14 Sep

Self Love

What can you do today to be more loving to yourself?

How much self love do you have?

Is the glass half full or half empty?

How much time do you invest in caring for yourself?

How often do you put you self first?

How often are you able to meet your own needs?

A glass full of love

You, yourself have the ability to fill your glass up with  love. You have the endless capacity to love and that love begins with the relationship you have with yourself. Making time for yourself will be one of the best investments you have ever made. Self care will ultimately lead to self love.

It isn’t selfish to take time for you, to nurture yourself, to give to yourself the things that you expect or desire others to give to you.

We often think that to improve our relationships that we have to change the other person.  It’s true perhaps some things that another person changes about themselves might improve the relationship though ultimately when we look at how we can change and improve our own self love we don’t need to look outside of ourselves for external fulfilment which might be as changeable as the wind and conditional.

Without self love and taking personal responsibility to fulfil our own needs, we operate from a place of lack and neediness; we cannot love another or receive love until we believe ourselves to be completely whole. Unless we truly love ourselves, we will never believe someone else does. 


By loving and caring for ourselves we show others that it’s ok for them to love and care for us too. We are often treated by others as we treat ourselves and if we cannot love ourselves, we make it very difficult for others to love us.

Even though we may say that we want the relationship of our dreams, we might also believe that it’s impossible to have a fulfilling and loving relationship. What we do want and what we don’t want seem to be in conflict. Part of us may believe that true love and happiness is possible and the other part denying any thought of entertaining it.  We might push love and the opportunity for true happiness away, without realising we are sabotaging ourselves.

Personal transformation occurs, once we are able to learn to love ourselves and remain whole in knowing that we are lovable whatever happens around us.  If someone leaves your life remember it’s often about them and not about you.

If a relationship comes to as painful as it might be who you are is still worth loving, if another person stops loving you based on what’s going on for them, it doesn’t mean you have to stop loving yourself.

How we experience things and how they really are

There is a term used in NLP, that ‘the map is not the territory’ which basically means whatever your experiences of love and relationships up to now, there is always a different journey ahead waiting for you – one that is totally different to the map that you have.

The map or the blueprint that you may have been holding onto, will be made up of your past love and relationship experiences and may not be the best guide to your future. It would be like covering old rocky ground and your internal Sat Nav telling you to ‘turn around where possible’

It’s time to tear up the map of what hasn’t worked, forget about the wrong paths you may have gone down, and the dead ends you met because there is a whole new territory waiting out there for you. It’s time to plan the journey based on a new destination, creating a travel plan of places you’d like to visit along the way to the journey’s end.  There is no point in using your old map.

The past is over and you have your whole life ahead of you…

You might like to make time to go through this exercise:


Heart Based Exercise (10 minutes)

I encourage you to reflect on the following points, to make your future the best it can be. Ask yourself-

  • What do I need to stop doing that hold me back from having more self love?
  • What do I need to start doing to be open to receiving love?
  • What do I need to do differently to improve my relationships?
  • What can I commit to right now that will move me forwards in the direction of my dreams?


Be aware of the thoughts, actions and behaviours which will take you closer to your dreams and then go get ’em!

This post is taken from my first book on love and relationships which has been reviewed here by Sharon King.  Find YOU, Find LOVE is available on amazon http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  or contact me direct via my website www.wendyfry.com

 ‘’Find YOU, Find LOVE by Wendy Fry takes you lovingly by the hand and guides you on a powerful journey to heal your past relationships, transforming your past where you have experienced separation, not feeling safe in the world and unloved. Lovingly guiding you to open your heart once again, to love and be loved. Every relationship we have offers us an opportunity to heal and the most important relationship you can ever have is with yourself. Enjoy the journey back to self love this fabulous book offers to you’’

Sharon King – Author of The Book on Birth: The Missing Peace – A new Paradigm in Conscious Birthing.

If you are interested in learning more about the processes and techniques shared in Find YOU, Find LOVE, I will be running a series of workshops in Sutton, Surrey the first shown here  http://goo.gl/lyzMFh and later followed by another on the 15th November.

Hope to see you there x

From my heart to yours with love…