Tag Archives: self-acceptance

13 Feb

The Risk of Perfectionism

Is it true? Are you a perfectionist?

It’s great to be detail orientated, focused on getting things right and doing a good job though when perfection gets out of hand you either take no risks at all or become obsessed with getting everything perfect.  I know from experience this can be exhausting as well as time consuming and soul destroying.

We often learn in childhood the need to get things right whether it’s mastering the art of learning the alphabet, times tables, having table manners, tying our shoe laces and maybe later going on to ride a bike or swim, in our early years we never stop learning.

Somewhere along the line we may have been told off, disapproved of, made to feel small, wrong or been openly criticised for something we said, did, didn’t do or say.  It’s hard to get things right, let’s be honest and getting them wrong is how we learn except to say we often feel bad or wrong if we make a mistake and this often becomes the driver for wanting to be perfect.

Most of us want to be liked, loved, approved or, accepted and praised and these traits are at the basis of being a perfectionist.  There is a part of us in fear of getting things wrong, worries about looking like a fool or worse still there is a fear we are going to be judged by others.

I admit I used to be a perfectionist.  I had good teachers when it came to this and modelled my behaviours on being a ‘good girl’.  Thing is, for me it got out of hand, I wouldn’t say ‘boo to a goose’, speak up, assert myself or take risks, I didn’t say no to anyone and took on way more work and responsibilities than was my fair share along the way.  I’d pretty much compare it to being ‘locked in.’  Being a real person but not actually being ‘me’ only saying, doing or being the person I thought others wanted me to be.

Well…i’m pleased to say when I woke up from falling asleep and realised being a perfectionist was stopping me from achieving my full potential and that I spent more time worrying about what other people would think than actually taking risks in the direction of my dreams.  I had a word with myself and asked ‘so is this really working for you?’, you can guess the answer…

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I simply unlearnt my learning, I tried new things, fell down a few times and got back up, put on my Superwoman vest and pants and thought what the heck…what’s the worse than can happen – bring it on.

I started placing boundaries about what was okay and not okay for me and I began stretching myself and taking risks.  The good news is I had many successes despite fluffing up a few times.  Even at times when I got tongue tied or didn’t know an answer to things, I simply accepted this was part of my continued learning.  I am now incredibly brave and I love the sense of new found courage and curiosity.

The truth is, you can’t know everything and you can’t please everyone all of the time, so now I’m pleasing myself and have let go of the need to be perfect, liked, loved, accepted or approved of.  I can give those things to myself and so can you.

Walk this way and join me in a spot of unpicking your perfectionism.

I invite you to reflect on your own perfectionist traits and behaviours and how they might limit you:

  • When did you develop the habit of perfectionism, how old were you?
  • Is being a perfectionist now, really as life threatening as it might have seemed when you formed the belief ”I’ve got to be perfect to be loved?”
  • How does having a perfectionist streak work for you or indeed hold you back?
  • What would you have more time for if you stopped focusing on being perfect?
  • Who do you tend to try and please when it comes to being perfect (behaving like a good girl or good boy even if you’re an adult we all still behave this way at times?) 
  • What’ the cost of your perfectionism, what is it stopping you doing now, in the past or in the future?
  • If you were to unlearn your learning what would you do that you’re not currently doing in absence of perfectionism? 
  • What if you and your efforts are good enough just as they are?
  • How will letting go of perfectionism benefit you?
  • What can you do today with abandon which will get you out of your comfort zone enabling you to flex your ‘good enough muscle?’ 
  • In the absence of perfectionism what are you choosing to focus on instead?

I’ll admit that’s a lot of questions though you can’t get them wrong…

Begin today as you mean to go on.  Let the power of vulnerability and learning be greater than the power of fear and perfectionism.

Remember whatever you’re not doing that you’d like to do is on the other side of perfectionism and it sure feels good on the other side…come join me.

Just for fun if you want to watch me letting go of perfectionism you can do so here  on The Well-being Show with Emma-Jane Taylor, now that really was flying by the seat of your pants and my first time on TV.  Like you, I too am learning along the way…

Ready to get the help and support you might need in getting past your past?  You’re welcome to contact me here or alternatively:

www.bepositive.me.uk for general therapy

www.wendyfry.com for love and relationship support

www.mothersanddaughters.solutions for family and mother-daughter relationships and all that they entail

 

 

30 Dec

End of Year Reflections

I invite you to use this end of year reflection exercise taking stock of your year so far. The lessons that you’ve learnt about yourself, other people and the world around you.

There may have been some painful parts to 2016, though with learning often the unpleasant situations are our greatest gifts and create positive change and new beginnings in our lives.

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You might like to copy out the questions in a journal and work through them one by one.

2016 Reflections 

• Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?
• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through again?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy and what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change? What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want for 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to making in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to get you to be where you want to be?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you so far, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make next year even better?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next twelve months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?
I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections. After working through you might like to reread and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

Set your goals high and don’t stop till you get there! – Bo Jackson

31 Oct

Meeting Your Mentors

The first mentor I had in my life was my mother. Who she was and how I related to her and her mentoring and mothering have shaped my life. I’m ever grateful for my learnings and the wisdom I have gained through her teachings.

When I say the word ‘Mentor’ who comes to mind for you? Is it your mother or someone else entirely?


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There have been other mentors in my life such as my father, my brother, uncles, aunts, school teachers, neighbours, friends and as i’ve gone through life also mentors who I have esteemed to on a professional level. Pretty much everyone we interact with could be classed as a mentor as we are learning from them (good or bad)

Life is about learning, it’s an experience we can’t avoid until of course we are no longer on this earthly plane. What we take from life and the meanings we place on our experiences creates outcomes and further experiences depending on our beliefs about who we are and what we can achieve.

I’m coming up to the half a century mark (goodness knows where the time has gone) though it’s a great time to stop and reflect on my life and I invite you to do the same:

• Who has made the most positive impact in your life?
• What have you overcome with the help of others?
• Who are you eternally grateful to for the support, love and encouragement they have shown you?
• When in your life have you felt your best and who helped you to achieve this?
• What are the life experiences you have encountered which have made you the person you are today?
• Reflecting on your past who and what are you grateful for?
• Looking towards your future what would your current self say to your future self?
• Thinking about the rest of your life and knowing too, you are your own best mentor. What will you start doing, stop doing and do differently to make the rest of your life the best of your life?

 

We never know what path we will walk when we are born into this world and our experiences can make us or break us. The fact that you are reading this means you are made up of courage, determination, strength and love, oh and stardust! You have the ability to continue ever onwards living your life on purpose and mentoring yourself along the way to check you are on track.

The mentors in our lives help us, support us and encourage us and we too play a big hand in what we choose to do with their guidance. Decide today if you are to be your very own personal mentor what is the first thing you will say to yourself? and the next, and the next and the next? What is the first action you will take? and the next and the next and the next? When you commit to yourself to make your past work for you so much can be gained.

I am ever grateful for the mentors in my life and I have listed them in my next book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

With loving thanks to my mother Jeanette and father Paul who gave me the gift of life and my brother Colin who taught me how to shape some funky dance moves when the going gets tough.  Massive hugs to my wonderful friends especially ‘THE HOGS’ (Girlfriends with Hearts of Gold) Gill Shaw, Ann Whittaker, Deborah Marshall, Joanna Emmerson, Maaike Vlamm, Lucy Moreton, Lisa Rackham and Caroline Maidment, you are the best!

Special thanks goes to Olive Webb who was like a second mum to me; Olive picked me up many times when I fell down and always with love.  Heartfelt gratitude goes out to Margaret Biggs, Helen Stanbridge, Jane Taylor, Curly Martin, Lexie Bebbington, Anne Jirsch, Sasha Allenby, Monica Cafferky and Sharon King.  To all the people who have caused me pain and discomfort in my life, without the challenges and experiences I had with you, I may never have found the path leading me to do the work I love – so I thank you.

I’ve come a long way because of the people I met and have been blessed by many to receive their help and support as well as their love, encouragement and guidance.  It’s been a gift to have found them, or maybe they found me…

Not always one to blow my own trumpet there’s no time like the present to also recognise I’ve got to where I am through my own determination and I invite you to do the same.

Take a bow, salute yourself and do the happy dance in acknowledgement of just how far you’ve come.  Here’s looking forward to the next half a century and the wonderful mentors and experiences we have yet to discover.

25 Jul

Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All

Remember at any given moment there are a thousand things you can love – David Levitham

When was the last time you said ‘I Love You’ ~ to yourself?

When I ask this question to my clients colleagues and friends, nearly always they say, it’s wrong to love yourself, selfish, big-headed, arrogant etc The truth is the more responsibility we can take to meet our own needs, nurture and care for ourselves as adults, if a relationship ends, or we do not receive validation, love or approval from those we would like it from, it’s okay because we are still whole, complete and beautiful just as we are.  Love isn’t taken away from us, it’s inside of us and this blog post will help you realise when you put love outside of yourself you are really giving away your personal power.

Love is the path to healing.  When we honour, respect and care for ourselves giving ourselves as much attention as we might to our partners, lovers, family and friends, we blossom – simple.

Seeing yourself through the eyes of love every day is a wonderful exercise to practice. The statements below can be completed by either writing them out or speaking them aloud. They will set you up for the day ahead and put you in a positive frame of mind, guiding your thoughts to those which are kind and loving.

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• When I look through the eyes of love, how do I choose to see myself physically today?

• When I feel from the heart of love, how can I be more loving to myself today?

• When I use my inner wisdom, what thoughts can I choose to think about myself that are more loving?

• When I see the love and beauty all around me I start to notice…..

• When I focus on all that is possible for me I…..

• Today, I realise that when I choose love I…..

• Today, tomorrow and the next day I commit to…..

• I accept myself today

• I love myself just as I am

• I think and speak positively about myself from my heart

• I deserve love

• I open my heart to love

• I attract love easily and effortlessly

• I am willing to receive love

• I give love with a good heart

• I nurture myself and my needs

• I choose to do something thoughtful and deserving for myself every day

• I am surrounded by love

• As I move throughout my day I choose to interact with others from the love that is within me

• I seek for the opportunity to notice love in every experience

• I am grateful for each loving experience

• I choose love in my life every day

• I am love

As whitney Houston would say…’Learning to Love Yourself is the greatest Love of All.’

Need some help in the self-love department.  Check out the range of programmes to get you back on track to loving you right here and be sure to check out the free love and relationship resources here 

Find YOU, Find LOVE, my first book in the range on the topic of love and relationships can be found right here

04 Jul

Missing Events – Making up for lost time

When you think of your past, what was it you wanted you didn’t receive?

Was it the love from another, a promotion, recognition from someone important to you, being included in a group, praise for a job well done or simply feeling accepted for who you are?

Each of us crave different things, often it comes down to the need for love, acceptance, approval or oneness.

Any emotions and feelings not acknowledged in childhood

In my work as a therapist many of my clients talk about the things which happened in their lives which they regret. They tell the story of the disappointments, unfairness, heartbreak, despair and the beliefs they formed about themselves, the world around them and/or other people.

It’s true our past events do affect us until we resolve them but how often do we talk about the missing events and how to heal the past by creating a new way of thinking?

Until I discovered Matrix Reimprinting (you can read more about it here In Karl Dawson and Sasha Allenby’s first book on the subject) Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future, I too had many missing events from my past and many limiting beliefs which were ruining my life.

The beauty of Matrix Reimprinting is you can go back to a time in your past when you formed limiting beliefs such as ‘i’m not good enough’, ‘pretty enough’, ‘slim enough’, ‘worthy enough’, ‘lovable enough’ etc and work with your ECHO (Energetic Consciousness Hologram) otherwise known as your inner child who formed these limiting beliefs.

A little like re-writing a story, working in the matrix gives you the freedom to go back, make up for lost time and say or do what you didn’t say within the  remembered event giving the younger you the power to change your experience of that time.  Although you can’t actually change the past you can go back to the memory of when you formed a limiting belief, learn why you put it in place and clear the energy which remains utilising EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) you can even put in a new ending and take your inner child off in a whole new direction with a fresh and empowering belief which serves you.  There is so much freedom in doing this and life takes on new meaning.

At the age of fifteen, I formed the belief ‘I not lovable’, it was on reflection a misguided belief which came from my father leaving my mother but at the time I took this as a personal rejection, this played out in my life and shaped the outcome of my relationships spanning over 20 years, expecting those I had relationships with to leave or abandon me.  I’ve written about it here in my first book Find YOU Find LOVE.  Which includes EFT to clear the past as well as The Spotlight Process to help you monitor your thoughts, beliefs and how to change them.

Thinking about what it is you want to achieve in your life, what stops you?  

What are the limiting beliefs which get in your way of having loving relationships, the career or promotion you want?

What stops you trying something new?  

Who from your childhood are you still carrying resentment towards?

Which negative emotions do you suffer from the most?

Who or what triggers these emotions?

What limiting beliefs do you have about yourself?

What is preventing you from feeling more at peace with yourself? 

What else is holding you back in your life?

What is your ECHO (inner child) holding onto which still hurts you now?

What are the missing events you wish had happened?

If you were able to go back and create a new ending to an old story/event what would you do or say? 

How would changing your beliefs about yourself, others and the world around you benefit you?

I appreciate there are a lot of questions here.  You can learn more about limiting beliefs and how yours may still be influencing your current reality by downloading the free chapter here

I will continue to share in my blog how making up for lost time, using EFT and Matrix Reimprinting putting you back in control of your life.

Being aware of the past is helpful, living there isn’t.

From my heart to yours (and your ECHO) with love

x Wendy

When you’re ready to work with me you can check out your best programme here 

 

 

 

 

05 Jun

What is it you believe?

In recent weeks we’ve discussed:

How our beliefs influence the way we feel and what we choose to do ~

Limiting beliefs and lifetime issues ~

Discovering your limiting beliefs ~

This week’s blog gives you an opportunity to get clear on what it is you believe.

Insightful Questions

Read through the following questions and notice your responses. You might be surprised at how unkind the thoughts you have about yourself really are.

• How many of your thoughts about yourself are critical, blaming, bullying, shaming, ugly, unloving, downright rude and uncaring?

• What do you say to yourself on a regular basis that’s damaging and unkind?

• How often do you project into the future the idea that love and relationships are pointless, that you’re not good enough, slim enough, tall enough, worthy enough, attractive enough, smart enough?

• Would you talk to a best friend or a child the way you talk to and criticise yourself?

• Would you tell that person that they will never amount to anything, that they are useless, unlovable, worthless, stupid, ugly, shameful, inadequate, and pitying?

Chances are, you would not say these things or others like them to another person and so it’s time to stop speaking about yourself in a limiting way. It’s time to stop the war against yourself, it’s time to stop rejecting yourself, time to stop replaying the past, time to stop beating yourself up and playing small and time to get rid of the voice from the past.

Thought Power

It’s time to start loving yourself and giving yourself the time, attention love and care that you deserve. It’s time to listen to and meet your own needs by yourself for yourself.

Our main problems and limiting beliefs, come from the perception of our level of success, love, belonging, self worth, control, security, reality and reason. Getting really honest with yourself about the core beliefs that you may be running like a film or story in your mind, is a very important step in change work. Once we realise that a lot of the stories and movies that we play in our minds are outdated and unhelpful, we know what areas to work on.

Be aware that some core beliefs come from our conditioning whilst growing up. There is no blame here on our caregivers, we were very young when we formed our core beliefs and at the time, these beliefs seemed to be appropriate for us. Core beliefs may be formed based on the following conditions:

• Fear associated with rejection/not being lovable, worthy or approved of

• Fear associated with not meeting expectations, being good enough, adequate, recognised

• Fear associated with criticism, judgement, being made wrong, being told off, being compared

• Fear associated with people giving you attention, unwanted attention, smothering, feeling singled out, harassed, embarrassed

Core beliefs can be likened to a table. At the top of the table is the limiting core belief. This is held up by the table legs which are formed from family conditioning, societal conditioning, emotional events, upset and trauma. Your core beliefs may also have many other beliefs underlying them supporting the core belief.

Remember, there is never any blame. Whatever you discover that shaped your beliefs (if you felt unloved, unimportant, ignored or rejected by a parent or significant other) it doesn’t mean they didn’t love you, it was purely the meaning and belief you placed on an event or series of events and experiences with the knowledge that you had at the time.

We forget as adults that many of the beliefs we formed in childhood are outdated, destructive and are often completely wrong. Working through and having an awareness of the memories that you would like transformed is the start to the road of finding you and finding love.

Joking aside, I would like to remind you of some old, outdated, beliefs that you may have moved on from already:

• Father Christmas
• The Tooth Fairy
• Monsters under the bed
• Fairy tales and other stories

EFT and The Spotlight Process will offer further support on moving on from your limiting beliefs. Everything you need is right here in my first  book Find YOU, Find LOVE, a small price to pay for a major change. What is the cost of holding on to those limiting beliefs?

 

15 Apr

Your Past Need Not Define Your Future

How often does what’s happened in the past limit you?

Whether it’s starting a new relationship, ending one which isn’t working, changing your job or improving your health what limiting beliefs get in the way?

Do you tell yourself ‘I can’t do it’, ‘men, women, people in general can’t be trusted’, ‘I’ll never be able to manage on my own’, ‘all the good jobs are taken’, ‘I can’t keep my weight off’

Would you ever talk to a best friend like that?  Telling them they’re useless, their ideas will never work, they might as well give up?  No, I don’t think so, so why do you do this to yourself?

Back in the day when I was considering becoming a coach and NLP Practitioner I will admit I had a lot of self doubt.

My inner Gremlin which was rather like the meanest, nastiest bully.  It would tell me things such as:

  • You’re not good enough 
  • You’ll never understand it
  • There are so many others out there doing this, why would they want little ole me!

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I also had so called friends telling me:

  • There’s no money it it
  • It’s too competitive and cut throat
  • Everyone is giving up their day job and becoming a coach
  • Why would you want to give up your day job

In hindsight i know my friends were advising me as if they were in the situation, these were their fears, I didn’t need to make them mine.  I realised my own self doubts came from the past when I found it hard to understand letters and numbers and when I though everyone else was better than me.

The truth is I realised I could stay the same doing a 9-5 and not really using the gifts I naturally have or I could fly by the seat of my pants and create for myself a different future.

In the end that small voice inside got a little louder and said ‘You can do this!’ and well, that was ten years ago now.  Since that time i’ve achieved so much and helped others achieve their dreams too.

Having been someone who let the past get in the way once too often I’ve developed a process helping you to move on from the past.  It’s shared in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE though I wanted to share some snippets with you here:

Using The Spotlight Process on the stories in your mind

From this moment on, when you get caught up in a story in your mind, please take a moment and reflect:

  • What part of your story is a replay of what happened in the past?
  • How often do you tell this story?
  • When you tell this story, how do you feel?
  • Is your story one that you are creating about the future with a negative expectation based on the past?
  • How is thinking in this way limiting you?
  • What are the consequences of thinking this way?
  • What do you want instead?

When your story is a replay from the past or is a negative projection into the future your body responds as if you are actually experiencing fear simply because you are thinking about it. The memory isn’t real though your mind and body may think it is real and project fear of attack into situations that are really quite safe.  Our unconscious mind will do everything it can to keep us safe even if there is no actual risk.  It’s a self protection mechanism.

Practical Exercise using The Spotlight Process (15 minutes)

Periodically throughout the day and at the end of each day, use The Spotlight Process to take stock of where you have spent most of your thought time (past, present or future) and answer the following questions which complement the process beautifully.

  • What have I been focusing on?
  • Where have my thoughts been (past, present future?)
  • How have I been talking to myself for the last hour or two?
  • Have I been talking to myself in a kindly way or a critical way?
  • What images, stories, thoughts or feelings have experienced today that have caused me distress?
  • Which emotions and feelings have I experienced the most today?
  • Have I been thinking about the future negatively or positively?
  • What advice can I give myself so that tomorrow is a better day?
  • What choices can I make that will take me closer to my goals?

When you use the past to work for you rather than against you, instead of responding from the part of you (the child within) conditioned by your parents or caregivers you are able to reply from the adult you.

Responding from your adult self will support you to grow, to take action and to achieve great things you desire.  Responding from the adult you, encourages you to take risks, to blossom, to treat yourself with love and kindness, to be the best that you can be.

Download your free chapter on limiting beliefs work through your demons and create for yourself a magnificent future. If you need a helping hand I offer a range of support programmes

The Past is Over

If your light is always in the past, you cannot see the future

31 Mar

Stop Playing the Fool

Stop Playing the Fool. 

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  • How often do you find yourself laughing things off when deep down you’re hurting?
  • What makes you wear a mask of who you think you should be rather than being all of who you are?
  • When do you find yourself not putting you first in relationships only to find the relationship fails anyway, when you’ve given all you’ve got and then some? 

April Fool’s day comes but once a year, though how often are you playing the fool and not really living your life on your terms? 

Help is at hand.

If you’re:

  • Fed up with waiting for more love, fun and happiness in your life…
  • Ready to let go of the past and focus on having a positive and loving relationship that fulfils you…
  • All set to be accepted for who you are and totally and free to be yourself…
  • Eager to make the rest of your life, the best of your life…

I hate to say it.  The only thing stopping you is you!

I stopped playing the fool a long time ago and have to say it’s liberating.  Gone is the mask of fear, the long nose of lying to please others, the need for approval or acceptance.  Gone is the me I thought I had to be, it’s the best thing i’ve ever done and I want to share with you the tools and transformation techniques which stopped me playing the fool.

On your marks, get set, go! Ready to discover all you can be….

Using an extensive tool kit, I can not only show you how to be the best that you can be, I will guide you to get out of your own way so that you can experience the love that you truly deserve.  Playing the fool and wallowing in the self-sabotage that goes with it will be history when you say yes to you!

By examining the events, perceptions and beliefs you have formed about yourself,  love and relationships you will gain the awareness that the past need not influence the future.

I will share with you the transformational tools and techniques to give you freedom from your past including the emotional baggage, self doubt and fear. You will move from helplessness to happiness and become the person who you’ve always have been and just forgot about.

Offering you the strategies for positive and lasting change guiding you back home to you, the place where love resides.
Who you are is so worth loving.  You are the key to finding and keeping the love you deserve.

For the month of April and in recognition of April Fool’s Day you be foolish not to take up this great offer.

Save 10% off ‘12 Weeks to Total Love and relationship Transformation’ when booking in April 2016.

Would you like to:

  • Get to the heart of your love and relationship problems?
  • Release the past?
  • Start believing in yourself more?
  • Move on from doubts and fears?
  • Improve your confidence and self Esteem?
  • Improve current relationships?
  • Learn to trust again?
  • Let go of feelings that you’re unlovable?
  • Remove the blocks that are holding you back from love?
  • Find practical solutions to your love and relationship issues?
  • Accept yourself just as you are?
  • Turn up your love dial and let love in?
  • Redirect your focus and find love?
  • Envision your future exactly as you want it to be?

It is easy to fool the eye but it’s hard to fool the heart – Al pacino 

Say yes to you!

08 Feb

Who Else Wants Emotional Freedom?

There’s a lot to be said about emotional intelligence and I’m sure you have read many self-help books on the subject of emotions and how they impact your life, though what I will be sharing over the next few weeks ahead is a technique called EFT to set you free from the emotions weighing you down.  I will be sharing specifically EFT for love and relationship problems taken from my book Find YOU, Find LOVE:Get to the heart of love and relationships using EFT

Find YOU Find LOVE

I will also be talking about EFT Lorraine Whyte from Blog Talk Radio on the 18th February on her show ‘Unlock Your Soul’ I will be sure to share the link to the show with you as soon as I have it. You might like to listen to a previous interview where we talk about self love.

EFT otherwise known as ‘Tapping’ or The Emotional Freedom Technique is becoming more and more and more popular as a way to de-stress, process and release hurtful emotions as well as clearing the way for new beginnings and boosting your confidence.

EFT goes way beyond just thinking and talking about your problems, it’s a practical technique housewives, school children, racing drivers, sports professionals, singers and actors are using to either clear negative feelings or indeed ramp up the positive ones.

Whatever your age, gender, ethnic origin or beliefs EFT belongs to everyone.  We all have unwanted emotions and together we can free ourselves from the things which weigh us down.

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In my book I share the following tools and techniques:

Chapter 1: Get to the Heart of Love and Relationships Using EFT

  • What is The Emotional Freedom Technique?
  • EFT Tapping Points and Process
  • Transform Your Thoughts and Feelings Using EFT
  • Positive EFT

The weekly blogs will outline some of the content to get you started using EFT and even if you are a seasoned practitioner or have been using EFT for some time I will be sharing how to utilise the technique for the area of love and relationships.

The Emotional Freedom Technique 

I really do feel that EFT deserves a drum roll of introduction, appreciation and acknowledgement, as using it may seriously improve your emotional well-being and in turn your relationships and that, wouldn’t you agree, is worth a drum roll or three?

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to be free from unwanted negative emotions or who doesn’t want to improve their love and relationships or their ability to love and be loved.  There is great freedom and personal transformation that comes from using this technique and you will experience that for yourself if you follow the guidelines offered to you.

I’m hopeful that once you have learnt and applied EFT to the areas of your life you wish to work on, EFT will become as regular for you as brushing your teeth.  EFT can be compared to daily brushing to balance energy.  It can be used as ‘first aid’ and applied as and when needed in the moment.  It can also be used for long term healing and will certainly be less painful than a root canal.  When you are able to work on the root of a problem, smaller, related problems will no longer influence you to such a great effect.

EFT has the potential to change your beliefs and in turn transform your life.  You will find your life improving either in subtle ways or with dramatic effect depending on how often you apply the technique.  When you free yourself from past hurts and fears, clearing emotional baggage easily and quickly, you break old patterns and behaviours and open up for yourself a world full of love and opportunity.

EFT and the ripple effect

Many people find that using EFT on one problem, in fact resolves other problems at the same time.  As our energy shifts and changes and begins flowing freely, so our thoughts, feelings and emotions shift and change.  Life starts to look rosy again.

EFT has a ripple effect, just like casting a pebble into a still lake, the ripples of change spread out into all areas of your life.  Every ripple, every thought, every feeling, every word and every action you cast out will create and bring to you amazing life changes.

I use EFT every.  I recommend you, too, use EFT as part of your natural daily health plan to support you in balancing your emotional health and well-being.

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Take a moment to reflect and consider these questions carefully:

  • Do you want to be free from emotional ties to the past?
  • Ready to set yourself free from fear and worry?
  • Looking forward to letting go of emotional baggage weighting you down?
  • Want to feel more hopeful about the future?
  • More confident?
  • More loving?

Then join me in living your life with passion and purpose!

EFT will support you in achieving all these things and more.

Set your diary ahead to follow this blog (it goes live on Monday’s) and all will be revealed over the coming weeks.

Can’t wait to get started in getting to the heart of your love and relationship problems. You can download completely free Chapter 3 from my book ‘Love and Relationship Beliefs’ over at www.wendyfry.com  You will also find some other lovely goodies on the resources page to use at your leisure.

Serious about sorting out your love and relationship problems, take a peek at my services page here  It will be my pleasure to support you in Finding You and Finding LOVE.

18 Oct

Why Crying is Good For You…

When was the last time you had a good cry?

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It never ceases to amaze me how someone crying might make others feel uncomfortable. They might rush in saying things like:

  • Don’t cry
  • Pull yourself together
  • Don’t let anyone see you crying
  • It’s weak to cry
  • Don’t get upset

As children we may have been told things like:

  • Don’t be a cry baby
  • Be a big a big boy/girl
  • Grow-up
  • Pansy and other inappropriate name calling
  • You’re pathetic
  • Stop snivelling

It’s not long before we internalise all these negative messages and beliefs about why we shouldn’t cry!

The truth is our bodies are designed to release stress and build up of toxins through the secretion of tears.  It’s actually healthy to cry.

Perhaps you have found a way to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’ on your feelings keeping everything in, or maybe you are like me when you are in shock or deeply saddened, you too might shed a bucket load of tears.

If we continually keep emotions in we might find ourselves ‘imploding’ and this continual build up of stress and unexpressed emotions might lead to depression, low mood, sleeplessness, anxiety and a whole host of symptoms where the body tries other ways to release the build up of emotions.

Feeling like we can’t express ourselves in the moment we might also find ourselves exploding in anger and rage at the most inappropriate time.

When you next cry and someone tells you not to, it might be interesting to ask them ”what is it about my tears, that makes you uncomfortable?”

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Your tears, upset and emotions may well evoke in someone else the unresolved emotions they have not released, triggering off their own sadness, loss, grief, anger and the full range of human emotions that we all experience.

There is a lovely scientific study right here if you’re interested in finding out more about the different types of tears and why it’s healthy to release emotional tears.

In my work as a therapist, I have seen grown men, women and children cry.  In our work together, they are given the space and freedom to cry , encouraged to express the emotions that have been held in and allowed to vent what they are feeling.  Often the unresolved emotions go as far back as childhood when they were fist told not to cry.

There are a range of techniques I offer to aid emotional release though right here in this moment, the first step to coming to tems with how you feel is to join me in saying aloud.

  • I give myself permission to feel what I’m feeling
  • It’s okay for me to have these emotions
  • I allow myself to work through what I’m feeling

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Whenever your emotions surface unexpectedly repeat these statements to see you through, grab yourself some soft tissues and allow yourself to cry.

If you need a safe space to work through what you’re feeling, a place where you will be heard and supported I welcome you to make contact.  I offer a range of support programmes to suit your individual needs.

If you need help in coming to terms with love and relationships contact me here 

For general therapeutic support you can find out more here 

Remember crying is good for you. 

As ever, from my heart to yours with love,

X Wendy