In recent weeks we’ve discussed:
This week’s blog gives you an opportunity to get clear on what it is you believe.
Read through the following questions and notice your responses. You might be surprised at how unkind the thoughts you have about yourself really are.
• How many of your thoughts about yourself are critical, blaming, bullying, shaming, ugly, unloving, downright rude and uncaring?
• What do you say to yourself on a regular basis that’s damaging and unkind?
• How often do you project into the future the idea that love and relationships are pointless, that you’re not good enough, slim enough, tall enough, worthy enough, attractive enough, smart enough?
• Would you talk to a best friend or a child the way you talk to and criticise yourself?
• Would you tell that person that they will never amount to anything, that they are useless, unlovable, worthless, stupid, ugly, shameful, inadequate, and pitying?
Chances are, you would not say these things or others like them to another person and so it’s time to stop speaking about yourself in a limiting way. It’s time to stop the war against yourself, it’s time to stop rejecting yourself, time to stop replaying the past, time to stop beating yourself up and playing small and time to get rid of the voice from the past.
It’s time to start loving yourself and giving yourself the time, attention love and care that you deserve. It’s time to listen to and meet your own needs by yourself for yourself.
Our main problems and limiting beliefs, come from the perception of our level of success, love, belonging, self worth, control, security, reality and reason. Getting really honest with yourself about the core beliefs that you may be running like a film or story in your mind, is a very important step in change work. Once we realise that a lot of the stories and movies that we play in our minds are outdated and unhelpful, we know what areas to work on.
Be aware that some core beliefs come from our conditioning whilst growing up. There is no blame here on our caregivers, we were very young when we formed our core beliefs and at the time, these beliefs seemed to be appropriate for us. Core beliefs may be formed based on the following conditions:
• Fear associated with rejection/not being lovable, worthy or approved of
• Fear associated with not meeting expectations, being good enough, adequate, recognised
• Fear associated with criticism, judgement, being made wrong, being told off, being compared
• Fear associated with people giving you attention, unwanted attention, smothering, feeling singled out, harassed, embarrassed
Core beliefs can be likened to a table. At the top of the table is the limiting core belief. This is held up by the table legs which are formed from family conditioning, societal conditioning, emotional events, upset and trauma. Your core beliefs may also have many other beliefs underlying them supporting the core belief.
Remember, there is never any blame. Whatever you discover that shaped your beliefs (if you felt unloved, unimportant, ignored or rejected by a parent or significant other) it doesn’t mean they didn’t love you, it was purely the meaning and belief you placed on an event or series of events and experiences with the knowledge that you had at the time.
We forget as adults that many of the beliefs we formed in childhood are outdated, destructive and are often completely wrong. Working through and having an awareness of the memories that you would like transformed is the start to the road of finding you and finding love.
Joking aside, I would like to remind you of some old, outdated, beliefs that you may have moved on from already:
• Father Christmas
• The Tooth Fairy
• Monsters under the bed
• Fairy tales and other stories
EFT and The Spotlight Process will offer further support on moving on from your limiting beliefs. Everything you need is right here in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE, a small price to pay for a major change. What is the cost of holding on to those limiting beliefs?