24 Oct

Nothing is Set in Stone

When nothing is certain everything is possible…

Life ideally is about achieving balance and harmony, though in reality nothing is set in stone even if we think it is.  What we once knew for certain may become uncertain, old constructs change shape, what was promised is forgotten, what we hoped to achieve falls away and we may have no choice but to start again, though this time differently.

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Change can be painful though on the other hand with change we transform and grow.  We find hidden strengths we may never have discovered otherwise and we can begin a new chapter and a new journey getting ever curious about what’s the best that can happen.

New opportunities we never imagined may show up and we break out of the self confined prison we have been in.  What once may have felt like a comfort zone no longer provides safety as it simply stops us growing and becoming all we can be.

Relationships are ever changing and if we can roll with the changes and even create some of our own it allows us to change the relationship we have with ourselves.  We do not have to be who we have always been.  Every day is a gift, the gift of starting over and beginning again

So remember – when life feels out of balance and relationships change along the way, all is not lost it’s just about finding a different kind of balance.

One thing for certain is to always remember you have you. External events may change, relationships may change, people may change though at the end of the day you still have you, and that dear heart is the one thing you can rely on, you’ve got this far and I know you can roll with the changes because nothing is set in stone.

When nothing is certain anything is possible…..

If you’d like to find out more about finding balance and improving your relationships check out my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE and my next book Mothers and Daughters due out next month.

As always, from my heart to yours,

With love x

10 Apr

Change Isn’t Always a Bad Thing

There’s a saying that goes ”A change is as good as a rest” Have you heard it?

Just today someone contacted me as they were fearful of an unexpected change in their lives.  I asked them the following questions:

  • What do you know for certain about this change?
  • What is this an opportunity for?
  • What haven’t you yet thought of that could be a positive about this change?
  • What are you moving away from that you’re pleased to let go of?
  • What are you moving towards that could actually be beneficial to you?

There’s another saying that goes ”the only think to fear is fear itself” and change is like that too!

FEAR = Failure To Experience Actual Reality.

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Half of what we worry about never comes true!

That’s a heck of a lot of wasted energy and worrying when you could have been spending time on doing something fun.

Read through and record how many of the automatic negative thoughts you identify with when it comes to change or anything else that’s been worrying you come to that.   You can apply this exercise to anything.

Simply mentally tick off the statements that are true for you or record in a journal which statements you think the most often. In doing so you will become aware of how many of your thoughts are automatic negative thoughts that are in fact not based on reality at all.

Automatic Negative Thought

 

Meaning

 

 

Mind reading Assume that you know what people are thinking
Fortune telling Predicting the future in a negative way
Judging View yourself/others/events  in terms of good/bad
Labelling Giving global negative meanings about yourself and others
Ignoring the positives Positive things aren’t recognised or seem trivial
Blowing things out of scale Believe that what will happen will be unbearable
Personalising Assume self blame for negative events
Over generalising See a global pattern of negatives based on a single event
‘Should’s’ Seeing people and events as to how you think they ‘should’ be
Negative filtering Focus on the negative, ignoring the positive
Focusing on regrets Focus on the idea that you should have done better in the past
Emotional reasoning Allowing your feelings to guide your perception of reality
‘What if’ thinking Thinking about all the things that could go wrong
All or nothing thinking Black and white thinking/ only good or bad- no in between
Blaming Focusing on others as a source of your negative feelings
Unfair comparisons Focus on others who you perceive are doing better than you
Inability to discomform Reject any evidence that might contradict your negative thoughts

When it comes to change it isn’t always a bad thing!

Until the change has come to pass how can we possibly know what that change will bring?

If you need a helping hand in working through a recent shock connected with change or indeed you have been putting of making changes or accepting that a change is imminent please do make contact.  I work via Skype and also in person in Sutton, Surrey, UK.  www.bepositive.me.uk 

There was a time in my life I was resistant to change and believe me it’s no fun resisting and now my motto is…

”Whatever happens I can handle it!” 

What if every single change you’ve experienced and will go through is leading you to exactly where you’re meant to be!

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07 Mar

Putting the L back into LOVE

Spring is a season of new beginnings, new growth and change. 

I wonder how many times you may have approached spring with a sense of excitement about the future or perhaps with a feeling of disdain that it’s another season of possibility and you are still where you were at a year ago and feeling like life is passing you by.

Change begins within first and foremost.  Unless you change then things will stay the same.

  • What do you need to change to put the L back into LOVE?
  • Does your current relationship need a spring clean?
  • Would you like to meet a new partner and soul mate?
  • If so what are you doing about it?

We get into bad habits, waiting for love to drop from the sky like a lightning bolt or expecting prince charming to bounding in on his horse down our local high street but I think that you and I know the odds of this are pretty unlikely.  As much as we would like change to happen for us, sometimes we need to get off our laurels and make that change.

The same way many birds may start building and feathering their nests this season we need to do the same.  Perhaps your nest needs an overhaul, a slight adapt ion, a different tree with a different view.  Do you even have a nest?

My writings might seem harsh though I’ve learnt the hard way that sitting back waiting for love to gallop up on a white charger is worse than washing paint dry or counting sheep.

Instead of waiting for love to come to you as if by a miracle, take action in finding love.

I for one did not wait for love to find me; I took action and let friends know that I was single and looking to meet a long term life partner.  I attended different events in different areas.  I joined several dating sites and became clearer on the type of person I was hoping to meet.  It was a learning curve with some funny stories along the way and every no was one step closer to a yes.

  • Is what you are currently doing getting the results you want in the love and relationship arena?
  • Have things gone stale in an existing relationship?
  • What do you want for the future?
  • How are you communicating your needs?
  • What actions are you taking to get you closer to your dreams?

When it comes to love don't be chicken blog post

 Here are my top tips for paving the way to love:

Repeat after me:

  • I take full responsibility for what I want in life and I am prepared to take action to get it
  • I act as if success is already mine
  • I make the right choices for me and I remember that I can keep changing my choices as and when I wish
  • I trust my intuition and let it be my guide
  • I am willing to take action and risks to achieve what I want
  • I have a positive attitude about myself and life in general
  • I take the initiative and use my assertiveness to make sure I achieve my goals
  • I act from a place of truth and integrity
  • I say yes to me
  • I commit to taking action to transform my love relationships

When you take responsibility and the necessary action towards achieving your dreams you will be surprised how every day can seem like spring.  New opportunities fall into your lap, hope rears its head from hibernation and the missing L in love is firmly back in place and exactly where it needs to be.

Shine your light on the things you want, focus on the things that lift you up, the things that bring you joy.  Focus on what you love.  You have ultimate control over your thoughts, guide them gently and get really clear about where you are heading, adjust your sails and let the light of your own faith in yourself never waiver, remember that you have everything inside you to weather any storm.

Take the first step in faith.  You don’t have to see the whole staircase.  Just take the first step – Martin Luther King Jr

Many of our relationships go wrong because we are living in the past, or have negative thoughts about the future of our relationships and we many never take the risk to love again. It’s relatively easy to work through this with the help of a skilled practitioner and if needed you can contact me if you would like some additional support info@wendyfry.com www.wendyfry.com