28 Sep

Who’s in the driving seat of your life?

Are you driving consciously or falling asleep at the wheel?

When we are born into the world, our journey is decided for us by our caretakers. In the early years of our life, our own choices may be limited and often our decisions and plans are based on those around us.  As we grow older, we forget that we can take responsibility for ourselves and can make decisions based on our own needs and values.

I’d like you to consider, for a moment, your life as a journey…..

Imagine yourself travelling that journey by car. To make that journey you would need to decide on a destination.  Without a clear idea of where you want to be, you could end up anywhere, going round in circles.

You may need a few things on your journey to make it a success:

  • Fuel for energy in your car
  • A map so that you can plan your route
  • Water if you get thirsty or if the car overheats
  • Some music for entertainment
  • Some fresh fruit and snacks for sustenance
  • A breakdown service card just in case you experience problems along the way

Consider what necessary things are needed on your own personal journey to get to where you want to be in terms of love and relationships:

Enthusiasm, hope, trust, confidence, optimism, resilience, courage, strength and a go get attitude!

If you come across a red light whilst travelling, do you take the time to reflect on how far you’ve already travelled and how much you’ve achieved, or do you see it as a stop sign? Suspended in time, frozen, and cocooned inside your car and mind, seeing red!!

If you come to a cross roads, what will you do?

Decisions, decisions, which way now? I hear you ask yourself….

What if I take the wrong turning?

Hey….what if it’s the right way?

Often we have no way of knowing which road will be the right road. We have to take a risk, a chance and muster up our self belief, telling ourselves that we will get to where we want to be, if we keep the destination in mind all the time.  It’s natural to get lost or go off track from time to time. The important thing here is to stop and re- focus on where we are heading and the right roads will always present themselves.

The good thing about being at a cross roads is that there is always a choice about which direction to turn. If we take a wrong turn, we simply try again. Like listening to your car’s Sat Nav, you also turn around where possible.

Where is your journey taking you? Are you still held back in the past, too scared to move ahead, or are you here in the present moment considering your options.

  • So who’s in the driving seat of your life?
  • Are you driving consciously or falling asleep at the wheel?

This insight into how we manage our lives was taken from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  which supports you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems using The Spotlight Process and EFT.

If you would like some 1-2-1 support to work through your love and relationship problems please contact me via www.wendyfry.com   I am also offering a series of 1 Day workshops, the details of which are here http://goo.gl/aMlZQY It will be my pleasure to work with you so that you too head in the right direction when it comes to love.

spotlight process ad


20 Sep



  • What does connection mean to you?
  • Who or what are you connected to?
  • Is the connection negative or positive?

Searching on line for dictionary meanings I found the following:

  • The act or state of connecting
  • The state of being connected
  • Anything that connects (part, link or bond)
  • Association or relationship
  • Circle of friends or associates


Throughout our lives we connect with many people and many things, connecting can be a positive or negative experience depending on what having that connection brings with it.

 what are you still connectd to 2

As an emotional health and relationship consultant  www.wendyfry.com I’ve worked with many people that are still connected to the past.  Having that connection limits them, either because they don’t know how to move on, may not want to or there may be an underlying fear somewhere that stops them.

Take a moment to consider who or what from that past you are still connected to that hurts you in some way….

It could be that you no longer see the person that you are connected to though have memories, thoughts and feelings of that connection left over that are weighing you down.

  • Is your connection based on hurt, disappointment, frustration, unrequited love, regret, guilt, anger, sadness, loss?
  • Who suffers as a result of holding on to the feelings connected with the past?
  • What would it be like for you to be free from the emotional connection that hurts you?
  • How would your life change if you could move on from this and make new and more positive connections?



Reflect on what emotions thoughts and feelings still play out for you every day that stem from unresolved problems from the past.

  • What happens if you keep hold of these thoughts, feelings and emotions?
  • How does it affect you physically, emotionally and mentally?
  • How does having these connections limit you?
  • What patterns in relationships can you see that are unresolved hurts from the past?


Unless we do the inner work and transform the old connections to that which serves us better, we are going to get less of what we want and more of what we don’t want.

Make a decision today to explore you past, what are you connected to that doesn’t serve you?

  • People
  • Places
  • Regrets
  • Disappointments
  • Fears
  • Hurts
  • Love lost
  • Alcohol
  • Drugs
  • Food
  • Gambling


We connect to many things outside of ourselves for many reasons. Find YOU, Find LOVE will help you to explore what you are holding onto and why http://goo.gl/crnvoZ


My friendly and interactive workshops http://goo.gl/lyzMFh   will guide you to work towards connecting back with yourself so that you understand regardless of your past and what has happened it’s time to move on and make new connections that make the rest of your life, the best of your life.  You’ve got nothing to loose except the pain.

14 Sep

Self Love

What can you do today to be more loving to yourself?

How much self love do you have?

Is the glass half full or half empty?

How much time do you invest in caring for yourself?

How often do you put you self first?

How often are you able to meet your own needs?

A glass full of love

You, yourself have the ability to fill your glass up with  love. You have the endless capacity to love and that love begins with the relationship you have with yourself. Making time for yourself will be one of the best investments you have ever made. Self care will ultimately lead to self love.

It isn’t selfish to take time for you, to nurture yourself, to give to yourself the things that you expect or desire others to give to you.

We often think that to improve our relationships that we have to change the other person.  It’s true perhaps some things that another person changes about themselves might improve the relationship though ultimately when we look at how we can change and improve our own self love we don’t need to look outside of ourselves for external fulfilment which might be as changeable as the wind and conditional.

Without self love and taking personal responsibility to fulfil our own needs, we operate from a place of lack and neediness; we cannot love another or receive love until we believe ourselves to be completely whole. Unless we truly love ourselves, we will never believe someone else does. 


By loving and caring for ourselves we show others that it’s ok for them to love and care for us too. We are often treated by others as we treat ourselves and if we cannot love ourselves, we make it very difficult for others to love us.

Even though we may say that we want the relationship of our dreams, we might also believe that it’s impossible to have a fulfilling and loving relationship. What we do want and what we don’t want seem to be in conflict. Part of us may believe that true love and happiness is possible and the other part denying any thought of entertaining it.  We might push love and the opportunity for true happiness away, without realising we are sabotaging ourselves.

Personal transformation occurs, once we are able to learn to love ourselves and remain whole in knowing that we are lovable whatever happens around us.  If someone leaves your life remember it’s often about them and not about you.

If a relationship comes to as painful as it might be who you are is still worth loving, if another person stops loving you based on what’s going on for them, it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving yourself.

How we experience things and how they really are

There is a term used in NLP, that ‘the map is not the territory’ which basically means whatever your experiences of love and relationships up to now, there is always a different journey ahead waiting for you – one that is totally different to the map that you have.

The map or the blueprint that you may have been holding onto, will be made up of your past love and relationship experiences and may not be the best guide to your future. It would be like covering old rocky ground and your internal Sat Nav telling you to ‘turn around where possible’

It’s time to tear up the map of what hasn’t worked, forget about the wrong paths you may have gone down, and the dead ends you met because there is a whole new territory waiting out there for you. It’s time to plan the journey based on a new destination, creating a travel plan of places you’d like to visit along the way to the journey’s end.  There is no point in using your old map.

The past is over and you have your whole life ahead of you…

You might like to make time to go through this exercise:


Heart Based Exercise (10 minutes)

I encourage you to reflect on the following points, to make your future the best it can be. Ask yourself-

  • What do I need to stop doing that hold me back from having more self love?
  • What do I need to start doing to be open to receiving love?
  • What do I need to do differently to improve my relationships?
  • What can I commit to right now that will move me forwards in the direction of my dreams?


Be aware of the thoughts, actions and behaviours which will take you closer to your dreams and then go get ’em!

This post is taken from my first book on love and relationships which has been reviewed here by Sharon King.  Find YOU, Find LOVE is available on amazon http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  or contact me direct via my website www.wendyfry.com

 ‘’Find YOU, Find LOVE by Wendy Fry takes you lovingly by the hand and guides you on a powerful journey to heal your past relationships, transforming your past where you have experienced separation, not feeling safe in the world and unloved. Lovingly guiding you to open your heart once again, to love and be loved. Every relationship we have offers us an opportunity to heal and the most important relationship you can ever have is with yourself. Enjoy the journey back to self love this fabulous book offers to you’’

Sharon King – Author of The Book on Birth: The Missing Peace – A new Paradigm in Conscious Birthing.

If you are interested in learning more about the processes and techniques shared in Find YOU, Find LOVE, I will be running a series of workshops in Sutton, Surrey the first shown here  http://goo.gl/lyzMFh and later followed by another on the 15th November.

Hope to see you there x

From my heart to yours with love…


08 Sep

To love or not to love – that is the question

How much love do you have in your life right now?  That may be a loaded question…there are all so many different kinds of love:

  • Self love
  • Love of another
  • Love of family
  • Love of a pet
  • Love of your work/vocation
  • Love of nature/gardening
  • Love of knowledge
  • Love of music
  • Love of people
  • Love of a faith/religion
  • Love of a hobby
  • Love of exercise
  • Love of reading/writing/journaling
  • Love of stillness/meditation

I have been pondering this thought since Friday. I spoke with a close friend and told her how very loved I feel in my life right now and she said to me ‘’that is because you are so loving and giving, others want to give love back to you’’ It made me realise that the love we give away freely and willingly does indeed find its way back to us.

There have been times in my life when I shut the door on love, I didn’t give it at all but expected to receive it.  I looked for it outside of myself and put conditions on love.  I based my whole identity and self worth on how lovable I was. It was a tough lesson to learn and I learnt it just the same.

I took stock on my life and realised where I was going wrong.  I made time for me and took care of myself instead of expecting others to.  I worked through the poop from the past and climbed my way out of a whole and into the sunlight and I have NEVER looked back.

I encourage you to do the same.  Improving the relationship you have with yourself first and foremost is the first step towards improving all external relationships.

Try out this little exercise taken from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE to discover the love that you have inside of you.  When you are able to love yourself and can give that love away freely with no expectation on receiving love in return, it will pour down on you by the bucket load.

What other ways can you think of that create the ‘flow’ in you (flow is the feeling of wholeness, connection, contentment, just being in love with life and all that is)


Heart Based Practical Exercise (15 minutes)

 angled pencilminiheartquadrant

Copy out and complete in a journal the following statements with positive heartfelt endings (act as if love is already yours) you can’t think a negative though and positive thought at the same time and being in ‘the energy of love’ will raise your love attraction factor

  • I experience love when I…..
  • When I think about love I feel it in my (name the area of your body where you feel the energy of love)…..
  • I have learnt to love and take care of myself by…..
  • I could make many changes for myself to be more loving and I choose to…..
  • Love fills up so much of my time that I forget to…
  • I can…..
  • My heart is full of love because I choose to…..
  • The inner core of my being recognises love through…..
  • This is my chance to…..
  • When I listen to the voice of love it tells me…..
  • I respect myself totally because…..
  • I’m determined to…..
  • I’m so happy that I now choose because it means…..
  • I am blessed to experience love because…..
  • I will…..
  • Love means…..to me
  • I accept myself, which means…..
  • I accept love into my life because…..
  • I have found myself through…..
  • I am strong enough to…..
  • Love is now a part of me and I vow to…..
  • I’m sure…..
  • I promise to…..
  • This is my opportunity to…..
  • It is my mission to…..because…..
  • I am choosing to make the rest of my life…..
  • I love myself unconditionally exactly as I am and in doing so I…..


Remember at any given moment there are a thousand things you can love – David Levitham

I hope that you enjoy working through the exercises from Find YOU, Find LOVE.  If you wish to check out the free resources that will support you in getting to the heart of your love and relationship problems check out www.wendyfry.com/book/resources  You can also sign up here for my newsletter

Find YOU Find LOVE is available in paperback or Kindle format on  http://goo.gl/crnvoZ and also on amazon.com in Kindle format.  If you would like a deigned copy with a personal message please contact me direct through the blog or my website.

Be the love you seek and it will find you x

From my heart to yours, with love