Category Archives: Emotional Intelligence

02 Apr

Why Asking for Help is good for you

When was the last time you reached out to another person or group to ask for help?

Asking for help may come easily for some of you though for others there may be untrue beliefs around speaking up which holds you back from voicing your needs.

Here are some of the following statements clients and friends have made when it comes to asking for help, which do you resonate with?

”I can’t ask for help, i’ll look stupid”

”If I ask for help they will think i’m an idiot”

”Last time I asked for help I got shot down and was told I should know”

”If I ask for help I feel too vulnerable, I don’t want people to think i’m weak”

”Asking for help means others will judge me negatively”

”If I ask for help and he/she/they say no I will wish i’d never asked”

”I hate asking for help, it makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed”

”I will look like a fool is I ask for help”

”At my age I should know how to do this but I don’t, it’s harder to ask for help when you’re older”

These are just a few of the limiting beliefs and meanings placed on past experiences or future projections which can get in the way of asking for help.  By not speaking up we may never get out of our comfort zones to learn new things or give others the good fortune to help us flourish and grow as well as the opportunity for them to share knowledge and feel good about being able to do so.

Asking for help is good for you, not only does it flex your uncomfortable muscle until it’s feels more comfortable to ask, the more you ask the more likely it is you will be offered help and support.  If you don’t ask you don’t get.  Trying to do everything on your own, by yourself is not only frustrating it can be exhausting too.

Asking for help in the long run can reduce stress, give you the information that’s missing so that what was unknown becomes known and as a result the things you want to be, do and have are more likely to come to pass.

It’s time to end the struggle and ask for help….

What’ the best that can happen?

How will learning how to do something or having something done for you benefit you?

By asking, what does it give both the recipient and the giver of help an opportunity for?

When asking becomes so comfortable for you what will it give you that you don’t have now?

How will having that assist you long term? 

This week I have been asking for help with all sorts of things and getting out of my own comfort zone so far I have been offered help in setting up some new software on my PC.  Help in unblocking a drain. Support in taking my phone back to a setting which I couldn’t find.  Understanding the meanings of some health tests as well as also having the opportunity to help those who have reached out to me.

Please do join me in helping others and giving those people you ask for help the opportunity to see you grow, in doing so you help them grow too.  Together we are stronger.

When nothing is certain, everything is possible…..

 

 

 

12 Mar

The Precious Present

In the blink of an eye life can change and never go back to the same way or shape it was before.

Whether it’s our health, the longevity of others, our careers, relationships or ambitions nothing is certain and it’s easy to take so many things for granted.

Most of us spend time worrying about the future predicting all kinds of catastrophes and for others they are stuck in the past fearful that the past will repeat itself through not taking any action to prove their fears otherwise.  How many of us are actually present?

Just this week I have been reminded about the preciousness of life.  It is a gift given to us although how many of us savour it, enjoy it, appreciate it and respect it?

When was the last time you simply stopped to be? 

Do that now, just stop, sit back, sink into the surface you are laying or sitting on, take a deep breath in and out, roll your shoulders and neck, breathe in and out some more…really deeply this time.  Connect with your heart, go inside, feel the presence of yourself, inside of yourself….

This moment and the precious present is your only guarantee.  The moments before are gone, other moments may come through what of this one? 86,000 seconds in a day to enjoy, appreciate, acknowledge, savour and be grateful for.

Living life moment to moment is all we have ~ Let’s be grateful for the precious present, it is a gift to appreciate and enjoy.

 

 

28 Jan

Unlearning Your Learning

It’s true to say we all have habits, patterns of thinking, behaviours and a ways of reacting to life and it’s curve balls which either serve us well or ‘take us down the swanny without a paddle.’

rubber-duck-1401225_1280

For those not familiar with this term, we are basically in a boat, oar-less, possibly screaming ‘stop the ride I want to get off’ or either trying to cling on to the nearest, person or thing not really knowing if we will make it or not.

This blog has become a habit for me and one I love because writing for me is a habit and I do love to inspire others with my words and shares.  Just like walking I learned to write a long time ago and both habits have served me well. Though not all habits are healthy and this is why i’m going to share my insights into unlearning your learning.

I’m often inspired to write about real life situations and just yesterday I was talking to a friend and we agreed it’s easy to get into the habit of just having a beer or a glass of wine or two after a long stressful day or even as a reward when your day has been ace.  The ‘wine o’clock or beer o’clock’ glasses come on and you think…’oh, just the one’ and before you know it that small one has become several bottles of beer, a bottle of wine and the six pack Hoola Hoops, the whole bag of mini-cheeses disappear (well they are mini you say to yourself) The box of chocolates you were saving for your aunt’s birthday get munched including the ones which aren’t your favourites and for afters you decide to open the tub of your favourite ice cream, you know the one with the cherries and choc-chip in or maybe it’s the rum and raisin for you.

Hmm…habits have a lot to answer to and so do we because it is us who are actually feeding these habits.  Whether it’s being a fridge raider, a chocolate addict, getting angry when driving, feeling out of control when things don’t go your way or feeling rejected when someone says no to spending time with you we all have our own unique ways of responding.

So it’s time to unlearn your learning, it’s much easier than you might think

Much of our learning is ‘unconscious’ we aren’t even aware we have eaten the whole contents of the fridge perhaps until the morning and you wonder who has been in an stolen all the goodies.  We often don’t think before we reply when someone honks us in the traffic, we honk right back a gazillion times , shouting words of abuse if someone angers us only fuels the fire and when we get upset and end up in a flood of tears when those we want to be with can’t be with us for whatever reasons not one of these ways is beneficial for long term health.  The good news is, the triggers we learn to respond in  unhealthy ways can be unlearned.

To become more conscious you simply start to pay more attention to the following:

  • Your mood generally and how you tend to behave when you experience difficult situations
  • The thoughts you say inside your own mind or out loud when life throws it’s curve balls
  • How you feel inside in reaction to the things which upset you (like a bomb about to go off is a great exapmle)
  • Visual triggers which you find upsetting (your husband looking at the TV and not you) 
  • Other people’s tone or tempo of voice which riles you (yeah whatever) 
  • Where you might be deleting, distorting or generalising information
  • Smells and tastes which remind you of happy times (when we are unhappy we often reach for feel god foods that we may have been rewarded with as a child, often sweet things)
  • Your ‘go to’ addiction when you want to cheer up or reward youself (booze, shopping, ice cream etc)
  • Your beliefs about a situation, person or group of people which have you displaying behaviours which you regret afterwards or find yourself attaching to

Thought catching and being aware if how you feel moment to moment will help to bring you back to the present.  Mindless behaviours keep you back from health and wellness, they may also impact finances, relationships, self-esteem, energy levels, mood generally and having the level of success in all life areas.

Do join me in a spot of imagining…

  • Imagine (pretend, see sense and think about) yourself in the future having unlearnt your learning (the bad habits and ways of responding to people, situations and the things which trigger you)
  • How did you do it?  
  • What did you start doing
  • What did you stop doing
  • What are you doing differently now?
  • What advise would your future self say to you right now that will help you unlearn your negative learning?
  • What’s the first thing you can do to help yourself?
  • And the next, and the next and the next? 

Start as you mean to go on…

If you know you’re feeling low, don’t stock your home with the foods and drinks you will only regret eating and drinking.  Make a plan to give yourself some TLC by another means

If you’ve had upsets with friends or family and want to repair relationships arrange a mutual setting free from alcohol where you can talk through what you both want (the outcome you hope for)  Go with the positive intention of building the relationship, talking about what you want, not what you don’t want

If you’re someone who often feels depressed or anxious start taking action by doing more of what brings you a sense of inner calm and happiness.  Bring in a sense of gratitude for what you already have in your life.  Choose actions which lift you, whether it be going for a walk, watching funny movies, spending time with a pet, having a massage any of these things will change the way you feel.

There are so many ways to unlearn your negative learning and this begins with a single thought and a plan of action and before you know it you will have adapted some brand new learning and behaviours which serve you well.

There will come a time when you simply forget what it was you were even trying to unlearn.  Your new behaviours become part of life and living on purpose.

Get into the habit now of changing your habits to those which bring you long term happiness and joy.

From my heart to yous,

With love,

Wendy

If you need any help and support contact me via www.wendyfry.com and we can talk through support options and getting you back on track to learning new ways of thinking and new ways of being.

 

23 Jan

Wellness or Illness – What’s Your Focus?

Whether you’re reading this in the morning or at the end of your day, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your thoughts for the day ahead or the thoughts you have had.  Is your anticipated day one of dread, doom and gloom or thinking back over your day has your focus been on wellness or illness?

Wellness isn’t just about physical health, our minds are powerful creators and depending on the direction of our thoughts they can either lift us up or pull us down.   It’s the same for illness.  No one wants to be ill, feel poorly or out of sorts though what we can do is focus on getting well, taking actions to help ourselves by eating the right foods, exercising, getting out in nature and taking our intention to one of healing and wellness.

If for any reason you can’t physically get out to do these things what you can do is to take your mind on an amazing holiday as often as you like until you feel re-charged and energised.  If the Caribbean is your desired location take your mind there right now, notice the blue of the sky, the feel of the warm sand on your feet, the smell of the sea, the taste of salt in your mouth from swimming or resting at the waters edge,  the sound of the waves lapping on the sure…hmmm….bliss wouldn’t you agree.

fitness-332278_1280

It’s true to say many people walk about ‘unconsciously’, meaning they may not even be aware of there thoughts until someone like me comes along and asks…”are your thoughts working for you, yes or no?”  If what you are thinking makes you feel lousy, the good news is you can change your thoughts, after all you are the creator of your thoughts are you not?

In my line of work I get to meet some amazing people who are ready to master their thoughts as well as their lives.  These people have woken up from the unconscious walking around letting their negative thoughts rule them and instead show up ready to unlearn the negative hypnotising they have been doing to themselves.

Words are powerful creators, including the words we say in our heads as well as the ones we speak and share.  Would you really talk to another person the way you do to yourself?

It’s not until we explore our negative thoughts and patterns of behaviour including our thinking do we become enlightened that we have the choice.  We can focus on illness or wellness, it’s really quite simple.

I invite you to make a pact with yourself from today, whenever you find yourself going off on a tangent or thinking about the things that make you feel drained, unhappy, angry, fearful or emotionally upset, change your focus to the thoughts which lift you up.  Give yourself a healthy dose of encouragement, support, reassurance, love and kindness and notice how much better you feel when you turn your thoughts to wellness.

Here to guide you are the key questions from The Spotlight Process.  A unique technique which I have developed to bring your thoughts into balance.

1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)

2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?

3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?

4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?

5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?

6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

Need a helping hand to further master your thoughts? There is a whole chapter on The Spotlight Process in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE along with a chapter on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to support you in finding emotional freedom.

Because I love to give and want you to succeed this guided meditation ‘Negative Memory Release’ will support you in moving forwards towards health and wellness.  It’s the first download you come to when you reach the downloads page, scroll down until you find it.  Enjoy…

So, love your day and love your life by simply changing your thoughts.

Your future self will thank you for it…

From my heart to yours, with love,

Wendy

 

 

 

08 Nov

You Have Your Whole Life Ahead of You

It’s time to write a new chapter….

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Will you spend it living the same day over and over again or will you decide today’s the day I’m taking action?

book-759873_1280

If you’re guilty of saying, ”I’ll do it tomorrow, next week, next month or next year,” it’s likely what you intend to do may never come to pass.  I only know this because I’ve been guilty too of delaying the agony of getting started on something and staying in my comfort zone. That is until I’d had enough of telling the same story and decided to get up off my laurels and decided to live my life on purpose.

Ideal circumstances don’t always present themselves to us so in reality we can go blue in the face for the right relationship, the right job, the right day, the right time when in fact if you were to join me and say ‘today is the right day because I say so’ .  Taking this ‘can do’ attitude means you no longer have to sit in the sidelines watching life pass you, wishing, hoping and dreaming things will magically materialise and wondering where the heck all those years went.

Make a start today, decide what it is you want.  Break the actions down into realistic and manageable chunks then, take action, take action, take action and before you know it you’ll be crossing off your to do list and enjoying the benefits of mastering your destiny.  You can even do the happy dance if you are so inclined.

We each have 86,400 seconds in a day, how will you spend your time? Remember time can’t be banked and every day is an opportunity to begin a new chapter.

Live your life on purpose!

Need a hand in getting unstuck?  Contact me here

Time waits for no man or woman.  On your marks, get set, go!

24 Oct

Nothing is Set in Stone

When nothing is certain everything is possible…

Life ideally is about achieving balance and harmony, though in reality nothing is set in stone even if we think it is.  What we once knew for certain may become uncertain, old constructs change shape, what was promised is forgotten, what we hoped to achieve falls away and we may have no choice but to start again, though this time differently.

stones-947475_1280

Change can be painful though on the other hand with change we transform and grow.  We find hidden strengths we may never have discovered otherwise and we can begin a new chapter and a new journey getting ever curious about what’s the best that can happen.

New opportunities we never imagined may show up and we break out of the self confined prison we have been in.  What once may have felt like a comfort zone no longer provides safety as it simply stops us growing and becoming all we can be.

Relationships are ever changing and if we can roll with the changes and even create some of our own it allows us to change the relationship we have with ourselves.  We do not have to be who we have always been.  Every day is a gift, the gift of starting over and beginning again

So remember – when life feels out of balance and relationships change along the way, all is not lost it’s just about finding a different kind of balance.

One thing for certain is to always remember you have you. External events may change, relationships may change, people may change though at the end of the day you still have you, and that dear heart is the one thing you can rely on, you’ve got this far and I know you can roll with the changes because nothing is set in stone.

When nothing is certain anything is possible…..

If you’d like to find out more about finding balance and improving your relationships check out my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE and my next book Mothers and Daughters due out next month.

As always, from my heart to yours,

With love x

10 Oct

The Power of Perseverance

Ever known what it’s like to struggle but worked your way through a problem anyway? Found yourself despairing as to how you can make something happen and found a way? Overcome limitations despite limiting beliefs to begin with?

I do believe if we are all honest none of us have lived a life which has been smooth running and this is where we develop the perseverance muscle.  The more we use it the stronger we get!

p-1027211_1280

There are all kinds of sayings related to perseverance.  Frank Sinatra is a great example of this  for him he sums it up as, ”I did it my way”, Julie Andrews states ”Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th” and Victor Hugo advises us ”Perseverance, secret of all triumphs”.  I’d say they are all right.

It is in fact my own struggle which inspired my blog post today.  I’m having technical difficulties which I don’t understand, I’d set time aside in a peaceful location to write and record some meditations and there are roadworks outside.  I’ve spent money on new equipment which I don’t know how to work and don’t understand the technical aspects of what i’m being told but hey…..

Instead of endless fretting (because it’s all too easy to get into this mindset) what I was going to do today i’ve parked for now until I can get the help and support I need from software developers.  Instead of having an inner rant about not being able to do what i’d planned, what I can’t do and what’s frustrated me, I’ve taken a walk in the sunshine, had a delicious breakfast of coffee and croissants (yes two croissants, I know!) I’ve updated my website.  I looked up how to spell perseverance as I wasn’t one hundred percent sure sure if is was a c or an s which came first.  I’ve crossed off some other tasks on my to do list and I now have the whole day to myself to do whatever I please.

So going back to the power of perseverance.  I may not achieve today what I hoped to but I know  whether it’s  tomorrow, next week or next month I will still reach my deadlines as I have faith that I will find a way around my current problems.  Instead of holding on to rising feeling of frustration…i’ve simply decided to let it go.

What feelings, limiting beliefs or doubts are you holding onto which would benefit you in letting go of too…just for a moment, if not forever.

We can’t control outside circumstances but we can control how we react and respond to them.

So today I am grateful for the sunshine, ears that can hear roadworks, roads we can walk and drive on.  I’m grateful for what I can do on my PC and also to the courier who will be bringing out a new piece of equipment I hope to understand.  I am grateful for my hands which allow me to type and connecting with you through this blog.  Most of all i’m grateful to the power of perseverance.  I may not be there yet but i’m closer than I was yesterday.

If you knew you couldn’t fail, what will you begin today knowing you will find a way to make it happen?

 

 

 

 

02 Oct

Make Your Life a Masterpiece

It’s no secret life seems to pass by at the blink of an eye.

When you think of your life so far, the highs, the lows, the inbetweens, what stands out the most?

Depending on your answer you will have either gone through your filing cabinet (hard drive) and the inner workings of your mind to select your favourite happy memories or indeed perhaps the files of hardships, difficulties and disappointments came to the fore.

The question I asked wasn’t a trick question, I’m just curious as to how your mind works.   Depending on your mood today your answer might well be different tomorrow.  Your mindset will either create a work of art or indeed a mess.  Your thoughts create our outcomes.  No one thinks you, you are the artist so to speak…’The Thinker’.

Going back to life seeming to pass by at the blink of an eye if you were to begin today living your life on purpose rather than going through the motions what would you start doing, stop doing or do differently?

It’s true to say there may be other people in your life you may need to care for but how much of your life are you really living with joy, happiness, appreciation and happiness?

What opportunities are you missing out on?  If you were to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone just a little, what can you start with, what’s the next step, the next and the one after that?

wall-art-1659858_1280

 

Remember some see flowers, others see weeds.  It’s all about perspective.

Make your life a masterpiece, you are the director of your show, the artist of your canvas and the musician of your overture.  Give it everything you’ve got!

 

 

 

19 Sep

The Power of Words

Whether it be the words you think or those you speak, sing, write or withhold all words have power and carry an energetic vibration….

On waking or sleeping the words you think or say aloud often set the tone for your day or the depth of your sleep.  What you say in haste without thinking may cut someone to the core and the words you say with love stick in your nearest and dearest hearts and minds forever.

Once you have learnt the alphabet everything you read or hear is a combination of those twenty six letters and who would have thought those 26 letters could have such power?

heart-792080_1280

I’ve been thinking a lot about words recently as i’m in the process of writing my second book which by the way is a lot of words.

As well as my own dialogue i’ve been thinking about strangers words, communications from people I know, those shown on media or spoken on TV as well as listening to the words of those whom I esteem to.  The impact words have on us is huge.  The emotional charge of what we hear and speak as well as the physiological feelings experienced when we hear words of criticism or words of praise can last a lifetime and indeed create limiting beliefs based on the meanings we have placed on the words we have heard.

You may have heard about the experiment carried out by Dr Masaru Emoto on Water Molecule Experiment which indicates words are very much alive and contain both positive and negative energy vibration.

On searching for a suitable graphic to post with this blog typing in the search engine ‘words’, I was able to select graphics on stress, anxiety, anger, terrorism, fear, hate and love, (it was interesting to note my own thought reaction and physical response on viewing) you can guess where my focus was when you see this post.

Whatever we feel in any given moment, guaranteed is a result of a thought related to a new experience or one in which we have felt this way before.  Words, just like energy attract.  If we feel loved, appreciated, accepted and respected in any given moment because of what someone has said it’s likely the love bucket and good feeling file starts to overflow.   If words are said in anger it’s likely our filing cabinet or hard drive of all the times someone has shown anger will do a quick search and pull up all the files before we can say ‘hey presto!’ we are down the swanny without a paddle thinking about all the injustices in the world.

So..today and every day, reach for the words which give you a higher feeling thought and keep going from there.  Raise your vibration using those 26 little letters and take your focus to joy, love, happiness, calm, contentment and connection.  Talking of which, thank you for connecting with me here today.

Oh and remember the words you think are like having a bad case of the farts, if you are angry everyone gets a stink of it and the same way if your vibration is on joy (even though they don’t really smell of roses) you might find the seat next to you on the tube is always taken, random people talk to you and smile, you make friends easily and the right circumstances and people show up in your life.

Words have power!  Choose them wisely.

From my heart to yours with love x

ohh…and here just for you feel free to download the free chapter on Beliefs from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE, simply add your details to the pop up box which loads after a few seconds and begin exploring where your limiting beliefs  and self-sabotage comes from.  Chances are they don’t even belong to you but based on the words spoken to you from way back when.

 

22 Aug

EFT isn’t Just for Olympians

If you’re new to EFT you might be wondering what the E, the F and the T stand for.  Never one to disappointment EFT is short for Emotional Freedom Technique or in other words tapping your way to happiness, success and living a joy filled life.

In recent footage of The 2016 Rio Olympics fellow energists, EFT practitioners and those who use EFT were delighted to see what appears to be EFT used by olympian and athlete Brain Taplin preparing for the 400m sprint at the Rio Olympics.  I just love his surname as it has the word ‘tap’ in it.

Now whether Brain was tapping into his inner resources to ‘go faster’, tapping for confidence or tapping away anxiety (I imagine there is a lot of anxiety of you are completing at the olympics) the good news is whatever he was tapping on, he won his race, woo hoo.  Well done Brian and let’s have a shout out for EFT while we’re at it!

You can see Brian tapping on some of the EFT tapping points in this footage from The Guild of Energists right here

simleys-10326_1280 (2)

Now EFT isn’t just for olympians, for sure many famous people use EFT as do your everyday housewives, school children, police officers, nurses, teachers, builders, bakers and candlestick makers.  People just like you are enjoying the benefits of improved health, less stress, more contentment and basically having a technique that puts you in control of any situation which may previously have been one for concern.

EFT is easy to pick up and use in the moment or as part of your daily well being routine.

Ready to find out more about EFT tapping :

Karl Dawson offers UK based trainings and has written two amazing books: Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future and Transform Your Beliefs Transform Your Life: EFT Tapping Using  and Matrix Reimprinting

Gary Craig creator of EFT offers a whole host of information here 

Silvia Hartmann and The Guild of Energists provides much research if the area of EFT and energy.

And of course there’s little old me.  If you’re interested in finding out more about this technique and applying it in all areas of your life you can do so here

My testimony to EFT is having more confidence, leaving a day job and now doing the work I love, improved assertiveness, happier relationships, business success oh, and it’s helped me to write two books.  EFT is great for writer’s block or just having the confidence to share your message and get yourself out there.  Find YOU, Find LOVE is my first book which showcases EFT, my second will be out later on this year.  It’s all about conflicting mother-daughter relationships and how to transform the relationship with your mother using EFT.  I will keep you posted on here as to availability when it goes live.

Meanwhile if it’s just getting to work on time, tapping before an important meeting, tapping because you have a growing workload which seem to be multiplying or tapping simply to have a fantastic day EFT sets you free!  Brian Taplin is a classic example of tapping your way to success.

Happy Monday….tap your way to happiness