12 Aug

Real Life

Have you heard the saying ‘’what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?’’ 

Real-life isn’t always kind.  Anyone of us may experience a setback, an overwhelming challenge or something which takes us off the course of action we had planned.  No one is infallible to ‘real life.’ 

You can read about some of the automatic negative and overwhelming thoughts we may each experience when the ‘poop hits the fan’ adding  fuel to the fire right here.

In times of stress, in my life experience as a coach and mentor I’ve listened to people shout ‘’Life Sucks,’’ and ‘’Stop the ride I want to get off’’ or worse still” I can’t take it anymore.” The information shared here will support you in exploring your thinking in relation to life’s stressors and to question is life really as bad as you think it to be.  

All those worries, fears and imaginings.  How much of that mountain of stress came true?  All that anxiety you put yourself through – for what?  Time wasted worrying about ‘what if’ this, that or the other happens when there is no evidence it will come true except in your thinking?

So – over to you.  Let’s go there, let’s address ‘real life.’ Take my hand if you need to, I got my big girl panties on and we can do this okay? 

What’s your catchphrase when life takes you down and the going gets tough?

Write about a time in your life when you were screaming your little head off and at the end of your tether.

Perhaps right now, you’re dealing with issues you hadn’t foreseen, and the pressure is building up – write about it, please.   You can thank me for being pushy later… 

Write about your experiences freehand in a journal express what it feels like to be living real life when it’s in its most raw form.  

What have you had enough of? 

What keeps you awake at night?

Write that stull down before you go to sleep! So, you can actually, yes sleep. Makes sense, right? 

Journaling has considerable positive health benefits.  Emotional, physical and mental health can all be improved through writing, so much so my third book ‘Write from Your Heart-Discover your authentic voice through journaling’ due for release in 2020 is dedicated to this subject.  If you can’t wait that long to get the facts, contact me here and let’s get the party started. 

In addition to writing about life’s challenges as and when they hit, it will also support you to write about your inner strengths.  Resilience.  Attitude and personal ability detailing how you moved beyond past problems and what you did move through life being a b*tch.  

For every problem there is a solution.  I believe you will find it.  I do, I believe in you.  Can you go there with me and believe this for yourself? 

Did you know, you can even write words of encouragement from your ‘future self’ to the you that’s sitting there reading this blog post right now?  It’s easy to write this way, try it and see.  The you who has moved beyond today’s challenges will love to hear the ‘future you’ s loving, nurturing and understanding voice of the heart. 

What reassuring words do you need to hear right now?  Write them down. 

Everything will be okay in the end…  

Where you’re at right now isn’t the end.  It’s a phase you are going through.  This too will come to pass. 

Life is precious and we are truly blessed to be here.  

We may forget at times to enjoy life and find happiness no matter how small when everything seems overwhelming. 

Life is worth celebrating when we stop to pause.

Take a moment.  Join me right now.  Stop.  Slow your breathing down.   Take nice, deep and easy breaths in and out, again.  Repeat.  Notice you are still breathing – amazing isn’t it.  

You are here right now.   It’s okay.  You’re going to be okay.

Give thanks to you.  A moment of self-appreciation.  A pat on the back.  A smile of acknowledgement.  After all, look how far you’ve come.  You are amazing.

Living to Tell the Tale

  • What’s your journey, what have you overcome despite all odds?
  • What makes you personally grateful to have the life you are now living?
  • How did you get this far?
  • What would be your best advice to someone who has gone through your own experience?
  • What’s your new motto for life in hindsight of what you’ve learnt and overcome? 

Mine is’ ‘Bring it on.  What’s the best that can happen?’’ 

When you write from your heart freely by handwriting in and of itself can be cathartic, energising, motivating and inspiring so you can get on with the ‘busyness’ of life. 

” A problem shared is a problem halved,” so says ‘the old wives’ tale.’  The truth of it is, if there really is no one to listen to what you have to share your writing journal will always be there for you, ready to support you with a listening ear. 

I believe we are all natural storytellers and have the ability to write and speak from the heart and although this blog is aimed at writers and aspiring authors any of the articles and exercises shared within my blog pages can be adapted to  suit your personal situation and real life.

On the subject of life and writing.  If it really does get too much to handle and the going gets tough you can contact me here to support you in getting to the heart of the matter.  Offering tailored solutions, support programmes, VIP Days and writing retreats to support you with everyday problems and matters of the heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

09 Aug

Your Words Changed My Life

Words have the power to harm, hurt, heal and transform.  How will you use yours?

Words can make us or break us.  Lift us up or tear us down.   Bring us joy and last our whole life long. 

What words spoken by another do you carry around with you today which are echoes from words said in bitterness, rage or anger?  

What words do you remember which made your heart sing? 

Each of us has an inspiring message to share.  A unique voice waiting to be heard.  Many say in a small and childlike voice ”if only I were brave enough.”

What aren’t you saying which needs to be expressed either by talking it through or journaling? 

The words trapped inside once released can be transformational.  Pivotal.  Life-changing and lifesaving.

Sharing what we have to say with positive intention and love offers immense value to those on the receiving end of our communication.  Speaking freely from your heart sharing your love, kindness and consideration inspires others to share the voice of their heart.

What words would you have liked to have heard growing up? 

Which specific words do you wish your spouse, boss, or family member would say or have said in the past? 

What were the ‘missing words’ you never heard from that one person whose words would have made all the difference to you now? 

Say those words to yourself right now. Remind yourself of these words every day until you believe them for yourself.  ‘’I love you.’’ ‘’You are amazing.’’ ‘’It’s great having you here on this team.’’ ‘’You mean so much to me.’’ ‘’Thank you.’’  ”You rock.” ”You are the best.”

If you don’t share your words, they stay locked away inside.   Don’t die with your words inside you. 

Set your words free.   It’s never too late to say ‘’I’m sorry,” ”I forgive you.” or ‘’I love you’’ to yourself or another.  

May your words change lives.  Heal.  Help.  Transform. 

Go share your words now.  Someone’s life may depend on them including your own…

 

08 Aug

Get on your feet – You can make it happen!

When are you are being NICE and when are you being REAL?  What’s the DEAL here? If something isn’t working, change it. 

As a writing and creativity coach those I’m mentoring often complain about not having enough personal space, writing time and privacy or metaphorically speaking juggling too many balls while riding the emotional rollercoaster of the writer’s life.  Whether it’s walking the dogs, cooking the cat – oh, no I mean grooming the cat, children to feed, clothes to wash, shopping to buy and gardens to garden that’s even before the writing day begins! It’s all too much.

You may be scratching your head or your armpit and if you’ve really lost the plot scratching someone else’s and wondering what can I DO about all the balls I’m juggling along with the occasional ‘’balls’’ **B*ll*cks**variations of grammar slipping out in peak moments of tension.

Few people have mind-reading skills and whether it’s your spouse, your boss, co-workers, friends, the bus driver while you are running your little legs off to catch the bus, the people in the line-up at the supermarket checkout being obnoxious or whoever it is you want to ‘just get it and KNOW what you want.’ I suggest you don’t hold your breath waiting for IT to happen. 

So, stop the armpit scratching.  If you’re desperate to carve out writing time, need time for you or simply want whoever it is to pick up their socks or ‘just read my mind and move over.’

I need to have a quiet word in your ear – Complaining won’t change it!

So, without further ado – Get on your feet – You can make it happen!

If something isn’t working this will help you get clear in expressing the voice of your heart and will support, you in starting to be real so others can hear you. Okay….

This fabulous writing invitation and activity relates to setting healthy personal boundaries in relationships, work, life and all the B*ll*cksy areas you are fed up with and get down to the business of creating, writing and carving out personal space and time for you.   You can use this exercise on anything you wish.

 

 

 

Let’s DO IT! 

Get on your feet!

Find two sheets of A4 paper or equivalent

Draw a circle in the middle of each sheet with some space around it.

In the centre of one sheet write ‘This is okay for me’ on the outside ‘This isn’t okay for me.’

On the next sheet in the centre ‘I AM’ and on the outside ‘I AM NOT’

Write in on both sheets the inner and outer statements of where your boundaries are being violated.   What is okay and what’s not okay.  I am this/I am not this.

Go do that activity to define your boundaries and write from your heart.

When you are clear about what you want and what is okay and can begin to take assertive steps forward.  You walk your talk and voice your requests instead hoping people will just be nice and read your mind.  Set the example dear hearts and you may encourage others to be true to themselves – I invite you to be the REAL DEAL after all ‘everyone else is taken.” Dare to be YOU. 

Communicate what you would like, prefer, appreciate, welcome, need and want.  Pass over the mindreading and going blue in the face or scratching other people’s armpits it isn’t pretty.  You have your one life.  How do you want to spend the rest of your time? 

As well as this practical exercise I offer a well-formed outcomes exercise and many other fun and practical ways as part of any support programme Working with you and for you, sharing your message, your passion and your purpose. 

‘’When are YOU being NICE and when are you being REAL?

What’s the best that can happen when you write and speak from your heart?

Contact me here for further fun, creative and energising exercises to Get on Your Feet! 


 Get on your feet – You can make it happen!

07 Aug

Time – How are you spending yours?

It’s Time to Stop Wasting Time!

Go grab yourself a loose sheet of paper any size – quick, there’s no time to waste!

 

Fold in 4 equal portions vertically (in half and half again)

 

Along the bottom write the numbers 0 – 120 as 30, 60, 90, along the three folds 0 and 120 at either end

 

Mark off the age you are now on the timeline (you can write it on if you wish) draw or take a picture of what you look like now add this to the diagram

 

Mark off the age you think you will live to (make a mark or write the age you believe you will no longer be living) Imagine what you will look like if you continue as you are…Yes.  Go there.

 

Rip off the past (the numbers before the age you are now) That’s done.  The past is over.

 

Tear off the future you believe you will not live to.  What if you’re right?

 

There is only this amount of time remaining between the age you are now and the age you believe you will live to.   

What are you left with?  What you want to do with your remaining time?

Write that ‘stuff’ down.  Act every single day and make your one life count! 

IT’S TIME TO STOP WASTING TIME.  Start NOW – MAKE CHANGE HAPPEN. 

Make your time a priority and have the time of your life….

Whether you’re an aspiring or published author as a writing and creativity Coach I’m here to empower you to set and achieve your writing goals.  Offering transformational, simple and practical strategies together we will tap into your innate confidence and creativity to attract the success you deserve. 

Working with you and for your sharing your message, your passion and your purpose. www.wendyfry.com – making time for you, because you, your health and your happiness matters and your life may well depend on it.

 

 

 

 

03 Aug

Twenty Questions to Help You Challenge Thinking When it Comes to Writing and Self-publishing

ANT’s – Automatic Negative Thoughts 

Take control of those pesky ANT’s and succeed as a writer, author and becoming self-published.  What’s the best that can happen? 

In yesterdays blog post we talked about ANT’s and how they may be stopping you from succeeding as a writer.  Often times we can get into the habit of automatically thinking in negative terms without stepping back from our thoughts to filter through the heart and following our big ‘WHY.’ 

Why do I want to write and publish my book? 

List all the reasons why writing and publishing a book are important to you.   Next-

Go back to the blog and record all the ANT’s which are true for you and which get in the way of your why actualising.

You’d be majorly helping yourself to use this series of questions to challenge those ANT’s. 

What’s the best that can happen when you re-frame your thoughts to work for you and notice for yourself the benefits of leaving behind the old and brining in the new?

Ask yourself: 

  1. Am I confusing a thought with a fact when it comes to writing and self-publishing?
  2. Am I jumping to conclusions about how badly my book or blog will do?
  3. Am I assuming my view of things is the only one possible and not gathering or researching opinions?
  4. Do negative thoughts help or hinder me when it comes to writing and self-publishing?
  5. What are the advantages and disadvantages of thinking this way?
  6. Am I asking questions that have no answers?
  7. Am I thinking in all or nothing terms?
  8. Am I using ultimatum words in my thinking?
  9. Am I telling myself I’m a bad writer and will never succeed as an author because of things that have happened in my past?
  10. Am I concentrating on my weaknesses and forgetting my strengths?
  11. Am I blaming other people for something I have control over?
  12. Am I taking things personally when it comes to having my work edited?
  13. Am I expecting myself to be perfect?
  14. Am I using a double standard?
  15. Am I only paying attention to the negative side of writing and self-publishing?
  16. Am I overestimating the chance of disaster?
  17. Am I exaggerating the importance of becoming a published author and having a major deal?
  18. Am I worrying about the way things ought to be rather than dealing with them as they are and working to change things?
  19. Am I assuming I can do nothing to change my situation?
  20. Am I predicting the future negatively when in fact it could be quite positive?

Take control of your ANT’s and become the self-published author you’ve been dreaming of.

Contact me here to make the best that can happen, happen!

 

 

 

02 Aug

Have you got ANT’s in your pants when it comes to writing?

ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
 
Ant infestation?  Can’t get to itch that scratch? 
 
You know you need to do something about those pesky ants when  your thoughts stop you writing from your heart.
 · Mind reading- you assume you know what people, editors, publishers and readers think without having enough evidence
 
· Fortune telling- you predict the future negatively, things will get worse or there is a danger ahead, your book won’t sell and you’ll be starving
 
· Catastrophizing- you believe that what has happened or will happen will be so awful and unbearable that you won’t be able to stand it so you lock yourself away and procrastinate about writing
 
· Labelling- you give global negative traits to yourself and others including ‘Self-publishing.’  Discounting positive outcomes- Self-publishing could make your book a best seller on Amazon
 
· Negative filtering- you focus on the negative all the time and don’t often notice the positives of writing for fun, enjoyment and to get paid 
 
· Over generalising- you see a global pattern of negatives based on a single incident Dichotomous thinking you view events or people in all or nothing.  ”They turned my book away therefore I’m a useless piece of dog doo .”
 
· ‘Shoulds’- you see events in terms of how things should be, rather than simply focusing on what is.  ”I will only write if I can get a book deal so there!’ 
 
· Personalising- you assume an unreasonable amount of the blame to yourself for negative events and fail to see that certain events are caused by.  My mother said ”don’t be a show off or big myself up.” Oh, I better not be an author then…
 
· Blaming- you focus on the other person as the source of your negative feelings and you refuse to take responsibility for changing yourself. ”I can’t possibly write I have a home and family to run, they would never put up with it.”
 
· Unfair comparisons- you interpret events in terms of standards that are unrealistic, you focus on others who do better than you and find yourself feeling inferior.  ”I’m never going to be the next J.K Rowling.”
 
· Regret orientation- you focus on the idea that you could have done better in the past, rather than on what you can do better now.  ”I’m too old to write now – look at me.” 
 
· What if?- you keep asking a series of questions about “what if” something happens and you fail to be satisfied with any of the answers. ”What if I write and no one wants my book.”  
 
· Emotional reasoning- You let your feelings guide your interpretation of reality.  ”Me write – oh, no I could never do that it’s way too scary to write and publish a book.  What would my parents, neighbours, husband think? ”
 
· Inability to disconfirm- you reject any evidence or arguments that might contradict your negative thoughts.  ”No. My English teacher clearly said I would never amount to anything if I was staring out the window and swinging on my chair all day.”
 
· Judgement focus- you view yourself, others and events in terms of evaluations as good-bad or superior-inferior, rather than simply describing, accepting or understanding. You are continually measuring yourself and others according to uninformed standards and finding that you and others fall short. You are focused on the judgement of others as well as your own judgements of yourself.  ”Nope, not doing that.  People will judge me, they will think…”Heck you know this story I’m not even going to type it up here. 
 
Don’t let those ANT’s in your pants or your head eat you alive. 
 
ANT control to your rescue itch that scratch. ! 
 
This excerpt is an adaption from my first book Find YOU Find LOVE  especially for antsy writers. 
 
Don’t make an anthill out of it. Take control of your ANT’s NOW.  What’s the best that can happen?