Tag Archives: Goal Setting

02 Apr

Why Asking for Help is good for you

When was the last time you reached out to another person or group to ask for help?

Asking for help may come easily for some of you though for others there may be untrue beliefs around speaking up which holds you back from voicing your needs.

Here are some of the following statements clients and friends have made when it comes to asking for help, which do you resonate with?

”I can’t ask for help, i’ll look stupid”

”If I ask for help they will think i’m an idiot”

”Last time I asked for help I got shot down and was told I should know”

”If I ask for help I feel too vulnerable, I don’t want people to think i’m weak”

”Asking for help means others will judge me negatively”

”If I ask for help and he/she/they say no I will wish i’d never asked”

”I hate asking for help, it makes me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed”

”I will look like a fool is I ask for help”

”At my age I should know how to do this but I don’t, it’s harder to ask for help when you’re older”

These are just a few of the limiting beliefs and meanings placed on past experiences or future projections which can get in the way of asking for help.  By not speaking up we may never get out of our comfort zones to learn new things or give others the good fortune to help us flourish and grow as well as the opportunity for them to share knowledge and feel good about being able to do so.

Asking for help is good for you, not only does it flex your uncomfortable muscle until it’s feels more comfortable to ask, the more you ask the more likely it is you will be offered help and support.  If you don’t ask you don’t get.  Trying to do everything on your own, by yourself is not only frustrating it can be exhausting too.

Asking for help in the long run can reduce stress, give you the information that’s missing so that what was unknown becomes known and as a result the things you want to be, do and have are more likely to come to pass.

It’s time to end the struggle and ask for help….

What’ the best that can happen?

How will learning how to do something or having something done for you benefit you?

By asking, what does it give both the recipient and the giver of help an opportunity for?

When asking becomes so comfortable for you what will it give you that you don’t have now?

How will having that assist you long term? 

This week I have been asking for help with all sorts of things and getting out of my own comfort zone so far I have been offered help in setting up some new software on my PC.  Help in unblocking a drain. Support in taking my phone back to a setting which I couldn’t find.  Understanding the meanings of some health tests as well as also having the opportunity to help those who have reached out to me.

Please do join me in helping others and giving those people you ask for help the opportunity to see you grow, in doing so you help them grow too.  Together we are stronger.

When nothing is certain, everything is possible…..

 

 

 

04 Mar

Surrender to Possibility

In the absence of limited thinking and negative beliefs which hold you back from taking risks what would you do if you could do anything?

When was the last time you surrendered to not knowing an outcome and decided to go along for the journey anyway?

What’s the best that can happen when you surrender to possibility?

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Nothing is guaranteed in life except what you think to be impossible probably will be….

Remember IMPOSSIBLE includes the word I’M POSSIBLE.  My advice is to get on it, feel the fear and do it anyway you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

”It’s impossible” said Pride. ”It’s risky” said Experience, ”It’s pointless” said Reason, ”Give it a try” whispered The Heart…

What can you do today that your future self will thank you for?

What can you start doing, stop doing or do differently which will take you closer towards your hearts desires?

Live your life as if there are endless possibilities ~ The world is your lobster and what you want is only ever a thought away….

Act as if that which you want has come to pass and get into the ‘possibility mindset’, take action and strive to remember at all times :  When nothing is sure…everything is possible ~ Margaret Drabble

 

24 Feb

All in a Day’s Work

The mere mention of the word ‘work’ might be a trigger for some of you. The thought of working being all toil, blood, sweat and tears, relentless, unforgiving and stressful.  That is until that is you make your work, work for you.

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Give yourself a moment to reflect on the following work related questions.  Take stock of where you are, what’s working and what isn’t working and what you will benefit from changing.

  • What made you choose the line of work you’re in?
  • How did the job you are in come to be?
  • What do you hate about your job?
  • What do you love?
  • What would happen if the things you hate about your job you spent less time focusing on and spent more time appreciating the aspects which you enjoy?
  • What stops you creating a different outcome for yourself whether that be changing your line of work into another type of employment or speaking assertively and with positive intention to your boss about proposed changes to your workload and career progression?
  • If you could do anything, absolutely anything what kind of work would you choose for yourself without the supposed obstacles that are in your way?
  • If you want to be self employed and have been procrastinating about taking a leap of faith  what is it that stops you giving up the day job and building your own empire?
  • Are your beliefs about what you can do, be and have inspiring you to take action or holding you back even further, if so what are the more empowering beliefs you can choose for yourself?
  • What’s the cost if you do nothing to change your present situation?
  • Are you willing to pay that price?

I don’t have the answers to these questions as they will be personal to you though what I do know is if you spend time worrying about the week ahead on a Sunday night and the rest of your working week you’re clock watching and willing for that Friday feeling to come round quicker, you’re not making time to appreciate the good times in between.

If you’re gossiping in your tea break about your boss and other staff members who rile you, you’re reliving a past experience as if it was happening all over again, truth is it’s your gossiping about it that makes the situation worse, not the actual event itself.  If you take your work worries home and vent at your partner chances are your relationship will turn sour too.

Yes, we can all be triggered by different things, work, our boss, colleagues not pulling their weight, commuting, repetitive work, lack of clients, emails and calls not being replied to and generally feeling at war with the world and everyone in it, though remember, it’s not the trigger that’s the problem it’s the meaning you place on the trigger and the ‘stories and beliefs’ you build up about them.  The time and energy wasted focusing on the negatives you can never get back.

Tell a different story, focus on what you love about your work, explore how you can make practical changes to your workload, ask for help, take risks and most of all dare to live, dare to be, dare to use your skills to their fullest and most of all dare to live your life with passion and purpose.

I hope you enjoy my little acronym for work

W illingness to learn new things
O penminded about possibilities
R isk taker and change maker
K ick A*ss and then kick some more a*ss

Do the work you love and you won’t work a day in your life!

Offering a range of stress management techniques, supporting you to get clear on your focus and holding you accountable to achieve your dreams, begin by saying yes to you!

I’m here to help you get started www.bepositive.me.uk 

When you’re ready to make your Monday Magical rather than ‘Just Another Manic Monday’ (The Bangles) contact me to work on getting past your past and making your future a happier place to be.

It’s time to kick some a*ss.

15 Jan

Be Your Own Super Hero

Okay, so do I have your attention?

If you’ve been waiting for a knight in shining armour, a genie in a bottle or your fairy godmother to come along and they have been on a detour for as long as you can remember…it’s time to get your big girl panties on and be your own super hero.

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Not so long ago someone said to me ”you’re going to need someone else to take care of you now”, little did they know I have my very own super powers and have been doing a mighty fine job of looking after myself.

It’s all too easy to get complacent in life, waiting for the good times to roll but if you’re going blue in the face from waiting or constantly checking your phone, email or social media status for the invitations, celebrations and the magic dreams are made of to fall into your lap and they’re not, here is a savvy plan for taking action.

Think about what it is you want from life.  There may be several things such as an improved career, the relationship of your dreams, good health, a palace complete with indoor spa and a fridge full of healthy foods along with a gorgeous waiter to serve them to you, the whole shoe or book collection you’ve been adding to your wish list, or maybe it’s something really simple like spending more time walking in nature.

Whatever it is you want, you can have.  You just have to start somewhere.  Rather than scattering your focus on your entire wish list and getting frustrated and exhausted waiting for the things on it to materialise, this is the alternative for waiting for your super hero to rescue you.

So…here goes, grab yourself a pen and paper:

  1. Make a list of all the things you would like to come to pass
  2. Decide on just one of these things (for now) that you are going to make your main focus
  3. Whatever this one thing is, what’s the one thing you can start with to bring this to fruition?
  4. What’s the next step, the next and the one after that?
  5. Get into the feeling place as if what you want has already happened
  6. Imagine it, enjoy it, experience it, make it real in your mind
  7. Turn up the feelings associated with your achievement, swish them all around your body…hmm, feels good doesn’t it
  8. What will you see when you have realised your dream? Make the colours in the picture brighter, sharper, stronger, clearer
  9. What will you hear when your goal is ‘living’ make the sounds inside your own mind and the external sounds louder, sharper and more defined
  10. What will you taste and smell?  Turn the smell and taste right up and savour it
  11. Act as if what you want has come to pass and spend time each day getting into the feeling, seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and sensing of your actualised experience

Raising you vibration in this way, focusing on what it is you want and acting as if it has already materialised will serve you far better than wishing, hoping and dreaming.

Begin today as you mean to go on, and if your goal is anything like mine, you will achieve the other things as part of the process of beginning now with doing the one thing that will make everything else really easy.

Always remember you are your own hero or heroine in the game of life and you can be, do and have whatever you set your mind to…on your marks, get set, go….

What’s the best that can happen?

Woo hoo, enjoy the ride……

Oh and just for the sheer pleasure of it, here is one of my favourite tracks Hero by the beautiful and talented Enrique Iglesias.  Why not sing it to yourself and commit to being your own hero.

With love from me to you,

x Wendy

 

 

 

09 Jan

When Nothing is Certain….

Everything is possible…

So many times different people both friends and clients have said to me ‘what if i can’t?’, my answer is always, ‘what if you can?’

Limits exist only in the mind, what we believe to be true becomes an end result or in some cases no result at all.

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It’s true to say in life there are often many challenges that come at unexpected times and also the events we know will happen with certainty that we have to prepare for.

Here are just a few examples of where people get stuck in their thinking:

  1. It’s impossible
  2. I’m too old
  3. No one will want me
  4. I’m not experienced enough
  5. All my relationships have failed
  6. I keep attracting the wrong types
  7. I don’t have the money
  8. I don’t have the energy
  9. It’s hopeless
  10. I can’t do it

I’m sure you get the picture and perhaps by even reading those few short statements your energy has slumped, you feel defeated, negative, unhappy.  Words are powerful and it’s the words we say to ourselves inwardly and outwardly that contribute to feeling stuck and often if were’re feeling stuck we take no action because we are in a place of fear often trapped in the past and scared it will repeat itself.

So here are my re-frames I offer when I hear the kinds of complaints above:

  1. How do you know?
  2. Compared to whom?
  3. Where is the evidence of this?
  4. What can you do to gain the experience you need?
  5. What have you learnt from these relationships?
  6. If you were to focus on the ‘right types’ what is the right type for you?
  7. What other resources are open to you to achieve what you want?
  8. If you did have the energy what’s the first thing you’d do, how will that one small action benefit you?
  9. What do you want instead of that feeling of hopelessness?
  10. Get rid of the T in can’t and you can

It’s an interesting fact to share…

We are not our thoughts though our thoughts will ultimately take us closer to a desired outcome or further away.

So on that note…

  • What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
  • What will this look like, feel like and sound like to you?
  • Looking back on how you achieved this how did you do it?
  • What advice would your ‘future self’ give you in order to get started?
  • If you were to become your own best friend what would you say to yourself which offers support, encouragement and praise along the way?
  • What’s one thought, action and deed you can take today which will take you closer to your desire?

Remember you can be, do and have anything you set your mind to and when your thinking tells you otherwise tell it to ‘go and do one!’ or something similar.

You are not your thoughts.  You are a magnificent creator and your dreams can be part of your reality and experience.

Begin today acting as if and work backwards…

Happiness, success, love, career progression, whatever it is you want is only ever a thought away

30 Dec

End of Year Reflections

I invite you to use this end of year reflection exercise taking stock of your year so far. The lessons that you’ve learnt about yourself, other people and the world around you.

There may have been some painful parts to 2016, though with learning often the unpleasant situations are our greatest gifts and create positive change and new beginnings in our lives.

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You might like to copy out the questions in a journal and work through them one by one.

2016 Reflections 

• Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?
• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through again?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy and what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change? What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want for 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to making in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to get you to be where you want to be?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you so far, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make next year even better?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next twelve months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?
I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections. After working through you might like to reread and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

Set your goals high and don’t stop till you get there! – Bo Jackson

26 Dec

You’ve got to have Faith

Different things inspire me and today in light of the sad news of George Michael passing away it made me think back to my favourite song of George’s, ‘Faith’

I see George as a man who followed his inspirations, his passion and his heart and it got me thinking and wondering about how many of us have faith in ourselves, what we do and what we strive for.

George in a round about way taught me about expressing emotions, singing, dancing and being a warm and loving presence. He was a man who could draw a crowd in a good way. Respected, admired and for many cherished.

Today I am going to ponder on the things I want for my future and the legacy I wish to leave behind.  I invite you to do the same by asking yourself the following questions:

If you knew you could not fail, what would you do that you’re not currently doing?

What is your mission statement when you think about keeping unfailing faith in your abilities to achieve what you want?

What gifts (skills, attributes, words of affirmation etc) can you share with others to help them on their own personal journey’s?

When it comes to the end of your life, how do you want people to remember you?

What is the greatest legacy you can leave behind?  (please be aware a legacy is not always a monetary gain or property)  

Thank you George for inspiring me today in writing this blog post and for being the difference who made a difference.

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”Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark” – Tagore

12 Dec

Say Yes to Life!

Did you know there are 86,400 seconds in a day?  If you didn’t you do now.

The trouble with life is, you can’t bank it, save it for a rainy day, trade it in or request a new one, it simply doesn’t work like that.

Before you know it Monday is soon Friday, it’s the weekend again and then back to work.

For many people life is a whirlwind of just getting through each day until the next one comes. Few make time to smell the roses or ponder how to make the most of the 86,400 seconds they have been granted and this is why I’m writing this blog to help you take stock of where you’ve been and where you’re heading.

Life and death is certain , it’s one thing we know for sure but how many of us are really living our lives ‘on purpose?’

Are you living the same day 365 days a year or do you want something different for yourself?

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End of year reflections 

Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?

• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were the high points of the year?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through in 2017?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy in 2016 what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change?
• What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn in 2016 about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want in 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to changing in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to move on from 2016, even though 2016 may have been amazing, what do you need to leave behind in order to move on?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make 2017 your best year yet?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next 12 months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?

I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections, on reading through after completion you may like to take from it and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

If you need some help and support in living life to it’s fullest potential please do make contact.

One life, live it!

Wendy Fry | Emotional Health & Relationship Consultant | Helping you to help yourself

www.bepositive.me.uk | www.wendyfry.com | www.mothersanddaughters.solutions

04 Dec

Stretch and Grow

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I don’t know about you but this passing year has been one where i’ve well and truly stretched myself out of my comfort zone doing both fun things and also taking risks even through my insides were shaking.  Have you been in that place too, part of you quaking in your boots and the other part excited, body rushing with adrenaline?

It’s all too easy to get set in our ways and say no to doing things because we’ve never done them before and our mind plays tricks on us showing us the worst possible outcome of how something will pan out.  The good news is, in my experience all the worse case scenarios I have projected into doing something new for the first time have never actually happened.

This year i’ve been invited to do many things I have never done before: Appear on Oxford TV (you can see me in action here being interviewed with the lovely Emma-Jane Taylor) I’ve been asked to speak in front of a large group of people (like 500 people which is yet to happen) Bring it on!  and asked to write some content for a friends forthcoming book.  I will admit building a new website and getting to grips with technology and recording meditations has been truly frustrating, confusing and downright annoying but I got there in the end even though I could have honestly given in more than once.

Now so as to get that all important work life balance I put myself and four friends forward to attend learning to play a Djembe drum along with African singing and dancing, it sure was a lot of fun even though we sang the wrong words out of tune and hit the drum drum when everyone else was silent.  We stretched ourselves as a group and the challenge was easier.  We simply laughed at our mistakes and had fun trying.

All of these new opportunities and invitations filled me with fear or concern that i’d get things right but then I thought ‘what the heck’, I may have never done these things before but if I do them for the first time, I can learn from from the experience and from the point of learning, next time I have to do the same things or something similar I will have more knowledge and wisdom as to how best have a positive outcome.

So yes, I felt the fear and did it anyway and I want you to know i’m no different to you, I still have fears though recognise fear get’s in the way of achieving the things which are important to me.   So on that note…will you join me in a stretch or three?

If you could do anything knowing you could not fail, what would you do? 

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What’s the cost if you do nothing to stretch and are you willing to pay that price?

Because I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions instead choosing to believe in stretching myself at every opportunity, I invite you to do the same.

Let’s begin with the power of two:

List two things you would like to do but have been avoiding, then break down these two goals into realistic and achievable steps and from this point (today) begin by making a commitment to yourself to take action until you too stretch and grow.  You will be glad you did.  In fact the future you is already saying c’mon, get your rear in gear, we are going on an adventure.

Feel the fear and do it anyway…it sure feels good!

Let me know how you get on with your journey and if you need a stretch buddy or someone to hold you accountable just make contact at www.wendyfry.com and we will work out a plan…

So  let’s reach two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…..and breathe….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our comfort zone operates as a self protection mechanism and although we say that we want positive change we still stay in this zone, although it might be comfort-
able it can be compared to being trapped inside a cage too frightened to move out of it even if the cage door is open.

Consequently, the love that we search for is often slower to obtain, or there is no
change at all if we stay stuck where we are. It’s as though this invisible comfort zone

 

Chapter 4:   The Past       109

 

 

is made up of a million voices telling us why we shouldn’t, mustn’t, ought not to, daren’t, don’t want to do whatever it is we say we really want to do.

ARE YOU STAYING IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

 

 

Insightful Questions

 

 

  • Has life been consistently knocking you down that as soon as you get

up, you feel as if you’re being pulled back down again?

  • Has it been too scary for you to take risks that could lead you to the

love you have been searching for?

  • Have you been using your past to motivate you or limit you?
  • How long have you been staying in the safety of your comfort zone?

Anything outside of this zone can appear scary, risky or downright dangerous and our survival instincts kick in. Fear and excitement are so similar in the way we expe-
rience the feelings, that we may be uncertain which one we are feeling and so talk ourselves out of doing certain things.   It’s natural to feel apprehensive when trying new things, but unless we take action, nothing will change.

Mistakes, or rather the fear of making mistakes and not getting things 100% right, create a comfort zone.

A comfort zone consists of mental conditioning that may not always be based on
fact and has been made up of our perceptions and the meanings we have placed
on things and people.   If we feel we have taken risks before and those risks have
not worked in our favour, we may be hesitant to take risks again in case it all goes
wrong.

CREATING OUR OWN PRISONS

The truth is, if we stay within the boundaries of the self-imposed walls we build up around ourselves, change won’t happen – we’ll be doing what we always did and getting the same results, feeling stuck, uncertain and unafraid.

By thinking and doing the same things, we get the same results. I don’t really need to tell you that as I know you are already fed up with getting the same results.

 

 

110      Find YOU Find LOVE

 

 

MOVING ON FROM THE PAST AND CREATING THE FUTURE OF OUR DREAMS

So, it’s time to join me and the hundreds of women I have worked with and form a united army moving on from the past and creating the future of our dreams.  Focus on all that could go right and take those first steps towards achievement.

 

 

 

21 Nov

Every No is One Step Closer to a Yes!

I don’t know about you but there have been times in my life when I couldn’t decide if I was indecisive or not and other times when it’s been very clear to me that I need to take a different route or make an alternative choice.

Whether it’s relationships, career prospects, trying the next diet or learning something new only to discover it’s not for you, I want you to know every no is one step closer to a yes.

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If something doesn’t work out the way you hoped for all is not lost.  Ask yourself the following self-reflection questions for deeper meaning:

  • What did I learn from this experience generally?
  • What did I learn about myself?
  • If I use this experience to work for me, what has it provided me with that I wasn’t clear about before?
  • What is the gift in this situation ? – How has what happened actually benefited me?
  • How true was I being to myself in that experience?
  • What can I do differently next time?
  • Using the wisdom from my learning how can I make my next choices more congruent with who I am and what I want?
  • When I think about what I want rather than what I don’t want, what are the next actions that will take me closer to my goal?
  • Realising every no is one step closer to a yes, what do I know for sure, what haven’t I yet thought of, what is this an opportunity for?

Sometimes we can over complicate a situation by criticising ourselves, our choices, the other person, the experience, heck even the weather and waste valuable time getting caught up in angst and we all know what that feels like.

If you were to draw a line under it, move on, ask yourself the above questions and take a new course of action….what’s the best that can happen?

Remember every no is one step closer to a yes.  Begin today by saying yes to you!