09 Apr

Because it’s all a Matter of Trust

We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy ~ Walter Anderson 

  • What does trust mean to you?
  • Who or what comes to mind when you think of not trusting?
  • When has your trust been abused?
  • How hard do you find it to trust others or yourself based on past experience?
  • How will your life change when you are able to trust fully?
  • What are the benefits of trusting?

It’s been an interesting week.  On Monday I sent out a survey related to love and relationships and asked the question ‘what do you struggle with the most when it comes to relationships?’  An interesting theme emerged with over half of the respondents saying trust was their biggest issue on the other side of that was fear.

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Because the content of the survey was confidential I can’t go into the details of what was shared though we can explore further the issue of trust in general terms and it all comes down to the perceptions and beliefs we place on things.  Whether those beliefs be about men, women, people generally, organisations, government, religions etc,  it’s the meaning we place on people and events that will either make us trust or distrust.

It would probably be fair to say that those of you reading this have experienced either having your trust abused or not being trusted at some point in your life.

When it comes to trusting in love and relationships our past experiences become our filter and depending on the aspects of the past we may go on to believe our relationships will be not fulfilling, long lasting, fair or even trustworthy.  We literally take our past experience and project it into the future. I sometimes call this ‘mud slinging’.

Another example of not trusting might be a restaurant making a mistake with your bill total and charging too much.  You may never visit again or will check your bill every time you do.  You form a belief about what will happen which limits you tasting the delicious food or enjoying the ambience and good service.  You didn’t get what you expected therefore you might not trust them enough with your hard earnt cash to go back and have that extra order of garlic bread ~ with cheese! You are denying yourself of future pleasure because of a past experience.

It’s the same with relationships.  if you’ve been let down in the past by someone you trusted, it’s possible the residue of being hurt is still there for you and in new relationships you might find the need to keep checking your partner can be trusted.  This could come down to checking their social media accounts, their phone, their car and snooping on them.  As well as it being an invasion of privacy,  It really isn’t healthy to do this as you’re not trusting who you are is worth loving and you are!

growing from the past

The past need not repeat itself.  Being aware of the past is helpful but living in the past is limiting you too.  Let yourself be loved by trusting fully whatever happens, you’re still a worthwhile, beautiful and lovable person.

It’s natural to want to have the evidence you can trust someone but not trusting them or yourself is the beginning of the end.  From now on, every day look for evidence you can trust.

You can trust your alarm to go off, your kettle to boil, your body to function, your car to start, day to turn to night.  Look for evidence in your life of trust you have with others including your close friends, your colleagues who you open up to, the person at the bus stop you might tell your life story to.  Trust is everywhere, look for it, not for lack of it and more of the lovely stuff will show up.

Notice what you partner does, which indicates they can be trustednot what they don’t do.  Notice the qualities and attributes you have which make you a great catch!

Even though i’m a love and relationship consultant,  I write about this topic not from an expert point of view but through personal experience.  In my early relationships, i’ve driven people away from not trusting.  I may as well have worn the t-shirt ‘don’t come near me, I won’t trust you’.  I was my own worst enemy.

Even when significant others have told me ‘I love you’, I chose not to believe them.  I spent a good part of my life believing I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough etc and had the underlying belief ‘I’m not lovable’. 

Now that i’ve worked through where my abandonment issues came from i’ve been able to reflect back and understand why I wasn’t trusting and have been able to move out of fear and into love.

  • If you find yourself not trusting because you fear the past repeating itself, you’re not alone.  So many people don’t trust as it seems like a safe bet but actually you’re only limiting yourself from having an amazing relationship 
  • If you believe you’re not good enough you may even keep attracting, not good enough relationships and settling for second best.  Who you are is good enough and always has been.  The circumstances of your life need not shape your future. 
  • If you find yourself doubting your relationships will last, the doubt will creep in and grow.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life and an opportunity to build trust and in doing so create for yourself a happier future

If you really want to learn to trust again, the inner work begins with you.  I can share with you the tools and techniques which moved me from a snooping undercover detective to someone who trusts that whoever I meet whether it is on a new friendship, getting to know colleagues or investing fully in significant other relationships.  I trust totally and completely whatever I learn will be perfect for my self development.  I believe who I am is worthy and lovable regardless of what others say or do, this can be your experience too.

Who you are is so worth loving and when you trust yourself enough to believe in this the relationship you have with you and others changes.

Check out the free love and relationship resources including two audio downloads at http://www.wendyfry.com .  Be sure to download free from my website, the chapter on limiting beliefs from my first book Find You, Find LOVE  Helping you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems.

Trust is the glue of life.  It’s the most essential ingredient of effective communication.  It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships – Stephen Covey

From my heart to yours, with love,

x Wendy

 

 

31 Mar

Stop Playing the Fool

Stop Playing the Fool. 

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  • How often do you find yourself laughing things off when deep down you’re hurting?
  • What makes you wear a mask of who you think you should be rather than being all of who you are?
  • When do you find yourself not putting you first in relationships only to find the relationship fails anyway, when you’ve given all you’ve got and then some? 

April Fool’s day comes but once a year, though how often are you playing the fool and not really living your life on your terms? 

Help is at hand.

If you’re:

  • Fed up with waiting for more love, fun and happiness in your life…
  • Ready to let go of the past and focus on having a positive and loving relationship that fulfils you…
  • All set to be accepted for who you are and totally and free to be yourself…
  • Eager to make the rest of your life, the best of your life…

I hate to say it.  The only thing stopping you is you!

I stopped playing the fool a long time ago and have to say it’s liberating.  Gone is the mask of fear, the long nose of lying to please others, the need for approval or acceptance.  Gone is the me I thought I had to be, it’s the best thing i’ve ever done and I want to share with you the tools and transformation techniques which stopped me playing the fool.

On your marks, get set, go! Ready to discover all you can be….

Using an extensive tool kit, I can not only show you how to be the best that you can be, I will guide you to get out of your own way so that you can experience the love that you truly deserve.  Playing the fool and wallowing in the self-sabotage that goes with it will be history when you say yes to you!

By examining the events, perceptions and beliefs you have formed about yourself,  love and relationships you will gain the awareness that the past need not influence the future.

I will share with you the transformational tools and techniques to give you freedom from your past including the emotional baggage, self doubt and fear. You will move from helplessness to happiness and become the person who you’ve always have been and just forgot about.

Offering you the strategies for positive and lasting change guiding you back home to you, the place where love resides.
Who you are is so worth loving.  You are the key to finding and keeping the love you deserve.

For the month of April and in recognition of April Fool’s Day you be foolish not to take up this great offer.

Save 10% off ‘12 Weeks to Total Love and relationship Transformation’ when booking in April 2016.

Would you like to:

  • Get to the heart of your love and relationship problems?
  • Release the past?
  • Start believing in yourself more?
  • Move on from doubts and fears?
  • Improve your confidence and self Esteem?
  • Improve current relationships?
  • Learn to trust again?
  • Let go of feelings that you’re unlovable?
  • Remove the blocks that are holding you back from love?
  • Find practical solutions to your love and relationship issues?
  • Accept yourself just as you are?
  • Turn up your love dial and let love in?
  • Redirect your focus and find love?
  • Envision your future exactly as you want it to be?

It is easy to fool the eye but it’s hard to fool the heart – Al pacino 

Say yes to you!

05 Oct

Do Your Relationships Need an Overhaul?

Working in the area of relationships all too often people contact me at their wits end not knowing what to do. They are fraught, upset, angry, scared and often feel very alone in trying to work out their next steps.

When speaking to their nearest and dearest in the hope to make sense of it all,  they get opinions, judgements and advice which really isn’t helpful and often further compounds the problem.

Emotions are a record of the past

Perhaps you too can remember a time when an important relationship wasn’t working,  when you didn’t know which way to turn, or indeed maybe right now you need a helping hand to guide you through understanding your relationships if they are not as you wish them to be.

Whether it be ‘significant other’ love relationships, family relationships, work relationships or indeed friendships there are times when the relationship as it is isn’t working and may well need an overhaul.

As much as we may want others to change, the change may well start with you!

Check out the free love and relationship inventory here

It’s all too easy to blame others for not meeting our needs though as adults we can take responsibility for meeting many of those needs ourselves.  Maybe we’ve never been taught how to stand on our own two feet and if you’re still carrying unmet needs from childhood you have no blueprint of managing yourself and project those needs out into your relationships.

The past few weeks I’ve been planning my new book which will feature specifically, the conflicting relationships between mother and daughter relationships.

I’ve decided to write it for daughters as my client base is mostly woman who have relationship problems which, when traced back often stem from unmet needs in childhood where their mothers have been physically or emotionally unavailable for whatever reason.

Any emotions and feelings not acknowledged in childhood

There is never any blame here towards your parents or caregivers, it’s often insightful to learn how far back down the time line unmet needs go.  Societal changes, changes in parenting styles, relationships ending, illness, global events, changes to living circumstances, schooling, your circle of influence and that of your parents, all play a part in whether or not your emotional and physical needs were met.

The good news is, unmet needs from childhood can be understood, worked through and as the adult you are now, you can re-parent yourself and give to yourself the loving relationship you may never have experienced. 

When working with my clients our aim is to get you to a place where you can meet your own needs. see the free self love inventory here for guidance.

Regardless of external events whether they go the way you want them to or not, you stay whole in your connectedness to yourself.  You remain complete in your love-ability.  You parent yourself in times of distress and uncertainty and most of all you remember who you are is so worth loving.

If you ever wondered whether there was a limit pg 177

Need a helping hand to guide you through  check out the range of services I offer to suit your needs.

From my heart to yours with love

x Wendy

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28 Sep

Fed Up With Waiting for Prince Charming?

How many times have you found yourself kissing frogs only to hope they will magically turn into Prince Charming?

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I don’t know about you, frogs are pretty cute though the idea of kissing one doesn’t really do it for me (prince or no prince)

As little girls we are often fed with the notion, love is dreamy and magical and handsome knights or Princes on white chargers are on their way to save us from towers, ginger bread houses, the back of the wardrobe, or better still to save us from ourselves….

Truth is, real life isn’t like this.

You’re more than likely to meet your ‘prince’ at the local bus stop, in a supermarket queue, servicing your car or if you’ve decided to take the ‘bull by the horns’ so to speak even on a dating site!

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Very much a creator of my own reality I encourage you to do the same!

Sleeping on twenty mattresses to check your worthiness, growing your hair long so someone can climb up it, asking the looking glass for help, really!, as lovely as those fairy stories are, we are women of the real world, with real needs, hopes, desires and dreams to fulfil.

So I dare you to take action in finding your prince!

Go to new places, let friends know the type of person you are looking to meet, join new groups, get yourself on a reputable dating site where the princes are looking for their Cinderella and will treat you like a princess.

So instead of waiting for the occasional stray frog, a fancy dress party in the hope of meeting a kindly knight, or wishing, wanting, hoping and dreaming your prince will magically find you, it’s time to strut your stuff and if the shoe fits, ever better!

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Need some help in getting yourself back out there in the world of dating?  

Not sure what to write to make your dating profile a success?

Want some help to regain confidence and self esteem before you take action? 

Step this way and bring your sparkly shoes with you http://www.wendyfry.com

Helping you to get to the heart of love and relationships minus the frogs!