23 Jan

Wellness or Illness – What’s Your Focus?

Whether you’re reading this in the morning or at the end of your day, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your thoughts for the day ahead or the thoughts you have had.  Is your anticipated day one of dread, doom and gloom or thinking back over your day has your focus been on wellness or illness?

Wellness isn’t just about physical health, our minds are powerful creators and depending on the direction of our thoughts they can either lift us up or pull us down.   It’s the same for illness.  No one wants to be ill, feel poorly or out of sorts though what we can do is focus on getting well, taking actions to help ourselves by eating the right foods, exercising, getting out in nature and taking our intention to one of healing and wellness.

If for any reason you can’t physically get out to do these things what you can do is to take your mind on an amazing holiday as often as you like until you feel re-charged and energised.  If the Caribbean is your desired location take your mind there right now, notice the blue of the sky, the feel of the warm sand on your feet, the smell of the sea, the taste of salt in your mouth from swimming or resting at the waters edge,  the sound of the waves lapping on the sure…hmmm….bliss wouldn’t you agree.

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It’s true to say many people walk about ‘unconsciously’, meaning they may not even be aware of there thoughts until someone like me comes along and asks…”are your thoughts working for you, yes or no?”  If what you are thinking makes you feel lousy, the good news is you can change your thoughts, after all you are the creator of your thoughts are you not?

In my line of work I get to meet some amazing people who are ready to master their thoughts as well as their lives.  These people have woken up from the unconscious walking around letting their negative thoughts rule them and instead show up ready to unlearn the negative hypnotising they have been doing to themselves.

Words are powerful creators, including the words we say in our heads as well as the ones we speak and share.  Would you really talk to another person the way you do to yourself?

It’s not until we explore our negative thoughts and patterns of behaviour including our thinking do we become enlightened that we have the choice.  We can focus on illness or wellness, it’s really quite simple.

I invite you to make a pact with yourself from today, whenever you find yourself going off on a tangent or thinking about the things that make you feel drained, unhappy, angry, fearful or emotionally upset, change your focus to the thoughts which lift you up.  Give yourself a healthy dose of encouragement, support, reassurance, love and kindness and notice how much better you feel when you turn your thoughts to wellness.

Here to guide you are the key questions from The Spotlight Process.  A unique technique which I have developed to bring your thoughts into balance.

1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)

2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?

3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?

4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?

5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?

6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

Need a helping hand to further master your thoughts? There is a whole chapter on The Spotlight Process in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE along with a chapter on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to support you in finding emotional freedom.

Because I love to give and want you to succeed this guided meditation ‘Negative Memory Release’ will support you in moving forwards towards health and wellness.  It’s the first download you come to when you reach the downloads page, scroll down until you find it.  Enjoy…

So, love your day and love your life by simply changing your thoughts.

Your future self will thank you for it…

From my heart to yours, with love,

Wendy

 

 

 

15 Nov

Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries

What is it you want to change?

Making change and setting new boundaries begins with you.  As much as you might want your significant other, mother, co-worker, best friend or neighbour to change, you will find it far easier to make the change begin with you.  It might mean you have to step out of your comfort zone, be assertive, feel uncomfortable for a while and face your fears but without making the change to make new choices, nothing will change.

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Reflect on these questions first before reading The 10 Steps to Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries

•  What do you want ‘insert the name of the person here’ to stop doing?
•  What would you like ‘insert the name of the person here’ to start doing?
•  What do you want ‘insert the name of the person here’ to do differently?

 
•  What are you willing to stop doing?
•  What are you able to start doing?
•  What can you do differently to improve your relationship?

In relationships, until we can speak up and communicate our needs clearly, assertively and respectfully, the problems, challenges and the behaviours of those we have relationships with, remain the same.  When we change the way we communicate consistently, there is every possibility those around us will be influenced by the change and mirror back to us the positive communication.

10 Steps to Setting Healthy Personal Boundaries

1. Speak from the ‘I’. (‘‘I would like you to listen to what I’m about to say. I would like to make some positive changes in our relationship. I feel we would benefit from putting the past behind us. It would mean so much to me if you are able to hear what I’ve communicated and consider my requests, thank you for considering this’’) Saying thank you at the end of a statement like this voices the assumption that the other person will listen and acknowledge your proposal.

2. Keep communications in the positive and future tense (‘‘What I would like is for us to do is XYZ.  I believe we would both benefit from this change’’)

3. Clearly identify your boundary. Spend time figuring out what you want before you voice your limits (Do you need your neighbour, friend, your mother to stop turning up unannounced or calling you when you’re in the middle of preparing an evening meal. Would you prefer them to call round at a specific time when you are both free?)

4. Understand why you need a boundary. What’s your motivation and reason for setting this boundary? (If it’s not convenient for your neighbour, mother or friend to turn up or call without notice, let her know you will have undivided time them if you can call at 8pm for 30 minutes once the children are in bed)

5. Make your communications clear. Be direct and assertive in your conversation (If you fear conflict or confrontation you may not say exactly what you mean, which leaves room for confusion or doubt). It might spare the person you are in conflict with feelings if you aren’t direct and to the point but how will you feel? What is the cost if you do nothing to make this change, who suffers?)

6. Don’t give long explanations or apologise (Setting boundaries isn’t something you need to say sorry for and it doesn’t have to be a long drawn out process. Short, sharp and clear communications works best.  If someone is demanding of your time when it’s inconvenient you have to let them know e.g. (‘‘I would like weekends to myself, I need more time to study, thank you for understanding this. I look forward to meeting you on Wednesday afternoons to catch up’’)

7. Remain calm and polite (Boundaries are best set outside of an argument, getting into dialogue about making change in the heat of the moment when both of you are angry, neither person can really hear the other. Keep your anger in check and leave all sarcasm and condescending tone out of your communications)

8. Start with firm boundaries (It’s easier to loosen a tight boundary after it’s been set rather than trying to tighten a weak boundary.  If your mother or mother in law is interfering and trying to reorganise your home, e.g., ‘‘I’d prefer it if you don’t come into my home when I’m not there. I want the way I’ve left my home to stay the same, I like it how it is.’’ It’s easier at a later date to invite her to take a mini-break in your home while you are away, on the condition she leaves things as they are, or to pop round an hour before you get home if she wants to watch something not available on her own TV package). Don’t overextend yourself or try and ‘people please’ or agree to commitments you will later have to cancel or do begrudgingly. Get clear from the start.

9. Address any breaking of boundaries early on. As soon as a boundary is broken, reset it. Remind the person concerned of your boundary. (‘‘You may have forgotten , I need the weekends to myself study, I can see you on Wednesday afternoons instead’’)

10. Don’t make it personal. Rather than tell the person you are in conflict with everything you think about them being inconsiderate of your time, your appointments and plans it is far easier to be direct. eg (‘‘I’m happy to pick you up and take you to Maggie’s, but you will need to be ready at 10 a.m’’)

It’s possible the person you wish to set boundaries with won’t welcome these changes though in order for your relationship to improve, it’s important to end the struggles you each have within your relationship and find new solutions to old problems.  All it takes is one person to change and this change begins with you.

Stand up for what you want in life, agree to disagree if need be.  If you don’t you are living someone elses life on their terms, not yours, and that’s not really living life at all.

If you’re in need of further support in setting healthy personal boundaries please do make contact at
www.wendyfry.com to discuss best support options.

02 Oct

Make Your Life a Masterpiece

It’s no secret life seems to pass by at the blink of an eye.

When you think of your life so far, the highs, the lows, the inbetweens, what stands out the most?

Depending on your answer you will have either gone through your filing cabinet (hard drive) and the inner workings of your mind to select your favourite happy memories or indeed perhaps the files of hardships, difficulties and disappointments came to the fore.

The question I asked wasn’t a trick question, I’m just curious as to how your mind works.   Depending on your mood today your answer might well be different tomorrow.  Your mindset will either create a work of art or indeed a mess.  Your thoughts create our outcomes.  No one thinks you, you are the artist so to speak…’The Thinker’.

Going back to life seeming to pass by at the blink of an eye if you were to begin today living your life on purpose rather than going through the motions what would you start doing, stop doing or do differently?

It’s true to say there may be other people in your life you may need to care for but how much of your life are you really living with joy, happiness, appreciation and happiness?

What opportunities are you missing out on?  If you were to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone just a little, what can you start with, what’s the next step, the next and the one after that?

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Remember some see flowers, others see weeds.  It’s all about perspective.

Make your life a masterpiece, you are the director of your show, the artist of your canvas and the musician of your overture.  Give it everything you’ve got!

 

 

 

28 Dec

Creating Possibilities through Heart Centred Connection

If you ever wondered what heart centred connection is, I’m about to share with you some beautiful exercises to get you into your heart and out of your head.

Free Heart: The needs of the heart

It is always possible to be more loving towards ourselves, once we know what our needs are.  When we are able to meet those needs independently, we take control of our lives.

When we open our hearts and give love to ourselves, then and only then can we love and honour others and be open to receiving love.

When we are able to experience love from within without being dependent on another for love, we gain a new sense of strength and optimism.

One question I often ask myself is ‘what does my heart need right now?’ Just asking yourself this question on a regular basis tips the balance and brings head and heart into equal position.

Trust your own instincts, go inside, and follow your heart.  Right from the start.  Go ahead and stand up for what you believe in. As I’ve learned, that is the path to happiness – Lesley Ann Warren

Heart Centred Connection Exercise: What does my heart need?

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Ask yourself ‘’what does my heart need right now?’’ and notice how it answers.

Does your heart connect with you through feelings, words, pictures or a combination of these things?

Often there is an intuitive knowing of what the heart needs ‘you just know’ without necessarily being aware of how you know.

Being aware of your own needs and how you can meet them for yourself is a huge turning point in getting out of your head and into your heart.

Consider your unmet needs from childhood; it is never too late to meet those needs now as an adult.

Sometimes, we lose connection with our hearts.  We go into our heads looking outside of our hearts for love, instead of looking within.

This exercise will lead you back to heart centred connection.

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Copy out the picture of heart quadrant in a journal or on pieces of paper (or go to www.wendyfry.com to download a larger version)

Write or draw symbols or pictures inside your heart shaped flower petals of what your heart does in fact need.

Write inside as many of these heart shaped flowers as you can, all the choices, affirmations, loving statements and acknowledgements that make you feel loving and lovable.

For example: peace, love, acceptance, joy, laughter, growth, creativity, expression, love,  freedom.

Each and every one of us has different needs of the heart.  Record whatever comes up for you when you connect with your heart space.

Trust the answers that it gives you without judgement or analysis.

Completing this exercise daily on waking and sleeping as well as throughout the day if you are able to will have a dramatic effect on your sense of feeling grounded and connected with your heart and your highest truth.

Consider how you may be able to meet each of your hearts needs.  For example when I want to experience freedom I go for a walk.  When I want to experience joy I watch a funny movie.  For creative expression I write or draw.

There are so many ways each of us can meet our hearts needs independently.

A loving heart is the truest wisdom – Charles Dickens

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Practical Exercise: Creating possibilities through heart centred connection

Complete the following statements in a journal.

Speak these positive statements out loud, or inside your own head adding your own answers into the blend

  • I love seeing myself…

Example:   I love seeing myself confident and happy in any situation

 

  • I love feeling…

Example:   I love feeling of being connected to myself and others through my heart

 

  • I love hearing…

Example:  I love hearing the positive voice inside my heart

 

  • I love knowing…

Example: I love knowing that through heart centred connection my life will be rich and full

 

  • I am aware of…

Example: I am aware of my hearts needs and communicate those needs effectively

 

There is no instinct like that of the heart – Lord Byron

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Mantras of the Heart Exercise

Creating daily mantras and repeating them out loud as well via your internal dialogue will raise your love vibration and heart connection

Please use these as your mantras as your own, adapt or create alternatives which may be more personal to you.

  • I accept myself today
  • I love myself just as I am
  • I think and speak positively about myself from my heart
  • I deserve love
  • I open my heart to love
  • I attract love easily and effortlessly
  • I am willing to receive love
  • I give love with a good heart
  • I nurture myself and my needs
  • I choose to do something thoughtful and deserving for myself every day
  • I am surrounded by love
  • As I move throughout my day I choose to interact with others from the love that is within me
  • I seek for the opportunity to notice love in every experience
  • I am grateful for each loving experience
  • I choose love in my life every day
  • I am love

Your heart is full of fertile seeds, waiting to sprout – Morihei Ueshiba

 

 

Communicating the hearts needs in relationships

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We can communicate our needs to others as part of a loving and equal relationship, though if our needs are not met by another, we still feel empowered by speaking up and being true to ourselves.

If we are consistently honest with ourselves and others about our needs, we no longer feel dis-empowered.

There is no hidden neediness below the surface, you voice your thoughts and feelings assertively knowing that if those needs aren’t met by others you can are still loveable and whole.

Others are not responsible for our happiness, we are.

As we move closer to the new year, now is the time to reflect on the year gone by and ask yourself what your heart needs for 2016.

It is my wish for you that you experience your hearts needs today and every day.

From my heart to yours, with love,

X Wendy

P.S…My first book Find YOU Find LOVE  is available at a reduced price for January in kindle format.  Happy Reading!

21 Sep

Body Talk: Using the power of words to heal

Your body is amazing!

Right now without even having to think about it you are breathing, your blood is pumping round your body, your heart is beating, you may have blinked several times.

Perhaps you are sitting down as you read this, knees bent, back and bottom supported, eyes reading the words and your mind making sense of their meaning.

All without having the think about it!

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On Friday I went in for a minor knee op called an Arthroscopy to ‘trim up’ a damaged cartridge using keyhole surgery.

I’d heard good and bad stories from people about what to expect and with thanks for their input I decided to set my own intention for the op telling myself that I would recover well and be back on my feet in just a few days.

Despite my osteopath telling me I’d be on crutches for 2 weeks, others telling me I’d be in excruciating pain and all sorts of other horror stories about anaesthetic the whole process was smooth running.

While I waited for the op, there were several other woman all worried about having the same procedure, one close to tears and extremely anxious.

So in conversation before they went down for their procedures, I planted some healing word seeds.

  • ”You will be surprised at how quick your body will heal”
  • ”Every day, in every way, you will feel better and better”
  • ”Having this op will bring you so many benefits”
  • ”While you are resting your body repairs itself even while you’re sleeping”
  • ”In less than a few days you’ll be able to move about much more easily than expected”
  • ”Your body is amazing and will adapt well to the changes made”

I was the last one to go down and it was good to see these ladies going off looking and feeling brighter than they did before.

In hypnosis we call this type of pre framing, ‘post hypnotic response‘.  It’s possible using words like this even in a waking state to influence a positive outcome.

Words have power and your body hears everything you think!

Always one to walk my talk, yesterday just a day after the op, I got myself up and walking, gently and sensibly, I did my post surgery exercises, and took a natural supplement for pain relief and inflammation reduction (Turmeric) with lemon water, a natural antiseptic deciding not to go for the prescribed meds.

I’m not quite doing cartwheels at the moment though I know in no time at all I will be back to the level of fitness I was before if not more so.

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My mind is willing and I know my body will follow the post conditioned response.

”Every day in every way I will get better and better”

I’ve realised as I’m approaching that fifty age mark in the not too distant future,  I’ve been a little guilty for taking my body for granted.

So from now on, when I write my daily gratitude journal there will be some credits going in for my amazing body and it’s inner intelligence to heal.

Thank you for joining me over the coming days and weeks ahead in practising gratitude to give thanks to your own amazing body.

Take nothing for granted!

Your body is amazing, it hears every word you speak.  Send it some love, thanks and appreciation for all that it does for you Including the ability to read this blog!

Body Talk: Use the power of your own words to heal!

If you need some help in being more positive about future outcomes please do make contact: http://www.bepositive.me.uk

I look forward to teaching you new ways of thinking, sharing transformational techniques, to release the past and create a future full of renewed confidence, self belief and love!

 

 

 

 

 

07 Sep

The Hidden Meanings of Dreams

Did you know, your dreams can offer so much insight into resolving problems as well as achieving goals?

Recently I discovered the power of my own dreams and how to use dream time to it’s best advantage.

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Our minds are amazing, used wisely, spending a little time each day recording your dreams and beginning to understand your subconscious messages, no longer do we need to try and resolve a problem consciously, our dreams can do that for us.

~ How often do you have a reoccurring dream?

~ What percentage of your dreams are random and make no sense at all?

~ On waking and remembering a dream how often do you experience the left over feelings of the dream and feel like it’s actually happened?

~ When do you experience nightmares or bad dreams that seem so real you become anxious about sleep?

~ Do you have dreams that seem impossible to comprehend? 

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Fear not, dreams are a gateway to learning…. 

If you are experiencing nightmares, a regular dream theme or even random dreams, all can be understood using simple processes.

If you want to resolve a problem and work towards an outcome which is desirable for you, you can set a dream intention asking your Higher Mind (often known as Higher Conscious Mind) to send a message to you unconscious mind which encodes the message in words, pictures or symbols.  Your conscious mind can then interpret the meaning of the message.

You can easily begin to understand how dream time might offer you an understanding how to resolve a problem in your life right now, or indeed a left over problem from the past that might need clearing.

Dreams also guide you as to what the next steps in your life might be and the actions you can take to achieve your goals and purpose.

You may experience your dreams in visions, symbols, words, even smell and taste can be experienced in dreams.  I know many of mine have seemed very real, others seem to flit from my mind in seconds.

Dreams can help you achieve your physical dreams.  If there is something you want to achieve in the future, perhaps you have an event coming up that you will be speaking at, sitting an exam or a test, perhaps you want to know if a relationship is right for you or what to do next in your career.

Dream time and the dreams you dream will offer insights to you, helping you to take action away from a problem or towards achieving your goals. Dream time will also support you in answering questions you may have been trying to find solutions to at a conscious level.

Amazing isn’t it that we can work all these things out while sleeping by simply handing over the working outs to our higher minds.

If you’d like to understand your dreams, my best advice is to use a dream journal and become curious as to what you can learn from them.

Whether you wake in the middle of the night and remember a dream or if you find yourself waking and remembering dreams, begin to make simple notes of what you saw, heard, felt and experienced in your dream.

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I propose to offer some Analysing Your Dreams workshops later on this year and can also offer one to one dream interpretations, working with you and guiding you so YOU understand the meaning of YOUR dreams.

Using some great techniques which I will keep as a surprise for now you can speak directly with your subconscious mind, set dream intentions and became the expert in analysing your dreams!

Your dreams aren’t for me to analyse, I can teach you to do that for yourself and then you will have everything you need to find out the hidden meaning of your dreams. 

If you’d like to find out more please sign up and follow this blog for new posts about dream-time, workshops and future offerings or contact me direct at info@wendyfry.com

Dreams are today’s answers to tomorrows questions ~ Edgar Cayce

 

17 Aug

It’s time to let go of the things weighing you down!

What are you holding onto that’s weighing you down?

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Choose from the list and feel free to add your own:

Anger |  Unwanted weight |  Grief  |  Hurt  | Physical Pain |  Conflict  | Sadness  | Fear  

Resentment  | Hatred  |  Uncertainty  |  Shame  |  Guilt  |  Anxiety  |  Depression  

Boredom |  Confusion  |  Embarrassment  |  Failure  |  Inadequacy  |  Hopelessness  

Stress  |  Unworthiness  |  Vulnerability  |  Powerlessness  |  Loneliness  | Despair?

The weight of emotion bears heavily on us as does the past if we spend too much time focusing on the negative aspects of time that’s already done!

The past only exists in our minds, a bit like a hard drive, if we keep going to the anger file and re-read all the history of every time we’ve felt angry, chances are just thinking about those events, people who made us angry and situations where we didn’t feel heard, validated, loved or approved of, well it feels like you’re back in the past and experiencing the event all over again.  And we both know that’s no fun!

Why would we do that to ourselves?

A lot of our thought time is wasted in the past.  Once you’ve spent that time, you can’t get it back!

We’d make better use of our time if we focused on what we’ve learned about the past and how to use that information to get clearer about what we do want!

Changing our thought’s always to ‘okay so what do I want?’  Will be thought time well spent and actually makes you feel more hopeful about life.

Being aware of the past is helpful, living there isn’t!

I invite you to have a ‘Mind Dump’, literally dump out all the contents of what you don’t want on this free to download Pdf worksheet and then go right on ahead and turn your don’t wants, to do wants and notice how your enthusiasm, motivation and focus changes when you spend more time thinking about what remains to be achieved.

The example in the Pdf is about love and relationships though you can use this exercise in all areas of your life.

Fill in the don’t wants first, then complete the do wants.

Now to have some fun, tear off the left hand (don’t want column) jump on it, burn it, rip it into little pieces, make a paper air plane of it and set yourself free form the don’t wants, you’ll be glad you did.

Now, you have just one lovely list about what you do want.

Focusing this way changes your energy vibration and you will find yourself attracting all those beautiful do wants to you.

Letting go of the things that hold you back will open new opportunities.  Your thoughts become clearer, your actions more defined and your goals easier to reach.

Watch out for the side effects…letting go of the things holding you back can seriously improve your life! 

Need some help in letting go?  Please contact me and discover for yourself a range of transformational techniques that will get you back on track to living your life with purpose!

Why look back when you can look forwards.

It’s time to let go of what’s been weighing you down! 

From my heart to yours with love

x Wendy

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