18 Oct

Keeping Mum

Since the 14th Century people have been talking (or rather not talking) about ”keeping mum”.

So what exactly is this blog post about you might wonder…

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Keeping ”mum” can refer to silence and also a mother.

Now, It’s a universal truth we all have had a mother…

As much as you might like to change your mother, transforming your relationship with her and coming to terms with your past, ultimately begins with you.

If you are experiencing familiar emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, blame or shame, please understand that you are not alone in your search for your mother’s approval, acceptance and love and you no longer need to keep ”mum” and keep it all inside.

With no ‘Dummies Guide’ available to help  you make peace with your mother and move on from past pain, I realised the importance of writing an informative and practical self-help guide specifically aimed at daughters to help them find emotional release, gain personal closure and an understanding of how all daughters’ lives are shaped through the mother-daughter experience.

I want you to know, that it is possible to move beyond the pain you feel inside.  It is possible to move on from your disappointments, regrets, feeling that you are unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  It is possible to work towards accepting your mother – warts and all and in turn, you will ease the pain of the past and realise you are worth loving.

Each of you reading this will have your own story when it comes to your mother and for mothers reading this, your story about your daughter will be unique to you.  Our personal realities are based on what we each individually experience and the perceptions and beliefs we filter through.

It is my intention to help you to bring balance to your thinking, guiding you to react and respond to your mother in a way which serves you better and by doing so; you will understand and transform your relationship at the deepest level.

What does the word ‘Mother’ mean to you? When I use the term “mum’’ or “mother’’, I refer to your childhood mother, your mother at the time she raised you.  This may also include a step mother, foster or adoptive mother or ‘other mother figure’ that cared for you.

Until your ‘mother stuff’ is understood and healed, the inner and outer conflicts you have or once had remain a burden.  I reach out to you and offer to share the strategies which have helped in my relationship with my own mother and also the wonderfully open women I have had the privilege to work with in my second book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

Over the coming weeks my blog will feature and introduce some of the topics covered in Mothers and Daughters.  So if you’ve had enough of ”keeping mum”, this blog and my book are a great place to start making the changes which enable you to feel heard, understood, accepted and loved for who you are.

Regardless of your past, you need not let it shape your future, stay with me and I will show you how.

29 Aug

The Best of Friends

When you think of the word friend or friendship who or what comes to mind?

I love using a Thesaurus and found the following meanings in terms of friendship and the components of what we might mutually bring to a relationship with friends.  Reading through how many of these statements resonate with you and the friendships you’re blessed with?

  • accord
  • affection
  • agreement
  • closeness
  • devotion
  • harmony
  • intimacy
  • love
  • rapport
  • understanding
  • affinity
  • amiability
  • company
  • consideration
  • empathy
  • fondness
  • friendliness
  • sodality

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I don’t know about you but I personally have the best of friends and have known many of them for over 35 years, oh boy, that makes me feel a little old though all things considered my friendships have lasted longer than my relationships.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, nationalities, ages, sexes with common goals and aims or opposing opinions.  I can understand the term ‘friends for life’ as so many of us are blessed with life long friendships from the day we form the friendship until the day we die, so many wonderful experiences can be shared with friends.

I invite you to take a moment today to honour your friendships and acknowledge them in some way, whether it be a call,  meeting up, sending a greeting by social media or indeed sharing this blog post just to say ‘thank you for being my friend.’

It’s often our friends who are there for us in our darkest hours and who are the first to want to celebrate our successes.

So on that note to all my wonderful friends, I love you, thank you for being in my life, you are the best!

 

 

 

25 Jan

The Voice of the Heart

How often do you truly connect in with your heart?

Hands, hearts sky

Do you find your head ruling your heart rather than the other way round?  If so read my blog ‘get out of your head and into your heart‘ 

It’s possible to increase heart centre connection using the exercise below and also the ones included here 

Heart Based Practical Exercise: The voice of the heart

Copy out or read aloud the following statements and include your positive heartfelt endings

 
• I experience love when I…..

 
• When I think about love I feel it in my (name the area of your body where you feel the energy of love. This might be somewhere else in addition to your heart)…..

 
• I have learnt to love and take care of myself by…..

 
• Love and heart focused connection fills up so much of my time that I forget to….

 
• I can…..

 
• My heart is full of love because I choose to…..

 
• The inner core of my being recognises love through…..

 
• This is my chance to…..

 
• When I listen to my heart it tells me…..

 
• I respect myself totally because…..

 
• I’m determined to…..

 
• I’m so happy that I now choose…..

 
• I am blessed to experience heart connection because…..

 
• I will…..

 
• I am strong enough to…..

 
• Love is now a part of me and I vow to…..

 
• I’m certain that I can…..

 
• I promise to…..

 
• This is my opportunity to…..

 
• It is my mission to…..because…..

 
• I am choosing to make the rest of my life…..

 
• I love myself unconditionally exactly as I am and in doing so I…..

 

Notice what changes in you day, week and month ahead when you get into the space of love and heart centred connection.

 

One love, one heart, one destiny – Bob Marley
When you’re ready to take the next step in exploring your hearts needs to support you in achieving your personal and business goals. I offer a range of support programmes. www.wendyfry.com  for love and relationship support and www.bepositive.me.uk for general therapeutic support.

28 Dec

Creating Possibilities through Heart Centred Connection

If you ever wondered what heart centred connection is, I’m about to share with you some beautiful exercises to get you into your heart and out of your head.

Free Heart: The needs of the heart

It is always possible to be more loving towards ourselves, once we know what our needs are.  When we are able to meet those needs independently, we take control of our lives.

When we open our hearts and give love to ourselves, then and only then can we love and honour others and be open to receiving love.

When we are able to experience love from within without being dependent on another for love, we gain a new sense of strength and optimism.

One question I often ask myself is ‘what does my heart need right now?’ Just asking yourself this question on a regular basis tips the balance and brings head and heart into equal position.

Trust your own instincts, go inside, and follow your heart.  Right from the start.  Go ahead and stand up for what you believe in. As I’ve learned, that is the path to happiness – Lesley Ann Warren

Heart Centred Connection Exercise: What does my heart need?

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Ask yourself ‘’what does my heart need right now?’’ and notice how it answers.

Does your heart connect with you through feelings, words, pictures or a combination of these things?

Often there is an intuitive knowing of what the heart needs ‘you just know’ without necessarily being aware of how you know.

Being aware of your own needs and how you can meet them for yourself is a huge turning point in getting out of your head and into your heart.

Consider your unmet needs from childhood; it is never too late to meet those needs now as an adult.

Sometimes, we lose connection with our hearts.  We go into our heads looking outside of our hearts for love, instead of looking within.

This exercise will lead you back to heart centred connection.

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Copy out the picture of heart quadrant in a journal or on pieces of paper (or go to www.wendyfry.com to download a larger version)

Write or draw symbols or pictures inside your heart shaped flower petals of what your heart does in fact need.

Write inside as many of these heart shaped flowers as you can, all the choices, affirmations, loving statements and acknowledgements that make you feel loving and lovable.

For example: peace, love, acceptance, joy, laughter, growth, creativity, expression, love,  freedom.

Each and every one of us has different needs of the heart.  Record whatever comes up for you when you connect with your heart space.

Trust the answers that it gives you without judgement or analysis.

Completing this exercise daily on waking and sleeping as well as throughout the day if you are able to will have a dramatic effect on your sense of feeling grounded and connected with your heart and your highest truth.

Consider how you may be able to meet each of your hearts needs.  For example when I want to experience freedom I go for a walk.  When I want to experience joy I watch a funny movie.  For creative expression I write or draw.

There are so many ways each of us can meet our hearts needs independently.

A loving heart is the truest wisdom – Charles Dickens

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Practical Exercise: Creating possibilities through heart centred connection

Complete the following statements in a journal.

Speak these positive statements out loud, or inside your own head adding your own answers into the blend

  • I love seeing myself…

Example:   I love seeing myself confident and happy in any situation

 

  • I love feeling…

Example:   I love feeling of being connected to myself and others through my heart

 

  • I love hearing…

Example:  I love hearing the positive voice inside my heart

 

  • I love knowing…

Example: I love knowing that through heart centred connection my life will be rich and full

 

  • I am aware of…

Example: I am aware of my hearts needs and communicate those needs effectively

 

There is no instinct like that of the heart – Lord Byron

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Mantras of the Heart Exercise

Creating daily mantras and repeating them out loud as well via your internal dialogue will raise your love vibration and heart connection

Please use these as your mantras as your own, adapt or create alternatives which may be more personal to you.

  • I accept myself today
  • I love myself just as I am
  • I think and speak positively about myself from my heart
  • I deserve love
  • I open my heart to love
  • I attract love easily and effortlessly
  • I am willing to receive love
  • I give love with a good heart
  • I nurture myself and my needs
  • I choose to do something thoughtful and deserving for myself every day
  • I am surrounded by love
  • As I move throughout my day I choose to interact with others from the love that is within me
  • I seek for the opportunity to notice love in every experience
  • I am grateful for each loving experience
  • I choose love in my life every day
  • I am love

Your heart is full of fertile seeds, waiting to sprout – Morihei Ueshiba

 

 

Communicating the hearts needs in relationships

Hands, hearts sky

We can communicate our needs to others as part of a loving and equal relationship, though if our needs are not met by another, we still feel empowered by speaking up and being true to ourselves.

If we are consistently honest with ourselves and others about our needs, we no longer feel dis-empowered.

There is no hidden neediness below the surface, you voice your thoughts and feelings assertively knowing that if those needs aren’t met by others you can are still loveable and whole.

Others are not responsible for our happiness, we are.

As we move closer to the new year, now is the time to reflect on the year gone by and ask yourself what your heart needs for 2016.

It is my wish for you that you experience your hearts needs today and every day.

From my heart to yours, with love,

X Wendy

P.S…My first book Find YOU Find LOVE  is available at a reduced price for January in kindle format.  Happy Reading!

21 Dec

Christmas Frazzle or Christmas Cheer ~ It’s up to you…

Dreading Christmas? 

What’s worse, the thought of endless cooking and washing up or spending time with your ‘Out Law’s

It’s all to easy at this time of year to become frazzled, overwhelmed with doing and little time for being.

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Running round like a headless chicken trying to get the best turkey, stressing out as you stand in queues to pay with feet aching, busting for the toilet and your arms feel like they’re hanging off, it definitely is a case of ‘bah humbug’ and the Christmas spirit far from cheerful.

Often you get what you expect….

If you are anticipating problems getting things done, expecting grief from your in laws, the turkey getting burnt, relatives arguing or worse still fighting, what is this based on?

Often we project the past into the future experting the same thing to happen again and this is what we get.  My previous post Thought Tracking will help with this and aid for a peaceful day.

I invite you to make some you time in amongst the wrapping of presents and trying not to open the sweets you bought for Aunty Joan to have a little mind holiday called…

‘My Ideal Day’christmas-993287_1280 (2)

‘My Ideal Day’ is a creative way to get you thinking in a more positive and optimistic way from the heart.

It will move you beyond the anticipated  stress of Christmas, to a place where all things are possible, encouraging you to enjoy your day coming from the heart instead of the head.

When you focus on what you want and act as if it is already yours, it is likely to show up much sooner than you think.

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye – H. Jackson, Jr.

On a brand new sheet of paper or in a journal, write a story about how you want your Christmas Day to be. If you don’t have a pen and paper to hand, just think it through as if you were creating an anticipated and very positive movie about how your Christmas day will shape up.

This will be no ordinary day (remember you are putting the past behind you) it will be the story of your ideal Christmas Day and how it will be when everything goes swimmingly- think specifically here about your current relationships and family dynamics and who you would like to get on better with and include that in the main content of your writing.

You will be writing this in the positive, present tense, as if what you want has already come to pass and you are enjoying your life and relationships.

  • What will your day look like?
  • What will be happening?
  • How will you be feeling?
  • What will you hear going on around you?
  • How will you be spending your time?
  • How will you be thinking differently?

Take time to go over your story, making sure it’s complete and then read your story every day in the lead up to Christmas.

By focusing on what you want, rather than what you don’t want and getting into the energy space of the heart and acting as if having the ideal Christmas day.

If you need some extra help in understanding how your beliefs shape your future or you want to get clearer on how you want Christmas day to be.  You can download for free ‘Beliefs’ chapter three, from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE at www.wendyfry.com/book/resources along with ‘The Do Want/Don’t Want’ exercise.

There are also two free audio’s for you to download 21 Steps to LOVE  and Standing in the Spotlight of LOVE

Keep love in your heart.  A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead – Oscar Wilde

Here’s to plenty of Christmas cheer!

From my heart to your with love,

Wendy x