28 Jan

Unlearning Your Learning

It’s true to say we all have habits, patterns of thinking, behaviours and a ways of reacting to life and it’s curve balls which either serve us well or ‘take us down the swanny without a paddle.’

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For those not familiar with this term, we are basically in a boat, oar-less, possibly screaming ‘stop the ride I want to get off’ or either trying to cling on to the nearest, person or thing not really knowing if we will make it or not.

This blog has become a habit for me and one I love because writing for me is a habit and I do love to inspire others with my words and shares.  Just like walking I learned to write a long time ago and both habits have served me well. Though not all habits are healthy and this is why i’m going to share my insights into unlearning your learning.

I’m often inspired to write about real life situations and just yesterday I was talking to a friend and we agreed it’s easy to get into the habit of just having a beer or a glass of wine or two after a long stressful day or even as a reward when your day has been ace.  The ‘wine o’clock or beer o’clock’ glasses come on and you think…’oh, just the one’ and before you know it that small one has become several bottles of beer, a bottle of wine and the six pack Hoola Hoops, the whole bag of mini-cheeses disappear (well they are mini you say to yourself) The box of chocolates you were saving for your aunt’s birthday get munched including the ones which aren’t your favourites and for afters you decide to open the tub of your favourite ice cream, you know the one with the cherries and choc-chip in or maybe it’s the rum and raisin for you.

Hmm…habits have a lot to answer to and so do we because it is us who are actually feeding these habits.  Whether it’s being a fridge raider, a chocolate addict, getting angry when driving, feeling out of control when things don’t go your way or feeling rejected when someone says no to spending time with you we all have our own unique ways of responding.

So it’s time to unlearn your learning, it’s much easier than you might think

Much of our learning is ‘unconscious’ we aren’t even aware we have eaten the whole contents of the fridge perhaps until the morning and you wonder who has been in an stolen all the goodies.  We often don’t think before we reply when someone honks us in the traffic, we honk right back a gazillion times , shouting words of abuse if someone angers us only fuels the fire and when we get upset and end up in a flood of tears when those we want to be with can’t be with us for whatever reasons not one of these ways is beneficial for long term health.  The good news is, the triggers we learn to respond in  unhealthy ways can be unlearned.

To become more conscious you simply start to pay more attention to the following:

  • Your mood generally and how you tend to behave when you experience difficult situations
  • The thoughts you say inside your own mind or out loud when life throws it’s curve balls
  • How you feel inside in reaction to the things which upset you (like a bomb about to go off is a great exapmle)
  • Visual triggers which you find upsetting (your husband looking at the TV and not you) 
  • Other people’s tone or tempo of voice which riles you (yeah whatever) 
  • Where you might be deleting, distorting or generalising information
  • Smells and tastes which remind you of happy times (when we are unhappy we often reach for feel god foods that we may have been rewarded with as a child, often sweet things)
  • Your ‘go to’ addiction when you want to cheer up or reward youself (booze, shopping, ice cream etc)
  • Your beliefs about a situation, person or group of people which have you displaying behaviours which you regret afterwards or find yourself attaching to

Thought catching and being aware if how you feel moment to moment will help to bring you back to the present.  Mindless behaviours keep you back from health and wellness, they may also impact finances, relationships, self-esteem, energy levels, mood generally and having the level of success in all life areas.

Do join me in a spot of imagining…

  • Imagine (pretend, see sense and think about) yourself in the future having unlearnt your learning (the bad habits and ways of responding to people, situations and the things which trigger you)
  • How did you do it?  
  • What did you start doing
  • What did you stop doing
  • What are you doing differently now?
  • What advise would your future self say to you right now that will help you unlearn your negative learning?
  • What’s the first thing you can do to help yourself?
  • And the next, and the next and the next? 

Start as you mean to go on…

If you know you’re feeling low, don’t stock your home with the foods and drinks you will only regret eating and drinking.  Make a plan to give yourself some TLC by another means

If you’ve had upsets with friends or family and want to repair relationships arrange a mutual setting free from alcohol where you can talk through what you both want (the outcome you hope for)  Go with the positive intention of building the relationship, talking about what you want, not what you don’t want

If you’re someone who often feels depressed or anxious start taking action by doing more of what brings you a sense of inner calm and happiness.  Bring in a sense of gratitude for what you already have in your life.  Choose actions which lift you, whether it be going for a walk, watching funny movies, spending time with a pet, having a massage any of these things will change the way you feel.

There are so many ways to unlearn your negative learning and this begins with a single thought and a plan of action and before you know it you will have adapted some brand new learning and behaviours which serve you well.

There will come a time when you simply forget what it was you were even trying to unlearn.  Your new behaviours become part of life and living on purpose.

Get into the habit now of changing your habits to those which bring you long term happiness and joy.

From my heart to yous,

With love,

Wendy

If you need any help and support contact me via www.wendyfry.com and we can talk through support options and getting you back on track to learning new ways of thinking and new ways of being.

 

23 Jan

Wellness or Illness – What’s Your Focus?

Whether you’re reading this in the morning or at the end of your day, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your thoughts for the day ahead or the thoughts you have had.  Is your anticipated day one of dread, doom and gloom or thinking back over your day has your focus been on wellness or illness?

Wellness isn’t just about physical health, our minds are powerful creators and depending on the direction of our thoughts they can either lift us up or pull us down.   It’s the same for illness.  No one wants to be ill, feel poorly or out of sorts though what we can do is focus on getting well, taking actions to help ourselves by eating the right foods, exercising, getting out in nature and taking our intention to one of healing and wellness.

If for any reason you can’t physically get out to do these things what you can do is to take your mind on an amazing holiday as often as you like until you feel re-charged and energised.  If the Caribbean is your desired location take your mind there right now, notice the blue of the sky, the feel of the warm sand on your feet, the smell of the sea, the taste of salt in your mouth from swimming or resting at the waters edge,  the sound of the waves lapping on the sure…hmmm….bliss wouldn’t you agree.

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It’s true to say many people walk about ‘unconsciously’, meaning they may not even be aware of there thoughts until someone like me comes along and asks…”are your thoughts working for you, yes or no?”  If what you are thinking makes you feel lousy, the good news is you can change your thoughts, after all you are the creator of your thoughts are you not?

In my line of work I get to meet some amazing people who are ready to master their thoughts as well as their lives.  These people have woken up from the unconscious walking around letting their negative thoughts rule them and instead show up ready to unlearn the negative hypnotising they have been doing to themselves.

Words are powerful creators, including the words we say in our heads as well as the ones we speak and share.  Would you really talk to another person the way you do to yourself?

It’s not until we explore our negative thoughts and patterns of behaviour including our thinking do we become enlightened that we have the choice.  We can focus on illness or wellness, it’s really quite simple.

I invite you to make a pact with yourself from today, whenever you find yourself going off on a tangent or thinking about the things that make you feel drained, unhappy, angry, fearful or emotionally upset, change your focus to the thoughts which lift you up.  Give yourself a healthy dose of encouragement, support, reassurance, love and kindness and notice how much better you feel when you turn your thoughts to wellness.

Here to guide you are the key questions from The Spotlight Process.  A unique technique which I have developed to bring your thoughts into balance.

1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)

2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?

3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?

4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?

5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?

6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

Need a helping hand to further master your thoughts? There is a whole chapter on The Spotlight Process in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE along with a chapter on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to support you in finding emotional freedom.

Because I love to give and want you to succeed this guided meditation ‘Negative Memory Release’ will support you in moving forwards towards health and wellness.  It’s the first download you come to when you reach the downloads page, scroll down until you find it.  Enjoy…

So, love your day and love your life by simply changing your thoughts.

Your future self will thank you for it…

From my heart to yours, with love,

Wendy

 

 

 

15 Jan

Be Your Own Super Hero

Okay, so do I have your attention?

If you’ve been waiting for a knight in shining armour, a genie in a bottle or your fairy godmother to come along and they have been on a detour for as long as you can remember…it’s time to get your big girl panties on and be your own super hero.

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Not so long ago someone said to me ”you’re going to need someone else to take care of you now”, little did they know I have my very own super powers and have been doing a mighty fine job of looking after myself.

It’s all too easy to get complacent in life, waiting for the good times to roll but if you’re going blue in the face from waiting or constantly checking your phone, email or social media status for the invitations, celebrations and the magic dreams are made of to fall into your lap and they’re not, here is a savvy plan for taking action.

Think about what it is you want from life.  There may be several things such as an improved career, the relationship of your dreams, good health, a palace complete with indoor spa and a fridge full of healthy foods along with a gorgeous waiter to serve them to you, the whole shoe or book collection you’ve been adding to your wish list, or maybe it’s something really simple like spending more time walking in nature.

Whatever it is you want, you can have.  You just have to start somewhere.  Rather than scattering your focus on your entire wish list and getting frustrated and exhausted waiting for the things on it to materialise, this is the alternative for waiting for your super hero to rescue you.

So…here goes, grab yourself a pen and paper:

  1. Make a list of all the things you would like to come to pass
  2. Decide on just one of these things (for now) that you are going to make your main focus
  3. Whatever this one thing is, what’s the one thing you can start with to bring this to fruition?
  4. What’s the next step, the next and the one after that?
  5. Get into the feeling place as if what you want has already happened
  6. Imagine it, enjoy it, experience it, make it real in your mind
  7. Turn up the feelings associated with your achievement, swish them all around your body…hmm, feels good doesn’t it
  8. What will you see when you have realised your dream? Make the colours in the picture brighter, sharper, stronger, clearer
  9. What will you hear when your goal is ‘living’ make the sounds inside your own mind and the external sounds louder, sharper and more defined
  10. What will you taste and smell?  Turn the smell and taste right up and savour it
  11. Act as if what you want has come to pass and spend time each day getting into the feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and sensing of your actualised experience

Raising you vibration in this way, focusing on what it is you want and acting as if it has already materialised will serve you far better than wishing, hoping and dreaming.

Begin today as you mean to go on, and if your goal is anything like mine, you will achieve the other things as part of the process of beginning now with doing the one thing that will make everything else really easy.

Always remember you are your own hero or heroine in the game of life and you can be, do and have whatever you set your mind to…on your marks, get set, go….

What’s the best that can happen?

Woo hoo, enjoy the ride……

Oh and just for the sheer pleasure of it, here is one of my favourite tracks Hero by the beautiful and talented Enrique Iglesias.  Why not sing it to yourself and commit to being your own hero.

With love from me to you,

x Wendy

 

 

 

09 Jan

When Nothing is Certain….

Everything is possible…

So many times different people both friends and clients have said to me ‘what if i can’t?’, my answer is always, ‘what if you can?’

Limits exist only in the mind, what we believe to be true becomes an end result or in some cases no result at all.

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It’s true to say in life there are often many challenges that come at unexpected times and also the events we know will happen with certainty that we have to prepare for.

Here are just a few examples of where people get stuck in their thinking:

  1. It’s impossible
  2. I’m too old
  3. No one will want me
  4. I’m not experienced enough
  5. All my relationships have failed
  6. I keep attracting the wrong types
  7. I don’t have the money
  8. I don’t have the energy
  9. It’s hopeless
  10. I can’t do it

I’m sure you get the picture and perhaps by even reading those few short statements your energy has slumped, you feel defeated, negative, unhappy.  Words are powerful and it’s the words we say to ourselves inwardly and outwardly that contribute to feeling stuck and often if were’re feeling stuck we take no action because we are in a place of fear often trapped in the past and scared it will repeat itself.

So here are my re-frames I offer when I hear the kinds of complaints above:

  1. How do you know?
  2. Compared to whom?
  3. Where is the evidence of this?
  4. What can you do to gain the experience you need?
  5. What have you learnt from these relationships?
  6. If you were to focus on the ‘right types’ what is the right type for you?
  7. What other resources are open to you to achieve what you want?
  8. If you did have the energy what’s the first thing you’d do, how will that one small action benefit you?
  9. What do you want instead of that feeling of hopelessness?
  10. Get rid of the T in can’t and you can

It’s an interesting fact to share…

We are not our thoughts though our thoughts will ultimately take us closer to a desired outcome or further away.

So on that note…

  • What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
  • What will this look like, feel like and sound like to you?
  • Looking back on how you achieved this how did you do it?
  • What advice would your ‘future self’ give you in order to get started?
  • If you were to become your own best friend what would you say to yourself which offers support, encouragement and praise along the way?
  • What’s one thought, action and deed you can take today which will take you closer to your desire?

Remember you can be, do and have anything you set your mind to and when your thinking tells you otherwise tell it to ‘go and do one!’ or something similar.

You are not your thoughts.  You are a magnificent creator and your dreams can be part of your reality and experience.

Begin today acting as if and work backwards…

Happiness, success, love, career progression, whatever it is you want is only ever a thought away

03 Jan

Mirror, Mirror…..

Life is but a reflection of our beliefs, hopes and fears. What we say to ourselves inside our own minds and outwardly does indeed influence our futures. What we think we can or can’t do eventually comes to pass.

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Not so many years ago I had a dream; I left my day job and perused a career which in actual fact is a vocation, a joy, a way of being. Many told me to get a ‘proper job’ or even a part time job to tide me over. Some said ‘it’s too risky’, others ‘too competitive’, others simply rolled their eyes and thought I’d lost the plot.

The truth is I had faith in myself from day one that I could achieve my dreams. I didn’t sit back waiting for the dream to happen. I took action, invested in myself, re-trained, read what seems like a million books, prioritised my life, cut out the things I didn’t need, I budgeted, planned, took more action and you know what happened ‘The Universe’ if you believe in such a thing/place/energy saw what I was doing, it listened to my thoughts, it felt my vibration of acting as if this dream had already come to pass and sent a truck load of opportunities my way. Needless to say I had quite a few celebrations along the way.

There are not many who can honestly say they are living a happy life though for me, my life is incredibly happy. Every day I get to do the work I love working with people who also want to live their dreams. Looking back I have achieved so much and you can too.

Begin today by bringing your thinking and feelings into balance. Are you really living the life you want or do you want something different? If it’s the latter, start imagining what it will feel like when you are beyond the goal achievement, when you’ve reached a point in your life when even more beautiful experiences have come to pass because you took action towards your dreams.

Your thoughts become things; begin today by reaching for the higher feeling thought until you can actually feel the joy of living the life you want. You only have to think it and to feel it for it to become a reality. Everything else is part of the ride of discovering your fullest potential.

Begin today and notice what you are reflecting out to the world, if you don’t like the refection, change it. You are the master of your thoughts and your destiny.
Ready to make even deeper lasting change find out how right here