Category Archives: Energy

28 Jan

Unlearning Your Learning

It’s true to say we all have habits, patterns of thinking, behaviours and a ways of reacting to life and it’s curve balls which either serve us well or ‘take us down the swanny without a paddle.’

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For those not familiar with this term, we are basically in a boat, oar-less, possibly screaming ‘stop the ride I want to get off’ or either trying to cling on to the nearest, person or thing not really knowing if we will make it or not.

This blog has become a habit for me and one I love because writing for me is a habit and I do love to inspire others with my words and shares.  Just like walking I learned to write a long time ago and both habits have served me well. Though not all habits are healthy and this is why i’m going to share my insights into unlearning your learning.

I’m often inspired to write about real life situations and just yesterday I was talking to a friend and we agreed it’s easy to get into the habit of just having a beer or a glass of wine or two after a long stressful day or even as a reward when your day has been ace.  The ‘wine o’clock or beer o’clock’ glasses come on and you think…’oh, just the one’ and before you know it that small one has become several bottles of beer, a bottle of wine and the six pack Hoola Hoops, the whole bag of mini-cheeses disappear (well they are mini you say to yourself) The box of chocolates you were saving for your aunt’s birthday get munched including the ones which aren’t your favourites and for afters you decide to open the tub of your favourite ice cream, you know the one with the cherries and choc-chip in or maybe it’s the rum and raisin for you.

Hmm…habits have a lot to answer to and so do we because it is us who are actually feeding these habits.  Whether it’s being a fridge raider, a chocolate addict, getting angry when driving, feeling out of control when things don’t go your way or feeling rejected when someone says no to spending time with you we all have our own unique ways of responding.

So it’s time to unlearn your learning, it’s much easier than you might think

Much of our learning is ‘unconscious’ we aren’t even aware we have eaten the whole contents of the fridge perhaps until the morning and you wonder who has been in an stolen all the goodies.  We often don’t think before we reply when someone honks us in the traffic, we honk right back a gazillion times , shouting words of abuse if someone angers us only fuels the fire and when we get upset and end up in a flood of tears when those we want to be with can’t be with us for whatever reasons not one of these ways is beneficial for long term health.  The good news is, the triggers we learn to respond in  unhealthy ways can be unlearned.

To become more conscious you simply start to pay more attention to the following:

  • Your mood generally and how you tend to behave when you experience difficult situations
  • The thoughts you say inside your own mind or out loud when life throws it’s curve balls
  • How you feel inside in reaction to the things which upset you (like a bomb about to go off is a great exapmle)
  • Visual triggers which you find upsetting (your husband looking at the TV and not you) 
  • Other people’s tone or tempo of voice which riles you (yeah whatever) 
  • Where you might be deleting, distorting or generalising information
  • Smells and tastes which remind you of happy times (when we are unhappy we often reach for feel god foods that we may have been rewarded with as a child, often sweet things)
  • Your ‘go to’ addiction when you want to cheer up or reward youself (booze, shopping, ice cream etc)
  • Your beliefs about a situation, person or group of people which have you displaying behaviours which you regret afterwards or find yourself attaching to

Thought catching and being aware if how you feel moment to moment will help to bring you back to the present.  Mindless behaviours keep you back from health and wellness, they may also impact finances, relationships, self-esteem, energy levels, mood generally and having the level of success in all life areas.

Do join me in a spot of imagining…

  • Imagine (pretend, see sense and think about) yourself in the future having unlearnt your learning (the bad habits and ways of responding to people, situations and the things which trigger you)
  • How did you do it?  
  • What did you start doing
  • What did you stop doing
  • What are you doing differently now?
  • What advise would your future self say to you right now that will help you unlearn your negative learning?
  • What’s the first thing you can do to help yourself?
  • And the next, and the next and the next? 

Start as you mean to go on…

If you know you’re feeling low, don’t stock your home with the foods and drinks you will only regret eating and drinking.  Make a plan to give yourself some TLC by another means

If you’ve had upsets with friends or family and want to repair relationships arrange a mutual setting free from alcohol where you can talk through what you both want (the outcome you hope for)  Go with the positive intention of building the relationship, talking about what you want, not what you don’t want

If you’re someone who often feels depressed or anxious start taking action by doing more of what brings you a sense of inner calm and happiness.  Bring in a sense of gratitude for what you already have in your life.  Choose actions which lift you, whether it be going for a walk, watching funny movies, spending time with a pet, having a massage any of these things will change the way you feel.

There are so many ways to unlearn your negative learning and this begins with a single thought and a plan of action and before you know it you will have adapted some brand new learning and behaviours which serve you well.

There will come a time when you simply forget what it was you were even trying to unlearn.  Your new behaviours become part of life and living on purpose.

Get into the habit now of changing your habits to those which bring you long term happiness and joy.

From my heart to yous,

With love,

Wendy

If you need any help and support contact me via www.wendyfry.com and we can talk through support options and getting you back on track to learning new ways of thinking and new ways of being.

 

22 Aug

EFT isn’t Just for Olympians

If you’re new to EFT you might be wondering what the E, the F and the T stand for.  Never one to disappointment EFT is short for Emotional Freedom Technique or in other words tapping your way to happiness, success and living a joy filled life.

In recent footage of The 2016 Rio Olympics fellow energists, EFT practitioners and those who use EFT were delighted to see what appears to be EFT used by olympian and athlete Brain Taplin preparing for the 400m sprint at the Rio Olympics.  I just love his surname as it has the word ‘tap’ in it.

Now whether Brain was tapping into his inner resources to ‘go faster’, tapping for confidence or tapping away anxiety (I imagine there is a lot of anxiety of you are completing at the olympics) the good news is whatever he was tapping on, he won his race, woo hoo.  Well done Brian and let’s have a shout out for EFT while we’re at it!

You can see Brian tapping on some of the EFT tapping points in this footage from The Guild of Energists right here

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Now EFT isn’t just for olympians, for sure many famous people use EFT as do your everyday housewives, school children, police officers, nurses, teachers, builders, bakers and candlestick makers.  People just like you are enjoying the benefits of improved health, less stress, more contentment and basically having a technique that puts you in control of any situation which may previously have been one for concern.

EFT is easy to pick up and use in the moment or as part of your daily well being routine.

Ready to find out more about EFT tapping :

Karl Dawson offers UK based trainings and has written two amazing books: Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future and Transform Your Beliefs Transform Your Life: EFT Tapping Using  and Matrix Reimprinting

Gary Craig creator of EFT offers a whole host of information here 

Silvia Hartmann and The Guild of Energists provides much research if the area of EFT and energy.

And of course there’s little old me.  If you’re interested in finding out more about this technique and applying it in all areas of your life you can do so here

My testimony to EFT is having more confidence, leaving a day job and now doing the work I love, improved assertiveness, happier relationships, business success oh, and it’s helped me to write two books.  EFT is great for writer’s block or just having the confidence to share your message and get yourself out there.  Find YOU, Find LOVE is my first book which showcases EFT, my second will be out later on this year.  It’s all about conflicting mother-daughter relationships and how to transform the relationship with your mother using EFT.  I will keep you posted on here as to availability when it goes live.

Meanwhile if it’s just getting to work on time, tapping before an important meeting, tapping because you have a growing workload which seem to be multiplying or tapping simply to have a fantastic day EFT sets you free!  Brian Taplin is a classic example of tapping your way to success.

Happy Monday….tap your way to happiness

 

 

04 Jul

Missing Events – Making up for lost time

When you think of your past, what was it you wanted you didn’t receive?

Was it the love from another, a promotion, recognition from someone important to you, being included in a group, praise for a job well done or simply feeling accepted for who you are?

Each of us crave different things, often it comes down to the need for love, acceptance, approval or oneness.

Any emotions and feelings not acknowledged in childhood

In my work as a therapist many of my clients talk about the things which happened in their lives which they regret. They tell the story of the disappointments, unfairness, heartbreak, despair and the beliefs they formed about themselves, the world around them and/or other people.

It’s true our past events do affect us until we resolve them but how often do we talk about the missing events and how to heal the past by creating a new way of thinking?

Until I discovered Matrix Reimprinting (you can read more about it here In Karl Dawson and Sasha Allenby’s first book on the subject) Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future, I too had many missing events from my past and many limiting beliefs which were ruining my life.

The beauty of Matrix Reimprinting is you can go back to a time in your past when you formed limiting beliefs such as ‘i’m not good enough’, ‘pretty enough’, ‘slim enough’, ‘worthy enough’, ‘lovable enough’ etc and work with your ECHO (Energetic Consciousness Hologram) otherwise known as your inner child who formed these limiting beliefs.

A little like re-writing a story, working in the matrix gives you the freedom to go back, make up for lost time and say or do what you didn’t say within the  remembered event giving the younger you the power to change your experience of that time.  Although you can’t actually change the past you can go back to the memory of when you formed a limiting belief, learn why you put it in place and clear the energy which remains utilising EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) you can even put in a new ending and take your inner child off in a whole new direction with a fresh and empowering belief which serves you.  There is so much freedom in doing this and life takes on new meaning.

At the age of fifteen, I formed the belief ‘I not lovable’, it was on reflection a misguided belief which came from my father leaving my mother but at the time I took this as a personal rejection, this played out in my life and shaped the outcome of my relationships spanning over 20 years, expecting those I had relationships with to leave or abandon me.  I’ve written about it here in my first book Find YOU Find LOVE.  Which includes EFT to clear the past as well as The Spotlight Process to help you monitor your thoughts, beliefs and how to change them.

Thinking about what it is you want to achieve in your life, what stops you?  

What are the limiting beliefs which get in your way of having loving relationships, the career or promotion you want?

What stops you trying something new?  

Who from your childhood are you still carrying resentment towards?

Which negative emotions do you suffer from the most?

Who or what triggers these emotions?

What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself?

What is preventing you from feeling more at peace with yourself? 

What else is holding you back in your life?

What is your ECHO (inner child) holding onto which still hurts you now?

What are the missing events you wish had happened?

If you were able to go back and create a new ending to an old story/event what would you do or say? 

How would changing your beliefs about yourself, others and the world around you benefit you?

I appreciate there are a lot of questions here.  You can learn more about limiting beliefs and how yours may still be influencing your current reality by downloading the free chapter here

I will continue to share in my blog how making up for lost time, using EFT and Matrix Reimprinting putting you back in control of your life.

Being aware of the past is helpful, living there isn’t.

From my heart to yours (and your ECHO) with love

x Wendy

When you’re ready to work with me you can check out your best programme here 

 

 

 

 

21 Mar

The Truth about Limiting Beliefs

The power of your beliefs can either limit you or set you free.

The truth is we get so comfortable with our beliefs

 

In this week’s blog we talk about understanding limiting beliefs.

What is a limiting belief?

A limiting belief is a mental block stored in your mind which limits your ability to achieve any goals you may set for yourself.   A limiting belief acts as a barrier stopping you from achieving the success you desire and deserve, not only connected with love and relationships but in fact, with many other aspects of your life.

You will unconsciously organise your actions and behaviour depending on your beliefs, your beliefs are guiding principles and maps of how you make sense of the world.  Some of your beliefs are not true and are simply thoughts that lead to your learnt behaviour and responses to people and events.

A limiting belief is a repetitive, habitual thought that you may think over and over and over again and it is my intention to guide you to discover what your negative beliefs and blocks to love and relationships might be.

Until you question your limiting beliefs, you may think that they are true and for this reason often your beliefs may come true, your limiting beliefs may act as self fulfilling prophecies even if the thought is undesirable.

Your limiting beliefs create your perception, through self talk and the internal dialogue that you run inside your head.  You can talk yourself into doing or not doing something and what you believe influences your behaviour and performance.

You may find yourself staying in the safety of your comfort zone if a belief creates F E A R (False Evidence Appearing Real).

Look carefully and you will see that a limiting belief is nothing more than a thought that you believe to be true. The word ‘beLIEf’ itself includes the word LIE and until we explore our beliefs, perceptions and judgments, we will not be aware of what lies we have been telling ourselves about love and relationships that are no longer helpful to us.

The limiting beliefs you have formed may be based on old fears, old hurts or old stories that have no relevance in the present moment.  You may be blocked within certain areas of your life because of the beliefs that you are running, these beliefs do not just influence how positive or negative a relationship will be, our limiting beliefs impact all areas of our lives.  Those beliefs will collapse the moment that you stop feeding the limiting belief and you can achieve this through the use of EFT and The Spotlight Process.

Ready to find out more about your own limiting beliefs, how to change them, get out of your own way and start living the life you know you deserve?

You can either download a free chapter on beliefs for a broader understanding and when you’re ready to take action use the techniques  to clear the past and begin to live your life with passion and purpose.

If you’d like to work with me in person to clear your limiting beliefs over Skype or face to face in Sutton, Surrey.  I have a range of programmes to suit your needs and also tailored options to meet you where you’re at.

Beliefs aren’t set in stone, you have the ability to change them now

 

28 Feb

Taking stock ~ using EFT for Emotional Freedom

In this month’s previous blog posts:

Who Else Wants Emotional Freedom

EFT for Positive Change

Transform Your Emotions Using EFT

We discovered the benefits of applying The Emotional Freedom Technique when the going gets tough.

This week I offer a lovely exercise to go through which will bring awareness to what’s holding you back in life and love, feel free to adapt the questions if you have say career conflicts, difficulties with neighbours, challenges when it comes to health or finances.

EFT can be used to clear the full range of human emotions and limiting beliefs.  

 

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Practical Exercise (15 minutes for Q&A) plus additional time to work through the underlying emotions and beliefs. 

Download your EFT Tapping Chart here and the process here

Answer the following questions and record your answers in a journal.

If as you work through the questions you feel any uncomfortable emotions coming up, apply EFT. This will support you in dissolving and resolving the emotional overwhelm you may have been carrying, related to different areas of your life and life experiences.

Be patient with yourself, and know that as long as you are tapping and using EFT to shift and change the energy around the things that have been holding you back, progress can be made.
• What negative thoughts, feelings and emotions about love and relationships do you suffer from the most?
• Who or what triggers these thoughts, feelings and emotions the most? (this could be a person, situation or a place)
• List in brief, the top ten most traumatic events that you have experienced related to love and relationships
• Who or what is holding you back from having a loving and a positive relationship?
• What is preventing you from being more loving towards yourself?
• Who from your past are you carrying any anger or resentment towards?
• What limiting negative beliefs do you have about love?
• What limiting negative beliefs do you have about relationships?
• What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself? (i.e. I’m not good enough)
• What positive and empowering beliefs would you like to have about yourself, in love and relationships instead of the above?

 

When working with clients we explore the underlying emotions to current problems.  Often what we may be reacting to in the moment is actually from a past event which felt the same.

To understand more about your limiting beliefs you can download a free chapter about his at www.wendyfry.com or invest in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE for the full range of love and relationship respurces.

If you’d like some personal support to work through the things which are holding you back from living your life with passion and purpose.  Please do make contact with me at info@wendyfry.com and discover how my range of services, tools and techniques will support you in getting back on track to being all you can be.
Your life begins to change the day you take responsibility for it – Steve Maraboli

 

15 Feb

Emotional Freedom Technique ~ EFT for Positive Change

Over the next few weeks I take great pleasure in sharing with you the Emotional Freedom Technique, otherwise known as EFT or Tapping.

I will be sharing specifically EFT for love and relationship problems taken from my book Find YOU, Find LOVE: Get to the heart of love and relationships using EFT

Find YOU Find LOVE

In last week’s blogWho Else Wants Emotional Freedom I offered an overview of EFT though this week I will cover the history of EFT, How to use and apply it, endorsements for EFT as well as various components of EFT.

I will break it all down step by step for you, for easy reading safe in the knowledge by using this technique it will seriously change your life for the better!


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The History of Gary Craig ‘The Main Man’

Gary Craig, founder of The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), is a very wise man.  Gary suggests with EFT to ‘’try it on everything’’   and I couldn’t agree more.  In my mind, EFT is the perfect remedy to be included in everyone’s ‘medicine cupboard’ and the good news is that it has no nasty side effects!

Gary created EFT, The Emotional Freedom Technique as an offshoot from Roger Callahan’s Thought Field Therapy (TFT).  Gary simplified the process of TFT and created EFT.  Gary understood that ‘’the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system’’ and he’s used it with thousands of people to improve their physical and emotional health.  What a legacy to leave behind, to be able to change lives for the better, using this simple technique.

I came across the emotional freedom technique many years ago when I worked for a health care provider.  Several of the therapists who were part of our network of affiliates, used EFT with their clients which had some very beneficial effects.

I became interested in this type of energy work, already being a qualified Reiki practitioner the concept appealed to me.  As I gleaned more information about this powerful technique, I wanted to learn this not only for myself but also to share with my own clients.

I have personally used EFT to work through painful childhood memories, personal limitations and beliefs and I share this technique with my clients and now you the reader to support you in working through your own challenges and setbacks.  EFT gives you the opportunity to transform and to be free from the ties that may have been binding you and keeping you stuck in the past.

What is EFT and how can I use it?

EFT is classed as an Energy Psychology.  Energy Psychology focuses on the connected relationship of energy, emotions, behaviours and health.  EFT works by shifting the brain’s electrochemistry and works by stimulating energy points on the surface of the skin.

EFT combines the principles of Chinese Medicine with modern psychology.  Our emotional and physical health depends upon the smooth flow of energy through our body’s energy meridians.  Emotions affect our energy systems and when we are tuned into a negative thought, emotion, situation or event our energy system disrupts and literally responds to the thought.

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Improving energy flow

By clearing and releasing emotional conflicts through EFT tapping, our energy system is stimulated and balances out any energy disruptions.  Our energy flow is improved, in turn our physical health and emotional wellbeing is also improved.

EFT works in a similar way to acupuncture though without the use of needles to stimulate energy flow.  EFT includes bringing awareness to emotional issues as well as physical ailments.

An acupuncturist would study more than three hundred meridian points and use a needle to stimulate energy flow. With EFT, we use our fingertips to tap gently on some of our energy meridian points/energy pathways to stimulate energy flow, transforming and releasing emotional and physical symptoms as we go.

EFT at your fingertips

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In next week’s blog I will share the EFT Tapping points with you.  We tap directly on the surface of the specific points with light and gentle tapping movements, some people may prefer to gently rub these spots if they are using EFT in a public space.  Tapping gently and stimulating these points moves the flow of energy through the entire meridian system.

Once EFT has been learnt (and it’s so easy to pick up) it can be used anywhere in any circumstance, it’s portable and very easy to master and can often reduce an emotional intensity in as little as five to ten minutes of tapping.  For some longer standing problems, several sessions and rounds of tapping may be required to reduce the emotional intensity.

There is great freedom in tapping and releasing your trapped or uneven energy flow, which has been blocked and holding you back from being open to love and loving relationships.  Persist with using EFT regularly and you will reap the benefits tenfold.

Your energy can be influenced positively or negatively by what you think about.  EFT will support you in dissolving and resolving the emotional charge connected to any memory, event or person. You can further help yourself by bringing your thinking into alignment and being aware of where your mind has been.

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EFT can be applied to a range of emotional problems or physical symptoms.  Once you are familiar with the technique, it will support you in not only releasing negative emotions, but will also allow you to tap into those inner resources you always had but just forgot about.

EFT can be used to clear past traumas, overwhelming emotions and can also be used to increase relaxation, happiness and joy.  EFT can also be in the moment as and when a shock may occur.

It can be used to transform fears, anxieties, past events, current challenges, upsets, disagreements, physical ailments, emotional problems, relationship problems, aiding  personal healing, as well as self development, confidence building and life transformation – phew – and that’s not all!

EFT has changed my life so much for the better and my hope is that it will change yours, in ways you never imagined possible. EFT has paved the way for me to the road of freedom and amazing opportunities and I share it here with you so that you can take your own journey to all that is possible.

I hope that after reading my posts you will use EFT in your everyday life.  EFT is a technique I wish everyone knows about.  It’s so effective on many different levels.  It can be used to manage day to day life, along with those unexpected things and it may also improve your physical health and emotional wellbeing, as well as deal with past or current challenges and setbacks.

It is my wish for you, that EFT transforms your life in the way it has transformed mine and the lives of the people I have shared this valuable resource with.

What the people at the top are saying about EFT

Many self help authors, gurus and teachers endorse EFT, the word is waking up to the positive changes EFT brings and is spreading.

Louise L Hay author of You Can Heal Your Life said ‘’ When I first heard about using tapping or EFT (Emotional freedom Technique), I thought it was delightful that something this simple and easy could really work’’.

Dr Wayne Dyer recently said ‘’put away your scepticism, this really works…I’ve had great results with tapping in my own life.’’

Jack Canfield, Co-creator of Chicken Soup for the Soul, calls it ‘’the most powerful new transformational technology to come along in years.’’

I had the privilege of training as an Advanced EFT and Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner with the wonderful Karl Dawson www.efttrainingcourses.net

Karl co-authors Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT with Sasha Allenby

I’ve had the great privilege to have also contributed to his latest book Transform Your Beliefs, Transform Your Life co-authored with Kate Marillat.  Both books are excellent reads if you wish to develop your EFT toolkit.

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Your mind and body react to a continuous flow of information coming in through your senses. Every thought you think affects your body (physiology) and emotions.  Likewise every physical action affects your thinking and your mood.   Thoughts can create and heighten stress, sadness, depression as well as intensify feelings of joy, happiness and love.

I wish to encourage you to be aware from this moment on how your mind-body connection works.  Being aware of this connection, will help you to manage the ways your mind and body influence each other.  Being aware of your thoughts for even just a few minutes each day is a start.

Checking in with yourself as often as possible and monitoring your thoughts will serve you well.  When you manage your thinking to that which is more positive, or you allow your body to experience positive things such as exercise, relaxation and good health, the mind-body connection improve tenfold.

Measuring energy flow using the SUD Scale

EFT uses a scoring system to measure the depth and intensity of a problem and this scale is called SUD (Subjective Unit of Distress)   it measures on a scale of 0 – 10.

0 equates to feeling neutral and 10 equates to feeling high emotional distress.  It’s helpful as you work through various problems to measure before and after tapping, the level of distress you begin and end with.

This scale was introduced in 1969 by Joseph Wolpe.

Using this scale helps you to identify how much the problem may be affecting your physical and emotional wellbeing.

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Resolve and dissolve your problems using EFT

By making a commitment to yourself to apply EFT to work through the things that may have been holding you back in life and love, you really step into your own power in resolving and dissolving past hurts and fears.

Choosing to take personal responsibility right here and now to commit to yourself and taking responsibility for the changes that you would like in your life, is one of the best investments you will ever make. It’s through regularly working on yourself that the biggest changes occur.

EFT can be applied to any area of your life and used to transform the complete range of all emotions.  EFT has the capacity to change your life for the better, clearing the past and creating a space for the new.

I advise using EFT as soon as possible, in your everyday life.  Whenever and how frequently you use EFT is a personal choice.  You can never tap too much, only too little.

I personally use EFT as it has a positive chain reaction and works not just on one main issue but all the little connecting issues that are related to a problem.  If you have any doubt at all about whether or not to tap on problem, tap and see what comes up and what changes as a result.

As you read through my blog posts and download your free chapter on beliefs you will become aware of your old patterns, outdated behavioural responses and how you may have been unintentionally getting in your own way or blocking your own success, sabotaging love relationships without being aware of what you were doing.

We all do it at some point in our lives, unwittingly sabotage ourselves, as the fear of the unknown is greater than the fear of what is.  That is all about to change once you’ve discovered and apply EFT in your life.

I look forward to sharing more on this theme in the coming weeks with you.

For general therapeutic support check out www.bepositive.me.uk

For love and relationship support go to www.wendyfry.com 

 

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