Tag Archives: acceptance

26 Mar

Happy Other Mother’s Day

To all the ‘other mothers’, those special people who find us in our time of need, who love and accept us unconditionally for who we are, I give thanks to you today and every day.

March 26th in the UK is traditionally Mother’s Day.  A day to give thanks to the woman who gave birth to us and to acknowledge her and the gifts she has shared.  It is my hope that you have a wonderful relationship with your mother and enjoy each others company and  mutual love and respect.

Not all of us are lucky enough to have strong bonds with our mothers, for some they do not know of their birth mothers for others they are estranged and in conflict, many are bereft of their mothers in physical form and for some grieving the relationship they hoped for though I think it’s fair to say every woman on the planet has experienced the love of ‘another mother’.

Other mothers are those women who love us unconditionally and accept us for who we are warts and all.  They pick us up in times of need, hold us when we are at our wits end and encourage us to be our best.  They save us from ourselves on the darkest of nights and the hardest of days.  In short these women are amazing, angels in the physical form with hearts of gold who with their presence, for however long they are in our lives enable us to feel loved, valued, appreciated and held dear.

I have been so blessed to experience the love of ‘other mother’s’ throughout my life and I sincerely hope as you are reading this your mind wonders to the beautiful women who have graced your life and helped you on your way.

So whether it’s a step-mother, mother-in-law, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, landlady, teacher, college, therapist, friend, nurse, support worker or indeed a mother figure in spirit let us take a moment collectively together to acknowledge the love of those very special other mothers.

To be loved unconditionally is the greatest gift we can give to each other.  Where there is love there is hope and truth and light..

Thank you, other mothers for your love, your time and care, within me is part of you and your love of which I am ever grateful.

From my heart to yours with love x

Wendy 

 

13 Feb

The Risk of Perfectionism

Is it true? Are you a perfectionist?

It’s great to be detail orientated, focused on getting things right and doing a good job though when perfection gets out of hand you either take no risks at all or become obsessed with getting everything perfect.  I know from experience this can be exhausting as well as time consuming and soul destroying.

We often learn in childhood the need to get things right whether it’s mastering the art of learning the alphabet, times tables, having table manners, tying our shoe laces and maybe later going on to ride a bike or swim, in our early years we never stop learning.

Somewhere along the line we may have been told off, disapproved of, made to feel small, wrong or been openly criticised for something we said, did, didn’t do or say.  It’s hard to get things right, let’s be honest and getting them wrong is how we learn except to say we often feel bad or wrong if we make a mistake and this often becomes the driver for wanting to be perfect.

Most of us want to be liked, loved, approved or, accepted and praised and these traits are at the basis of being a perfectionist.  There is a part of us in fear of getting things wrong, worries about looking like a fool or worse still there is a fear we are going to be judged by others.

I admit I used to be a perfectionist.  I had good teachers when it came to this and modelled my behaviours on being a ‘good girl’.  Thing is, for me it got out of hand, I wouldn’t say ‘boo to a goose’, speak up, assert myself or take risks, I didn’t say no to anyone and took on way more work and responsibilities than was my fair share along the way.  I’d pretty much compare it to being ‘locked in.’  Being a real person but not actually being ‘me’ only saying, doing or being the person I thought others wanted me to be.

Well…i’m pleased to say when I woke up from falling asleep and realised being a perfectionist was stopping me from achieving my full potential and that I spent more time worrying about what other people would think than actually taking risks in the direction of my dreams.  I had a word with myself and asked ‘so is this really working for you?’, you can guess the answer…

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I simply unlearnt my learning, I tried new things, fell down a few times and got back up, put on my Superwoman vest and pants and thought what the heck…what’s the worse than can happen – bring it on.

I started placing boundaries about what was okay and not okay for me and I began stretching myself and taking risks.  The good news is I had many successes despite fluffing up a few times.  Even at times when I got tongue tied or didn’t know an answer to things, I simply accepted this was part of my continued learning.  I am now incredibly brave and I love the sense of new found courage and curiosity.

The truth is, you can’t know everything and you can’t please everyone all of the time, so now I’m pleasing myself and have let go of the need to be perfect, liked, loved, accepted or approved of.  I can give those things to myself and so can you.

Walk this way and join me in a spot of unpicking your perfectionism.

I invite you to reflect on your own perfectionist traits and behaviours and how they might limit you:

  • When did you develop the habit of perfectionism, how old were you?
  • Is being a perfectionist now, really as life threatening as it might have seemed when you formed the belief ”I’ve got to be perfect to be loved?”
  • How does having a perfectionist streak work for you or indeed hold you back?
  • What would you have more time for if you stopped focusing on being perfect?
  • Who do you tend to try and please when it comes to being perfect (behaving like a good girl or good boy even if you’re an adult we all still behave this way at times?) 
  • What’ the cost of your perfectionism, what is it stopping you doing now, in the past or in the future?
  • If you were to unlearn your learning what would you do that you’re not currently doing in absence of perfectionism? 
  • What if you and your efforts are good enough just as they are?
  • How will letting go of perfectionism benefit you?
  • What can you do today with abandon which will get you out of your comfort zone enabling you to flex your ‘good enough muscle?’ 
  • In the absence of perfectionism what are you choosing to focus on instead?

I’ll admit that’s a lot of questions though you can’t get them wrong…

Begin today as you mean to go on.  Let the power of vulnerability and learning be greater than the power of fear and perfectionism.

Remember whatever you’re not doing that you’d like to do is on the other side of perfectionism and it sure feels good on the other side…come join me.

Just for fun if you want to watch me letting go of perfectionism you can do so here  on The Well-being Show with Emma-Jane Taylor, now that really was flying by the seat of your pants and my first time on TV.  Like you, I too am learning along the way…

Ready to get the help and support you might need in getting past your past?  You’re welcome to contact me here or alternatively:

www.bepositive.me.uk for general therapy

www.wendyfry.com for love and relationship support

www.mothersanddaughters.solutions for family and mother-daughter relationships and all that they entail

 

 

09 Jan

When Nothing is Certain….

Everything is possible…

So many times different people both friends and clients have said to me ‘what if i can’t?’, my answer is always, ‘what if you can?’

Limits exist only in the mind, what we believe to be true becomes an end result or in some cases no result at all.

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It’s true to say in life there are often many challenges that come at unexpected times and also the events we know will happen with certainty that we have to prepare for.

Here are just a few examples of where people get stuck in their thinking:

  1. It’s impossible
  2. I’m too old
  3. No one will want me
  4. I’m not experienced enough
  5. All my relationships have failed
  6. I keep attracting the wrong types
  7. I don’t have the money
  8. I don’t have the energy
  9. It’s hopeless
  10. I can’t do it

I’m sure you get the picture and perhaps by even reading those few short statements your energy has slumped, you feel defeated, negative, unhappy.  Words are powerful and it’s the words we say to ourselves inwardly and outwardly that contribute to feeling stuck and often if were’re feeling stuck we take no action because we are in a place of fear often trapped in the past and scared it will repeat itself.

So here are my re-frames I offer when I hear the kinds of complaints above:

  1. How do you know?
  2. Compared to whom?
  3. Where is the evidence of this?
  4. What can you do to gain the experience you need?
  5. What have you learnt from these relationships?
  6. If you were to focus on the ‘right types’ what is the right type for you?
  7. What other resources are open to you to achieve what you want?
  8. If you did have the energy what’s the first thing you’d do, how will that one small action benefit you?
  9. What do you want instead of that feeling of hopelessness?
  10. Get rid of the T in can’t and you can

It’s an interesting fact to share…

We are not our thoughts though our thoughts will ultimately take us closer to a desired outcome or further away.

So on that note…

  • What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
  • What will this look like, feel like and sound like to you?
  • Looking back on how you achieved this how did you do it?
  • What advice would your ‘future self’ give you in order to get started?
  • If you were to become your own best friend what would you say to yourself which offers support, encouragement and praise along the way?
  • What’s one thought, action and deed you can take today which will take you closer to your desire?

Remember you can be, do and have anything you set your mind to and when your thinking tells you otherwise tell it to ‘go and do one!’ or something similar.

You are not your thoughts.  You are a magnificent creator and your dreams can be part of your reality and experience.

Begin today acting as if and work backwards…

Happiness, success, love, career progression, whatever it is you want is only ever a thought away

12 Dec

Say Yes to Life!

Did you know there are 86,400 seconds in a day?  If you didn’t you do now.

The trouble with life is, you can’t bank it, save it for a rainy day, trade it in or request a new one, it simply doesn’t work like that.

Before you know it Monday is soon Friday, it’s the weekend again and then back to work.

For many people life is a whirlwind of just getting through each day until the next one comes. Few make time to smell the roses or ponder how to make the most of the 86,400 seconds they have been granted and this is why I’m writing this blog to help you take stock of where you’ve been and where you’re heading.

Life and death is certain , it’s one thing we know for sure but how many of us are really living our lives ‘on purpose?’

Are you living the same day 365 days a year or do you want something different for yourself?

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End of year reflections 

Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?

• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were the high points of the year?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through in 2017?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy in 2016 what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change?
• What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn in 2016 about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want in 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to changing in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to move on from 2016, even though 2016 may have been amazing, what do you need to leave behind in order to move on?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make 2017 your best year yet?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next 12 months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?

I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections, on reading through after completion you may like to take from it and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

If you need some help and support in living life to it’s fullest potential please do make contact.

One life, live it!

Wendy Fry | Emotional Health & Relationship Consultant | Helping you to help yourself

www.bepositive.me.uk | www.wendyfry.com | www.mothersanddaughters.solutions

24 Oct

Nothing is Set in Stone

When nothing is certain everything is possible…

Life ideally is about achieving balance and harmony, though in reality nothing is set in stone even if we think it is.  What we once knew for certain may become uncertain, old constructs change shape, what was promised is forgotten, what we hoped to achieve falls away and we may have no choice but to start again, though this time differently.

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Change can be painful though on the other hand with change we transform and grow.  We find hidden strengths we may never have discovered otherwise and we can begin a new chapter and a new journey getting ever curious about what’s the best that can happen.

New opportunities we never imagined may show up and we break out of the self confined prison we have been in.  What once may have felt like a comfort zone no longer provides safety as it simply stops us growing and becoming all we can be.

Relationships are ever changing and if we can roll with the changes and even create some of our own it allows us to change the relationship we have with ourselves.  We do not have to be who we have always been.  Every day is a gift, the gift of starting over and beginning again

So remember – when life feels out of balance and relationships change along the way, all is not lost it’s just about finding a different kind of balance.

One thing for certain is to always remember you have you. External events may change, relationships may change, people may change though at the end of the day you still have you, and that dear heart is the one thing you can rely on, you’ve got this far and I know you can roll with the changes because nothing is set in stone.

When nothing is certain anything is possible…..

If you’d like to find out more about finding balance and improving your relationships check out my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE and my next book Mothers and Daughters due out next month.

As always, from my heart to yours,

With love x

30 May

Our beliefs influence the way we feel and what we choose to do

A limiting belief is a thought, or series of thoughts, that stop us from moving forwards in life. Limiting beliefs could be based on past personal experiences or through witnessing the experiences of others.

When we truly grow up

Limiting beliefs also shape the form of our thought patterns, including irrational thinking. We all, at some point, experience limiting beliefs. Until we examine what it is we believe and change any limiting beliefs to a more empowering belief, we are often stuck in the prison of our own thinking.

This is the 3rd in the series of limiting beliefs, you can check out the previous blog posts Part 1 here and Part 2 here

Beliefs have the potential to be changed by cultivating awareness; we can choose what it is we want to believe. Challenging a limiting belief with awareness, effective questioning and using The Spotlight Process and EFT, may seriously improve a person’s sense of self worth, reduce fear, improve confidence, improve communication (internal and external dialogues) and open up all sorts of new and exciting possibilities.

What are your limiting beliefs?

Practical Exercise (10 minutes)

Measuring Limiting Beliefs using The VoC Scale (Validity of Cognition)

To measure the how true a limiting belief may be for you there is a scale called The Validity of Cognition (VoC) Scale which is an individualised measure of beliefs, developed by Francine Shapiro.

Use the VOCSscale to check the percentage of your current self limiting beliefs rating them from a 0 when you have no belief at all and 100 when the belief feels completely true for you.

Read through the list below using the Voc Scale to identify which limiting beliefs are true for you. Fill in the blanks where appropriate and add your own limiting beliefs that have been holding you back from love.

• Fear of not being good enough
• Fear of not being loved
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of separation or loss of relationship
• Fear of failure
• Fear of being controlled by another
• Fear of success
• I don’t deserve…..
• I am not worthy of…..
• I’m not lovable
• I’m too……..
• I’m not…..
• I won’t be able to…..
• It’s impossible
• I can’t…..
• Something bad will happen if…..
• What if it doesn’t work out?
• What if I get hurt?
• What if my partner isn’t faithful?
• What if I lose…..?

You may be wondering right now how you can transform your limiting beliefs so here goes:

Part of the process of changing limiting beliefs is cultivating awareness, so that we can distinguish the difference between:

• What we’d like to believe
• What we think we should believe
• What we truly believe.

It is often our limited and negative thinking that holds us back from the things that we seek. Beliefs are often so unconscious that we seldom question them.

With effective self questioning, taking into account:

• When the belief was formed
• Whose belief it is
• If that belief limits us or allows us to grow
• If the beliefs we hold are still appropriate for us

Each of us has a choice and by choosing empowering beliefs about love and relationships, much can be changed in our lives for the better.

In order to change a limiting belief we need to change the internal picture and representation that we have of ourselves, of others and about the world around us, so that over time, our creative subconscious mind recognises new pictures and beliefs as a new reality and filters from a different perspective, instead of looking through dirty windows at the same dirt, we notice things we never saw before or experienced before.

If a limiting belief is based on a lie or is a belief formed by someone else’s opinion, then it is time to change the belief. Challenging a limiting belief and working out where it comes from will provide enormous benefits.

Changing our beliefs offers a renewed sense of freedom and there is a willingness to take new risks once we decide to look at the world through new windows.

Ready to uncover your limiting beliefs and move beyond them check out my full range of services here It will be my pleasure to work with you.

28 Dec

Creating Possibilities through Heart Centred Connection

If you ever wondered what heart centred connection is, I’m about to share with you some beautiful exercises to get you into your heart and out of your head.

Free Heart: The needs of the heart

It is always possible to be more loving towards ourselves, once we know what our needs are.  When we are able to meet those needs independently, we take control of our lives.

When we open our hearts and give love to ourselves, then and only then can we love and honour others and be open to receiving love.

When we are able to experience love from within without being dependent on another for love, we gain a new sense of strength and optimism.

One question I often ask myself is ‘what does my heart need right now?’ Just asking yourself this question on a regular basis tips the balance and brings head and heart into equal position.

Trust your own instincts, go inside, and follow your heart.  Right from the start.  Go ahead and stand up for what you believe in. As I’ve learned, that is the path to happiness – Lesley Ann Warren

Heart Centred Connection Exercise: What does my heart need?

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Ask yourself ‘’what does my heart need right now?’’ and notice how it answers.

Does your heart connect with you through feelings, words, pictures or a combination of these things?

Often there is an intuitive knowing of what the heart needs ‘you just know’ without necessarily being aware of how you know.

Being aware of your own needs and how you can meet them for yourself is a huge turning point in getting out of your head and into your heart.

Consider your unmet needs from childhood; it is never too late to meet those needs now as an adult.

Sometimes, we lose connection with our hearts.  We go into our heads looking outside of our hearts for love, instead of looking within.

This exercise will lead you back to heart centred connection.

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Copy out the picture of heart quadrant in a journal or on pieces of paper (or go to www.wendyfry.com to download a larger version)

Write or draw symbols or pictures inside your heart shaped flower petals of what your heart does in fact need.

Write inside as many of these heart shaped flowers as you can, all the choices, affirmations, loving statements and acknowledgements that make you feel loving and lovable.

For example: peace, love, acceptance, joy, laughter, growth, creativity, expression, love,  freedom.

Each and every one of us has different needs of the heart.  Record whatever comes up for you when you connect with your heart space.

Trust the answers that it gives you without judgement or analysis.

Completing this exercise daily on waking and sleeping as well as throughout the day if you are able to will have a dramatic effect on your sense of feeling grounded and connected with your heart and your highest truth.

Consider how you may be able to meet each of your hearts needs.  For example when I want to experience freedom I go for a walk.  When I want to experience joy I watch a funny movie.  For creative expression I write or draw.

There are so many ways each of us can meet our hearts needs independently.

A loving heart is the truest wisdom – Charles Dickens

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Practical Exercise: Creating possibilities through heart centred connection

Complete the following statements in a journal.

Speak these positive statements out loud, or inside your own head adding your own answers into the blend

  • I love seeing myself…

Example:   I love seeing myself confident and happy in any situation

 

  • I love feeling…

Example:   I love feeling of being connected to myself and others through my heart

 

  • I love hearing…

Example:  I love hearing the positive voice inside my heart

 

  • I love knowing…

Example: I love knowing that through heart centred connection my life will be rich and full

 

  • I am aware of…

Example: I am aware of my hearts needs and communicate those needs effectively

 

There is no instinct like that of the heart – Lord Byron

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Mantras of the Heart Exercise

Creating daily mantras and repeating them out loud as well via your internal dialogue will raise your love vibration and heart connection

Please use these as your mantras as your own, adapt or create alternatives which may be more personal to you.

  • I accept myself today
  • I love myself just as I am
  • I think and speak positively about myself from my heart
  • I deserve love
  • I open my heart to love
  • I attract love easily and effortlessly
  • I am willing to receive love
  • I give love with a good heart
  • I nurture myself and my needs
  • I choose to do something thoughtful and deserving for myself every day
  • I am surrounded by love
  • As I move throughout my day I choose to interact with others from the love that is within me
  • I seek for the opportunity to notice love in every experience
  • I am grateful for each loving experience
  • I choose love in my life every day
  • I am love

Your heart is full of fertile seeds, waiting to sprout – Morihei Ueshiba

 

 

Communicating the hearts needs in relationships

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We can communicate our needs to others as part of a loving and equal relationship, though if our needs are not met by another, we still feel empowered by speaking up and being true to ourselves.

If we are consistently honest with ourselves and others about our needs, we no longer feel dis-empowered.

There is no hidden neediness below the surface, you voice your thoughts and feelings assertively knowing that if those needs aren’t met by others you can are still loveable and whole.

Others are not responsible for our happiness, we are.

As we move closer to the new year, now is the time to reflect on the year gone by and ask yourself what your heart needs for 2016.

It is my wish for you that you experience your hearts needs today and every day.

From my heart to yours, with love,

X Wendy

P.S…My first book Find YOU Find LOVE  is available at a reduced price for January in kindle format.  Happy Reading!

21 Dec

Christmas Frazzle or Christmas Cheer ~ It’s up to you…

Dreading Christmas? 

What’s worse, the thought of endless cooking and washing up or spending time with your ‘Out Law’s

It’s all to easy at this time of year to become frazzled, overwhelmed with doing and little time for being.

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Running round like a headless chicken trying to get the best turkey, stressing out as you stand in queues to pay with feet aching, busting for the toilet and your arms feel like they’re hanging off, it definitely is a case of ‘bah humbug’ and the Christmas spirit far from cheerful.

Often you get what you expect….

If you are anticipating problems getting things done, expecting grief from your in laws, the turkey getting burnt, relatives arguing or worse still fighting, what is this based on?

Often we project the past into the future experting the same thing to happen again and this is what we get.  My previous post Thought Tracking will help with this and aid for a peaceful day.

I invite you to make some you time in amongst the wrapping of presents and trying not to open the sweets you bought for Aunty Joan to have a little mind holiday called…

‘My Ideal Day’christmas-993287_1280 (2)

‘My Ideal Day’ is a creative way to get you thinking in a more positive and optimistic way from the heart.

It will move you beyond the anticipated  stress of Christmas, to a place where all things are possible, encouraging you to enjoy your day coming from the heart instead of the head.

When you focus on what you want and act as if it is already yours, it is likely to show up much sooner than you think.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye – H. Jackson, Jr.

On a brand new sheet of paper or in a journal, write a story about how you want your Christmas Day to be. If you don’t have a pen and paper to hand, just think it through as if you were creating an anticipated and very positive movie about how your Christmas day will shape up.

This will be no ordinary day (remember you are putting the past behind you) it will be the story of your ideal Christmas Day and how it will be when everything goes swimmingly- think specifically here about your current relationships and family dynamics and who you would like to get on better with and include that in the main content of your writing.

You will be writing this in the positive, present tense, as if what you want has already come to pass and you are enjoying your life and relationships.

  • What will your day look like?
  • What will be happening?
  • How will you be feeling?
  • What will you hear going on around you?
  • How will you be spending your time?
  • How will you be thinking differently?

Take time to go over your story, making sure it’s complete and then read your story every day in the lead up to Christmas.

By focusing on what you want, rather than what you don’t want and getting into the energy space of the heart and acting as if having the ideal Christmas day.

If you need some extra help in understanding how your beliefs shape your future or you want to get clearer on how you want Christmas day to be.  You can download for free ‘Beliefs’ chapter three, from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE at www.wendyfry.com/book/resources along with ‘The Do Want/Don’t Want’ exercise.

There are also two free audio’s for you to download 21 Steps to LOVE  and Standing in the Spotlight of LOVE

Keep love in your heart.  A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead – Oscar Wilde

Here’s to plenty of Christmas cheer!

From my heart to your with love,

Wendy x 

14 Dec

Thought Tracking

Our thoughts are powerful creators….

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It’s natural to have both positive and negative thoughts, it’s part of life and learning.  Though consider how much of your time and energy is taken up with negative thinking?

Power Exercise – Thought Tracking: Use daily as often as possible through the day

For the next few days, observe how many of your thoughts are critical and in judgemental.  Thoughts that come from the head, rather than the heart.

For every critical thought you have, replace it with an alternative thought until you can respond to yourself or other people and situations in more loving way.

When you are angry at someone it’s you that feels the anger in your body, not them.  When you are frustrated and stressed it’s you that suffers the symptoms of stress.  If there is hatred, this too is experienced physically by YOU, no one else suffers as a result of your thinking, only YOU.

Ask yourself ‘does this thought give me peace or does it give me stress?’

Be aware of the thoughts, always reach for a higher feeling thought to be sure YOU have a great day every day.

Use your thoughts to work for you, not against you and notice what changes when you use the power of your thoughts.

You might like to read though this excerpt from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE, to identify where your thinking may be going into the negative:

Read through and record how many of the automatic negative thoughts you identify with.  In doing so you will become aware of how many of your thoughts are automatic negative thoughts and how these might be limiting the very think you want to achieve.

Automatic Negative Thought Meaning
Mind reading Assume that you know what people are thinking
Fortune telling Predicting the future in a negative way
Judging View yourself/others/events  in terms of good/bad
Labelling Giving global negative meanings about yourself and others
Ignoring the positives Positive things aren’t recognised or seem trivial
Blowing things out of scale Believe that what will happen will be unbearable
Personalising Assume self blame for negative events
Over generalising See a global pattern of negatives based on a single event
‘Should’s’ Seeing people and events as to how you think they ‘should’ be
Negative filtering Focus on the negative, ignoring the positive
Focusing on regrets Focus on the idea that you should have done better in the past
Emotional reasoning Allowing your feelings to guide your perception of reality
‘What if’ thinking Thinking about all the things that could go wrong
All or nothing thinking Black and white thinking/ only good or bad- no in between
Blaming Focusing on others as a source of your negative feelings
Unfair comparisons Focus on others who you perceive are doing better than you
Inability to disconfirm Reject any evidence that might contradict your negative thoughts

It’s time to change your thinking….

No one ‘thinks you’ that is the one thing that you do have control over.  

Use the following twelve steps to bring your thoughts back into balance every time you recognise yourself going into automatic negative thinking about love and relationships.  Copy out these statements and carry with you until the questioning becomes part of your natural thought process to bring yourself back each time you go into a story.

1 Am I confusing thought with fact?
2 Am I predicting the future negatively?
3 Am I jumping to conclusions?
4 Am I assuming I can do nothing to change my situation?
5 Am I overestimating the chance of disaster?
6 Am I thinking in all or nothing terms?
7 Am I only paying attention to the negative side of things?
8 Am I telling myself I’m not lovable because of things that have happened in my past?
9 Am I focusing on my weaknesses and forgetting my strengths?
10 What are the advantages and disadvantages of thinking this way?
11 Do my negative thoughts help or hinder me?
12 If I bring balance to my thinking, what would love do here?

Our thoughts can create many negative experiences, or many positive experiences; it’s all down to the meaning and the beliefs and perceptions we place on things.

If you need some help in leaving the past behind you, moving beyond limited thinking, working through anger, grief and despair or simply want to manage your emotions take a look at my support programmes and packages.

From my heart to yours with love,

x Wendy

26 Oct

Doing the things you don’t want to do, with great love

When was the last time you did something you really didn’t want to do?

This past week I’ve found myself doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve been reacting to things outside of my control and found myself in moments of uncertainty and having the make decisions as best I can based on the knowledge I’ve had in that moment.

We can’t plan everything…

Life being the roller-coaster that it is, we have to navigate our way through the ups and downs it brings. There may be moments we are laughing our heads off and at other times reaching for the sick bag and wanting to get off the ride.

Change as we all know is part of life, a process of natural development, learning and letting go, evolving and moving towards self actualising.  Sometimes it’s easy at other times coming out of the other side of fear, because it’s unknown seems like an impossible task.

I’ve decided to enable myself to get through doing the things I don’t want to do, but need to be done, I’m going to do those things with great love.  I invite you to do the same.

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So if today, because it’s  Monday morning and back to work for many, if you really don’t feel like getting out of bed and going to a job that simply pays the bills, how would it be to seize the day, enjoy the journey to work, be loving and kind towards your co-workers, smile at a stranger, love what you do because it does pay the bills, provides food and shelter, safety and living a higher standard of life that many may not be blessed with.

If there is a person you do not normally enjoy interactions with who you will see this week, take love with you into the conversation and notice what changes.

If you’re fed up with doing your family’s laundry, washing the dishes, walking the dog and preparing meals, just take a moment and reflect on the love of having a family to care for and decide to do those tasks with great love, you will feel happier for it.

Today is not a day of my choosing. You will have or have already experienced  those kinds of days too.

There are go places I don’t want to go and things I never imagined I will have to do which need doing. I know I will have some moments of surrealism and uncertainty though I know when I do the things I don’t want to do, with great love, I will get though and so will you.

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Do the things you think you can’t, they will make you ever stronger on the roller coaster of life x