12 Aug

Real Life

Have you heard the saying ‘’what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?’’ 

Real-life isn’t always kind.  Anyone of us may experience a setback, an overwhelming challenge or something which takes us off the course of action we had planned.  No one is infallible to ‘real life.’ 

You can read about some of the automatic negative and overwhelming thoughts we may each experience when the ‘poop hits the fan’ adding  fuel to the fire right here.

In times of stress, in my life experience as a coach and mentor I’ve listened to people shout ‘’Life Sucks,’’ and ‘’Stop the ride I want to get off’’ or worse still” I can’t take it anymore.” The information shared here will support you in exploring your thinking in relation to life’s stressors and to question is life really as bad as you think it to be.  

All those worries, fears and imaginings.  How much of that mountain of stress came true?  All that anxiety you put yourself through – for what?  Time wasted worrying about ‘what if’ this, that or the other happens when there is no evidence it will come true except in your thinking?

So – over to you.  Let’s go there, let’s address ‘real life.’ Take my hand if you need to, I got my big girl panties on and we can do this okay? 

What’s your catchphrase when life takes you down and the going gets tough?

Write about a time in your life when you were screaming your little head off and at the end of your tether.

Perhaps right now, you’re dealing with issues you hadn’t foreseen, and the pressure is building up – write about it, please.   You can thank me for being pushy later… 

Write about your experiences freehand in a journal express what it feels like to be living real life when it’s in its most raw form.  

What have you had enough of? 

What keeps you awake at night?

Write that stull down before you go to sleep! So, you can actually, yes sleep. Makes sense, right? 

Journaling has considerable positive health benefits.  Emotional, physical and mental health can all be improved through writing, so much so my third book ‘Write from Your Heart-Discover your authentic voice through journaling’ due for release in 2020 is dedicated to this subject.  If you can’t wait that long to get the facts, contact me here and let’s get the party started. 

In addition to writing about life’s challenges as and when they hit, it will also support you to write about your inner strengths.  Resilience.  Attitude and personal ability detailing how you moved beyond past problems and what you did move through life being a b*tch.  

For every problem there is a solution.  I believe you will find it.  I do, I believe in you.  Can you go there with me and believe this for yourself? 

Did you know, you can even write words of encouragement from your ‘future self’ to the you that’s sitting there reading this blog post right now?  It’s easy to write this way, try it and see.  The you who has moved beyond today’s challenges will love to hear the ‘future you’ s loving, nurturing and understanding voice of the heart. 

What reassuring words do you need to hear right now?  Write them down. 

Everything will be okay in the end…  

Where you’re at right now isn’t the end.  It’s a phase you are going through.  This too will come to pass. 

Life is precious and we are truly blessed to be here.  

We may forget at times to enjoy life and find happiness no matter how small when everything seems overwhelming. 

Life is worth celebrating when we stop to pause.

Take a moment.  Join me right now.  Stop.  Slow your breathing down.   Take nice, deep and easy breaths in and out, again.  Repeat.  Notice you are still breathing – amazing isn’t it.  

You are here right now.   It’s okay.  You’re going to be okay.

Give thanks to you.  A moment of self-appreciation.  A pat on the back.  A smile of acknowledgement.  After all, look how far you’ve come.  You are amazing.

Living to Tell the Tale

  • What’s your journey, what have you overcome despite all odds?
  • What makes you personally grateful to have the life you are now living?
  • How did you get this far?
  • What would be your best advice to someone who has gone through your own experience?
  • What’s your new motto for life in hindsight of what you’ve learnt and overcome? 

Mine is’ ‘Bring it on.  What’s the best that can happen?’’ 

When you write from your heart freely by handwriting in and of itself can be cathartic, energising, motivating and inspiring so you can get on with the ‘busyness’ of life. 

” A problem shared is a problem halved,” so says ‘the old wives’ tale.’  The truth of it is, if there really is no one to listen to what you have to share your writing journal will always be there for you, ready to support you with a listening ear. 

I believe we are all natural storytellers and have the ability to write and speak from the heart and although this blog is aimed at writers and aspiring authors any of the articles and exercises shared within my blog pages can be adapted to  suit your personal situation and real life.

On the subject of life and writing.  If it really does get too much to handle and the going gets tough you can contact me here to support you in getting to the heart of the matter.  Offering tailored solutions, support programmes, VIP Days and writing retreats to support you with everyday problems and matters of the heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

02 Aug

Have you got ANT’s in your pants when it comes to writing?

ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
 
Ant infestation?  Can’t get to itch that scratch? 
 
You know you need to do something about those pesky ants when  your thoughts stop you writing from your heart.
 · Mind reading- you assume you know what people, editors, publishers and readers think without having enough evidence
 
· Fortune telling- you predict the future negatively, things will get worse or there is a danger ahead, your book won’t sell and you’ll be starving
 
· Catastrophizing- you believe that what has happened or will happen will be so awful and unbearable that you won’t be able to stand it so you lock yourself away and procrastinate about writing
 
· Labelling- you give global negative traits to yourself and others including ‘Self-publishing.’  Discounting positive outcomes- Self-publishing could make your book a best seller on Amazon
 
· Negative filtering- you focus on the negative all the time and don’t often notice the positives of writing for fun, enjoyment and to get paid 
 
· Over generalising- you see a global pattern of negatives based on a single incident Dichotomous thinking you view events or people in all or nothing.  ”They turned my book away therefore I’m a useless piece of dog doo .”
 
· ‘Shoulds’- you see events in terms of how things should be, rather than simply focusing on what is.  ”I will only write if I can get a book deal so there!’ 
 
· Personalising- you assume an unreasonable amount of the blame to yourself for negative events and fail to see that certain events are caused by.  My mother said ”don’t be a show off or big myself up.” Oh, I better not be an author then…
 
· Blaming- you focus on the other person as the source of your negative feelings and you refuse to take responsibility for changing yourself. ”I can’t possibly write I have a home and family to run, they would never put up with it.”
 
· Unfair comparisons- you interpret events in terms of standards that are unrealistic, you focus on others who do better than you and find yourself feeling inferior.  ”I’m never going to be the next J.K Rowling.”
 
· Regret orientation- you focus on the idea that you could have done better in the past, rather than on what you can do better now.  ”I’m too old to write now – look at me.” 
 
· What if?- you keep asking a series of questions about “what if” something happens and you fail to be satisfied with any of the answers. ”What if I write and no one wants my book.”  
 
· Emotional reasoning- You let your feelings guide your interpretation of reality.  ”Me write – oh, no I could never do that it’s way too scary to write and publish a book.  What would my parents, neighbours, husband think? ”
 
· Inability to disconfirm- you reject any evidence or arguments that might contradict your negative thoughts.  ”No. My English teacher clearly said I would never amount to anything if I was staring out the window and swinging on my chair all day.”
 
· Judgement focus- you view yourself, others and events in terms of evaluations as good-bad or superior-inferior, rather than simply describing, accepting or understanding. You are continually measuring yourself and others according to uninformed standards and finding that you and others fall short. You are focused on the judgement of others as well as your own judgements of yourself.  ”Nope, not doing that.  People will judge me, they will think…”Heck you know this story I’m not even going to type it up here. 
 
Don’t let those ANT’s in your pants or your head eat you alive. 
 
ANT control to your rescue itch that scratch. ! 
 
This excerpt is an adaption from my first book Find YOU Find LOVE  especially for antsy writers. 
 
Don’t make an anthill out of it. Take control of your ANT’s NOW.  What’s the best that can happen? 
29 Jul

Fear – What Stops You?

Say no to fear and yes to you.  

Now is the time to question your fears. 

Now is the time to challenge your limiting beliefs. 

Now is the time to recognise the outdated behaviours. 

Your past is not your future. 

Being aware of the past is helpful. 

Living there isn’t….

Fear only has to be acknowledged to be transformed.  Getting real with fear is beautiful, it’s freeing, it’s joyful.  It’s like no other feeling when you express what you know inside. 

Turn fear on its head.  Let’s do it together.  Feeling Excited And Ready?  I know I am…

I invite you to acknowledge your fear.  After all, it generally has had a positive intention up to now, most likely trying to keep you safe from some perceived danger or threat.  It hasn’t meant to cause you to harm or hold you back.  Fear was doing it’s best with the knowledge it had.

95% of what we think will happen doesn’t happen and now we’ve discussed that we may as well get down to business and write from the heart!

What story have you been telling others about yourself, your life and experiences which has an undercurrent of fear? 

What do you share about yourself on a first meeting? 

On those dark days when you retreat inside, how do you put yourself down?  What thoughts, actions and behaviours make you unkind towards yourself? 

With fear out of the way, what will communicate about your abilities and strengths?  Hopes, dreams, Joys? 

How will changing the meaning you place on fear and re-writing the story of your future serve you? 

What’s Your Story?  Rewriting your past – Transforming your future

I know I’ve been guilty of being a ‘so-called victim.’  I won’t even go there, I know those stories inside out and back to front.  They was sucking the life out of me and probably not very nice for those who are on the receiving end of draining and complaining.  I used to tell those stories at any given opportunity.  My negative experiences became my comfort zone, my identity, my go-to which I knew so well.  When I told those stories it was like a bad case of the farts, everyone got a waft of it. Phewwww.  Are you farting on everyone with your story and how does it serve you?

  • What fear-based story are you telling?
  • How long have you been sharing your fear?
  • What part of your experience is hindering you?
  • What is the cost of your fear? 
  • Are you willing to keep paying the price?

You are the author of your life.  You are the narrator, the publisher, the marketer.  What story are you telling?   

I invite you to write a letter to fear – Here’s mine

Dear Fear,

Thank you for protecting me and looking after me, I know you meant well.  I don’t know if you realise, you’ve been stopping me from what I know is in my heart is what I’m really want to do.  I have a calling and a purpose.  I want to live my life, not yours.   

I’m sorry fear, I have to let part of you go now.  I forgive you for the actions you have encouraged me not to take.  I forgive you for the opportunities you held me back from and the things which may have been rather fun. I forgive you for showing up when I didn’t ask you to. 

I want you to work with me now.  I want you to partner me on a new kind of adventure.  I love how you keep me safe from burning my hand, just like when my mother said ‘’ don’t touch the stove.’’ I love how you can make me run fast for the train so I can get to my appointment on time.  I welcome those times when my survival is at the threat to protect me intuitively.  I’m happy to keep that part of you and as for the rest, shall we both let go together with love so we can make the rest of our lives the best of our lives? 

I apologise for not acknowledging before the goodness and your constant giving to me. That was a heck of a lot of giving, all my life so far, all that fear, you obviously love me very much and showed that in the best way you knew how.  I understand you were doing your best to save me from myself , other people and experiences that reminded you of our past.  I am okay now.  I am an adult and I can handle it. 

I now choose to let that 95% of fear which wasn’t helping me go with love and maybe a little bit of glitter because even fear can play, shimmer and have some fun – it’s about time don’t you think?  As we are letting go of fear and there’s a hoofing amount to let go of, in its place, because we have been together for so long,  I ask you to go on an adventure with me.  We can fill that space with something far better.

I want you to stay by my side and show up this time differently.  I invite you to travel with me now so we can Feel Excited And Ready together.  How does that sound?  We can hold hands if you would like to until you are completely comfortable with this new behaviour.  Are you ready to see just how far we can go?  Come on, we can do it.  Let us explore life beyond fear and live it to the full.

I love you.  Thank you, Fear.  You taught me so well.

Wendy

Fear only has to be acknowledged to be transformed.  Getting real with fear is beautiful, it’s freeing, it’s joyful.  It’s like no other feeling when you express what you know inside. 

Your story matters.  Let it out from inside.  Write from your heart!

28 Jul

If You Want to Write You Will Find the Way

You’ve been lying to yourself or worse still making excuses.  Let’s go there.  I’m going to say it how it is.  You need to get out of your own way! 

What Gets in the Way of Writing

Print out the list before reading in full. I made it oh, so easy for you – click on  What Gets in the Way of Writing invitation and hey presto there’s your lovely Free pdf from little ole me.  I’m good like that. 

ACTION STATIONS!  QUICK. 

GET YOUR BODY MOVING GO GRAB A PEN while it’s printing. 

Run to your neighbour’s house ask them to print it out if you still haven’t replaced your in the cartridge or fixed your printer. 

Heck, if you have to, use the work printer when no one is looking! Shhh, I won’t tell. 

QUICKLY – Read the list and tick or highlight the excuses – whoops I mean reasons which apply to you.  Make sure your heart is racing as you read, this is going to be life-changing!

Add to the list any personal additional blocks which you foresee getting in the way writing.  yep, that one too.  Let’s have it! 

SPEED UP.  COME ON.  THIS IS LIKE FIGHTING FIRE.  DO IT QUICK SPEEDY GONZALEZ.  NO PONDERING.   IF THERE IS ANY HESITATION WHILE YOU ARE PAUSING FOR BREATH THEN MARK THE ENTRY IN SOME WAY.  YES.  JUST MARK IT! YOU CAN REST LATER…

What Gets in the Way of Writing

  1. Getting started
  2. Confidence
  3. yourself
  4. Patience
  5. Distractions
  6. Pen or pencil running out
  7. Guts
  8. Writer’s block
  9. Laziness
  10. Literacy
  11. Finding your authentic voice
  12. Self-judgement
  13. Perception of another person’s judgement
  14. Need for validation or approval
  15. Time management
  16. Self-prioritising
  17. Overwhelm
  18. Work
  19. Homelife
  20. Emotions
  21. Procrastination
  22. Taking responsibility
  23. Life Events
  24. Self-sabotage
  25. Fear of failure
  26. Shame
  27. Guilt
  28. Embarrassment
  29. Vulnerability
  30. Memory
  31. Lack of ideas
  32. Too many choices
  33. Environmental triggers
  34. Finances
  35. Being seen
  36. Perceived criticism
  37. Self-criticism
  38. Negative self-beliefs
  39. Self-doubt
  40. Negative opinions from others
  41. Articulation
  42. Forgetfulness
  43. Energy
  44. Motivation
  45. Lack of focus
  46. Exposure
  47. Fear
  48. Perceived rejection or criticism
  49. Comparison
  50. Honing your creative process
  51. Not feeling/believing ‘you’re good enough’
  52. Self-esteem
  53. Confidence
  54. Physical disability
  55. Learning Label (Dyslexia etc)
  56. Intimidation
  57. Depression
  58. Stagnation
  59. Self-discipline
  60. Perfectionism
  61. Boredom
  62. Emotions, thoughts and feelings
  63. Writer’s block
  64. Self-acceptance
  65. Hopelessness
  66. Learning about how to write
  67. Lack of self-belief
  68. Having your written works accepted
  69. Having your written works rejected
  70. Illness
  71. Developing positive writing habits
  72. Not completing what you’ve started
  73. Your inner critic
  74. Self-judgement
  75. Completing things
  76. Finding your writing community
  77. Other – Please list

Well done you!

Now ….

Drum roll…

Rip up the listWhat Gets in the Way of Writing

Turn it into a confetti storm

Shout out loud and proud…

‘’I’m done with that!’’

 76 excuses are not reason enough not to write.   You’ve been lying to yourself.  If you want to write you WILL find the way!  

Now write this down


 Give yourself a pat on the back for making time for you! 

You can have a little dance and ‘Celebrate Good Times, Come On!’ – Just for fun. Oh yes!

Clap your hands together and shout ‘’hoorah.’’

Point to yourself and say, ‘’I AM a Writer!’’ 

Cartwheels, high fives Goddess and Warrior dances  and other extravaganza optional. 

And now we have calmed down.

Let’s get down the business of writing!

This prelude is taken from my third book ‘Write from Your Heart’ due for release in 2020. please do make contact when I can be of help and support to you.  I have a range of personal support programmes, writers workshops and fabulous writing retreats.  

My mother taught me how to read and write. As much as I hated learning the alphabet at the time sitting amongst balls of scrunched up paper crying my eyes out as I simply could not get it right the first time or the next, or the next.  I am grateful for the legacy she left behind. To write from your heart like a bird on a wing is freeing. Soaring above my past and looking back on how far I’ve come.  I invite you, dear reader, to do the same.


Working with you and for you sharing your message, your passion and your purpose.