Category Archives: self-care

04 Feb

Happiness is Free

Happiness really is only ever a thought away….

According to Wikipedia:  ”Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy”

Happiness and joy just happen to be two of my favourite feelings, how about you?

What makes you happy?

Which memories are your happiest?

Who do you find yourself in the company of who makes you happy?

When you find yourself at your happiest, what are you thinking, doing or saying?

When was the last time you found yourself being joyous, happy, content?

If you could define the feeling of happiness on your terms, what does it look like, feel like and sound like for you?

What can you do today (taking full responsibility) to make yourself happier? 

 

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Get in touch with the feelings of happiness inside your body right now and imagine you have a dial which you can turn up to increases the level of happy feelings, do that in your mind right now, turn the dial up, make the picture of happiness brighter, sharper, clearer, stronger….

Turn up the feelings of happiness, right the way up, let the feeling grow and expand throughout your body….

Turn up the sounds of happiness inside your own mind and around you, make them louder, more defined, clearer.

If there is any smell or taste associated with happiness for you turn those senses up too….

Remember…Happiness is only ever a thought away!  Act as if and enjoy the feelings of joy and happiness right now.

And just for fun I share with you one of my favourite verses:

Smiling is infectious

You catch it like the flu

When someone smiled at me today

I started smiling too

I walked around the corner

And someone saw me grin

When he smiled I realised

I had passed it on to him

I thought about the smile

And then realised its worth

A single smile like mine

Could travel round the earth

So if you feel a smile begin

Don’t leave it undetected

Start an epidemic

And get the world infected.

Author Unknown (copied from ‘Poetic Expressions’)

So wishing you all a happy weekend ahead and remember happiness is not a destination, it is a journey.

With love from my heart to yours,

Wendy

www.wendyfry.com Helping you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems

 

23 Jan

Wellness or Illness – What’s Your Focus?

Whether you’re reading this in the morning or at the end of your day, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your thoughts for the day ahead or the thoughts you have had.  Is your anticipated day one of dread, doom and gloom or thinking back over your day has your focus been on wellness or illness?

Wellness isn’t just about physical health, our minds are powerful creators and depending on the direction of our thoughts they can either lift us up or pull us down.   It’s the same for illness.  No one wants to be ill, feel poorly or out of sorts though what we can do is focus on getting well, taking actions to help ourselves by eating the right foods, exercising, getting out in nature and taking our intention to one of healing and wellness.

If for any reason you can’t physically get out to do these things what you can do is to take your mind on an amazing holiday as often as you like until you feel re-charged and energised.  If the Caribbean is your desired location take your mind there right now, notice the blue of the sky, the feel of the warm sand on your feet, the smell of the sea, the taste of salt in your mouth from swimming or resting at the waters edge,  the sound of the waves lapping on the sure…hmmm….bliss wouldn’t you agree.

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It’s true to say many people walk about ‘unconsciously’, meaning they may not even be aware of there thoughts until someone like me comes along and asks…”are your thoughts working for you, yes or no?”  If what you are thinking makes you feel lousy, the good news is you can change your thoughts, after all you are the creator of your thoughts are you not?

In my line of work I get to meet some amazing people who are ready to master their thoughts as well as their lives.  These people have woken up from the unconscious walking around letting their negative thoughts rule them and instead show up ready to unlearn the negative hypnotising they have been doing to themselves.

Words are powerful creators, including the words we say in our heads as well as the ones we speak and share.  Would you really talk to another person the way you do to yourself?

It’s not until we explore our negative thoughts and patterns of behaviour including our thinking do we become enlightened that we have the choice.  We can focus on illness or wellness, it’s really quite simple.

I invite you to make a pact with yourself from today, whenever you find yourself going off on a tangent or thinking about the things that make you feel drained, unhappy, angry, fearful or emotionally upset, change your focus to the thoughts which lift you up.  Give yourself a healthy dose of encouragement, support, reassurance, love and kindness and notice how much better you feel when you turn your thoughts to wellness.

Here to guide you are the key questions from The Spotlight Process.  A unique technique which I have developed to bring your thoughts into balance.

1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)

2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?

3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?

4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?

5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?

6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

Need a helping hand to further master your thoughts? There is a whole chapter on The Spotlight Process in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE along with a chapter on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to support you in finding emotional freedom.

Because I love to give and want you to succeed this guided meditation ‘Negative Memory Release’ will support you in moving forwards towards health and wellness.  It’s the first download you come to when you reach the downloads page, scroll down until you find it.  Enjoy…

So, love your day and love your life by simply changing your thoughts.

Your future self will thank you for it…

From my heart to yours, with love,

Wendy

 

 

 

30 Dec

End of Year Reflections

I invite you to use this end of year reflection exercise taking stock of your year so far. The lessons that you’ve learnt about yourself, other people and the world around you.

There may have been some painful parts to 2016, though with learning often the unpleasant situations are our greatest gifts and create positive change and new beginnings in our lives.

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You might like to copy out the questions in a journal and work through them one by one.

2016 Reflections 

• Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?
• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through again?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy and what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change? What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want for 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to making in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to get you to be where you want to be?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you so far, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make next year even better?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next twelve months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?
I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections. After working through you might like to reread and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

Set your goals high and don’t stop till you get there! – Bo Jackson

12 Dec

Say Yes to Life!

Did you know there are 86,400 seconds in a day?  If you didn’t you do now.

The trouble with life is, you can’t bank it, save it for a rainy day, trade it in or request a new one, it simply doesn’t work like that.

Before you know it Monday is soon Friday, it’s the weekend again and then back to work.

For many people life is a whirlwind of just getting through each day until the next one comes. Few make time to smell the roses or ponder how to make the most of the 86,400 seconds they have been granted and this is why I’m writing this blog to help you take stock of where you’ve been and where you’re heading.

Life and death is certain , it’s one thing we know for sure but how many of us are really living our lives ‘on purpose?’

Are you living the same day 365 days a year or do you want something different for yourself?

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End of year reflections 

Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?

• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were the high points of the year?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through in 2017?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy in 2016 what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change?
• What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn in 2016 about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want in 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to changing in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to move on from 2016, even though 2016 may have been amazing, what do you need to leave behind in order to move on?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make 2017 your best year yet?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next 12 months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?

I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections, on reading through after completion you may like to take from it and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

If you need some help and support in living life to it’s fullest potential please do make contact.

One life, live it!

Wendy Fry | Emotional Health & Relationship Consultant | Helping you to help yourself

www.bepositive.me.uk | www.wendyfry.com | www.mothersanddaughters.solutions

18 Oct

Keeping Mum

Since the 14th Century people have been talking (or rather not talking) about ”keeping mum”.

So what exactly is this blog post about you might wonder…

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Keeping ”mum” can refer to silence and also a mother.

Now, It’s a universal truth we all have had a mother…

As much as you might like to change your mother, transforming your relationship with her and coming to terms with your past, ultimately begins with you.

If you are experiencing familiar emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, blame or shame, please understand that you are not alone in your search for your mother’s approval, acceptance and love and you no longer need to keep ”mum” and keep it all inside.

With no ‘Dummies Guide’ available to help  you make peace with your mother and move on from past pain, I realised the importance of writing an informative and practical self-help guide specifically aimed at daughters to help them find emotional release, gain personal closure and an understanding of how all daughters’ lives are shaped through the mother-daughter experience.

I want you to know, that it is possible to move beyond the pain you feel inside.  It is possible to move on from your disappointments, regrets, feeling that you are unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  It is possible to work towards accepting your mother – warts and all and in turn, you will ease the pain of the past and realise you are worth loving.

Each of you reading this will have your own story when it comes to your mother and for mothers reading this, your story about your daughter will be unique to you.  Our personal realities are based on what we each individually experience and the perceptions and beliefs we filter through.

It is my intention to help you to bring balance to your thinking, guiding you to react and respond to your mother in a way which serves you better and by doing so; you will understand and transform your relationship at the deepest level.

What does the word ‘Mother’ mean to you? When I use the term “mum’’ or “mother’’, I refer to your childhood mother, your mother at the time she raised you.  This may also include a step mother, foster or adoptive mother or ‘other mother figure’ that cared for you.

Until your ‘mother stuff’ is understood and healed, the inner and outer conflicts you have or once had remain a burden.  I reach out to you and offer to share the strategies which have helped in my relationship with my own mother and also the wonderfully open women I have had the privilege to work with in my second book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

Over the coming weeks my blog will feature and introduce some of the topics covered in Mothers and Daughters.  So if you’ve had enough of ”keeping mum”, this blog and my book are a great place to start making the changes which enable you to feel heard, understood, accepted and loved for who you are.

Regardless of your past, you need not let it shape your future, stay with me and I will show you how.

22 Aug

EFT isn’t Just for Olympians

If you’re new to EFT you might be wondering what the E, the F and the T stand for.  Never one to disappointment EFT is short for Emotional Freedom Technique or in other words tapping your way to happiness, success and living a joy filled life.

In recent footage of The 2016 Rio Olympics fellow energists, EFT practitioners and those who use EFT were delighted to see what appears to be EFT used by olympian and athlete Brain Taplin preparing for the 400m sprint at the Rio Olympics.  I just love his surname as it has the word ‘tap’ in it.

Now whether Brain was tapping into his inner resources to ‘go faster’, tapping for confidence or tapping away anxiety (I imagine there is a lot of anxiety of you are completing at the olympics) the good news is whatever he was tapping on, he won his race, woo hoo.  Well done Brian and let’s have a shout out for EFT while we’re at it!

You can see Brian tapping on some of the EFT tapping points in this footage from The Guild of Energists right here

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Now EFT isn’t just for olympians, for sure many famous people use EFT as do your everyday housewives, school children, police officers, nurses, teachers, builders, bakers and candlestick makers.  People just like you are enjoying the benefits of improved health, less stress, more contentment and basically having a technique that puts you in control of any situation which may previously have been one for concern.

EFT is easy to pick up and use in the moment or as part of your daily well being routine.

Ready to find out more about EFT tapping :

Karl Dawson offers UK based trainings and has written two amazing books: Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future and Transform Your Beliefs Transform Your Life: EFT Tapping Using  and Matrix Reimprinting

Gary Craig creator of EFT offers a whole host of information here 

Silvia Hartmann and The Guild of Energists provides much research if the area of EFT and energy.

And of course there’s little old me.  If you’re interested in finding out more about this technique and applying it in all areas of your life you can do so here

My testimony to EFT is having more confidence, leaving a day job and now doing the work I love, improved assertiveness, happier relationships, business success oh, and it’s helped me to write two books.  EFT is great for writer’s block or just having the confidence to share your message and get yourself out there.  Find YOU, Find LOVE is my first book which showcases EFT, my second will be out later on this year.  It’s all about conflicting mother-daughter relationships and how to transform the relationship with your mother using EFT.  I will keep you posted on here as to availability when it goes live.

Meanwhile if it’s just getting to work on time, tapping before an important meeting, tapping because you have a growing workload which seem to be multiplying or tapping simply to have a fantastic day EFT sets you free!  Brian Taplin is a classic example of tapping your way to success.

Happy Monday….tap your way to happiness

 

 

15 Aug

Magic Pill

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it.  Action has magic, grace and power in it ~ Johann Wolfgang 

I swear i’d be a millionaire if I had a pound for every time someone has said to me ‘I wish I had a magic pill to make it all better’ .  When have you uttered these words yourself or said something similar when life has got hard and things aren’t going the way you want them to?

It’s all too easy to think about taking a pill, to numb the effects of life, to either get rid of a feeling we don’t like or to bring in one we do like.  As much as it may be the easy option to take a pill (or even wish you had an imaginary one to make it all better) the best way to resolve a problem is to use the power of your thoughts.

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Thoughts are magic and you my dear friend, are the magic maker.  

Once you begin to build on magic thoughts, more magic happens.  You and only you are the thinker. No one thinks you in the same way no one breathes you.

You can in fact re-frame your thinking at any time.  Here’s how.  Think about the worst time in your life when you felt depressed, low, helpless, downtrodden and fed up with life…how do you feel when you think this way?  Did your shoulders hunch over, your breathing slow down, sadness rise into your awareness, a memory of unhappy times coming to the fore?  Your thoughts create how you feel from one moment to the next…

Now just for a moment, look around you what do you see?  What colours are there in your periphery?  Next think about how amazing it is to have the ability to read and how as you sit there your body is working independently for you.  All kinds of things are going on which you may not be aware of.  You’re breathing, digesting, processing and creating all kinds of emotions as you read through my words.

Now this is where the magic happens….

Take your mind to a happy time, a memory of a place you’ve been, perhaps you were with someone whose company you’ve enjoyed or shared special times with.  Think about how happy you felt in the moment, joyous, carefree, confident, excited.  Allow the feeling of happiness to continue flooding through your body as you remember this occasion.

In the same way you can’t think a negative thought and positive thought at the same time, try it. it’s impossible.  What you can do is begin to choose your thoughts wisely.  Thoughts include what you say outwardly in the spoken or written sense and also what you say inwardly (inside your own mind)

You are the magic maker, your thoughts are the magic pill.  You can feel better or worse depending on the quality of your thoughts.

Every experience you go through has an opportunity to be re-framed.  Simply reach for a higher feeling thought and feel your body respond accordingly.

See what magic you can create for yourself today, this week, this month.  Thinking used wisely, is the best medicine of all!

Every day may not be a good day, but there’s something good in every day…

 

 

08 Aug

The Power of Vulnerability

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable?

Vulnerability get’s bad press.  So many people think it’s not okay to say how you feel, share a forthright opinion or stand up for what you believe in while others are learning it is through actually exercising the power of vulnerability which gives us strength.

In recent weeks this has been a major theme in my work.

Woman are recognising when they are acting from the frightened child part of themselves, afraid to speak up in case a relationship ends.  Others don’t let their bosses know they are doing all the work while others are filing their nails and gloating.  Many are stressed to the max because they don’t know how to say no to the demands of family requests.  Some feel it’s wrong to ask for help and believe ‘you have to do things by yourself’.  Even in terms of health we might hold back from demanding a second opinion and asking for more care.

Vulnerability begins in childhood where we learn what it’s like to get things wrong, where we say or do something or parents or caregivers don’t like, where we might experience not getting picked for sport at school or included at playtime.  We leave ourselves open and exposed in nearly all our interactions and I agree this sure does leave one feeling unsafe if your believe it’s not okay to be vulnerable based on just a few experiences from the past which have been negative.

Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus offers us the following when we pull vulnerability to pieces:

noun exposure

adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.

3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge.

Now just because we can and because I love playing with words, let’s re-frame vulnerability!

1. capability to speak up with assertiveness with no harm happening to us emotionally or physically (testing out the limiting beliefs about vulnerability and getting positive reactions in the process)

2. allowing ourselves to be open to help, support, encouragement, guidance, love and acceptance (evidence vulnerability benefits us in many ways)

3. open to sharing our real selves, being true to who we are and sharing our truth with others (building confidence as we learn vulnerability no longer makes us vulnerable because whatever the outcome at least we’ve been true to ourselves) we also help those around us to show up as who they are.  It’s a win/win all round

So I invite you to be open to exploring your vulnerability, this Brene Brown Talk on vulnerability sums it up nicely.

If vulnerabilities been holding you back, it’s time to let it go….What’s the best that can happen!

 

31 Jul

Trigger Happy!

You’ve probably heard the term ‘Trigger Happy’ without really thinking too much about what it means. If you search the term on various dictionaries it will relate to the use of guns, violence, aggression and hot-headed behaviour.

I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘triggers’ of late and how each of us, whether we are aware of it or not are triggered in various ways by other people, our environment, culture and immediate circle of influence as well as the media, religions and even marketing for food, cars, fancy watches and designer clothes.

We are sensory beings filtering, responding and storing information through our senses of touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. Gut instinct and intuition comes into it too.

So before I go into too much jargon (i’ve been knows to do this at times) i’d like to talk with you about ‘Happy Trigger’s’

I said Happy Triggers, not Happy Tiggers!

Who here knows and loves Tigger from Winnie the Poo?  I thought i’d post a picture of me here in costume, what do you reckon?

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Before I digress…back to happy triggers!

What makes you happy?

  • Waking up at the weekend knowing you haven’t got work
  • Having time to play with your children
  • Eating your favourite meal or snack
  • Gazing at the stars, sunrises or sunsets
  • Meeting your friends
  • Listening to your favourite band
  • Reading a book
  • Seeing your family
  • Being in nature
  • Soaking in a luxurious scented bath 
  • Treating yourself or someone else to a gift
  • Stroking a pet
  • Planting a garden
  • Watching your favourite movie
  • Laying in the sun
  • Playing a sport
  • Singing, acting or dancing
  • Seeing other people happy 

Guaranteed reading through this list you will have been triggered by a word, a thought, a feeling and a memory or series of memories.

When you feel out of kilter, notice what triggered a bad mood, was it something you saw, heard, felt, touched or tasted, or just a sense of gut intuition kicking in?

When you become more aware of your triggers, you don’t have to keep shooting yourself with them, playing the scenario over and over (you know that’s no fun), you can catch your triggers and begin to recognise what you are responding to might have nothing at all to do with what’s going on in the moment and everything to do with something from the past.

Load your thoughts with happiness….

Now for a little ‘home play’, because it’s so much nicer than ‘home work’.  Grab yourself a pen and paper or open up your notes on your phone, pc or tablet and get busy writing down 100 things which make you happy, then when you’re done, write another 100.

And while you’re at it, feel free to sing along Come on Everyone Get Happy!

 

 

25 Jul

Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All

Remember at any given moment there are a thousand things you can love – David Levitham

When was the last time you said ‘I Love You’ ~ to yourself?

When I ask this question to my clients colleagues and friends, nearly always they say, it’s wrong to love yourself, selfish, big-headed, arrogant etc The truth is the more responsibility we can take to meet our own needs, nurture and care for ourselves as adults, if a relationship ends, or we do not receive validation, love or approval from those we would like it from, it’s okay because we are still whole, complete and beautiful just as we are.  Love isn’t taken away from us, it’s inside of us and this blog post will help you realise when you put love outside of yourself you are really giving away your personal power.

Love is the path to healing.  When we honour, respect and care for ourselves giving ourselves as much attention as we might to our partners, lovers, family and friends, we blossom – simple.

Seeing yourself through the eyes of love every day is a wonderful exercise to practice. The statements below can be completed by either writing them out or speaking them aloud. They will set you up for the day ahead and put you in a positive frame of mind, guiding your thoughts to those which are kind and loving.

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• When I look through the eyes of love, how do I choose to see myself physically today?

• When I feel from the heart of love, how can I be more loving to myself today?

• When I use my inner wisdom, what thoughts can I choose to think about myself that are more loving?

• When I see the love and beauty all around me I start to notice…..

• When I focus on all that is possible for me I…..

• Today, I realise that when I choose love I…..

• Today, tomorrow and the next day I commit to…..

• I accept myself today

• I love myself just as I am

• I think and speak positively about myself from my heart

• I deserve love

• I open my heart to love

• I attract love easily and effortlessly

• I am willing to receive love

• I give love with a good heart

• I nurture myself and my needs

• I choose to do something thoughtful and deserving for myself every day

• I am surrounded by love

• As I move throughout my day I choose to interact with others from the love that is within me

• I seek for the opportunity to notice love in every experience

• I am grateful for each loving experience

• I choose love in my life every day

• I am love

As whitney Houston would say…’Learning to Love Yourself is the greatest Love of All.’

Need some help in the self-love department.  Check out the range of programmes to get you back on track to loving you right here and be sure to check out the free love and relationship resources here 

Find YOU, Find LOVE, my first book in the range on the topic of love and relationships can be found right here