18 Oct

Keeping Mum

Since the 14th Century people have been talking (or rather not talking) about ”keeping mum”.

So what exactly is this blog post about you might wonder…

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Keeping ”mum” can refer to silence and also a mother.

Now, It’s a universal truth we all have had a mother…

As much as you might like to change your mother, transforming your relationship with her and coming to terms with your past, ultimately begins with you.

If you are experiencing familiar emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, blame or shame, please understand that you are not alone in your search for your mother’s approval, acceptance and love and you no longer need to keep ”mum” and keep it all inside.

With no ‘Dummies Guide’ available to help  you make peace with your mother and move on from past pain, I realised the importance of writing an informative and practical self-help guide specifically aimed at daughters to help them find emotional release, gain personal closure and an understanding of how all daughters’ lives are shaped through the mother-daughter experience.

I want you to know, that it is possible to move beyond the pain you feel inside.  It is possible to move on from your disappointments, regrets, feeling that you are unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  It is possible to work towards accepting your mother – warts and all and in turn, you will ease the pain of the past and realise you are worth loving.

Each of you reading this will have your own story when it comes to your mother and for mothers reading this, your story about your daughter will be unique to you.  Our personal realities are based on what we each individually experience and the perceptions and beliefs we filter through.

It is my intention to help you to bring balance to your thinking, guiding you to react and respond to your mother in a way which serves you better and by doing so; you will understand and transform your relationship at the deepest level.

What does the word ‘Mother’ mean to you? When I use the term “mum’’ or “mother’’, I refer to your childhood mother, your mother at the time she raised you.  This may also include a step mother, foster or adoptive mother or ‘other mother figure’ that cared for you.

Until your ‘mother stuff’ is understood and healed, the inner and outer conflicts you have or once had remain a burden.  I reach out to you and offer to share the strategies which have helped in my relationship with my own mother and also the wonderfully open women I have had the privilege to work with in my second book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

Over the coming weeks my blog will feature and introduce some of the topics covered in Mothers and Daughters.  So if you’ve had enough of ”keeping mum”, this blog and my book are a great place to start making the changes which enable you to feel heard, understood, accepted and loved for who you are.

Regardless of your past, you need not let it shape your future, stay with me and I will show you how.

17 Jan

One True Thing

Nothing in my experience compares to the unique connection and bond we experience with our pets.

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An unspoken mutual agreement is made up of respect, caring and unconditional love.

Sensitive to each others needs and there for each other through all seasons our pets show us how to nurture in completeness, how to relax and how to enjoy simple pleasures.

Whether it be teaching us to take time out and sit in a sunny spot, enjoy the fresh air and freedom of walking or running in a park or to simply enjoy a cool drink of water we can learn so much from our furry friends.

Our pets allow us to be all of who we are, without judgement. I know many people who have conversations with their pets and would not dream of talking this way to others for fear of ridicule.

All creatures great and small put us in touch with the child like part of ourselves, where we can be lovely dovey,  soft and fluffy or airy fairy.

We find a place within ourselves, with their aid  where we roll about in glee or simply find stillness and peace within.  They teach us how to connect with our inner child, to laugh, to play or simply be.

Blessed are we who have the love of pets.

Whether your pet is sitting with you right now or is with you in spirit.  One true thing is your love for each other will live on in your hearts forever.

This blog is in loving memory of my neighbours cat Mac, who had a fondness for rubbing his face on my plants, who always came to see me when I put rubbish out or worked in the garden.  I’ve spent the last six years watching Mac grow up from a fluffy, scrawny kitten into a magnificent and beautiful young man.

I know I will miss him though I thank him for showing me unconditional love.

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Pictures included are not of Mac though represent all our beautiful pets the world over.

 

 

 

26 Oct

Doing the things you don’t want to do, with great love

When was the last time you did something you really didn’t want to do?

This past week I’ve found myself doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve been reacting to things outside of my control and found myself in moments of uncertainty and having the make decisions as best I can based on the knowledge I’ve had in that moment.

We can’t plan everything…

Life being the roller-coaster that it is, we have to navigate our way through the ups and downs it brings. There may be moments we are laughing our heads off and at other times reaching for the sick bag and wanting to get off the ride.

Change as we all know is part of life, a process of natural development, learning and letting go, evolving and moving towards self actualising.  Sometimes it’s easy at other times coming out of the other side of fear, because it’s unknown seems like an impossible task.

I’ve decided to enable myself to get through doing the things I don’t want to do, but need to be done, I’m going to do those things with great love.  I invite you to do the same.

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So if today, because it’s  Monday morning and back to work for many, if you really don’t feel like getting out of bed and going to a job that simply pays the bills, how would it be to seize the day, enjoy the journey to work, be loving and kind towards your co-workers, smile at a stranger, love what you do because it does pay the bills, provides food and shelter, safety and living a higher standard of life that many may not be blessed with.

If there is a person you do not normally enjoy interactions with who you will see this week, take love with you into the conversation and notice what changes.

If you’re fed up with doing your family’s laundry, washing the dishes, walking the dog and preparing meals, just take a moment and reflect on the love of having a family to care for and decide to do those tasks with great love, you will feel happier for it.

Today is not a day of my choosing. You will have or have already experienced  those kinds of days too.

There are go places I don’t want to go and things I never imagined I will have to do which need doing. I know I will have some moments of surrealism and uncertainty though I know when I do the things I don’t want to do, with great love, I will get though and so will you.

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Do the things you think you can’t, they will make you ever stronger on the roller coaster of life x 

 

 

 

18 Oct

Why Crying is Good For You…

When was the last time you had a good cry?

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It never ceases to amaze me how someone crying might make others feel uncomfortable. They might rush in saying things like:

  • Don’t cry
  • Pull yourself together
  • Don’t let anyone see you crying
  • It’s weak to cry
  • Don’t get upset

As children we may have been told things like:

  • Don’t be a cry baby
  • Be a big a big boy/girl
  • Grow-up
  • Pansy and other inappropriate name calling
  • You’re pathetic
  • Stop snivelling

It’s not long before we internalise all these negative messages and beliefs about why we shouldn’t cry!

The truth is our bodies are designed to release stress and build up of toxins through the secretion of tears.  It’s actually healthy to cry.

Perhaps you have found a way to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’ on your feelings keeping everything in, or maybe you are like me when you are in shock or deeply saddened, you too might shed a bucket load of tears.

If we continually keep emotions in we might find ourselves ‘imploding’ and this continual build up of stress and unexpressed emotions might lead to depression, low mood, sleeplessness, anxiety and a whole host of symptoms where the body tries other ways to release the build up of emotions.

Feeling like we can’t express ourselves in the moment we might also find ourselves exploding in anger and rage at the most inappropriate time.

When you next cry and someone tells you not to, it might be interesting to ask them ”what is it about my tears, that makes you uncomfortable?”

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Your tears, upset and emotions may well evoke in someone else the unresolved emotions they have not released, triggering off their own sadness, loss, grief, anger and the full range of human emotions that we all experience.

There is a lovely scientific study right here if you’re interested in finding out more about the different types of tears and why it’s healthy to release emotional tears.

In my work as a therapist, I have seen grown men, women and children cry.  In our work together, they are given the space and freedom to cry , encouraged to express the emotions that have been held in and allowed to vent what they are feeling.  Often the unresolved emotions go as far back as childhood when they were fist told not to cry.

There are a range of techniques I offer to aid emotional release though right here in this moment, the first step to coming to tems with how you feel is to join me in saying aloud.

  • I give myself permission to feel what I’m feeling
  • It’s okay for me to have these emotions
  • I allow myself to work through what I’m feeling

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Whenever your emotions surface unexpectedly repeat these statements to see you through, grab yourself some soft tissues and allow yourself to cry.

If you need a safe space to work through what you’re feeling, a place where you will be heard and supported I welcome you to make contact.  I offer a range of support programmes to suit your individual needs.

If you need help in coming to terms with love and relationships contact me here 

For general therapeutic support you can find out more here 

Remember crying is good for you. 

As ever, from my heart to yours with love,

X Wendy

11 Oct

Seeing is Believing!

What’s your personal vision for the future in positive terms?

How will you know when you’ve achieved it?

What will it look like, sound like, feel like?

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I love using a ‘Personal Vision Exercise’ when I’m working with clients. When they are in their heads trying to analyse what it is they want and why and think things through rationally they are using conscious mind.

Left too long to our own devices, bogged down with the how’s we run the risk of staying stay stuck where we are and nothing changes.

It’s out creative subconscious mind which loves to make pictures, to see visions materialise, the artist of our dreams, the creator of our reality.   Unconscious mind is expansive  and limitless.

Imagine what you can create using your mind to it’s fullest potential…

You might like to try the personal vision exercise for yourself.

  • Take a whole bunch of magazines, holiday brochures, newspapers, guides, flyers and anything which has a picture on which makes you feel good and what you want as part of your future
  • Cut out key words or write your own in and also collect anything which represents your goal as already being achieved
  • Arrange your layout in a way that feels right for you
  • You can then glue into a journal, create a vision board or apply to the inside of a clip frame or make a poster of your personal vision and goal achievement
  • Making just five minutes a day to look at your personal vision, seeing really is believing.  What your mind conceives, it can believe and it will achieve!
  • Using this process you activate all senses, sight, sound, smell, taste and feelings.  Imagine turning up a dial of your senses and getting them off the scale to really experience the joy of achieving your goals at a cellular level

Seeing really is believing.  What you choose to focus on expands.  You will find what you focus on showing up in your life more and more.

So be sure to focus on the good stuff!

If it’s health, wealth, love, success, happiness or something else entirely, make this your personal vision for your future.  It will be time well spent!

Need a hand in getting started?  I’d be happy to work with you to achieve your goals.  Check out my services here

If you’d like specific support in the area of love and relationships check out the free resources and make contact when you’re ready to get to the heat of your love and relationship problems.