Category Archives: focus

12 Mar

The Precious Present

In the blink of an eye life can change and never go back to the same way or shape it was before.

Whether it’s our health, the longevity of others, our careers, relationships or ambitions nothing is certain and it’s easy to take so many things for granted.

Most of us spend time worrying about the future predicting all kinds of catastrophes and for others they are stuck in the past fearful that the past will repeat itself through not taking any action to prove their fears otherwise.  How many of us are actually present?

Just this week I have been reminded about the preciousness of life.  It is a gift given to us although how many of us savour it, enjoy it, appreciate it and respect it?

When was the last time you simply stopped to be? 

Do that now, just stop, sit back, sink into the surface you are laying or sitting on, take a deep breath in and out, roll your shoulders and neck, breathe in and out some more…really deeply this time.  Connect with your heart, go inside, feel the presence of yourself, inside of yourself….

This moment and the precious present is your only guarantee.  The moments before are gone, other moments may come through what of this one? 86,000 seconds in a day to enjoy, appreciate, acknowledge, savour and be grateful for.

Living life moment to moment is all we have ~ Let’s be grateful for the precious present, it is a gift to appreciate and enjoy.

 

 

04 Mar

Surrender to Possibility

In the absence of limited thinking and negative beliefs which hold you back from taking risks what would you do if you could do anything?

When was the last time you surrendered to not knowing an outcome and decided to go along for the journey anyway?

What’s the best that can happen when you surrender to possibility?

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Nothing is guaranteed in life except what you think to be impossible probably will be….

Remember IMPOSSIBLE includes the word I’M POSSIBLE.  My advice is to get on it, feel the fear and do it anyway you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

”It’s impossible” said Pride. ”It’s risky” said Experience, ”It’s pointless” said Reason, ”Give it a try” whispered The Heart…

What can you do today that your future self will thank you for?

What can you start doing, stop doing or do differently which will take you closer towards your hearts desires?

Live your life as if there are endless possibilities ~ The world is your lobster and what you want is only ever a thought away….

Act as if that which you want has come to pass and get into the ‘possibility mindset’, take action and strive to remember at all times :  When nothing is sure…everything is possible ~ Margaret Drabble

 

13 Feb

The Risk of Perfectionism

Is it true? Are you a perfectionist?

It’s great to be detail orientated, focused on getting things right and doing a good job though when perfection gets out of hand you either take no risks at all or become obsessed with getting everything perfect.  I know from experience this can be exhausting as well as time consuming and soul destroying.

We often learn in childhood the need to get things right whether it’s mastering the art of learning the alphabet, times tables, having table manners, tying our shoe laces and maybe later going on to ride a bike or swim, in our early years we never stop learning.

Somewhere along the line we may have been told off, disapproved of, made to feel small, wrong or been openly criticised for something we said, did, didn’t do or say.  It’s hard to get things right, let’s be honest and getting them wrong is how we learn except to say we often feel bad or wrong if we make a mistake and this often becomes the driver for wanting to be perfect.

Most of us want to be liked, loved, approved or, accepted and praised and these traits are at the basis of being a perfectionist.  There is a part of us in fear of getting things wrong, worries about looking like a fool or worse still there is a fear we are going to be judged by others.

I admit I used to be a perfectionist.  I had good teachers when it came to this and modelled my behaviours on being a ‘good girl’.  Thing is, for me it got out of hand, I wouldn’t say ‘boo to a goose’, speak up, assert myself or take risks, I didn’t say no to anyone and took on way more work and responsibilities than was my fair share along the way.  I’d pretty much compare it to being ‘locked in.’  Being a real person but not actually being ‘me’ only saying, doing or being the person I thought others wanted me to be.

Well…i’m pleased to say when I woke up from falling asleep and realised being a perfectionist was stopping me from achieving my full potential and that I spent more time worrying about what other people would think than actually taking risks in the direction of my dreams.  I had a word with myself and asked ‘so is this really working for you?’, you can guess the answer…

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I simply unlearnt my learning, I tried new things, fell down a few times and got back up, put on my Superwoman vest and pants and thought what the heck…what’s the worse than can happen – bring it on.

I started placing boundaries about what was okay and not okay for me and I began stretching myself and taking risks.  The good news is I had many successes despite fluffing up a few times.  Even at times when I got tongue tied or didn’t know an answer to things, I simply accepted this was part of my continued learning.  I am now incredibly brave and I love the sense of new found courage and curiosity.

The truth is, you can’t know everything and you can’t please everyone all of the time, so now I’m pleasing myself and have let go of the need to be perfect, liked, loved, accepted or approved of.  I can give those things to myself and so can you.

Walk this way and join me in a spot of unpicking your perfectionism.

I invite you to reflect on your own perfectionist traits and behaviours and how they might limit you:

  • When did you develop the habit of perfectionism, how old were you?
  • Is being a perfectionist now, really as life threatening as it might have seemed when you formed the belief ”I’ve got to be perfect to be loved?”
  • How does having a perfectionist streak work for you or indeed hold you back?
  • What would you have more time for if you stopped focusing on being perfect?
  • Who do you tend to try and please when it comes to being perfect (behaving like a good girl or good boy even if you’re an adult we all still behave this way at times?) 
  • What’ the cost of your perfectionism, what is it stopping you doing now, in the past or in the future?
  • If you were to unlearn your learning what would you do that you’re not currently doing in absence of perfectionism? 
  • What if you and your efforts are good enough just as they are?
  • How will letting go of perfectionism benefit you?
  • What can you do today with abandon which will get you out of your comfort zone enabling you to flex your ‘good enough muscle?’ 
  • In the absence of perfectionism what are you choosing to focus on instead?

I’ll admit that’s a lot of questions though you can’t get them wrong…

Begin today as you mean to go on.  Let the power of vulnerability and learning be greater than the power of fear and perfectionism.

Remember whatever you’re not doing that you’d like to do is on the other side of perfectionism and it sure feels good on the other side…come join me.

Just for fun if you want to watch me letting go of perfectionism you can do so here  on The Well-being Show with Emma-Jane Taylor, now that really was flying by the seat of your pants and my first time on TV.  Like you, I too am learning along the way…

Ready to get the help and support you might need in getting past your past?  You’re welcome to contact me here or alternatively:

www.bepositive.me.uk for general therapy

www.wendyfry.com for love and relationship support

www.mothersanddaughters.solutions for family and mother-daughter relationships and all that they entail

 

 

28 Jan

Unlearning Your Learning

It’s true to say we all have habits, patterns of thinking, behaviours and a ways of reacting to life and it’s curve balls which either serve us well or ‘take us down the swanny without a paddle.’

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For those not familiar with this term, we are basically in a boat, oar-less, possibly screaming ‘stop the ride I want to get off’ or either trying to cling on to the nearest, person or thing not really knowing if we will make it or not.

This blog has become a habit for me and one I love because writing for me is a habit and I do love to inspire others with my words and shares.  Just like walking I learned to write a long time ago and both habits have served me well. Though not all habits are healthy and this is why i’m going to share my insights into unlearning your learning.

I’m often inspired to write about real life situations and just yesterday I was talking to a friend and we agreed it’s easy to get into the habit of just having a beer or a glass of wine or two after a long stressful day or even as a reward when your day has been ace.  The ‘wine o’clock or beer o’clock’ glasses come on and you think…’oh, just the one’ and before you know it that small one has become several bottles of beer, a bottle of wine and the six pack Hoola Hoops, the whole bag of mini-cheeses disappear (well they are mini you say to yourself) The box of chocolates you were saving for your aunt’s birthday get munched including the ones which aren’t your favourites and for afters you decide to open the tub of your favourite ice cream, you know the one with the cherries and choc-chip in or maybe it’s the rum and raisin for you.

Hmm…habits have a lot to answer to and so do we because it is us who are actually feeding these habits.  Whether it’s being a fridge raider, a chocolate addict, getting angry when driving, feeling out of control when things don’t go your way or feeling rejected when someone says no to spending time with you we all have our own unique ways of responding.

So it’s time to unlearn your learning, it’s much easier than you might think

Much of our learning is ‘unconscious’ we aren’t even aware we have eaten the whole contents of the fridge perhaps until the morning and you wonder who has been in an stolen all the goodies.  We often don’t think before we reply when someone honks us in the traffic, we honk right back a gazillion times , shouting words of abuse if someone angers us only fuels the fire and when we get upset and end up in a flood of tears when those we want to be with can’t be with us for whatever reasons not one of these ways is beneficial for long term health.  The good news is, the triggers we learn to respond in  unhealthy ways can be unlearned.

To become more conscious you simply start to pay more attention to the following:

  • Your mood generally and how you tend to behave when you experience difficult situations
  • The thoughts you say inside your own mind or out loud when life throws it’s curve balls
  • How you feel inside in reaction to the things which upset you (like a bomb about to go off is a great exapmle)
  • Visual triggers which you find upsetting (your husband looking at the TV and not you) 
  • Other people’s tone or tempo of voice which riles you (yeah whatever) 
  • Where you might be deleting, distorting or generalising information
  • Smells and tastes which remind you of happy times (when we are unhappy we often reach for feel god foods that we may have been rewarded with as a child, often sweet things)
  • Your ‘go to’ addiction when you want to cheer up or reward youself (booze, shopping, ice cream etc)
  • Your beliefs about a situation, person or group of people which have you displaying behaviours which you regret afterwards or find yourself attaching to

Thought catching and being aware if how you feel moment to moment will help to bring you back to the present.  Mindless behaviours keep you back from health and wellness, they may also impact finances, relationships, self-esteem, energy levels, mood generally and having the level of success in all life areas.

Do join me in a spot of imagining…

  • Imagine (pretend, see sense and think about) yourself in the future having unlearnt your learning (the bad habits and ways of responding to people, situations and the things which trigger you)
  • How did you do it?  
  • What did you start doing
  • What did you stop doing
  • What are you doing differently now?
  • What advise would your future self say to you right now that will help you unlearn your negative learning?
  • What’s the first thing you can do to help yourself?
  • And the next, and the next and the next? 

Start as you mean to go on…

If you know you’re feeling low, don’t stock your home with the foods and drinks you will only regret eating and drinking.  Make a plan to give yourself some TLC by another means

If you’ve had upsets with friends or family and want to repair relationships arrange a mutual setting free from alcohol where you can talk through what you both want (the outcome you hope for)  Go with the positive intention of building the relationship, talking about what you want, not what you don’t want

If you’re someone who often feels depressed or anxious start taking action by doing more of what brings you a sense of inner calm and happiness.  Bring in a sense of gratitude for what you already have in your life.  Choose actions which lift you, whether it be going for a walk, watching funny movies, spending time with a pet, having a massage any of these things will change the way you feel.

There are so many ways to unlearn your negative learning and this begins with a single thought and a plan of action and before you know it you will have adapted some brand new learning and behaviours which serve you well.

There will come a time when you simply forget what it was you were even trying to unlearn.  Your new behaviours become part of life and living on purpose.

Get into the habit now of changing your habits to those which bring you long term happiness and joy.

From my heart to yous,

With love,

Wendy

If you need any help and support contact me via www.wendyfry.com and we can talk through support options and getting you back on track to learning new ways of thinking and new ways of being.

 

23 Jan

Wellness or Illness – What’s Your Focus?

Whether you’re reading this in the morning or at the end of your day, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your thoughts for the day ahead or the thoughts you have had.  Is your anticipated day one of dread, doom and gloom or thinking back over your day has your focus been on wellness or illness?

Wellness isn’t just about physical health, our minds are powerful creators and depending on the direction of our thoughts they can either lift us up or pull us down.   It’s the same for illness.  No one wants to be ill, feel poorly or out of sorts though what we can do is focus on getting well, taking actions to help ourselves by eating the right foods, exercising, getting out in nature and taking our intention to one of healing and wellness.

If for any reason you can’t physically get out to do these things what you can do is to take your mind on an amazing holiday as often as you like until you feel re-charged and energised.  If the Caribbean is your desired location take your mind there right now, notice the blue of the sky, the feel of the warm sand on your feet, the smell of the sea, the taste of salt in your mouth from swimming or resting at the waters edge,  the sound of the waves lapping on the sure…hmmm….bliss wouldn’t you agree.

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It’s true to say many people walk about ‘unconsciously’, meaning they may not even be aware of there thoughts until someone like me comes along and asks…”are your thoughts working for you, yes or no?”  If what you are thinking makes you feel lousy, the good news is you can change your thoughts, after all you are the creator of your thoughts are you not?

In my line of work I get to meet some amazing people who are ready to master their thoughts as well as their lives.  These people have woken up from the unconscious walking around letting their negative thoughts rule them and instead show up ready to unlearn the negative hypnotising they have been doing to themselves.

Words are powerful creators, including the words we say in our heads as well as the ones we speak and share.  Would you really talk to another person the way you do to yourself?

It’s not until we explore our negative thoughts and patterns of behaviour including our thinking do we become enlightened that we have the choice.  We can focus on illness or wellness, it’s really quite simple.

I invite you to make a pact with yourself from today, whenever you find yourself going off on a tangent or thinking about the things that make you feel drained, unhappy, angry, fearful or emotionally upset, change your focus to the thoughts which lift you up.  Give yourself a healthy dose of encouragement, support, reassurance, love and kindness and notice how much better you feel when you turn your thoughts to wellness.

Here to guide you are the key questions from The Spotlight Process.  A unique technique which I have developed to bring your thoughts into balance.

1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)

2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?

3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?

4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?

5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?

6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

Need a helping hand to further master your thoughts? There is a whole chapter on The Spotlight Process in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE along with a chapter on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to support you in finding emotional freedom.

Because I love to give and want you to succeed this guided meditation ‘Negative Memory Release’ will support you in moving forwards towards health and wellness.  It’s the first download you come to when you reach the downloads page, scroll down until you find it.  Enjoy…

So, love your day and love your life by simply changing your thoughts.

Your future self will thank you for it…

From my heart to yours, with love,

Wendy

 

 

 

15 Jan

Be Your Own Super Hero

Okay, so do I have your attention?

If you’ve been waiting for a knight in shining armour, a genie in a bottle or your fairy godmother to come along and they have been on a detour for as long as you can remember…it’s time to get your big girl panties on and be your own super hero.

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Not so long ago someone said to me ”you’re going to need someone else to take care of you now”, little did they know I have my very own super powers and have been doing a mighty fine job of looking after myself.

It’s all too easy to get complacent in life, waiting for the good times to roll but if you’re going blue in the face from waiting or constantly checking your phone, email or social media status for the invitations, celebrations and the magic dreams are made of to fall into your lap and they’re not, here is a savvy plan for taking action.

Think about what it is you want from life.  There may be several things such as an improved career, the relationship of your dreams, good health, a palace complete with indoor spa and a fridge full of healthy foods along with a gorgeous waiter to serve them to you, the whole shoe or book collection you’ve been adding to your wish list, or maybe it’s something really simple like spending more time walking in nature.

Whatever it is you want, you can have.  You just have to start somewhere.  Rather than scattering your focus on your entire wish list and getting frustrated and exhausted waiting for the things on it to materialise, this is the alternative for waiting for your super hero to rescue you.

So…here goes, grab yourself a pen and paper:

  1. Make a list of all the things you would like to come to pass
  2. Decide on just one of these things (for now) that you are going to make your main focus
  3. Whatever this one thing is, what’s the one thing you can start with to bring this to fruition?
  4. What’s the next step, the next and the one after that?
  5. Get into the feeling place as if what you want has already happened
  6. Imagine it, enjoy it, experience it, make it real in your mind
  7. Turn up the feelings associated with your achievement, swish them all around your body…hmm, feels good doesn’t it
  8. What will you see when you have realised your dream? Make the colours in the picture brighter, sharper, stronger, clearer
  9. What will you hear when your goal is ‘living’ make the sounds inside your own mind and the external sounds louder, sharper and more defined
  10. What will you taste and smell?  Turn the smell and taste right up and savour it
  11. Act as if what you want has come to pass and spend time each day getting into the feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and sensing of your actualised experience

Raising you vibration in this way, focusing on what it is you want and acting as if it has already materialised will serve you far better than wishing, hoping and dreaming.

Begin today as you mean to go on, and if your goal is anything like mine, you will achieve the other things as part of the process of beginning now with doing the one thing that will make everything else really easy.

Always remember you are your own hero or heroine in the game of life and you can be, do and have whatever you set your mind to…on your marks, get set, go….

What’s the best that can happen?

Woo hoo, enjoy the ride……

Oh and just for the sheer pleasure of it, here is one of my favourite tracks Hero by the beautiful and talented Enrique Iglesias.  Why not sing it to yourself and commit to being your own hero.

With love from me to you,

x Wendy

 

 

 

30 Dec

End of Year Reflections

I invite you to use this end of year reflection exercise taking stock of your year so far. The lessons that you’ve learnt about yourself, other people and the world around you.

There may have been some painful parts to 2016, though with learning often the unpleasant situations are our greatest gifts and create positive change and new beginnings in our lives.

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You might like to copy out the questions in a journal and work through them one by one.

2016 Reflections 

• Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?
• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through again?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy and what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change? What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want for 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to making in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to get you to be where you want to be?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you so far, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make next year even better?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next twelve months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?
I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections. After working through you might like to reread and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

Set your goals high and don’t stop till you get there! – Bo Jackson

04 Dec

Stretch and Grow

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I don’t know about you but this passing year has been one where i’ve well and truly stretched myself out of my comfort zone doing both fun things and also taking risks even through my insides were shaking.  Have you been in that place too, part of you quaking in your boots and the other part excited, body rushing with adrenaline?

It’s all too easy to get set in our ways and say no to doing things because we’ve never done them before and our mind plays tricks on us showing us the worst possible outcome of how something will pan out.  The good news is, in my experience all the worse case scenarios I have projected into doing something new for the first time have never actually happened.

This year i’ve been invited to do many things I have never done before: Appear on Oxford TV (you can see me in action here being interviewed with the lovely Emma-Jane Taylor) I’ve been asked to speak in front of a large group of people (like 500 people which is yet to happen) Bring it on!  and asked to write some content for a friends forthcoming book.  I will admit building a new website and getting to grips with technology and recording meditations has been truly frustrating, confusing and downright annoying but I got there in the end even though I could have honestly given in more than once.

Now so as to get that all important work life balance I put myself and four friends forward to attend learning to play a Djembe drum along with African singing and dancing, it sure was a lot of fun even though we sang the wrong words out of tune and hit the drum drum when everyone else was silent.  We stretched ourselves as a group and the challenge was easier.  We simply laughed at our mistakes and had fun trying.

All of these new opportunities and invitations filled me with fear or concern that i’d get things right but then I thought ‘what the heck’, I may have never done these things before but if I do them for the first time, I can learn from from the experience and from the point of learning, next time I have to do the same things or something similar I will have more knowledge and wisdom as to how best have a positive outcome.

So yes, I felt the fear and did it anyway and I want you to know i’m no different to you, I still have fears though recognise fear get’s in the way of achieving the things which are important to me.   So on that note…will you join me in a stretch or three?

If you could do anything knowing you could not fail, what would you do? 

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What’s the cost if you do nothing to stretch and are you willing to pay that price?

Because I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions instead choosing to believe in stretching myself at every opportunity, I invite you to do the same.

Let’s begin with the power of two:

List two things you would like to do but have been avoiding, then break down these two goals into realistic and achievable steps and from this point (today) begin by making a commitment to yourself to take action until you too stretch and grow.  You will be glad you did.  In fact the future you is already saying c’mon, get your rear in gear, we are going on an adventure.

Feel the fear and do it anyway…it sure feels good!

Let me know how you get on with your journey and if you need a stretch buddy or someone to hold you accountable just make contact at www.wendyfry.com and we will work out a plan…

So  let’s reach two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…..and breathe….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our comfort zone operates as a self protection mechanism and although we say that we want positive change we still stay in this zone, although it might be comfort-
able it can be compared to being trapped inside a cage too frightened to move out of it even if the cage door is open.

Consequently, the love that we search for is often slower to obtain, or there is no
change at all if we stay stuck where we are. It’s as though this invisible comfort zone

 

Chapter 4:   The Past       109

 

 

is made up of a million voices telling us why we shouldn’t, mustn’t, ought not to, daren’t, don’t want to do whatever it is we say we really want to do.

ARE YOU STAYING IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

 

 

Insightful Questions

 

 

  • Has life been consistently knocking you down that as soon as you get

up, you feel as if you’re being pulled back down again?

  • Has it been too scary for you to take risks that could lead you to the

love you have been searching for?

  • Have you been using your past to motivate you or limit you?
  • How long have you been staying in the safety of your comfort zone?

Anything outside of this zone can appear scary, risky or downright dangerous and our survival instincts kick in. Fear and excitement are so similar in the way we expe-
rience the feelings, that we may be uncertain which one we are feeling and so talk ourselves out of doing certain things.   It’s natural to feel apprehensive when trying new things, but unless we take action, nothing will change.

Mistakes, or rather the fear of making mistakes and not getting things 100% right, create a comfort zone.

A comfort zone consists of mental conditioning that may not always be based on
fact and has been made up of our perceptions and the meanings we have placed
on things and people.   If we feel we have taken risks before and those risks have
not worked in our favour, we may be hesitant to take risks again in case it all goes
wrong.

CREATING OUR OWN PRISONS

The truth is, if we stay within the boundaries of the self-imposed walls we build up around ourselves, change won’t happen – we’ll be doing what we always did and getting the same results, feeling stuck, uncertain and unafraid.

By thinking and doing the same things, we get the same results. I don’t really need to tell you that as I know you are already fed up with getting the same results.

 

 

110      Find YOU Find LOVE

 

 

MOVING ON FROM THE PAST AND CREATING THE FUTURE OF OUR DREAMS

So, it’s time to join me and the hundreds of women I have worked with and form a united army moving on from the past and creating the future of our dreams.  Focus on all that could go right and take those first steps towards achievement.

 

 

 

21 Nov

Every No is One Step Closer to a Yes!

I don’t know about you but there have been times in my life when I couldn’t decide if I was indecisive or not and other times when it’s been very clear to me that I need to take a different route or make an alternative choice.

Whether it’s relationships, career prospects, trying the next diet or learning something new only to discover it’s not for you, I want you to know every no is one step closer to a yes.

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If something doesn’t work out the way you hoped for all is not lost.  Ask yourself the following self-reflection questions for deeper meaning:

  • What did I learn from this experience generally?
  • What did I learn about myself?
  • If I use this experience to work for me, what has it provided me with that I wasn’t clear about before?
  • What is the gift in this situation ? – How has what happened actually benefited me?
  • How true was I being to myself in that experience?
  • What can I do differently next time?
  • Using the wisdom from my learning how can I make my next choices more congruent with who I am and what I want?
  • When I think about what I want rather than what I don’t want, what are the next actions that will take me closer to my goal?
  • Realising every no is one step closer to a yes, what do I know for sure, what haven’t I yet thought of, what is this an opportunity for?

Sometimes we can over complicate a situation by criticising ourselves, our choices, the other person, the experience, heck even the weather and waste valuable time getting caught up in angst and we all know what that feels like.

If you were to draw a line under it, move on, ask yourself the above questions and take a new course of action….what’s the best that can happen?

Remember every no is one step closer to a yes.  Begin today by saying yes to you!

 

 

31 Oct

Meeting Your Mentors

The first mentor I had in my life was my mother. Who she was and how I related to her and her mentoring and mothering have shaped my life. I’m ever grateful for my learnings and the wisdom I have gained through her teachings.

When I say the word ‘Mentor’ who comes to mind for you? Is it your mother or someone else entirely?


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There have been other mentors in my life such as my father, my brother, uncles, aunts, school teachers, neighbours, friends and as i’ve gone through life also mentors who I have esteemed to on a professional level. Pretty much everyone we interact with could be classed as a mentor as we are learning from them (good or bad)

Life is about learning, it’s an experience we can’t avoid until of course we are no longer on this earthly plane. What we take from life and the meanings we place on our experiences creates outcomes and further experiences depending on our beliefs about who we are and what we can achieve.

I’m coming up to the half a century mark (goodness knows where the time has gone) though it’s a great time to stop and reflect on my life and I invite you to do the same:

• Who has made the most positive impact in your life?
• What have you overcome with the help of others?
• Who are you eternally grateful to for the support, love and encouragement they have shown you?
• When in your life have you felt your best and who helped you to achieve this?
• What are the life experiences you have encountered which have made you the person you are today?
• Reflecting on your past who and what are you grateful for?
• Looking towards your future what would your current self say to your future self?
• Thinking about the rest of your life and knowing too, you are your own best mentor. What will you start doing, stop doing and do differently to make the rest of your life the best of your life?

 

We never know what path we will walk when we are born into this world and our experiences can make us or break us. The fact that you are reading this means you are made up of courage, determination, strength and love, oh and stardust! You have the ability to continue ever onwards living your life on purpose and mentoring yourself along the way to check you are on track.

The mentors in our lives help us, support us and encourage us and we too play a big hand in what we choose to do with their guidance. Decide today if you are to be your very own personal mentor what is the first thing you will say to yourself? and the next, and the next and the next? What is the first action you will take? and the next and the next and the next? When you commit to yourself to make your past work for you so much can be gained.

I am ever grateful for the mentors in my life and I have listed them in my next book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

With loving thanks to my mother Jeanette and father Paul who gave me the gift of life and my brother Colin who taught me how to shape some funky dance moves when the going gets tough.  Massive hugs to my wonderful friends especially ‘THE HOGS’ (Girlfriends with Hearts of Gold) Gill Shaw, Ann Whittaker, Deborah Marshall, Joanna Emmerson, Maaike Vlamm, Lucy Moreton, Lisa Rackham and Caroline Maidment, you are the best!

Special thanks goes to Olive Webb who was like a second mum to me; Olive picked me up many times when I fell down and always with love.  Heartfelt gratitude goes out to Margaret Biggs, Helen Stanbridge, Jane Taylor, Curly Martin, Lexie Bebbington, Anne Jirsch, Sasha Allenby, Monica Cafferky and Sharon King.  To all the people who have caused me pain and discomfort in my life, without the challenges and experiences I had with you, I may never have found the path leading me to do the work I love – so I thank you.

I’ve come a long way because of the people I met and have been blessed by many to receive their help and support as well as their love, encouragement and guidance.  It’s been a gift to have found them, or maybe they found me…

Not always one to blow my own trumpet there’s no time like the present to also recognise I’ve got to where I am through my own determination and I invite you to do the same.

Take a bow, salute yourself and do the happy dance in acknowledgement of just how far you’ve come.  Here’s looking forward to the next half a century and the wonderful mentors and experiences we have yet to discover.