12 Dec

Say Yes to Life!

Did you know there are 86,400 seconds in a day?  If you didn’t you do now.

The trouble with life is, you can’t bank it, save it for a rainy day, trade it in or request a new one, it simply doesn’t work like that.

Before you know it Monday is soon Friday, it’s the weekend again and then back to work.

For many people life is a whirlwind of just getting through each day until the next one comes. Few make time to smell the roses or ponder how to make the most of the 86,400 seconds they have been granted and this is why I’m writing this blog to help you take stock of where you’ve been and where you’re heading.

Life and death is certain , it’s one thing we know for sure but how many of us are really living our lives ‘on purpose?’

Are you living the same day 365 days a year or do you want something different for yourself?

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End of year reflections 

Reflecting back on 2016, what happened month by month?

• What did you really love about 2016?
• What were the high points of the year?
• What were your magic and special moments?
• What made you smile?
• What made you cry?
• What happened in 2016 that you would rather not go through in 2017?
• What experiences have you been through that you did not enjoy in 2016 what did you learn from those experiences?
• What do you need to change?
• What do you need to start doing, stop doing or do differently? (This can be related to how you spend your time, who you spend time with, your health, and your income, your sense of self, your relationships and any other aspect of your life)
• What important lessons did you learn in 2016 about yourself; people in general, your body, your work, your family, your relationships, your sense of fulfilment and accomplishment?
• What do you want in 2017? (Answer in the positive tense-no don’t wants’ allowed!)
• What are you committed to achieving?
• What is the most important skill that you want to either further develop or master within yourself?
• What changes and actions are you committed to changing in your life?
• What do you need to do in 2017 to move on from 2016, even though 2016 may have been amazing, what do you need to leave behind in order to move on?
• If 2016 was a tough year for you, how can you use your learning to your best advantage to make 2017 your best year yet?
• What are you committed to?
• What can you achieve in the next 12 months with focused attention?
• Who were you when you started 2016 and who are you now?
• Who are you becoming?
• What else is possible for you?

I hope that you enjoy completing your end of year reflections, on reading through after completion you may like to take from it and write up separately your goals and action steps to make 2017 your best year yet!

If you need some help and support in living life to it’s fullest potential please do make contact.

One life, live it!

Wendy Fry | Emotional Health & Relationship Consultant | Helping you to help yourself

www.bepositive.me.uk | www.wendyfry.com | www.mothersanddaughters.solutions

01 Sep

Why saying no might be the best thing you’ve ever done!

How often do you find yourself agreeing to things when inside you’re screaming NO!

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Who do you find yourself saying yes to, when you already know you’re going to feel resentful about doing what’s asked of you?

When do you put others needs ahead of your own only to suffer the consequences of stress, anger, self sacrifice or burnout? 

What stops you speaking your truth and stating, what’s asked of you isn’t possible?

Saying NO, those two little letters and one short word has so much stigma attached to it.

Rather than thinking about ‘The Power of Now’, which by the way is a great read, The Power of NO, really could be a best seller if we each got a little more used to speaking our truth and saying no instead of yes!

If you’ve been feeling put on, there is no need to go into fight mode with guns a blazing, or have an out and our war with someone who places unfair demands on you, saying no can be done diplomatically and with care.

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Perhaps many of you like myself were bought up to think of others first, not to be selfish, not to say what you mean and mean what you say but to be polite and be a yes person!

For me, being a yes person has felt like the equivalent of being a nodding dog (those cute little plastic dogs with heads that nod up and down as the car moves) There is only so much nodding you can do until overwhelm reaches peak and you take time to stop and smell the roses, realising that something has to change!

All change is good, it may not be evident at first as to what positive changes might come as a result of saying no, though at least you will be speaking your truth and being true to you!

It only takes one person to change a behaviour and saying no when you’d normally say yes will be the behaviour change that makes a difference to you!

Speaking honestly may take strength and courage if your behaviour and interactions have always been to give to others, though unless you change how you respond to other peoples demands, the situation won’t change.

There are many ways to make a change and this is best done when you’re feeling calm.

You might consider sitting and speaking with that person. scheduling in a call, or writing a letter that you sleep on before posting.

Shouting your head of in the heat of the moment seldom creates a positive benefit though speaking with clear communication about how you feel is always a good start.

  • Who would you really like to tell that what is being asked of you is too much?
  • What frustrations have you been keeping to yourself that you’d really like to air?
  • In what way do you personally suffer as a result of continually saying yes to a certain person?
  • How has this pattern of responding to others needs before your own shaped your life? 
  • When is the problem at it’s worst?
  • What changes do you want to make in order to improve your relationship with this person?
  • How can you communicate what you want to say in a way that’s non blaming (remember you have willingly or unwittingly been feeding a dual behaviour)
  • What do you hope to gain by having the conversation (be clear of the outcome)

For me saying no to others means saying yes to me! And that’s called ‘Self care’ not selfish! 

If someone is constantly asking you to give up your time when you have a million others things to do, simply say ‘it’s not possible for me to help you, perhaps there is someone else you can ask’

When you really don’t want to do something an easy answer might be ‘that’s not my thing, though I hope you enjoy it’

If others ask for free advice and information you can point them in the direction of the people you invested in to elevate your own success.

When family or friends call in the middle of supper or as your climbing into bed with a drama they want to share, let them know ‘now isn’t a good time’.

Set boundaries with those who you feel are taking advantage of you.  Let those who don’t respect you know you have your own life, your own goals to achieve and your own plans.

It might hurt them when you say no but that’s really about them not getting their own way and nothing to do with you.

Saying no doesn’t mean you’re being nasty, uncaring or selfish, it simply means you’re being real and letting others know what is and isn’t okay for you.

You no longer need to be weighed down or overwhelmed with demands being made on you.

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When you set boundaries, you have an opportunity to improve relationships, or perhaps the person will move on making demands on others if you’re not available.

Friendships might end and relationship dynamics might change though you will be able to see how you have only been in that person’s life to fulfil their needs.

The way forward……

  • Re-affirm with others the dates and times you might be free to help them out
  • Voice what is okay and not okay for you
  • Let the people who are close to you know you love them, though you have some projects on the go and won’t be so immediately available to them 
  • Communicate as far as possible with love and positive intention expressing the outcome you would like
  • If a parent is ageing and you’re not available to do odd jobs and help out, work towards finding a solution and hiring help so you spend quality time together
  • When you find yourself on constant baby sitting duty at weekends and you want to be out enjoying yourself, let those you love know you will be free the last weekend of the month not every weekend
  • If your workload is building up schedule some time to speak with your manager, ask for help in prioritising what’s urgent, non urgent or can be passed to someone else
  • Catch yourself when you are about to say yes.  Create some holding space and say ‘I’ll think about it’, or ‘I don’t feel I’m the right person for this’, ‘it’s not convenient right now’ etc

There will always be someone else who can help out, it doesn’t all have to fall on your shoulders, unless you want it to.

My advise is if you’re doing anything resentfully and without love, have that conversation.

Share your truth, how you feel and what resolution you would like to work towards.

You never know…by saying NO!  You may well improve your relationships tenfold. 

If you need some help in working through setting boundaries in love or platonic relationships check out my book Find YOU, Find LOVE: Get to the heart of love and relationships using EFT

You might like to work with me on a VIP Day where you will have the opportunity to discuss why saying No in your relationships will improve the relationship with yourself.  We will work together to make the rest of your life the very best of your life.

Remember The Power of NO!

Let your yes be yes and your no be no NOW!

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