experiences.  We absorb information and make assumptions about what the information means, comparing it to the information that we have already stored.  Sometimes our assumptions are incorrect.

Insightful Questions

Use these questions to reveal what you may be distorting, generalising and deleting as you process information

  • What positive aspects aspects of your life, career, relationships etc do you delete?
  • How do you distort information to avoid taking risks, protect yourself and keep yourself playing small?
  • When do you generalise negatively about what is achievable for you and what you can or can’t do based on external events, situations or people?

It’s true I was woken several times last night but even truer than that I actually had a total of nearly seven hours sleep, not bad eh….

So instead of focusing on missing sleep, the missing event of what I would have liked (sleeping a solid 8-9 hours) I’m re-framing my experiences and focusing on how great it feels to be up, washed, dressed and ready for my day a little earlier and how I have time to write my blog before my first client arrives instead of trying to fit it in, in between other things.

At 5:30am, the sky sure is pretty as are listening to the little birds singing their lungs out in my garden.

I’ve already had my breakfast, put a wash on, crossed off 3 things off my to do list and feeling rather satisfied that with the time i’ve missed sleeping, i’ve gained time and used it to my best advantage.

As you go through your day take a moment to reflect on what you are distorting, deleting or generalising and re-frame your experiences and thoughts to work for you, it will be time well spent to do so.

Last week we talked about Missing Events – Making up for lost time I will continue a little on this theme throughout the month of July.

Time waits for no man, or woman come to that, Carpe Diem, Seize the Day!

04 Jul

Missing Events – Making up for lost time

When you think of your past, what was it you wanted you didn’t receive?

Was it the love from another, a promotion, recognition from someone important to you, being included in a group, praise for a job well done or simply feeling accepted for who you are?

Each of us crave different things, often it comes down to the need for love, acceptance, approval or oneness.

Any emotions and feelings not acknowledged in childhood

In my work as a therapist many of my clients talk about the things which happened in their lives which they regret. They tell the story of the disappointments, unfairness, heartbreak, despair and the beliefs they formed about themselves, the world around them and/or other people.

It’s true our past events do affect us until we resolve them but how often do we talk about the missing events and how to heal the past by creating a new way of thinking?

Until I discovered Matrix Reimprinting (you can read more about it here In Karl Dawson and Sasha Allenby’s first book on the subject) Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future, I too had many missing events from my past and many limiting beliefs which were ruining my life.

The beauty of Matrix Reimprinting is you can go back to a time in your past when you formed limiting beliefs such as ‘i’m not good enough’, ‘pretty enough’, ‘slim enough’, ‘worthy enough’, ‘lovable enough’ etc and work with your ECHO (Energetic Consciousness Hologram) otherwise known as your inner child who formed these limiting beliefs.

A little like re-writing a story, working in the matrix gives you the freedom to go back, make up for lost time and say or do what you didn’t say within the  remembered event giving the younger you the power to change your experience of that time.  Although you can’t actually change the past you can go back to the memory of when you formed a limiting belief, learn why you put it in place and clear the energy which remains utilising EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) you can even put in a new ending and take your inner child off in a whole new direction with a fresh and empowering belief which serves you.  There is so much freedom in doing this and life takes on new meaning.

At the age of fifteen, I formed the belief ‘I not lovable’, it was on reflection a misguided belief which came from my father leaving my mother but at the time I took this as a personal rejection, this played out in my life and shaped the outcome of my relationships spanning over 20 years, expecting those I had relationships with to leave or abandon me.  I’ve written about it here in my first book Find YOU Find LOVE.  Which includes EFT to clear the past as well as The Spotlight Process to help you monitor your thoughts, beliefs and how to change them.

Thinking about what it is you want to achieve in your life, what stops you?  

What are the limiting beliefs which get in your way of having loving relationships, the career or promotion you want?

What stops you trying something new?  

Who from your childhood are you still carrying resentment towards?

Which negative emotions do you suffer from the most?

Who or what triggers these emotions?

What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself?

What is preventing you from feeling more at peace with yourself? 

What else is holding you back in your life?

What is your ECHO (inner child) holding onto which still hurts you now?

What are the missing events you wish had happened?

If you were able to go back and create a new ending to an old story/event what would you do or say? 

How would changing your beliefs about yourself, others and the world around you benefit you?

I appreciate there are a lot of questions here.  You can learn more about limiting beliefs and how yours may still be influencing your current reality by downloading the free chapter here

I will continue to share in my blog how making up for lost time, using EFT and Matrix Reimprinting putting you back in control of your life.

Being aware of the past is helpful, living there isn’t.

From my heart to yours (and your ECHO) with love

x Wendy

When you’re ready to work with me you can check out your best programme here