18 Oct

Keeping Mum

Since the 14th Century people have been talking (or rather not talking) about ”keeping mum”.

So what exactly is this blog post about you might wonder…

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Keeping ”mum” can refer to silence and also a mother.

Now, It’s a universal truth we all have had a mother…

As much as you might like to change your mother, transforming your relationship with her and coming to terms with your past, ultimately begins with you.

If you are experiencing familiar emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, blame or shame, please understand that you are not alone in your search for your mother’s approval, acceptance and love and you no longer need to keep ”mum” and keep it all inside.

With no ‘Dummies Guide’ available to help  you make peace with your mother and move on from past pain, I realised the importance of writing an informative and practical self-help guide specifically aimed at daughters to help them find emotional release, gain personal closure and an understanding of how all daughters’ lives are shaped through the mother-daughter experience.

I want you to know, that it is possible to move beyond the pain you feel inside.  It is possible to move on from your disappointments, regrets, feeling that you are unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  It is possible to work towards accepting your mother – warts and all and in turn, you will ease the pain of the past and realise you are worth loving.

Each of you reading this will have your own story when it comes to your mother and for mothers reading this, your story about your daughter will be unique to you.  Our personal realities are based on what we each individually experience and the perceptions and beliefs we filter through.

It is my intention to help you to bring balance to your thinking, guiding you to react and respond to your mother in a way which serves you better and by doing so; you will understand and transform your relationship at the deepest level.

What does the word ‘Mother’ mean to you? When I use the term “mum’’ or “mother’’, I refer to your childhood mother, your mother at the time she raised you.  This may also include a step mother, foster or adoptive mother or ‘other mother figure’ that cared for you.

Until your ‘mother stuff’ is understood and healed, the inner and outer conflicts you have or once had remain a burden.  I reach out to you and offer to share the strategies which have helped in my relationship with my own mother and also the wonderfully open women I have had the privilege to work with in my second book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

Over the coming weeks my blog will feature and introduce some of the topics covered in Mothers and Daughters.  So if you’ve had enough of ”keeping mum”, this blog and my book are a great place to start making the changes which enable you to feel heard, understood, accepted and loved for who you are.

Regardless of your past, you need not let it shape your future, stay with me and I will show you how.

17 Jan

One True Thing

Nothing in my experience compares to the unique connection and bond we experience with our pets.

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An unspoken mutual agreement is made up of respect, caring and unconditional love.

Sensitive to each others needs and there for each other through all seasons our pets show us how to nurture in completeness, how to relax and how to enjoy simple pleasures.

Whether it be teaching us to take time out and sit in a sunny spot, enjoy the fresh air and freedom of walking or running in a park or to simply enjoy a cool drink of water we can learn so much from our furry friends.

Our pets allow us to be all of who we are, without judgement. I know many people who have conversations with their pets and would not dream of talking this way to others for fear of ridicule.

All creatures great and small put us in touch with the child like part of ourselves, where we can be lovely dovey,  soft and fluffy or airy fairy.

We find a place within ourselves, with their aid  where we roll about in glee or simply find stillness and peace within.  They teach us how to connect with our inner child, to laugh, to play or simply be.

Blessed are we who have the love of pets.

Whether your pet is sitting with you right now or is with you in spirit.  One true thing is your love for each other will live on in your hearts forever.

This blog is in loving memory of my neighbours cat Mac, who had a fondness for rubbing his face on my plants, who always came to see me when I put rubbish out or worked in the garden.  I’ve spent the last six years watching Mac grow up from a fluffy, scrawny kitten into a magnificent and beautiful young man.

I know I will miss him though I thank him for showing me unconditional love.

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Pictures included are not of Mac though represent all our beautiful pets the world over.

 

 

 

26 Oct

Doing the things you don’t want to do, with great love

When was the last time you did something you really didn’t want to do?

This past week I’ve found myself doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve been reacting to things outside of my control and found myself in moments of uncertainty and having the make decisions as best I can based on the knowledge I’ve had in that moment.

We can’t plan everything…

Life being the roller-coaster that it is, we have to navigate our way through the ups and downs it brings. There may be moments we are laughing our heads off and at other times reaching for the sick bag and wanting to get off the ride.

Change as we all know is part of life, a process of natural development, learning and letting go, evolving and moving towards self actualising.  Sometimes it’s easy at other times coming out of the other side of fear, because it’s unknown seems like an impossible task.

I’ve decided to enable myself to get through doing the things I don’t want to do, but need to be done, I’m going to do those things with great love.  I invite you to do the same.

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So if today, because it’s  Monday morning and back to work for many, if you really don’t feel like getting out of bed and going to a job that simply pays the bills, how would it be to seize the day, enjoy the journey to work, be loving and kind towards your co-workers, smile at a stranger, love what you do because it does pay the bills, provides food and shelter, safety and living a higher standard of life that many may not be blessed with.

If there is a person you do not normally enjoy interactions with who you will see this week, take love with you into the conversation and notice what changes.

If you’re fed up with doing your family’s laundry, washing the dishes, walking the dog and preparing meals, just take a moment and reflect on the love of having a family to care for and decide to do those tasks with great love, you will feel happier for it.

Today is not a day of my choosing. You will have or have already experienced  those kinds of days too.

There are go places I don’t want to go and things I never imagined I will have to do which need doing. I know I will have some moments of surrealism and uncertainty though I know when I do the things I don’t want to do, with great love, I will get though and so will you.

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Do the things you think you can’t, they will make you ever stronger on the roller coaster of life x 

 

 

 

18 Oct

Why Crying is Good For You…

When was the last time you had a good cry?

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It never ceases to amaze me how someone crying might make others feel uncomfortable. They might rush in saying things like:

  • Don’t cry
  • Pull yourself together
  • Don’t let anyone see you crying
  • It’s weak to cry
  • Don’t get upset

As children we may have been told things like:

  • Don’t be a cry baby
  • Be a big a big boy/girl
  • Grow-up
  • Pansy and other inappropriate name calling
  • You’re pathetic
  • Stop snivelling

It’s not long before we internalise all these negative messages and beliefs about why we shouldn’t cry!

The truth is our bodies are designed to release stress and build up of toxins through the secretion of tears.  It’s actually healthy to cry.

Perhaps you have found a way to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’ on your feelings keeping everything in, or maybe you are like me when you are in shock or deeply saddened, you too might shed a bucket load of tears.

If we continually keep emotions in we might find ourselves ‘imploding’ and this continual build up of stress and unexpressed emotions might lead to depression, low mood, sleeplessness, anxiety and a whole host of symptoms where the body tries other ways to release the build up of emotions.

Feeling like we can’t express ourselves in the moment we might also find ourselves exploding in anger and rage at the most inappropriate time.

When you next cry and someone tells you not to, it might be interesting to ask them ”what is it about my tears, that makes you uncomfortable?”

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Your tears, upset and emotions may well evoke in someone else the unresolved emotions they have not released, triggering off their own sadness, loss, grief, anger and the full range of human emotions that we all experience.

There is a lovely scientific study right here if you’re interested in finding out more about the different types of tears and why it’s healthy to release emotional tears.

In my work as a therapist, I have seen grown men, women and children cry.  In our work together, they are given the space and freedom to cry , encouraged to express the emotions that have been held in and allowed to vent what they are feeling.  Often the unresolved emotions go as far back as childhood when they were fist told not to cry.

There are a range of techniques I offer to aid emotional release though right here in this moment, the first step to coming to tems with how you feel is to join me in saying aloud.

  • I give myself permission to feel what I’m feeling
  • It’s okay for me to have these emotions
  • I allow myself to work through what I’m feeling

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Whenever your emotions surface unexpectedly repeat these statements to see you through, grab yourself some soft tissues and allow yourself to cry.

If you need a safe space to work through what you’re feeling, a place where you will be heard and supported I welcome you to make contact.  I offer a range of support programmes to suit your individual needs.

If you need help in coming to terms with love and relationships contact me here 

For general therapeutic support you can find out more here 

Remember crying is good for you. 

As ever, from my heart to yours with love,

X Wendy

06 Oct

Matrix Reimprinting EFT Online Summit 2015: 12 Ways You Can Heal Yourself and Help Others to do the Same

Whether you know about EFT or Tapping or any of the multitude of Energy Psychology methods, you will definitely want to check out this FREE online event.  Sign up here

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The Matrix Reimprinting EFT World Summit October 19 – 24, 2015

Presents twelve different lessons from top trainers in EFT and Matrix Reimprinting.

  • The Alchemy of Prosperity
  • Rewiring Your Brain with Matrix Reimprinting
  • Beyond Fight, Flight, and Freeze
  • Secret Patterns of Attachment
  • Heal Your Birth, Heal Your Life
  • Clearing Ancestral and Generational Trauma
  • Transforming a Life Lived with Serious Disease
  • Beyond Grief
  • Creativity in the Matrix
  • Finding Romantic Love with Matrix Reimprinting
  • Realizing Your Dreams

The presenters will be bringing their experience in EFT techniques and practical knowledge and application of these 12 ways through which to sharpen your skills and achieve your full potential, personally and in your business.

The Matrix Reimprinting EFT World Summit 2015

October 5:  Karl Dawson (creator of Matrix Reimprinting EFT) 
October 8:  Bruce Lipton, PhD 
October 11:  Rollin McCraty, PhD 
October 14:  Rupert Sheldrake, PhD 
October 17:  Robert Scaer, MD

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Summit Week is October 19-24

I’m delighted to be presenting on Saturday 24th Talking about The Spotlight Process as well as Finding Love 

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If you know something or nothing about Matrix reimprinting and EFT this free summit is for you. I guarantee you will learn so much!

Matrix reimprinting transforms lives you can read further about this wonderful technique here 

Karl Dawson & Kate Marillat authors of Transform Your Beliefs, Transform Your Life I’m the one in the middle very pleased with myself for getting a signed copy and also the privilege to contribute the the chapter on Body Image in the book

2 of my favourite people

We look forward to connecting and sharing with you.  Sign up here

Why, because healing and transformation starts NOW! 

21 Jun

Fathers and Daughters

It’s Fathers Day today here in the UK.

This just happens to be my favourite picture of my dad and I, back in 1999.

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What does the word father bring up for you?

How will you spend today?  

Will you be celebrating your father, reminiscing over times gone by if your father is no longer with you?

Perhaps it’s a day where you feel nothing at all?

In my work as an Emotional Health, Love & Relationship Consultant I will ask my clients what was their relationship like growing up with their family of origin or caregivers.

Many had happy and idyllic childhoods where they were nurtured, loved, supported and encouraged  by their natural parents.

Some have very specific memories of happy times with their fathers and key moments of connection and love.

Others share with me that they do not even know who their birth father is or were abandoned at an early age.

Many adult children still hold a sense of not belonging and question their identity and wonder if they take after their fathers.

Often there is much anger present and have limiting beliefs of ‘not being good enough’, ‘not being lovable’ or ‘worthy enough’.

These limiting beliefs may continue right through their adult lives leaving a trail of broken and unhappy relationships behind them.

What part of what I’ve shared here so far resonates with your own personal story?

The past has a lot to answer to as does our earliest models about love, loving and being lovable if they do not help us flourish.

For some of the people I have worked with, their fathers have passed away and there is a sense of regret that perhaps they they never spent much time together, or they wish they’d said or done more to show their love.

Many have step-fathers as male role models and have gained an a additional dad or two along the way.

I’ve also worked with children and teenagers that have had lots of different ‘uncles’ in their lives with different rules and an array of demands made on them.

Being a child and learning about love isn’t easy and I know now as an adult that being a father isn’t either.

Having worked through my own limiting beliefs and spent thousands of client hours helping others work through theirs, I see a pattern related to unhelpful comments and experiences in childhood.

As a result I specialise in working with people come to terms with difficult relationships and realising that whatever their past relationship experiences that who they are is so worth loving!

I’m so pleased I had the foresight to save this poem my dad sent in a card on 18th birthday.

It has helped me to understand that sometimes we cannot help who we love and that we do all indeed deserve love.

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My Story

I share my story to let you know that you can use your past experiences to excel and achieve.

The pain of the past need not be used to build up a brick wall of protection in fact your past experiences can be the foundation and the stepping stones for you to reach new heights in your personal and professional life. 

I wouldn’t change my past for a thing as it’s lead me to being who I am and given me the insights into family dynamics and the absolute privilege to work with others who need to understand themselves and how their own perceptions of experiences have shaped their lives.

How I learnt about love…

My dad left our family home when I was twelve, came back and left again when I was fifteen.  It was devastating at the time as my mum was suicidal, we moved house, I changed schools and I gained a new step dad, step mum and a whole extended family by the time I was sixteen.

Now as an adult I understand why my dad left, he simply felt unloved by my mum for many years within their twenty three years together.

It took me such a long time to understand that even though my dad left, he wasn’t rejecting me, he hadn’t stopped loving me and I hadn’t done anything wrong.  It was merely my perception as a teenager which led me to forming beliefs about myself that were untrue.  I ran that pattern of believing I was unlovable right up until my thirties.

Although many years of my life felt painful because of this belief, I now know that perhaps this was the experience I was indeed meant to have for my own self-actualisation.

There is a happy ending and my dad is re married to my now step mum.  He’s very happy and I’d go as far as saying even after thirty plus years being married with her, they are still very much in love.  I’m happy that he’s happy and that’s all we can want for others and for ourselves.

Everyone deserves happiness and even if we don’t understand the why’s and the wherefores at the time, we  begin to learn as adults that our parents were doing the best that they could while in the midst of their own personal challenges.

Whatever your relationship with your father if you feel unhappy in any way about the connection that you did or didn’t have.  It’s never to late to change the past, we simply change the future!

To gain some personal insights into your beliefs , you might like to work through this series of questions.

  • What negative beliefs about yourself are you still holding onto that in some way are connected with your father?
  • How do your beliefs about love and relationships impact your own relationships?
  • How do you limit a potentially good relationship happening because of your past experiences and projected fears? 
  • How would letting go of these beliefs benefit you?

I could write heaps more on the subject of love and relationships though you may prefer to download for free Chapter 3 ‘Beliefs’ from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE

I also offer a service called Future Life Progression where you can connect in a future lifetime with your loved one and say the thinks you didn’t say before their passing.

There is always an opportunity to transform your past and use it to your best advantage!

This picture if from the front of the card my dad sent.

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Learning about love creates personal freedom and who you are is so worth loving.  

Know it, feel it, experience it.  

You are the butterfly, set yourself free form the past and be ready to live life.  

You are the creator of your future and the legacy you leave behind through learning…

As ever, from my heart to yours with love x

Please do make contact for personal support in person in Sutton, Surrey, UK or internationally over Skype info@wendyfry.com | Love and Relationship Support

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05 Jun

External Validation. Why does it leave us wanting MORE?

Do you have the disease to please?  

  • How often do you find yourself seeking validation and approval from others?
  • When do you hand over decision making and why?
  • What stops you from being the sole creator of your future?
  • How does needing approval, acceptance and love from others limit you?

From an early age we learn about how to behave in ways that make others happy.  We begin to understand what actions are and aren’t acceptable.  We realise that if we show up in a certain way, we are accepted.

Often we hand over our identities to be moulded and shaped into what other people want.

Our feelings as children are fragile and we are easily hurt.  It’s in those early years that our disease to please is formed and without realising it may become our only goal.

The need for approval, love and acceptance becomes addictive, the more we get the more we want!

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If we’ve not experienced unconditional love as a child and in adulthood not being loved, accepted and approved of by others when we have a bad mood, PMT (pre-menstrual tension) or forget to put the lid on the toothpaste or the seat down we begin to tread on eggshells.

We fear upsetting others and loosing their love as a result and the disease to please grows and grows.  We hide our real selves for fear of rejection and loss of love.  We put other people’s happiness before our own.

Having rules growing up is both helpful and harmful.

Love for many is conditional.  Rules about how love and relationships ‘should be’ are made and if rules aren’t followed love is withheld.  I see many couples in my work as a therapist behaving in this way.

The truth is we have each have unique relationship experiences.  From parenting, intimate relationships and societal relationships, each of us carries our own blueprint of what we want a relationship to be like.

It’s not until we explore where we learn about love and relationships that we begin to understand some of the old rules and conditions set in childhood are no longer appropriate in adulthood. There is no blame here.  Our parents and caregivers were  no doubt were doing the best they could to raise us in the best of their abilities and knowledge at the time.

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My first book Find YOU, Find LOVE explores our beliefs about love.  In fact you can download the chapter completely free at www.wendyfry.com 

When we understand why we behave the way we do in love relationships life becomes more tolerable.

Exploring why we might believe that we are unlovable, unworthy or inadequate and where those limiting beliefs come from we are able to work through those limits and bring ourselves ever closer to the love and relationships we desire.

Improving the relationship you have with yourself is key to making the rest of your life the best of your life!

Please do check out my website and free love and relationship resources including 21 Steps to LOVE and Standing in the Spotlight of LOVE audio downloads www.wendyfry.com/book/resources 

If you need a gentle guiding hand perhaps you would like to work with me on a programme of support.  I work over Skype internationally and also face to face in Sutton, Surrey UK.   It will be my pleasure to guide you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems.

From my heart to yours,

With Love x

Wendy

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