18 Oct

Keeping Mum

Since the 14th Century people have been talking (or rather not talking) about ”keeping mum”.

So what exactly is this blog post about you might wonder…

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Keeping ”mum” can refer to silence and also a mother.

Now, It’s a universal truth we all have had a mother…

As much as you might like to change your mother, transforming your relationship with her and coming to terms with your past, ultimately begins with you.

If you are experiencing familiar emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, blame or shame, please understand that you are not alone in your search for your mother’s approval, acceptance and love and you no longer need to keep ”mum” and keep it all inside.

With no ‘Dummies Guide’ available to help  you make peace with your mother and move on from past pain, I realised the importance of writing an informative and practical self-help guide specifically aimed at daughters to help them find emotional release, gain personal closure and an understanding of how all daughters’ lives are shaped through the mother-daughter experience.

I want you to know, that it is possible to move beyond the pain you feel inside.  It is possible to move on from your disappointments, regrets, feeling that you are unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  It is possible to work towards accepting your mother – warts and all and in turn, you will ease the pain of the past and realise you are worth loving.

Each of you reading this will have your own story when it comes to your mother and for mothers reading this, your story about your daughter will be unique to you.  Our personal realities are based on what we each individually experience and the perceptions and beliefs we filter through.

It is my intention to help you to bring balance to your thinking, guiding you to react and respond to your mother in a way which serves you better and by doing so; you will understand and transform your relationship at the deepest level.

What does the word ‘Mother’ mean to you? When I use the term “mum’’ or “mother’’, I refer to your childhood mother, your mother at the time she raised you.  This may also include a step mother, foster or adoptive mother or ‘other mother figure’ that cared for you.

Until your ‘mother stuff’ is understood and healed, the inner and outer conflicts you have or once had remain a burden.  I reach out to you and offer to share the strategies which have helped in my relationship with my own mother and also the wonderfully open women I have had the privilege to work with in my second book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

Over the coming weeks my blog will feature and introduce some of the topics covered in Mothers and Daughters.  So if you’ve had enough of ”keeping mum”, this blog and my book are a great place to start making the changes which enable you to feel heard, understood, accepted and loved for who you are.

Regardless of your past, you need not let it shape your future, stay with me and I will show you how.

25 Jul

Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All

Remember at any given moment there are a thousand things you can love – David Levitham

When was the last time you said ‘I Love You’ ~ to yourself?

When I ask this question to my clients colleagues and friends, nearly always they say, it’s wrong to love yourself, selfish, big-headed, arrogant etc The truth is the more responsibility we can take to meet our own needs, nurture and care for ourselves as adults, if a relationship ends, or we do not receive validation, love or approval from those we would like it from, it’s okay because we are still whole, complete and beautiful just as we are.  Love isn’t taken away from us, it’s inside of us and this blog post will help you realise when you put love outside of yourself you are really giving away your personal power.

Love is the path to healing.  When we honour, respect and care for ourselves giving ourselves as much attention as we might to our partners, lovers, family and friends, we blossom – simple.

Seeing yourself through the eyes of love every day is a wonderful exercise to practice. The statements below can be completed by either writing them out or speaking them aloud. They will set you up for the day ahead and put you in a positive frame of mind, guiding your thoughts to those which are kind and loving.

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• When I look through the eyes of love, how do I choose to see myself physically today?

• When I feel from the heart of love, how can I be more loving to myself today?

• When I use my inner wisdom, what thoughts can I choose to think about myself that are more loving?

• When I see the love and beauty all around me I start to notice…..

• When I focus on all that is possible for me I…..

• Today, I realise that when I choose love I…..

• Today, tomorrow and the next day I commit to…..

• I accept myself today

• I love myself just as I am

• I think and speak positively about myself from my heart

• I deserve love

• I open my heart to love

• I attract love easily and effortlessly

• I am willing to receive love

• I give love with a good heart

• I nurture myself and my needs

• I choose to do something thoughtful and deserving for myself every day

• I am surrounded by love

• As I move throughout my day I choose to interact with others from the love that is within me

• I seek for the opportunity to notice love in every experience

• I am grateful for each loving experience

• I choose love in my life every day

• I am love

As whitney Houston would say…’Learning to Love Yourself is the greatest Love of All.’

Need some help in the self-love department.  Check out the range of programmes to get you back on track to loving you right here and be sure to check out the free love and relationship resources here 

Find YOU, Find LOVE, my first book in the range on the topic of love and relationships can be found right here

20 Jun

What’s blocking you from love?

It is crucial to ask yourself whether there is any benefit in keeping hold of limiting beliefs about love and relationships.

So far we’ve discussed:

Love and relationship beliefs ~

Thought power ~

How our beliefs influence the way we feel and what we choose to do ~

Limiting beliefs and lifetime issues ~

Discovering your limiting beliefs ~

It might seem like an odd question to ask but how do you benefit from holding on to your limiting beliefs?

We often hold onto something that may limit us as it has a ‘pay off’ or secondary gain, a benefit of some sort.  We may do this unconsciously without even realising it.   More often than not, the things we say we don’t want and don’t like are things familiar to us.  The feeling of familiarity and staying in our comfort zones can be appealing, even if we say we don’t like it, it’s known and in many ways feels ‘safe’.

It’s time to stop shining the light on the past, because that’s not where the future is

Think about the problem or limiting belief that you would like to change.  Measure the percentage of each belief and how true it is for you 0% being untrue and 100% being totally true for you.

  • Do I deserve to get over this problem?
  • Is it good for me to get over this problem?
  • Is it safe for me to get over this problem?
  • Is it safe for others if I get over this problem?
  • Is it possible for me to overcome this problem?
  • Can I choose to allow myself to get over this problem?

If your answers are anything less than 100% you might want to have a word with yourself, reflecting on the following questions

  • Am I willing to do what it takes to get over this problem?
  • What are the negative aspects of no longer having this problem?
  • What would I lose if you didn’t have this problem?
  • What are the positive aspects of not having this problem?
  • What needs to happen for me to end this situation?
  • What resources do I have or need to end this situation?

Changing beliefs need not be difficult.  The first step towards changing our limiting beliefs is with awareness

There are many tools and techniques available to support you in changing beliefs.  Martix reimprinting utilising EFT and The Spotlight Process are two of my preferred techniques to aid in belief change. You can find out more here

To check in further and to gauge if there are any resistances to changing your beliefs, current problems and challenges ponder on the following questions and answer with a yes or no.

  • I deserve to get over this problem
  • It is safe for me/others to get over this problem
  • I am willing to do what it takes to get over this problem
  • I will allow myself to get over this problem
  • I am ready to get over this problem
  • It is good for me to get over this problem
  • It is possible for me to overcome this problem
  • I benefit from getting over this problem
  • Others benefit from me getting over this problem
  • I have what it takes to get over this problem
  • I choose to get over this problem
  • I want to get over this problem

If you answer mostly no’s please do make contact and let’s work together to change those limiting beliefs.  Alternatively you can always explore my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE to get you back on track.

You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new – Brian Tracey

13 Jun

Love and Relationship Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are something we have all experienced at one time or another.

Sometimes our beliefs work for us but often times when it comes to love and relationships our past experiences are what limit us when it comes to love.

In recent weeks we’ve discussed:

Thought power ~

How our beliefs influence the way we feel and what we choose to do ~

Limiting beliefs and lifetime issues ~

Discovering your limiting beliefs ~

This week’s blog will give you an opportunity to reflect specifically on your love and relationship beliefs.

You might like to record the answers in a journal as you go along.

  • What limiting negative beliefs do you have about love?
  • What limiting negative beliefs do you have about relationships?
  • What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself? (i.e. I’m not good enough)
  • What love and relationship beliefs are influencing your life negatively right now?
  • Where do these beliefs come from?
  • How did you come to believe what you do?
  • Are these beliefs your own or ones that were passed down to you?
  • What does having those beliefs mean to you/say about you?
  • What triggers these beliefs?
  • What does this belief accomplish?
  • Are the beliefs appropriate for you today, or ones that you picked up years ago and forgot to update?
  • What are the beliefs you hold about yourself in terms of love and relationships?
  • What is the negative impact of having these beliefs?
  • Is there any benefit or reason for keeping these beliefs?
  • What alternative beliefs could you choose?
  • If you changed those beliefs, what would you be able to do that you can’t do now?
  • What happens when you change those limiting beliefs?
  • What will you gain from letting go of these limiting beliefs?
  • What positive and empowering beliefs would you like to have about yourself, love and relationships instead of the above?

Slave to love

Understanding beliefs and past conditioning

At this point in your life you may have many different beliefs about love and relationships running.  When I say running, I mean running like movies running through your mind or running like taped conversations playing over in your head or an endless series of thoughts, feelings and emotions moving through you.

When you think of the love and relationship movies you have been playing in your mind can they be compared a romance with a happy ending or is yours more of a heartbreak hotel scenario?

These movies often represent a constant flow of negatives (the voice of our inner critic/voice of doom, like a parasite that eats away at us from the inside and a voice we start to believe in and feelings that we think are real). We replay over and over the same movies and the same story, until story becomes engrained.  That movie or inner story then becomes a default behaviour that we respond to when presented with a situation that is like one we have experienced before and triggers off what we believe to be true.  Most of what we react to has very little to do with a new experience and everything to do with past experiences (old movies)

Here are some general beliefs about love and relationships that you might be familiar with and may well form part of your own story or movie.  Which statements do you identify with?

  • ‘’Men/women are all the same’’
  • ‘’Men/woman can’t be trusted’’
  • ‘’Men/women are selfish and only think about themselves’’
  • ‘’Men/women will only let you down’’
  • ‘’You’re better off on your own’’
  • ‘’Love hurts’’
  • ‘’Nothing lasts forever’’
  • ‘’Relationships are a waste of time’’
  • ‘’Nothing good ever happens to me’’

What additional statements do you find yourself repeating time and time again based on your experiences (movies?)

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it – Rumi

Next time we talk about what’s blocking you from love.  If you can’t wait to learn more about love & relationships order your copy of Find YOU, Find LOVE right here 

05 Oct

Do Your Relationships Need an Overhaul?

Working in the area of relationships all too often people contact me at their wits end not knowing what to do. They are fraught, upset, angry, scared and often feel very alone in trying to work out their next steps.

When speaking to their nearest and dearest in the hope to make sense of it all,  they get opinions, judgements and advice which really isn’t helpful and often further compounds the problem.

Emotions are a record of the past

Perhaps you too can remember a time when an important relationship wasn’t working,  when you didn’t know which way to turn, or indeed maybe right now you need a helping hand to guide you through understanding your relationships if they are not as you wish them to be.

Whether it be ‘significant other’ love relationships, family relationships, work relationships or indeed friendships there are times when the relationship as it is isn’t working and may well need an overhaul.

As much as we may want others to change, the change may well start with you!

Check out the free love and relationship inventory here

It’s all too easy to blame others for not meeting our needs though as adults we can take responsibility for meeting many of those needs ourselves.  Maybe we’ve never been taught how to stand on our own two feet and if you’re still carrying unmet needs from childhood you have no blueprint of managing yourself and project those needs out into your relationships.

The past few weeks I’ve been planning my new book which will feature specifically, the conflicting relationships between mother and daughter relationships.

I’ve decided to write it for daughters as my client base is mostly woman who have relationship problems which, when traced back often stem from unmet needs in childhood where their mothers have been physically or emotionally unavailable for whatever reason.

Any emotions and feelings not acknowledged in childhood

There is never any blame here towards your parents or caregivers, it’s often insightful to learn how far back down the time line unmet needs go.  Societal changes, changes in parenting styles, relationships ending, illness, global events, changes to living circumstances, schooling, your circle of influence and that of your parents, all play a part in whether or not your emotional and physical needs were met.

The good news is, unmet needs from childhood can be understood, worked through and as the adult you are now, you can re-parent yourself and give to yourself the loving relationship you may never have experienced. 

When working with my clients our aim is to get you to a place where you can meet your own needs. see the free self love inventory here for guidance.

Regardless of external events whether they go the way you want them to or not, you stay whole in your connectedness to yourself.  You remain complete in your love-ability.  You parent yourself in times of distress and uncertainty and most of all you remember who you are is so worth loving.

If you ever wondered whether there was a limit pg 177

Need a helping hand to guide you through  check out the range of services I offer to suit your needs.

From my heart to yours with love

x Wendy

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14 Mar

A Mother’s Love

As Mother’s day approaches I know that for many of you this will bring up mixed emotions.

For some there will be love and a feeling of closeness and connection and for others perhaps a sense of loss or disconnect depending on the status of your relationship with your mum.

Both a good friend of mine and my dad lost their mothers when they were children.  I can only imagine how devastating this must have been to have learned of the death at such an early age and a relationship taken away before it was fully able to develop fully into adulthood.

We grieve not only the loss of a person physically, we also we grieve the relationship we never had and would have liked to have had.

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We are all born into the world by a mother.  We may have been planned, unplanned, wanted, unwanted and in some instances as I have found in my work with women there have also been occasions where intimacy has not been consented to, this also resulting in pregnancy.

Some of us may have been fortunate to grow up with mothers and experienced a sense of love, nurture and acceptance.  For others they may have been fostered, adopted or bought up in homes or orphanages.  For some of us, perhaps our grandparents or other family members bought us up and became the figure for a mother in our lives. We also need to consider step mothers too at whatever age they come into our lives as a ‘mother role’.

I’m not a mum so I speak from my own experience and those that my clients haves shared with me and I can only imagine how difficult motherhood can be at times and the range of emotions that go with it.

Many women have shared with me that they loose a ‘sense of self’, personal identity and ‘time to just be’ when they become a mum.  Others report not having the career they wanted or the life they wanted to live because of motherhood.  Many feel that their life is over rather than having a sense that life has just began as they bring new life into the world.

For me there have been times when I’ve turned to other’s for the love, support and acceptance I have needed growing up.  As a teenager I lived with my nan as things were fraught at home.

I feel like a big chunk of my life I have been chasing for a mother’s love that has not been available.  Can you relate to that at all?

There have been times when I’ve wanted to be held, comforted, soothed, listened to, encouraged, loved, cherished and told that I can achieve anything I want to because I am good enough, worthy, lovable, wanted.  For me this hasn’t been provided by the source I was seeking it from (my mother) and at the age of 48 I’ve gained the acceptance that this won’t change now.  Despite a child’s longing inside a grown woman for a love never truly given I’ve seen it for what it is and that’s the relationship we have in the shape that it is, however dysfunctional  that might be.

I now have an understanding that I wasn’t wanted, that my mother’s dreams of going into nursing were not fulfilled because of me, that my mother’s depression and lack of self belief all added to the melting pot of bringing a child into the world in a half hearted way. There is no blame here at all, it is what it is and I accept that children can make our lives better or worse. I do not regret knowing this, in fact it’s made me stronger and more determined in my life.  I am totally able to look after my own needs as an adult and you can too regardless of whether or not you have a mothers love.

Have you ever been told by your mum that she went along with having children as it was someone else’s idea? Have you been told that you weren’t wanted, an accident, a mistake?

How has having that knowledge shaped your life, your sense of self belief, your feeling of worth and love-ability?

Any emotions and feelings not acknowledged in childhood

I’ve worked with many people both male and female who have needed help understanding who they are, why they are here and how they can live their lives without their mothers love.  It’s such a delicate area to work in and it’s such a joy to see those that I support move on beyond feeling worthless and unwanted to gain a greater sense of self acceptance.

As animals we are adaptive creatures, we adapt to our environment and the people in it. I have learnt to adapt and seek nurture and love from different sources.  I have the most amazing friends who I know at the drop of a hat would be there for me in the middle of the night.  I have a love of nature that sooth’s and calms me.  I write a lot which gives me freedom of expression. I engage with others who are supportive of my goals and dreams.  Most of all I have learnt to love myself and to provide for myself the needs that I have.

What can you do for yourself that nurtures you?  Soothes you?  Comforts you? 

The little girl inside me has grown up, she looks through new eyes and knows that regardless of another person’s lack of love that they have their reasons why and that is their stuff, not mine.  That little girl now knows that who she is is lovable, worthy and whole just as she is.

You are that little girl or little boy and I promise you that whatever your past who you are is so worth loving.

Be sure to nurture and love the child inside you, she still exists

Where do you fit in when it comes to a mothers love?

  • Do you/did you have a happy and fulfilling relationship with your mum? 
  • What memories come to mind when you think of your mum.  Are they positive or negative memories?
  • Are you/were you able to be all of who you are with her?
  • Are you/were you loved, accepted and approved of?
  • Do you/did you feel heard, understood and respected in your relationship with her?
  • How often do you see or speak to your mum.  How do those conversations and meetings leave you feeling?
  • What would you change if you could  change anything in your relationship with you mum, past or present?
  • What have you been seeking that you have not found in your relationship with you mum?
  • Can you provide what you want/wanted from her for yourself and meet your own needs?
  • If you gave to yourself all of the love, approval and acceptance you have been seeking what would change?

Love is a funny thing and as adults we still seek our unmet needs from childhood, operating from the younger part of ourselves searching until we find what it is we want, often outside of ourselves and projecting those unmet needs onto others to fulfil.

When you understand the dynamics you have in relationships, not just with your mothers but other people too, you gain an understanding that regardless of how other people treat you that this is about them and not about you.

When you are able to meet your own needs and provide to yourself everything you need, if a relationship ends or is not fulfilling you as you wish it to,  you are still whole and complete, nothing is taken away from you because you have inside everything you will ever need.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  An opportunity to nurture yourself with tender loving care.

Today is gift.  Look forward to the future and create a life for yourself worth living.  

Look inside yourself for what you desire externally and you might surprise yourself that you have everything inside yourself that you will ever need.

If you ever wondered whether there was a limit pg 177

If you would like to talk over your own experience of difficult love relationships then please do make contact.  I specialise in working with women and children, helping you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems. I work in person and also over Skype.

Find YOU, Find LOVE workshops are available monthly in Sutton, Surrey.  For dates and content of the workshop to get you back on track to finding you and finding love go to http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/o/wendy-fry-7394420133

My first book Find YOU, Find LOVE: Get to the heart of love and relationships using EFT is available on amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1910202460 

Visit www.wendyfry.com to download some free resources from the book alongside two audio downloads 21 Steps to Love and Standing in the Spotlight of Love

From my heart to yours with love

x Wendy

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22 Feb

Behind the Mask

Yesterday I had the pleasure of running a Find YOU, Find LOVE workshop with some amazing people.

The subject of friendships as relationships came up. In fact we talked about the different kinds of relationships that we experience through life, some good and some not so good.

When we think of the word ‘relationship’ that may for some conjure up a relationship with a significant other, husband or wife, partner etc though in truth there are so many kinds of relationship you can have.

Think about the following relationships and mentally tick off all the ones relevant to you. Are you a:

• Wife
• Husband
• Partner
• Lover
• Parent
• Sister
• Brother
• Aunt
• Uncle
• Grandparent
• Cousin
• Niece
• Nephew
• In-Law
• Step relative
• Friend
• Neighbour
• Colleague
• Boss
• Team Leader
• Employee
• Ex –Wife, husband, partner etc

This list is just a few of the possible relationships that you might have.  When you think about how many people you come into contact with on a monthly basis you might be surprised at just how many people you have a relationship with.

Well let’s get back to the subject of friends. What’s interesting is that when we are with friends we often feel totally free to be our real selves; we can show up in a bad mood, without make up, with our honesty, with our pain, with our fears, with our truth. We know that our friends love us unconditionally whether we are in good mood, a bad mood, with or without make up. They just accept us for who we are and we them.

So what is it that stops you from being the real you when you are in a relationship with a significant other. This might apply to family too?

Throughout my work as an emotional health, love & relationship consultant this has become a regular theme that so many people wear a mask, they hide their real selves in ‘significant other’ or bloodline relationships, much of it coming down to needing to be approved of, accepted and loved. There is often a fear that if they are their real selves that they will be rejected, abandoned, disapproved of or unloved.  Many of these beliefs were formed in childhood but are in fact no longer relevant as adults. We just don’t know that, we still operate from the younger part of ourselves believing that it’s not ok to be who we are.

Somewhere along the line you may have learnt that you have to put others before yourself, that you had to be perfect ‘by someone else’s terms’ to be loved, that you have to be happy and considerate all the time that you have to say yes to others and no to you.  Often our whole world is built upon who we think we need to be instead of who we are.

Why not be all of who you are in all relationships, not just your friendships?  

So ponder this for just a moment:

• When are you being nice and when are you being real?
• What’s the consequence of not being yourself in ALL your relationships?
• When you deny who ‘you’ are who suffers?

It’s time to start being more of who you are and less of who you’re not. Take off the mask and set yourself free, free to be all of who you are!

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If you need some help in understanding why you have been playing small, why you might find it hard to speak up in relationships and why you’re afraid to be honest about your thoughts and feelings I offer a range of support programmes go to www.wendyfry.com

workshop dates for year ahead http://www.merlinsdiary.com/events/view/15060/find-you-find-love-workshops.-

08 Feb

Glass Half Full?

When asked is your glass half full or half empty what do you say.

You, yourself have the ability to fill your glass up with self love.  You have the endless capacity to love and that love begins with the relationship you have with yourself.

Without self love and taking personal responsibility to fulfil our own needs, we operate from a place of lack and neediness; we cannot love another or receive love until we believe ourselves to be completely whole. 

Unless we truly love ourselves, we will never believe someone else does. 

By loving and caring for ourselves we show others that it’s ok for them to love and care for us too.  We are often treated by others as we treat ourselves and if we cannot love ourselves, we make it very difficult for others to love us.

glass full of love

Even though we may say that we want the relationship of our dreams, we might also believe that it’s impossible to have a fulfilling and loving relationship.  What we do want and what we don’t want seem to be in conflict. Part of us may believe that true love and happiness is possible and the other part denying any thought of entertaining it.  We might push love and the opportunity for true happiness away, without realising we are sabotaging ourselves.

Personal transformation occurs, once we are able to identify how we get in our own way, so we can then release and remove those inner obstacles to love.

Feel free to download your copy of The Self Love Inventory working through to see where you may be falling short in the self love department https://wendyfry.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Self-Love-Inventory-Heart-Based-Practical-Exercise1.pdf

There is also a full 4 page Love and Relationship inventory on www.wendyfry.com that you can print off for free to work out if you are needy in love.  This will help you to explore your love and relationship beliefs.

Please do make contact if you need some help in working through your love and relationship problems.  You can work with me in person or via Skype or attend one of my workshops which run monthly, you can contact me for dates via my website.

workshop table

Making time for yourself will be one of the best investments you have ever made.

Self care will ultimately lead to self love.

All relationships begin with you and when you are able to care for yourself, love, respect and accept yourself, this makes it easier for others to love, respect and accept you too. 

You can change your beliefs and work through any personal limitations using The Spotlight Process and EFT – The Emotional Freedom Technique.  I will be offering you to opportunity to receive completely free on  on Valentine’s Day, a copy of my book, Find YOU, Find LOVE.  The announcements and details of how to receive will be on my Find YOU, Find LOVE Facebook page.  You just need to like the page and check in on Valentine’s Day to receive details of how to claim your copy. https://www.facebook.com/findyoufindlove?ref=hl

When you become more of who you are and less of who you are not, self love and acceptance become easier and opens up a world of loving opportunity all around you.  You no longer need to hide behind a mask of falseness being who you ‘think you need to be’ for others to love and accept you.   You except yourself fully and completely regardless of another person’s words or actions and just get on about the business of being your amazing self!

Who you are is so worth loving exactly as you are.  Remember that always!

You can read the reviews and peak inside Find YOU, Find LOVE right here http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1910202460.

29 Jan

What a Difference A Day Makes – 24 Little Hours

And that difference is YOU!

We all have the same amount of hours in the day, 86,400 seconds in fact and I hope that today and every day you choose to make a difference to yourself!

On the 25th January 2015, I was very fortunate to be invited to speak at The Giving Back Conference hosted by the amazing Brett Moran http://brett-moran.com/gbc  This is the second year running Brett has hosted the event and all funds raised go to ‘Rebuilding Sri Lanka’.

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Not only were the speakers and organisers at The Giving Back Conference giving their time freely and willingly to raise funds, we all gathered to give you the opportunity to ‘Give Back To Yourself!’.

The energy in the room was amazing.  Nearly one hundred beautiful souls gathered together to give back to themselves and showed up for this life changing transformational event to create personal shifts and global change.  Principles were shared to help to initiate mindset shifts so that each and every person attending can achieve their personal goals.

Speakers Tim Box & Zoe Clews, street hypnotists http://boxandclews.com/ blew our minds with just how easily our minds can believe something even if it’s not real, it feels real.  Brett literally had his hand glued to the table believing he couldn’t move it.

How many of your limiting beliefs are like that? 

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Brett gave an awesome talk and shared with us his journey from addiction to recovery, to loving life and yoga.  Brett is an amazing man who speaks from the heart, who shows up as who he is, who cares so deeply and compassionately about people and the word around us and does some amazing work both with individuals and groups through his coaching programmes http://brett-moran.com/

Brett has a passion for helping others and an exuberant energy for life and living.  The funds raised from the day will add so much benefit to the people of Sri Lanka to rebuild their lives.  Thank you Brett for making a difference to all that had the opportunity to attend The GBC, our lives and the lives of others will never go back to the same shape after experiencing this transformational day.

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I was up next as a new speaker which was an amazing privilege for me to connect with others who were open and ready to learn about ‘self love’.

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There was so much acceptance in the room, so much trust, so much openness and so much love.  I shared my own story about believing at the age of twelve when my dad left that ‘I was Unlovable’ and talked a little about my first book ‘Find YOU, Find LOVEwhich shares the tools and techniques that guide you to finding more self love, self acceptance and as a result be able to give and receive love without conditions.

I realise now as an adult that the beliefs I formed weren’t true at all and that the reason my dad left was that he too felt unloved.  Beliefs can shape our lives negatively and positively.  Be sure to check in with your beliefs and how they may be limiting you.

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Many people at the conference shared with me that they resonated with my own story and were able to identify their own limiting beliefs about love and relationships based on their own individual experiences, often in childhood were still shaping their lives and how focusing on the past was limiting the capacity to fully love and the opportunity to fully live.

I could have talked all day about this subject and getting to know each persons experience of putting love outside of themselves, it’s a subject I will never tire of.  My journey has made me who I am and my pain has allowed me to connect with each of you through love and i wouldn’t change that for a thing.

Make your past work for you and shine your light on all that is possible for you and then some!

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Leading the group through The Spotlight Process a simple process which helps you examine where you are sending your thought time and how to bring your thoughts into balance, EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique) to aid releasing pain from the past connected with love and relationship difficulties and a beautiful Future Life Progression to meet the ‘wizened older self’ to share messages about self love.  I felt truly humbled to connect in this way with so many.

 

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Thank you to all who joined in with these amazing techniques, Many of you came up after to feedback about the shifts, transformations and ‘light bulb moment’s’ that you had from applying the strategies offered to you.  Giving back to yourself in this way will have so many benefits and those benefits will grow and grow long after the day itself.

 

Next up was the very gentle and calming Robert Gebka, Director of The Dorset Mindfulness Centre http://www.dorset-mindfulness.co.uk/  Robert is author of Managing Depression with Mindfulness for Dummies. 

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Robert had some amazing demonstrations that showed us how the mind can become overwhelmed with thinking and overwhelmed with doing, he talked us through some relaxations and I have to be honest, I was so zoned out getting into them I can’t even remember what he was saying, it was just like being still and going inside, being but not hearing or doing.  It was soooooo sooo relaxing.

Here’s Robert with Brett.  What a winning combination to teach us to give something back to ourselves through awareness.

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Brett shared with us details of a book ‘Moment, By Moment’ by Jerry Braza & Tich Nhat Hanh which lead to Brett’s own personal transformation and boy did will all have some transformation moments on Sunday.  Although i’m writing away here, much of the day was beyond words.

Thank you to each and every one of you that showed up, I am so humbled to have shared the space and shared the love with you.  You make the difference!  Be proud of yourselves!

Today and every day is the first day of the rest of your life, LIVE IT! 

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Special thanks go to Jo Galloway, Brett’s PA who made it all happen…what’s a spelling mistake between friends x Love you Jo!

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Praise and a massive high five go to the awesome Alex Dixon, photographer and general nice guy, a strong, silent presence who has captured beautifully all the magic moments from the day.

Stupendous praise, thanks and love go to  the gorgeous Ella Brett’s daughter who helped us out with the raffle, check in and generally just being her beautiful self.  I thought she might be a little camera shy for this blog, believe me she is like her daddy, beautiful inside and out.

What a difference a day makes, twenty four little hours.  That difference is YOU!

Day by day, week by week, moment by moment go back to the heart of you.  Within you is everything you will ever need.

Namaste…..I see you x

www.wendyfry.com Helping you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems

 

What a Difference a Day Makes by Dinah Washington http://youtu.be/OmBxVfQTuvI

17 Jan

When was the last time you said ‘I love you’

When was the last time you said ‘I love you’ to yourself?   If it was a long time ago or never, now is the perfect time to change that.

Do you find it easy to tell others that you love them, or say it in the hope to receive the declaration of love back?  

What about you, how much self love and self acceptance  do you have?

It took me a long time to realise that putting love outside of myself  for another person to validate me was setting myself up for failure.

I’ve spent many years working out why my relationships weren’t working and I share my insights with you in my blog posts and in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE available on amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1910202460 

It's time to move on from the past

Creating loving relationships comes from loving yourself first.  Your outer world will mirror back to you your inner world.  What you believe about yourself both the positive and the negative, you may attract back towards you.  When you are more tender and loving towards yourself, you will have reflected back to you boundless opportunities for love.

You have an opportunity right now to learn from the past and to work towards treating yourself differently, learning to respect, love and honour yourself completely.   It’s time to start appreciating and acknowledging yourself for who and what you are.

Any time you come away from your truth, your wholeness, your centre and lose sight of your greatness and your lovability, gently forgive yourself and go back to treating yourself with love, respect and care.

When you slip back into old behaviours of self criticism, self judgement and harshness, think about what it was  that made you act in an unloving way towards yourself and be aware of any thoughts, words and actions that you expressed about yourself that were hard hearted and insensitive.

When you learn to be more loving and considerate to yourself first and foremost,  your inner mirror reflects to the outside world that you are happy, content and already filled with love and this is what will show up for you…even more love!

Day 15 i love you

365 Days to Love

Heart Based Exercise 

Complete the following love statements below by either speaking them out loud, repeating silently inside your own mind or write out in full using a journal. Re-read these statements every day adding additional statements of your own:

  • I love knowing that I deserve….
  • I love being….
  • I love feeling…
  • I love allowing….
  • I love choosing…
  • I love enjoying…
  • I love exploring…
  • I love that I have decided to…
  • I love knowing that…

When you are able to love and accept yourself totally for who you are, life unfolds and supports you in a way that you may never have dreamed possible.  You are completely self sufficient, whole, resourceful and complete without the love of another.

If you would like to find out more about my services and the love & relationship support available to you go to https://wendyfry.com/services/ I work internationally over Skype and in person in Sutton, Surrey.

Find YOU, Find LOVE in person workshops run every 3rd Saturday in the month for a small and intimate group of 6 people. http://youtu.be/nnBNjwKx-m0

You can download chapter 3 of Find YOU, Find LOVE from my website along with a whole range of free resources and audio downloads www.wendyfry/book/resources