Category Archives: Laughter

28 Jan

Unlearning Your Learning

It’s true to say we all have habits, patterns of thinking, behaviours and a ways of reacting to life and it’s curve balls which either serve us well or ‘take us down the swanny without a paddle.’

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For those not familiar with this term, we are basically in a boat, oar-less, possibly screaming ‘stop the ride I want to get off’ or either trying to cling on to the nearest, person or thing not really knowing if we will make it or not.

This blog has become a habit for me and one I love because writing for me is a habit and I do love to inspire others with my words and shares.  Just like walking I learned to write a long time ago and both habits have served me well. Though not all habits are healthy and this is why i’m going to share my insights into unlearning your learning.

I’m often inspired to write about real life situations and just yesterday I was talking to a friend and we agreed it’s easy to get into the habit of just having a beer or a glass of wine or two after a long stressful day or even as a reward when your day has been ace.  The ‘wine o’clock or beer o’clock’ glasses come on and you think…’oh, just the one’ and before you know it that small one has become several bottles of beer, a bottle of wine and the six pack Hoola Hoops, the whole bag of mini-cheeses disappear (well they are mini you say to yourself) The box of chocolates you were saving for your aunt’s birthday get munched including the ones which aren’t your favourites and for afters you decide to open the tub of your favourite ice cream, you know the one with the cherries and choc-chip in or maybe it’s the rum and raisin for you.

Hmm…habits have a lot to answer to and so do we because it is us who are actually feeding these habits.  Whether it’s being a fridge raider, a chocolate addict, getting angry when driving, feeling out of control when things don’t go your way or feeling rejected when someone says no to spending time with you we all have our own unique ways of responding.

So it’s time to unlearn your learning, it’s much easier than you might think

Much of our learning is ‘unconscious’ we aren’t even aware we have eaten the whole contents of the fridge perhaps until the morning and you wonder who has been in an stolen all the goodies.  We often don’t think before we reply when someone honks us in the traffic, we honk right back a gazillion times , shouting words of abuse if someone angers us only fuels the fire and when we get upset and end up in a flood of tears when those we want to be with can’t be with us for whatever reasons not one of these ways is beneficial for long term health.  The good news is, the triggers we learn to respond in  unhealthy ways can be unlearned.

To become more conscious you simply start to pay more attention to the following:

  • Your mood generally and how you tend to behave when you experience difficult situations
  • The thoughts you say inside your own mind or out loud when life throws it’s curve balls
  • How you feel inside in reaction to the things which upset you (like a bomb about to go off is a great exapmle)
  • Visual triggers which you find upsetting (your husband looking at the TV and not you) 
  • Other people’s tone or tempo of voice which riles you (yeah whatever) 
  • Where you might be deleting, distorting or generalising information
  • Smells and tastes which remind you of happy times (when we are unhappy we often reach for feel god foods that we may have been rewarded with as a child, often sweet things)
  • Your ‘go to’ addiction when you want to cheer up or reward youself (booze, shopping, ice cream etc)
  • Your beliefs about a situation, person or group of people which have you displaying behaviours which you regret afterwards or find yourself attaching to

Thought catching and being aware if how you feel moment to moment will help to bring you back to the present.  Mindless behaviours keep you back from health and wellness, they may also impact finances, relationships, self-esteem, energy levels, mood generally and having the level of success in all life areas.

Do join me in a spot of imagining…

  • Imagine (pretend, see sense and think about) yourself in the future having unlearnt your learning (the bad habits and ways of responding to people, situations and the things which trigger you)
  • How did you do it?  
  • What did you start doing
  • What did you stop doing
  • What are you doing differently now?
  • What advise would your future self say to you right now that will help you unlearn your negative learning?
  • What’s the first thing you can do to help yourself?
  • And the next, and the next and the next? 

Start as you mean to go on…

If you know you’re feeling low, don’t stock your home with the foods and drinks you will only regret eating and drinking.  Make a plan to give yourself some TLC by another means

If you’ve had upsets with friends or family and want to repair relationships arrange a mutual setting free from alcohol where you can talk through what you both want (the outcome you hope for)  Go with the positive intention of building the relationship, talking about what you want, not what you don’t want

If you’re someone who often feels depressed or anxious start taking action by doing more of what brings you a sense of inner calm and happiness.  Bring in a sense of gratitude for what you already have in your life.  Choose actions which lift you, whether it be going for a walk, watching funny movies, spending time with a pet, having a massage any of these things will change the way you feel.

There are so many ways to unlearn your negative learning and this begins with a single thought and a plan of action and before you know it you will have adapted some brand new learning and behaviours which serve you well.

There will come a time when you simply forget what it was you were even trying to unlearn.  Your new behaviours become part of life and living on purpose.

Get into the habit now of changing your habits to those which bring you long term happiness and joy.

From my heart to yous,

With love,

Wendy

If you need any help and support contact me via www.wendyfry.com and we can talk through support options and getting you back on track to learning new ways of thinking and new ways of being.

 

23 Jan

Wellness or Illness – What’s Your Focus?

Whether you’re reading this in the morning or at the end of your day, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your thoughts for the day ahead or the thoughts you have had.  Is your anticipated day one of dread, doom and gloom or thinking back over your day has your focus been on wellness or illness?

Wellness isn’t just about physical health, our minds are powerful creators and depending on the direction of our thoughts they can either lift us up or pull us down.   It’s the same for illness.  No one wants to be ill, feel poorly or out of sorts though what we can do is focus on getting well, taking actions to help ourselves by eating the right foods, exercising, getting out in nature and taking our intention to one of healing and wellness.

If for any reason you can’t physically get out to do these things what you can do is to take your mind on an amazing holiday as often as you like until you feel re-charged and energised.  If the Caribbean is your desired location take your mind there right now, notice the blue of the sky, the feel of the warm sand on your feet, the smell of the sea, the taste of salt in your mouth from swimming or resting at the waters edge,  the sound of the waves lapping on the sure…hmmm….bliss wouldn’t you agree.

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It’s true to say many people walk about ‘unconsciously’, meaning they may not even be aware of there thoughts until someone like me comes along and asks…”are your thoughts working for you, yes or no?”  If what you are thinking makes you feel lousy, the good news is you can change your thoughts, after all you are the creator of your thoughts are you not?

In my line of work I get to meet some amazing people who are ready to master their thoughts as well as their lives.  These people have woken up from the unconscious walking around letting their negative thoughts rule them and instead show up ready to unlearn the negative hypnotising they have been doing to themselves.

Words are powerful creators, including the words we say in our heads as well as the ones we speak and share.  Would you really talk to another person the way you do to yourself?

It’s not until we explore our negative thoughts and patterns of behaviour including our thinking do we become enlightened that we have the choice.  We can focus on illness or wellness, it’s really quite simple.

I invite you to make a pact with yourself from today, whenever you find yourself going off on a tangent or thinking about the things that make you feel drained, unhappy, angry, fearful or emotionally upset, change your focus to the thoughts which lift you up.  Give yourself a healthy dose of encouragement, support, reassurance, love and kindness and notice how much better you feel when you turn your thoughts to wellness.

Here to guide you are the key questions from The Spotlight Process.  A unique technique which I have developed to bring your thoughts into balance.

1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)

2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?

3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?

4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?

5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?

6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

Need a helping hand to further master your thoughts? There is a whole chapter on The Spotlight Process in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE along with a chapter on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to support you in finding emotional freedom.

Because I love to give and want you to succeed this guided meditation ‘Negative Memory Release’ will support you in moving forwards towards health and wellness.  It’s the first download you come to when you reach the downloads page, scroll down until you find it.  Enjoy…

So, love your day and love your life by simply changing your thoughts.

Your future self will thank you for it…

From my heart to yours, with love,

Wendy

 

 

 

02 Oct

Make Your Life a Masterpiece

It’s no secret life seems to pass by at the blink of an eye.

When you think of your life so far, the highs, the lows, the inbetweens, what stands out the most?

Depending on your answer you will have either gone through your filing cabinet (hard drive) and the inner workings of your mind to select your favourite happy memories or indeed perhaps the files of hardships, difficulties and disappointments came to the fore.

The question I asked wasn’t a trick question, I’m just curious as to how your mind works.   Depending on your mood today your answer might well be different tomorrow.  Your mindset will either create a work of art or indeed a mess.  Your thoughts create our outcomes.  No one thinks you, you are the artist so to speak…’The Thinker’.

Going back to life seeming to pass by at the blink of an eye if you were to begin today living your life on purpose rather than going through the motions what would you start doing, stop doing or do differently?

It’s true to say there may be other people in your life you may need to care for but how much of your life are you really living with joy, happiness, appreciation and happiness?

What opportunities are you missing out on?  If you were to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone just a little, what can you start with, what’s the next step, the next and the one after that?

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Remember some see flowers, others see weeds.  It’s all about perspective.

Make your life a masterpiece, you are the director of your show, the artist of your canvas and the musician of your overture.  Give it everything you’ve got!

 

 

 

29 Aug

The Best of Friends

When you think of the word friend or friendship who or what comes to mind?

I love using a Thesaurus and found the following meanings in terms of friendship and the components of what we might mutually bring to a relationship with friends.  Reading through how many of these statements resonate with you and the friendships you’re blessed with?

  • accord
  • affection
  • agreement
  • closeness
  • devotion
  • harmony
  • intimacy
  • love
  • rapport
  • understanding
  • affinity
  • amiability
  • company
  • consideration
  • empathy
  • fondness
  • friendliness
  • sodality

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I don’t know about you but I personally have the best of friends and have known many of them for over 35 years, oh boy, that makes me feel a little old though all things considered my friendships have lasted longer than my relationships.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, nationalities, ages, sexes with common goals and aims or opposing opinions.  I can understand the term ‘friends for life’ as so many of us are blessed with life long friendships from the day we form the friendship until the day we die, so many wonderful experiences can be shared with friends.

I invite you to take a moment today to honour your friendships and acknowledge them in some way, whether it be a call,  meeting up, sending a greeting by social media or indeed sharing this blog post just to say ‘thank you for being my friend.’

It’s often our friends who are there for us in our darkest hours and who are the first to want to celebrate our successes.

So on that note to all my wonderful friends, I love you, thank you for being in my life, you are the best!

 

 

 

31 Jul

Trigger Happy!

You’ve probably heard the term ‘Trigger Happy’ without really thinking too much about what it means. If you search the term on various dictionaries it will relate to the use of guns, violence, aggression and hot-headed behaviour.

I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘triggers’ of late and how each of us, whether we are aware of it or not are triggered in various ways by other people, our environment, culture and immediate circle of influence as well as the media, religions and even marketing for food, cars, fancy watches and designer clothes.

We are sensory beings filtering, responding and storing information through our senses of touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. Gut instinct and intuition comes into it too.

So before I go into too much jargon (i’ve been knows to do this at times) i’d like to talk with you about ‘Happy Trigger’s’

I said Happy Triggers, not Happy Tiggers!

Who here knows and loves Tigger from Winnie the Poo?  I thought i’d post a picture of me here in costume, what do you reckon?

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Before I digress…back to happy triggers!

What makes you happy?

  • Waking up at the weekend knowing you haven’t got work
  • Having time to play with your children
  • Eating your favourite meal or snack
  • Gazing at the stars, sunrises or sunsets
  • Meeting your friends
  • Listening to your favourite band
  • Reading a book
  • Seeing your family
  • Being in nature
  • Soaking in a luxurious scented bath 
  • Treating yourself or someone else to a gift
  • Stroking a pet
  • Planting a garden
  • Watching your favourite movie
  • Laying in the sun
  • Playing a sport
  • Singing, acting or dancing
  • Seeing other people happy 

Guaranteed reading through this list you will have been triggered by a word, a thought, a feeling and a memory or series of memories.

When you feel out of kilter, notice what triggered a bad mood, was it something you saw, heard, felt, touched or tasted, or just a sense of gut intuition kicking in?

When you become more aware of your triggers, you don’t have to keep shooting yourself with them, playing the scenario over and over (you know that’s no fun), you can catch your triggers and begin to recognise what you are responding to might have nothing at all to do with what’s going on in the moment and everything to do with something from the past.

Load your thoughts with happiness….

Now for a little ‘home play’, because it’s so much nicer than ‘home work’.  Grab yourself a pen and paper or open up your notes on your phone, pc or tablet and get busy writing down 100 things which make you happy, then when you’re done, write another 100.

And while you’re at it, feel free to sing along Come on Everyone Get Happy!

 

 

22 Jun

Ten Years in the Making

A decade.  Ten years.  A passage in time.  Ten years of hopes and dreams and in betweens…..

When you think of the number 10 what comes to mind?

Do you jump back to the age of ten, think about Ten Pin Bowling, remember your ten times tables, the movie Ten or something else entirely?

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Well, I have a little confession and I got my 10 and 8 muddled up (for those of you who know about cockney rhyming slang, one would say ”I got myself in a two and eight” = state)

Just recently…with much excitement, drum rolling and even celebratory drinks, I shared a post on Facebook proclaiming a anniversary of ten years in my business when in fact it’s only been eight….woops

Maybe the ‘Freudian Slip’ is to blame (an error of speech, memory, internal train of thought or subconscious wish) or perhaps it actually feels like i’ve been doing what I love for longer than I have.   And, well…for those of you who know me i’m never one to miss a chance to celebrate!

So why am I writing this blog?

Firsty my good friend Jayesh suggested I write up my ten (eight years) in the making and secondly i’m reaching out to that part of you who, maybe just a tad could also do with celebrating your successes.

If you were ever hesitant about celebrating and having a bit of self-recognition now you have an excuse, because this blog is encouraging you to do just that…celebrate your wins, big and small.  In fact let’s celebrate right now, you’re here reading this and that in itself is a celebration!

So whether you’ve been doing something new for a day, a week, a month, a year or ten, my message is celebrate your successes, achievements, milestones and greatness, heck let’s start a Mexican wave and see how far across the globe it travels….

I bet if you look back over the last ten years and reflect on what you’ve overcome, the challenges you’ve got through, the problems you’ve resolved and what you’ve achieved you might actually start nodding your head as you read, smiling and saying out loud ‘wow’…..

Before you start chasing your next goal, dream, rainbow or bus, my invitation to you is to stand still (after the Mexican wave move) take a deep breath in and out, roll your shoulders back, stick your chest out and your tongue if you must and take stock on just how far you’ve come…then…and this is the fun part, point to yourself and say ”i’m amazing”, now say it even louder! Say it again and again.  Walk round and say it, do a little dance, jiggle your bottom, hold your head up high…take a bow…salute yourself and give yourself a round of applause. Yay, you rock!

Okay, now you can sit down now…

You are amazing, you’ve been through so much already and I know, right now, wherever you are in achieving the things which are important to you whether it’s learning Spanish, taking dance classes, improving your health, learning to knit or simply stretching yourself out of your comfort zone to be all you can be, there will be a time in the future when you’re having so much fun the concept of time runs away with itself and Julie Andrews style you’ll running around on a hill top pointing at yourself and saying ”i’m amazing”.

So my ten years in the making, albeit eight wouldn’t be possible without the engagement of others.  I love what I do.  It’s true, along the way i’ve fallen down, got back up, tried a new route, asked for help, had to learn a shed load of ‘stuff’, i’ve had some doubts, some fears, plenty of tears and yet…i’m ‘proof in the pudding’ (and I do love pudding)  that what you want to achieve you can!  Step by step with those little and large celebrations along the way, you will get there.  Remember, sometimes you just need to ‘be’, in the moment, taking that bow, recognising you, breathing, living, loving and celebrating you!

When you do what you love and you celebrate your achievements along the way you get more of what you want.  Appreciating the small steps, giant strides and leaps of faith you have taken and will continue to take will soon add up to actualising the dream, fulfilling your ambition, completing a task and well, a celebration or three.  Are you in?

Happiness is not a destination, it is a journey.  Make time to smell the roses along the way. 

Now…

Just for fun, stand up again, put up both hands up in front of you and give me a high ten, you are amazing!

 

01 May

Live, Laugh, Love

May 1st is not only Global Love Day, it’s also World Laughter Day and what a winning combination loving and laughing is.

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I’ve come to realise in recent years the importance of really living life, not just going through the motions and every day blending into another but to actually live my life with passion and purpose to the best of my ability.

In the past six months I personally have experienced bereavements, some closer to home than others, I’ve known of friends losing loved ones and those close to me having health scares.  It’s all too easy to focus on fear and forget to direct our minds to the best possible outcome.  Fear keeps us safe from the worst case scenario but is also keeps us from living life to it’s fullest potential.

I’ve made it my mission to focus on gratitude and appreciate the wins of the day.  I use my mind to remember beautiful experiences, I use my heart to reconnect with love even after someone’s physical body has gone.  I invite you to do the same.  Focus on what is going well, what is working in your life, focus on the things which bring you joy, directing your mind to a higher feeling thought will raise your vibration and increase your overall health and well-being.

My invitation to you at the end of every day is to have an end of day reflection:

  • What did I see today which warmed my heart?
  • What did I hear today which made me smile?
  • What did I taste today which delighted my tastebuds?
  • What did I smell today which brought back happy memories?
  • What did I experience today which made me feel alive?
  • What made me laugh today?
  • What filled my heart with love today?
  • What am I most grateful for today?

Every day may not be a good day though there is something good in everyday ~ Alice Morse Earle