09 Jan

When Nothing is Certain….

Everything is possible…

So many times different people both friends and clients have said to me ‘what if i can’t?’, my answer is always, ‘what if you can?’

Limits exist only in the mind, what we believe to be true becomes an end result or in some cases no result at all.

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It’s true to say in life there are often many challenges that come at unexpected times and also the events we know will happen with certainty that we have to prepare for.

Here are just a few examples of where people get stuck in their thinking:

  1. It’s impossible
  2. I’m too old
  3. No one will want me
  4. I’m not experienced enough
  5. All my relationships have failed
  6. I keep attracting the wrong types
  7. I don’t have the money
  8. I don’t have the energy
  9. It’s hopeless
  10. I can’t do it

I’m sure you get the picture and perhaps by even reading those few short statements your energy has slumped, you feel defeated, negative, unhappy.  Words are powerful and it’s the words we say to ourselves inwardly and outwardly that contribute to feeling stuck and often if were’re feeling stuck we take no action because we are in a place of fear often trapped in the past and scared it will repeat itself.

So here are my re-frames I offer when I hear the kinds of complaints above:

  1. How do you know?
  2. Compared to whom?
  3. Where is the evidence of this?
  4. What can you do to gain the experience you need?
  5. What have you learnt from these relationships?
  6. If you were to focus on the ‘right types’ what is the right type for you?
  7. What other resources are open to you to achieve what you want?
  8. If you did have the energy what’s the first thing you’d do, how will that one small action benefit you?
  9. What do you want instead of that feeling of hopelessness?
  10. Get rid of the T in can’t and you can

It’s an interesting fact to share…

We are not our thoughts though our thoughts will ultimately take us closer to a desired outcome or further away.

So on that note…

  • What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
  • What will this look like, feel like and sound like to you?
  • Looking back on how you achieved this how did you do it?
  • What advice would your ‘future self’ give you in order to get started?
  • If you were to become your own best friend what would you say to yourself which offers support, encouragement and praise along the way?
  • What’s one thought, action and deed you can take today which will take you closer to your desire?

Remember you can be, do and have anything you set your mind to and when your thinking tells you otherwise tell it to ‘go and do one!’ or something similar.

You are not your thoughts.  You are a magnificent creator and your dreams can be part of your reality and experience.

Begin today acting as if and work backwards…

Happiness, success, love, career progression, whatever it is you want is only ever a thought away

30 Dec

End of Year Reflections

I invite you to use this end of year reflection exercise taking stock of your year so far. The lessons that you’ve learnt about yourself, other people and the world around you.

There may have been some painful parts to 2016, though with learning often the unpleasant situations are our greatest gifts and create positive change and new beginnings in our lives.

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You might like to copy out the questions in a journal and work through them one by one.

2016 Reflections 

• Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?
• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through again?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy and what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change? What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want for 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to making in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to get you to be where you want to be?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you so far, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make next year even better?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next twelve months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?
I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections. After working through you might like to reread and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

Set your goals high and don’t stop till you get there! – Bo Jackson

04 Dec

Stretch and Grow

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I don’t know about you but this passing year has been one where i’ve well and truly stretched myself out of my comfort zone doing both fun things and also taking risks even through my insides were shaking.  Have you been in that place too, part of you quaking in your boots and the other part excited, body rushing with adrenaline?

It’s all too easy to get set in our ways and say no to doing things because we’ve never done them before and our mind plays tricks on us showing us the worst possible outcome of how something will pan out.  The good news is, in my experience all the worse case scenarios I have projected into doing something new for the first time have never actually happened.

This year i’ve been invited to do many things I have never done before: Appear on Oxford TV (you can see me in action here being interviewed with the lovely Emma-Jane Taylor) I’ve been asked to speak in front of a large group of people (like 500 people which is yet to happen) Bring it on!  and asked to write some content for a friends forthcoming book.  I will admit building a new website and getting to grips with technology and recording meditations has been truly frustrating, confusing and downright annoying but I got there in the end even though I could have honestly given in more than once.

Now so as to get that all important work life balance I put myself and four friends forward to attend learning to play a Djembe drum along with African singing and dancing, it sure was a lot of fun even though we sang the wrong words out of tune and hit the drum drum when everyone else was silent.  We stretched ourselves as a group and the challenge was easier.  We simply laughed at our mistakes and had fun trying.

All of these new opportunities and invitations filled me with fear or concern that i’d get things right but then I thought ‘what the heck’, I may have never done these things before but if I do them for the first time, I can learn from from the experience and from the point of learning, next time I have to do the same things or something similar I will have more knowledge and wisdom as to how best have a positive outcome.

So yes, I felt the fear and did it anyway and I want you to know i’m no different to you, I still have fears though recognise fear get’s in the way of achieving the things which are important to me.   So on that note…will you join me in a stretch or three?

If you could do anything knowing you could not fail, what would you do? 

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What’s the cost if you do nothing to stretch and are you willing to pay that price?

Because I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions instead choosing to believe in stretching myself at every opportunity, I invite you to do the same.

Let’s begin with the power of two:

List two things you would like to do but have been avoiding, then break down these two goals into realistic and achievable steps and from this point (today) begin by making a commitment to yourself to take action until you too stretch and grow.  You will be glad you did.  In fact the future you is already saying c’mon, get your rear in gear, we are going on an adventure.

Feel the fear and do it anyway…it sure feels good!

Let me know how you get on with your journey and if you need a stretch buddy or someone to hold you accountable just make contact at www.wendyfry.com and we will work out a plan…

So  let’s reach two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…..and breathe….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our comfort zone operates as a self protection mechanism and although we say that we want positive change we still stay in this zone, although it might be comfort-
able it can be compared to being trapped inside a cage too frightened to move out of it even if the cage door is open.

Consequently, the love that we search for is often slower to obtain, or there is no
change at all if we stay stuck where we are. It’s as though this invisible comfort zone

 

Chapter 4:   The Past       109

 

 

is made up of a million voices telling us why we shouldn’t, mustn’t, ought not to, daren’t, don’t want to do whatever it is we say we really want to do.

ARE YOU STAYING IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

 

 

Insightful Questions

 

 

  • Has life been consistently knocking you down that as soon as you get

up, you feel as if you’re being pulled back down again?

  • Has it been too scary for you to take risks that could lead you to the

love you have been searching for?

  • Have you been using your past to motivate you or limit you?
  • How long have you been staying in the safety of your comfort zone?

Anything outside of this zone can appear scary, risky or downright dangerous and our survival instincts kick in. Fear and excitement are so similar in the way we expe-
rience the feelings, that we may be uncertain which one we are feeling and so talk ourselves out of doing certain things.   It’s natural to feel apprehensive when trying new things, but unless we take action, nothing will change.

Mistakes, or rather the fear of making mistakes and not getting things 100% right, create a comfort zone.

A comfort zone consists of mental conditioning that may not always be based on
fact and has been made up of our perceptions and the meanings we have placed
on things and people.   If we feel we have taken risks before and those risks have
not worked in our favour, we may be hesitant to take risks again in case it all goes
wrong.

CREATING OUR OWN PRISONS

The truth is, if we stay within the boundaries of the self-imposed walls we build up around ourselves, change won’t happen – we’ll be doing what we always did and getting the same results, feeling stuck, uncertain and unafraid.

By thinking and doing the same things, we get the same results. I don’t really need to tell you that as I know you are already fed up with getting the same results.

 

 

110      Find YOU Find LOVE

 

 

MOVING ON FROM THE PAST AND CREATING THE FUTURE OF OUR DREAMS

So, it’s time to join me and the hundreds of women I have worked with and form a united army moving on from the past and creating the future of our dreams.  Focus on all that could go right and take those first steps towards achievement.

 

 

 

08 Nov

You Have Your Whole Life Ahead of You

It’s time to write a new chapter….

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Will you spend it living the same day over and over again or will you decide today’s the day I’m taking action?

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If you’re guilty of saying, ”I’ll do it tomorrow, next week, next month or next year,” it’s likely what you intend to do may never come to pass.  I only know this because I’ve been guilty too of delaying the agony of getting started on something and staying in my comfort zone. That is until I’d had enough of telling the same story and decided to get up off my laurels and decided to live my life on purpose.

Ideal circumstances don’t always present themselves to us so in reality we can go blue in the face for the right relationship, the right job, the right day, the right time when in fact if you were to join me and say ‘today is the right day because I say so’ .  Taking this ‘can do’ attitude means you no longer have to sit in the sidelines watching life pass you, wishing, hoping and dreaming things will magically materialise and wondering where the heck all those years went.

Make a start today, decide what it is you want.  Break the actions down into realistic and manageable chunks then, take action, take action, take action and before you know it you’ll be crossing off your to do list and enjoying the benefits of mastering your destiny.  You can even do the happy dance if you are so inclined.

We each have 86,400 seconds in a day, how will you spend your time? Remember time can’t be banked and every day is an opportunity to begin a new chapter.

Live your life on purpose!

Need a hand in getting unstuck?  Contact me here

Time waits for no man or woman.  On your marks, get set, go!

18 Oct

Keeping Mum

Since the 14th Century people have been talking (or rather not talking) about ”keeping mum”.

So what exactly is this blog post about you might wonder…

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Keeping ”mum” can refer to silence and also a mother.

Now, It’s a universal truth we all have had a mother…

As much as you might like to change your mother, transforming your relationship with her and coming to terms with your past, ultimately begins with you.

If you are experiencing familiar emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, blame or shame, please understand that you are not alone in your search for your mother’s approval, acceptance and love and you no longer need to keep ”mum” and keep it all inside.

With no ‘Dummies Guide’ available to help  you make peace with your mother and move on from past pain, I realised the importance of writing an informative and practical self-help guide specifically aimed at daughters to help them find emotional release, gain personal closure and an understanding of how all daughters’ lives are shaped through the mother-daughter experience.

I want you to know, that it is possible to move beyond the pain you feel inside.  It is possible to move on from your disappointments, regrets, feeling that you are unappreciated, unloved and misunderstood.  It is possible to work towards accepting your mother – warts and all and in turn, you will ease the pain of the past and realise you are worth loving.

Each of you reading this will have your own story when it comes to your mother and for mothers reading this, your story about your daughter will be unique to you.  Our personal realities are based on what we each individually experience and the perceptions and beliefs we filter through.

It is my intention to help you to bring balance to your thinking, guiding you to react and respond to your mother in a way which serves you better and by doing so; you will understand and transform your relationship at the deepest level.

What does the word ‘Mother’ mean to you? When I use the term “mum’’ or “mother’’, I refer to your childhood mother, your mother at the time she raised you.  This may also include a step mother, foster or adoptive mother or ‘other mother figure’ that cared for you.

Until your ‘mother stuff’ is understood and healed, the inner and outer conflicts you have or once had remain a burden.  I reach out to you and offer to share the strategies which have helped in my relationship with my own mother and also the wonderfully open women I have had the privilege to work with in my second book Mothers and Daughters: The guide to understanding and transforming the relationship with your mother

Over the coming weeks my blog will feature and introduce some of the topics covered in Mothers and Daughters.  So if you’ve had enough of ”keeping mum”, this blog and my book are a great place to start making the changes which enable you to feel heard, understood, accepted and loved for who you are.

Regardless of your past, you need not let it shape your future, stay with me and I will show you how.

10 Oct

The Power of Perseverance

Ever known what it’s like to struggle but worked your way through a problem anyway? Found yourself despairing as to how you can make something happen and found a way? Overcome limitations despite limiting beliefs to begin with?

I do believe if we are all honest none of us have lived a life which has been smooth running and this is where we develop the perseverance muscle.  The more we use it the stronger we get!

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There are all kinds of sayings related to perseverance.  Frank Sinatra is a great example of this  for him he sums it up as, ”I did it my way”, Julie Andrews states ”Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 20th” and Victor Hugo advises us ”Perseverance, secret of all triumphs”.  I’d say they are all right.

It is in fact my own struggle which inspired my blog post today.  I’m having technical difficulties which I don’t understand, I’d set time aside in a peaceful location to write and record some meditations and there are roadworks outside.  I’ve spent money on new equipment which I don’t know how to work and don’t understand the technical aspects of what i’m being told but hey…..

Instead of endless fretting (because it’s all too easy to get into this mindset) what I was going to do today i’ve parked for now until I can get the help and support I need from software developers.  Instead of having an inner rant about not being able to do what i’d planned, what I can’t do and what’s frustrated me, I’ve taken a walk in the sunshine, had a delicious breakfast of coffee and croissants (yes two croissants, I know!) I’ve updated my website.  I looked up how to spell perseverance as I wasn’t one hundred percent sure sure if is was a c or an s which came first.  I’ve crossed off some other tasks on my to do list and I now have the whole day to myself to do whatever I please.

So going back to the power of perseverance.  I may not achieve today what I hoped to but I know  whether it’s  tomorrow, next week or next month I will still reach my deadlines as I have faith that I will find a way around my current problems.  Instead of holding on to rising feeling of frustration…i’ve simply decided to let it go.

What feelings, limiting beliefs or doubts are you holding onto which would benefit you in letting go of too…just for a moment, if not forever.

We can’t control outside circumstances but we can control how we react and respond to them.

So today I am grateful for the sunshine, ears that can hear roadworks, roads we can walk and drive on.  I’m grateful for what I can do on my PC and also to the courier who will be bringing out a new piece of equipment I hope to understand.  I am grateful for my hands which allow me to type and connecting with you through this blog.  Most of all i’m grateful to the power of perseverance.  I may not be there yet but i’m closer than I was yesterday.

If you knew you couldn’t fail, what will you begin today knowing you will find a way to make it happen?

 

 

 

 

25 Sep

Courage of Your Convictions

You and I both took our first steps with courage.

It never entered our minds to give up, we simply got back up and put one foot in front of the other and another and then another and there you are walking, talking, singing and dancing, all things you’ve had to learn at some point and whether you know it or not, that took courage.

Courage is all about taking action and having the determination to carry out one’s goals  and to do or say what you think is right regardless of another’s opinion.  Courage is about having confidence in yourself (or acting ‘as if’) until you become fearless.

Success and courage go hand in hand.  Limits I have to tell you only exist in your mind.

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Reflecting back, what have you already achieved despite believing it wasn’t possible?

What challenges have you overcome?

How did you achieve what you’ve already learnt? 

In what situations do you become fearful?

What’s beneath the fear? (is it fear of other people’s judgement, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough etc?) 

Acknowledging fears are nothing more than thoughts which create a physical response what small action can you take today to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone?

What can you hold yourself accountable for tomorrow, the next day and the day after that to conquer your fears and take those all important steps in the direction of your dreams? 

Half of what we fear never happens!  We make up stories in our minds to prepare us for the ‘worse case scenario’.  I personally prefer to take my mind to ‘what’s the best that can happen here’ and add to the movie how good it feels to achieve my goal, what I will see and hear and then I keep focusing on the results I want.  Truth is you can’t think a negative and a positive thought at the same time, try it and see.

Our thoughts can limit us until we acknowledge we are afraid.  Try shifting focus and know the end goal is much more compelling than the feeling of staying stuck where we are.   Make friends with Focus and Intention.  Spend time each day thinking about what you want and how wonderful it will be for your goals to come to fruition.  Heck, even buy the bottle of champagne in preparation of the celebration.

If you need some extra help in feeling the fear and doing it anyway.  You’ll enjoy reading ‘The Magician’s Way’  by William Whitecloud.  Although this book talks a lot about playing golf,  you don’t need to be a gold player to improve your swing and how you approach life.  Simply focusing on the target and acting as if will improve all life areas.

I want you to know you matter!  Take just four and a half minutes to watch this video Find Your Courage, you’ll be glad you did.

And just for the record, i’d been feeling nervous and uncomfortable about a forthcoming opportunity on Tuesday where to begin with I felt more than a little out of my depth but I had a word with myself and turned round my fears.  I’ve spent some time preparing and learning things I have previously put off and now my focus is on excitement and wondering what the best outcome will be.  Working through my own limitations and overcoming the obstacles and limiting beliefs in my mind, well i’m set for a great day and you know what, whatever the outcome it will be a perfect experience for me.

Courage is beginning with the first step and taking the next and the next and the next.  What’s the best that can happen?

” Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition they somehow know what you truly want to become” Steve Jobs

13 Sep

Every Day An Anniversary

Every day is an anniversary of some other day.

Some say time is immeasurable and doesn’t exist though as you’re sitting there right now reading this, let’s celebrate the fact you are alive and very much present in this time and space.  Whether you’re reading this on your phone on the tube, from home on your PC or tablet, or if you’re following this page and reading in your email today is your day and the anniversary of you showing up day after day and wouldn’t you agree that’s worth a celebratory high five, bow, shimmy or even a glass of fizz.

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Just today it made me realise how quickly time passes.  My dad has been married to my stepmother for 30 years today also on this day 6 years ago my lovely neighbour Norma was laid to rest.  This time last year I was in hospital awaiting an operation, I was also launching my first book woo hoo!

September happens to be one of my favourite months as the leaves start to change colour and horse chestnuts (conkers) are getting themselves ready for picking and a conker fight or two.

So today and every day reflect on your past and ponder the happy anniversaries and also the anniversaries of hardships you have overcome, achievements made, projects completed, operations you’ve survived, hills you’ve climbed, risks taken, words spoken, commitments made and acknowledge although time stands still apparently for no man (or woman come to that) just take a moment to acknowledge every day is the anniversary of some other day.

If you find yourself remembering anniversaries with sadness, regret, anger or love, welcome all your emotions, it shows you, you are alive and that you’ve lived and loved.  Feel what you need to feel and know this day too will pass as will tomorrow and the next day too.

Every day may not be a good day but there will be something good in every day…look for it, seek it, find it!

Make every day a day to remember and make time to celebrate you!

Happy Anniversary – You are amazing!

 

29 Aug

The Best of Friends

When you think of the word friend or friendship who or what comes to mind?

I love using a Thesaurus and found the following meanings in terms of friendship and the components of what we might mutually bring to a relationship with friends.  Reading through how many of these statements resonate with you and the friendships you’re blessed with?

  • accord
  • affection
  • agreement
  • closeness
  • devotion
  • harmony
  • intimacy
  • love
  • rapport
  • understanding
  • affinity
  • amiability
  • company
  • consideration
  • empathy
  • fondness
  • friendliness
  • sodality

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I don’t know about you but I personally have the best of friends and have known many of them for over 35 years, oh boy, that makes me feel a little old though all things considered my friendships have lasted longer than my relationships.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, nationalities, ages, sexes with common goals and aims or opposing opinions.  I can understand the term ‘friends for life’ as so many of us are blessed with life long friendships from the day we form the friendship until the day we die, so many wonderful experiences can be shared with friends.

I invite you to take a moment today to honour your friendships and acknowledge them in some way, whether it be a call,  meeting up, sending a greeting by social media or indeed sharing this blog post just to say ‘thank you for being my friend.’

It’s often our friends who are there for us in our darkest hours and who are the first to want to celebrate our successes.

So on that note to all my wonderful friends, I love you, thank you for being in my life, you are the best!

 

 

 

08 Aug

The Power of Vulnerability

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable?

Vulnerability get’s bad press.  So many people think it’s not okay to say how you feel, share a forthright opinion or stand up for what you believe in while others are learning it is through actually exercising the power of vulnerability which gives us strength.

In recent weeks this has been a major theme in my work.

Woman are recognising when they are acting from the frightened child part of themselves, afraid to speak up in case a relationship ends.  Others don’t let their bosses know they are doing all the work while others are filing their nails and gloating.  Many are stressed to the max because they don’t know how to say no to the demands of family requests.  Some feel it’s wrong to ask for help and believe ‘you have to do things by yourself’.  Even in terms of health we might hold back from demanding a second opinion and asking for more care.

Vulnerability begins in childhood where we learn what it’s like to get things wrong, where we say or do something or parents or caregivers don’t like, where we might experience not getting picked for sport at school or included at playtime.  We leave ourselves open and exposed in nearly all our interactions and I agree this sure does leave one feeling unsafe if your believe it’s not okay to be vulnerable based on just a few experiences from the past which have been negative.

Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus offers us the following when we pull vulnerability to pieces:

noun exposure

adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.

3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge.

Now just because we can and because I love playing with words, let’s re-frame vulnerability!

1. capability to speak up with assertiveness with no harm happening to us emotionally or physically (testing out the limiting beliefs about vulnerability and getting positive reactions in the process)

2. allowing ourselves to be open to help, support, encouragement, guidance, love and acceptance (evidence vulnerability benefits us in many ways)

3. open to sharing our real selves, being true to who we are and sharing our truth with others (building confidence as we learn vulnerability no longer makes us vulnerable because whatever the outcome at least we’ve been true to ourselves) we also help those around us to show up as who they are.  It’s a win/win all round

So I invite you to be open to exploring your vulnerability, this Brene Brown Talk on vulnerability sums it up nicely.

If vulnerabilities been holding you back, it’s time to let it go….What’s the best that can happen!