04 Dec

Stretch and Grow

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I don’t know about you but this passing year has been one where i’ve well and truly stretched myself out of my comfort zone doing both fun things and also taking risks even through my insides were shaking.  Have you been in that place too, part of you quaking in your boots and the other part excited, body rushing with adrenaline?

It’s all too easy to get set in our ways and say no to doing things because we’ve never done them before and our mind plays tricks on us showing us the worst possible outcome of how something will pan out.  The good news is, in my experience all the worse case scenarios I have projected into doing something new for the first time have never actually happened.

This year i’ve been invited to do many things I have never done before: Appear on Oxford TV (you can see me in action here being interviewed with the lovely Emma-Jane Taylor) I’ve been asked to speak in front of a large group of people (like 500 people which is yet to happen) Bring it on!  and asked to write some content for a friends forthcoming book.  I will admit building a new website and getting to grips with technology and recording meditations has been truly frustrating, confusing and downright annoying but I got there in the end even though I could have honestly given in more than once.

Now so as to get that all important work life balance I put myself and four friends forward to attend learning to play a Djembe drum along with African singing and dancing, it sure was a lot of fun even though we sang the wrong words out of tune and hit the drum drum when everyone else was silent.  We stretched ourselves as a group and the challenge was easier.  We simply laughed at our mistakes and had fun trying.

All of these new opportunities and invitations filled me with fear or concern that i’d get things right but then I thought ‘what the heck’, I may have never done these things before but if I do them for the first time, I can learn from from the experience and from the point of learning, next time I have to do the same things or something similar I will have more knowledge and wisdom as to how best have a positive outcome.

So yes, I felt the fear and did it anyway and I want you to know i’m no different to you, I still have fears though recognise fear get’s in the way of achieving the things which are important to me.   So on that note…will you join me in a stretch or three?

If you could do anything knowing you could not fail, what would you do? 

yoga-241613_1280

 

What’s the cost if you do nothing to stretch and are you willing to pay that price?

Because I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions instead choosing to believe in stretching myself at every opportunity, I invite you to do the same.

Let’s begin with the power of two:

List two things you would like to do but have been avoiding, then break down these two goals into realistic and achievable steps and from this point (today) begin by making a commitment to yourself to take action until you too stretch and grow.  You will be glad you did.  In fact the future you is already saying c’mon, get your rear in gear, we are going on an adventure.

Feel the fear and do it anyway…it sure feels good!

Let me know how you get on with your journey and if you need a stretch buddy or someone to hold you accountable just make contact at www.wendyfry.com and we will work out a plan…

So  let’s reach two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…..and breathe….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our comfort zone operates as a self protection mechanism and although we say that we want positive change we still stay in this zone, although it might be comfort-
able it can be compared to being trapped inside a cage too frightened to move out of it even if the cage door is open.

Consequently, the love that we search for is often slower to obtain, or there is no
change at all if we stay stuck where we are. It’s as though this invisible comfort zone

 

Chapter 4:   The Past       109

 

 

is made up of a million voices telling us why we shouldn’t, mustn’t, ought not to, daren’t, don’t want to do whatever it is we say we really want to do.

ARE YOU STAYING IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

 

 

Insightful Questions

 

 

  • Has life been consistently knocking you down that as soon as you get

up, you feel as if you’re being pulled back down again?

  • Has it been too scary for you to take risks that could lead you to the

love you have been searching for?

  • Have you been using your past to motivate you or limit you?
  • How long have you been staying in the safety of your comfort zone?

Anything outside of this zone can appear scary, risky or downright dangerous and our survival instincts kick in. Fear and excitement are so similar in the way we expe-
rience the feelings, that we may be uncertain which one we are feeling and so talk ourselves out of doing certain things.   It’s natural to feel apprehensive when trying new things, but unless we take action, nothing will change.

Mistakes, or rather the fear of making mistakes and not getting things 100% right, create a comfort zone.

A comfort zone consists of mental conditioning that may not always be based on
fact and has been made up of our perceptions and the meanings we have placed
on things and people.   If we feel we have taken risks before and those risks have
not worked in our favour, we may be hesitant to take risks again in case it all goes
wrong.

CREATING OUR OWN PRISONS

The truth is, if we stay within the boundaries of the self-imposed walls we build up around ourselves, change won’t happen – we’ll be doing what we always did and getting the same results, feeling stuck, uncertain and unafraid.

By thinking and doing the same things, we get the same results. I don’t really need to tell you that as I know you are already fed up with getting the same results.

 

 

110      Find YOU Find LOVE

 

 

MOVING ON FROM THE PAST AND CREATING THE FUTURE OF OUR DREAMS

So, it’s time to join me and the hundreds of women I have worked with and form a united army moving on from the past and creating the future of our dreams.  Focus on all that could go right and take those first steps towards achievement.

 

 

 

08 Aug

The Power of Vulnerability

When was the last time you allowed yourself to be vulnerable?

Vulnerability get’s bad press.  So many people think it’s not okay to say how you feel, share a forthright opinion or stand up for what you believe in while others are learning it is through actually exercising the power of vulnerability which gives us strength.

In recent weeks this has been a major theme in my work.

Woman are recognising when they are acting from the frightened child part of themselves, afraid to speak up in case a relationship ends.  Others don’t let their bosses know they are doing all the work while others are filing their nails and gloating.  Many are stressed to the max because they don’t know how to say no to the demands of family requests.  Some feel it’s wrong to ask for help and believe ‘you have to do things by yourself’.  Even in terms of health we might hold back from demanding a second opinion and asking for more care.

Vulnerability begins in childhood where we learn what it’s like to get things wrong, where we say or do something or parents or caregivers don’t like, where we might experience not getting picked for sport at school or included at playtime.  We leave ourselves open and exposed in nearly all our interactions and I agree this sure does leave one feeling unsafe if your believe it’s not okay to be vulnerable based on just a few experiences from the past which have been negative.

Roget’s 21st Century Thesaurus offers us the following when we pull vulnerability to pieces:

noun exposure

adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.

3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge.

Now just because we can and because I love playing with words, let’s re-frame vulnerability!

1. capability to speak up with assertiveness with no harm happening to us emotionally or physically (testing out the limiting beliefs about vulnerability and getting positive reactions in the process)

2. allowing ourselves to be open to help, support, encouragement, guidance, love and acceptance (evidence vulnerability benefits us in many ways)

3. open to sharing our real selves, being true to who we are and sharing our truth with others (building confidence as we learn vulnerability no longer makes us vulnerable because whatever the outcome at least we’ve been true to ourselves) we also help those around us to show up as who they are.  It’s a win/win all round

So I invite you to be open to exploring your vulnerability, this Brene Brown Talk on vulnerability sums it up nicely.

If vulnerabilities been holding you back, it’s time to let it go….What’s the best that can happen!