08 Nov

Your Mind is Amazing!

Your mind is amazing!

It’s a complete storehouse of information that you have gathered throughout your life from birth to now.

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We store information through our senses (sight, sound, taste, smell and through feelings)

Our minds can be compared to enormous filing cabinets or hard drives storing various movies that contain the good, bad and ugly experiences from out pasts.

Just imagine your mind as this enormous warehouse storing your own personal past.

What movies do you have archived away?

Which movies bring up fear, anger, sadness, bitterness and pain, putting you in a state of dis-ease?

These films are like taped conversations playing over in your head or an endless series of thoughts, feelings and emotions moving through you.

Although an event happened in the past we might re-live it a thousand times over by thinking about it, re-experiencing it like it was actually happening all over again.

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• Which personal movies of yours are on constant replay?

• How often do you wake up and go to sleep with an old movie still running?

• How does this affect you emotionally and physically?

• What do you want instead?

These movies often represent a constant flow of negative experiences that we’ve been through (the voice of our inner critic/voice of doom, like a parasite that eats away at us from the inside and a voice we start to believe in and feelings that we think are real).

We replay over and over the same movies and the same story, until story becomes engrained.

The movie or inner story then becomes a default behaviour that we respond to when presented with a situation that is like one we have experienced before and triggers off what we believe to be true.

Most of what we react to has very little to do with a new experience and everything to do with past experiences (old movies)

What a liberation to realise that ‘the voice in my head’ is not who I am. ‘Who am I, then? The One who sees that – Eckhart Tolle

Head F**k

Pardon my language here, though I feel it needs to be said.  What we allow into our minds and what we play over and over really does leave us feeling f**ked at times.

Think back to the past and remember a time when you spent all day worrying over something.  Perhaps you experienced sleepless nights and upset stomach?  Were you, smoking or drinking too much to help you cope?

We are our own worst enemies, re-living arguments from decades ago, complaining about the weather, our partners, the rate of inflation, the youngsters of today, the state of the health service, our fears for the future….I’m exhausted just typing this up and this is what our thoughts can do to us.

We cling onto negative feelings, thoughts and emotions not realising that it’s us that suffers.

We become addicted to talking about all the things wrong with life seldom coming up for air.

  • How often do you feel overwhelmed emotionally?
  • What happens to your physical body when your thought time is filled up with worrying thoughts?
  • What are your energy levels like when your focus is on what’s wrong going wrong for you?
  • What happens to your sleep pattern?
  • How is your daily diet and digestion affected?
  • What do you actually gain by going over and over events from the past, ranting, complaining, moaning and perhaps even nagging?

If you want a happier life, more connected relationships, greater confidence and good health read on.

Unless we gain control over our minds we really will be F****d! 

Remember, you are not your thoughts!

In order to change the world, you have to get your head together first – Jimi hendrix

 

Practical Exercise – Mind Dump: Freeing the mind one thought at a time

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Find yourself a note book or better still a lovely big pad of A4 paper and grab yourself a pen.  You’re literally going to dump out what’s in your mind freehand.

There’s nothing more liberating than setting yourself free from the ‘poop’ from the past that you’ve been holding onto. 

For this mind dump activity, I suggest that you do it first thing in the morning, last thing at night and whenever you feel emotionally overwhelmed.

If you’re dumping a lot that’s good – better out than in!

There’s nothing complicated about the activity you simply write out what’s on your mind un-censored.  Let rip and have a good old rant on paper, really say what you want to say, nothing is banned here, only you will see it.

You may have several topics that you write about such as people or outside circumstances that are causing you stress.

Write about your worries, concerns, fears, doubts, injustices, anxieties, frustrations, uncertainties etc.

Just write what comes into your head and allow yourself the freedom to voice your thoughts.

Write until you can no longer think of what to write.  Get it all out!

The more frequently you do the mind dump exercise the less you will find you have to think about and in turn the less you will have to write.

You will feel better for doing this exercise on a regular basis and feeing your mind.

No one else has had to hear your rants, you haven’t gone into the same story over and over in the day telling everyone you know what you’re going through, making them feel f****d too, you simply write and get it all out freely and easily.

If you need to cry do, get some extra soft tissues and make sure to give yourself some TLC (Tender Loving Care) as you work through freeing your mind.

Things can only get better from here on in.

The primary cause of our unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it –Eckhart Tolle

The Past is Over and You Have Your Whole Life Ahead of You

When we begin to realise that the past is over and it’s purely our thinking keeping it alive, we gain a sense of freedom.

No one ‘thinks us’. 

We wake up and realise that we do in fact have ownership over of the power of our own minds and that we can choose how we react and respond to life’s ups and downs.

If you need some help in finding clarity, support in working through your poop and making the rest of your life the best of your life I will be delighted to work with you please do make contact at info@wendyfry.com

For general therapy & support http://www.bepositive.me.uk

For love and relationship support http://www.wendyfry.com

18 Oct

Why Crying is Good For You…

When was the last time you had a good cry?

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It never ceases to amaze me how someone crying might make others feel uncomfortable. They might rush in saying things like:

  • Don’t cry
  • Pull yourself together
  • Don’t let anyone see you crying
  • It’s weak to cry
  • Don’t get upset

As children we may have been told things like:

  • Don’t be a cry baby
  • Be a big a big boy/girl
  • Grow-up
  • Pansy and other inappropriate name calling
  • You’re pathetic
  • Stop snivelling

It’s not long before we internalise all these negative messages and beliefs about why we shouldn’t cry!

The truth is our bodies are designed to release stress and build up of toxins through the secretion of tears.  It’s actually healthy to cry.

Perhaps you have found a way to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’ on your feelings keeping everything in, or maybe you are like me when you are in shock or deeply saddened, you too might shed a bucket load of tears.

If we continually keep emotions in we might find ourselves ‘imploding’ and this continual build up of stress and unexpressed emotions might lead to depression, low mood, sleeplessness, anxiety and a whole host of symptoms where the body tries other ways to release the build up of emotions.

Feeling like we can’t express ourselves in the moment we might also find ourselves exploding in anger and rage at the most inappropriate time.

When you next cry and someone tells you not to, it might be interesting to ask them ”what is it about my tears, that makes you uncomfortable?”

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Your tears, upset and emotions may well evoke in someone else the unresolved emotions they have not released, triggering off their own sadness, loss, grief, anger and the full range of human emotions that we all experience.

There is a lovely scientific study right here if you’re interested in finding out more about the different types of tears and why it’s healthy to release emotional tears.

In my work as a therapist, I have seen grown men, women and children cry.  In our work together, they are given the space and freedom to cry , encouraged to express the emotions that have been held in and allowed to vent what they are feeling.  Often the unresolved emotions go as far back as childhood when they were fist told not to cry.

There are a range of techniques I offer to aid emotional release though right here in this moment, the first step to coming to tems with how you feel is to join me in saying aloud.

  • I give myself permission to feel what I’m feeling
  • It’s okay for me to have these emotions
  • I allow myself to work through what I’m feeling

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Whenever your emotions surface unexpectedly repeat these statements to see you through, grab yourself some soft tissues and allow yourself to cry.

If you need a safe space to work through what you’re feeling, a place where you will be heard and supported I welcome you to make contact.  I offer a range of support programmes to suit your individual needs.

If you need help in coming to terms with love and relationships contact me here 

For general therapeutic support you can find out more here 

Remember crying is good for you. 

As ever, from my heart to yours with love,

X Wendy

05 Jun

External Validation. Why does it leave us wanting MORE?

Do you have the disease to please?  

  • How often do you find yourself seeking validation and approval from others?
  • When do you hand over decision making and why?
  • What stops you from being the sole creator of your future?
  • How does needing approval, acceptance and love from others limit you?

From an early age we learn about how to behave in ways that make others happy.  We begin to understand what actions are and aren’t acceptable.  We realise that if we show up in a certain way, we are accepted.

Often we hand over our identities to be moulded and shaped into what other people want.

Our feelings as children are fragile and we are easily hurt.  It’s in those early years that our disease to please is formed and without realising it may become our only goal.

The need for approval, love and acceptance becomes addictive, the more we get the more we want!

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If we’ve not experienced unconditional love as a child and in adulthood not being loved, accepted and approved of by others when we have a bad mood, PMT (pre-menstrual tension) or forget to put the lid on the toothpaste or the seat down we begin to tread on eggshells.

We fear upsetting others and loosing their love as a result and the disease to please grows and grows.  We hide our real selves for fear of rejection and loss of love.  We put other people’s happiness before our own.

Having rules growing up is both helpful and harmful.

Love for many is conditional.  Rules about how love and relationships ‘should be’ are made and if rules aren’t followed love is withheld.  I see many couples in my work as a therapist behaving in this way.

The truth is we have each have unique relationship experiences.  From parenting, intimate relationships and societal relationships, each of us carries our own blueprint of what we want a relationship to be like.

It’s not until we explore where we learn about love and relationships that we begin to understand some of the old rules and conditions set in childhood are no longer appropriate in adulthood. There is no blame here.  Our parents and caregivers were  no doubt were doing the best they could to raise us in the best of their abilities and knowledge at the time.

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My first book Find YOU, Find LOVE explores our beliefs about love.  In fact you can download the chapter completely free at www.wendyfry.com 

When we understand why we behave the way we do in love relationships life becomes more tolerable.

Exploring why we might believe that we are unlovable, unworthy or inadequate and where those limiting beliefs come from we are able to work through those limits and bring ourselves ever closer to the love and relationships we desire.

Improving the relationship you have with yourself is key to making the rest of your life the best of your life!

Please do check out my website and free love and relationship resources including 21 Steps to LOVE and Standing in the Spotlight of LOVE audio downloads www.wendyfry.com/book/resources 

If you need a gentle guiding hand perhaps you would like to work with me on a programme of support.  I work over Skype internationally and also face to face in Sutton, Surrey UK.   It will be my pleasure to guide you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems.

From my heart to yours,

With Love x

Wendy

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30 Dec

21 Steps to Love Free Audio Recording

21 steps to love free audio recording http://youtu.be/Rt8kx_jayzM

I’d like to take you now through a journey of time and space, you set the time frame and I will lead the way. You could take yourself forward in time to one year from this date, three years, five  years, ten years whatever time frame jumps out for you.  You may like to experiment with different time frames and use the audio several times to reveal different sources of information.

The audio along with other free resources are available on www.wendyfry.com go to the section that says book/resources and find all your lovely freebies there.

For a personalised Future Life progression session I am also available to work with you privately for bespoke guided love and relationship sessions in person or over Skype check out for details about FLP (Future Life Progression) and the various ways it can be used here www.bepositive.me.uk

Guiding you to listen to your inner self to find the answers to all of the questions you will ever need

The Exercise that you will be guided through:

Find a quiet place to relax, sit back and take three nice deep and easy breaths.

Imagine that you are in your favourite place the place where you truly feel relaxed.

You are enjoying the experience of being comfortable, content and deeply relaxed…

Be aware of your breathing becoming slower and more and more relaxed.

Think about seeing, sensing or imagining that you are travelling forwards in time; you choose the mode of transport and simply sit back and enjoy the ride.

You are willing to go forward to a new time and space in the future and by doing so; your mind will expand and be open to receiving information through your senses, alerting you to all that is possible.

You may also become aware of some changes that you need to make in the here and now, to get you to where you want to be in the future.

Allow your mind to take you where it will.

  • Imagine that you have moved beyond your current circumstances forward to your designated time frame (one, three, five or ten years ahead)
  • Experience that just for a moment or two
  • What have you moved away from?
  • What have you moved towards?
  • What have you let go off?
  • What did you stop doing?
  • What did you start doing?
  • What are you doing differently now?
  • How do you experience your life and love relationships in the future compared to the ones that you are living now?
  • What changes have you made between then and now in your life and love relationships that have been positive and beneficial to you?
  • Notice your thoughts, how have they changed, what did you have to do to think differently about love and relationships?
  • Notice your feelings now that you have moved on from the past.
  • What do you hear going on around you or inside your own head? (This could be your own voice or the voice of others)
  • Be aware of any smells or tastes associated with this time frame
  • What advice does the ‘future you’ have to share with you?
  • Ask the future you the top three burning questions that you would like information about and find a way of receiving that information for your highest good
  • If you took that advice right now and applied it to your life, how would that benefit you?
  • If you didn’t take that advice what difficulties might remain and how would that limit you?
  • Is there anything else that you wish to find out about your future, you may be interested in other life areas outside of love and relationships and the same process can be applied?
  • If you have other questions to ask your future self, ask them now, the answers may come through pictures, words or feelings.
  • Tune in to the future you carefully, be patient and wait for your answer to come in any way that seems right for you.
  • Phrase your questions clearly and in a positive way.
  • You may also wish to form questions beginning with who, when, where, why or what before you question your future self
  • If this exercise seems a little difficult for you in any way, just pretend that you are able to work through it. Pretend that you are thinking about, seeing, sensing or imagining yourself in the future and it will come.
  • What the mind believes it can achieve and ‘acting as if’ will expand your thinking, your horizons and your measure of love
  • Thank your future self for the guidance, knowledge, love and wisdom they share with you, knowing that you can re-connect with them again at any time you wish to
  • Bring back with you to your current awareness in this current time and space, the insights and information you have learned from your future self.
  • If there were things that were less than you hoped for, ask yourself ‘How can I change this for myself?
  • What actions do I need to take in order to change this?
  • What do I need to stop doing, do differently, or start doing?’

Sometimes, it’s about taking action towards what we want in order to bring the changes to us more quickly and effectively.  Any information you receive will be for your highest good and will be a guiding light in shaping your future as that all singing, all dancing extravaganza and making your future the best it can be.

Limits exist only in the mind…are you ready to step ever forwards into your future?

This exercise has been adapted with kind permission of Anne Jirsch with excerpts from her Future Life Progression TrainingsAnne is author of The Future Is Yours