21 Jun

Fathers and Daughters

It’s Fathers Day today here in the UK.

This just happens to be my favourite picture of my dad and I, back in 1999.

dad wedding

What does the word father bring up for you?

How will you spend today?  

Will you be celebrating your father, reminiscing over times gone by if your father is no longer with you?

Perhaps it’s a day where you feel nothing at all?

In my work as an Emotional Health, Love & Relationship Consultant I will ask my clients what was their relationship like growing up with their family of origin or caregivers.

Many had happy and idyllic childhoods where they were nurtured, loved, supported and encouraged  by their natural parents.

Some have very specific memories of happy times with their fathers and key moments of connection and love.

Others share with me that they do not even know who their birth father is or were abandoned at an early age.

Many adult children still hold a sense of not belonging and question their identity and wonder if they take after their fathers.

Often there is much anger present and have limiting beliefs of ‘not being good enough’, ‘not being lovable’ or ‘worthy enough’.

These limiting beliefs may continue right through their adult lives leaving a trail of broken and unhappy relationships behind them.

What part of what I’ve shared here so far resonates with your own personal story?

The past has a lot to answer to as does our earliest models about love, loving and being lovable if they do not help us flourish.

For some of the people I have worked with, their fathers have passed away and there is a sense of regret that perhaps they they never spent much time together, or they wish they’d said or done more to show their love.

Many have step-fathers as male role models and have gained an a additional dad or two along the way.

I’ve also worked with children and teenagers that have had lots of different ‘uncles’ in their lives with different rules and an array of demands made on them.

Being a child and learning about love isn’t easy and I know now as an adult that being a father isn’t either.

Having worked through my own limiting beliefs and spent thousands of client hours helping others work through theirs, I see a pattern related to unhelpful comments and experiences in childhood.

As a result I specialise in working with people come to terms with difficult relationships and realising that whatever their past relationship experiences that who they are is so worth loving!

I’m so pleased I had the foresight to save this poem my dad sent in a card on 18th birthday.

It has helped me to understand that sometimes we cannot help who we love and that we do all indeed deserve love.

Butterfly Card Dad 0001

My Story

I share my story to let you know that you can use your past experiences to excel and achieve.

The pain of the past need not be used to build up a brick wall of protection in fact your past experiences can be the foundation and the stepping stones for you to reach new heights in your personal and professional life. 

I wouldn’t change my past for a thing as it’s lead me to being who I am and given me the insights into family dynamics and the absolute privilege to work with others who need to understand themselves and how their own perceptions of experiences have shaped their lives.

How I learnt about love…

My dad left our family home when I was twelve, came back and left again when I was fifteen.  It was devastating at the time as my mum was suicidal, we moved house, I changed schools and I gained a new step dad, step mum and a whole extended family by the time I was sixteen.

Now as an adult I understand why my dad left, he simply felt unloved by my mum for many years within their twenty three years together.

It took me such a long time to understand that even though my dad left, he wasn’t rejecting me, he hadn’t stopped loving me and I hadn’t done anything wrong.  It was merely my perception as a teenager which led me to forming beliefs about myself that were untrue.  I ran that pattern of believing I was unlovable right up until my thirties.

Although many years of my life felt painful because of this belief, I now know that perhaps this was the experience I was indeed meant to have for my own self-actualisation.

There is a happy ending and my dad is re married to my now step mum.  He’s very happy and I’d go as far as saying even after thirty plus years being married with her, they are still very much in love.  I’m happy that he’s happy and that’s all we can want for others and for ourselves.

Everyone deserves happiness and even if we don’t understand the why’s and the wherefores at the time, we  begin to learn as adults that our parents were doing the best that they could while in the midst of their own personal challenges.

Whatever your relationship with your father if you feel unhappy in any way about the connection that you did or didn’t have.  It’s never to late to change the past, we simply change the future!

To gain some personal insights into your beliefs , you might like to work through this series of questions.

  • What negative beliefs about yourself are you still holding onto that in some way are connected with your father?
  • How do your beliefs about love and relationships impact your own relationships?
  • How do you limit a potentially good relationship happening because of your past experiences and projected fears? 
  • How would letting go of these beliefs benefit you?

I could write heaps more on the subject of love and relationships though you may prefer to download for free Chapter 3 ‘Beliefs’ from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE

I also offer a service called Future Life Progression where you can connect in a future lifetime with your loved one and say the thinks you didn’t say before their passing.

There is always an opportunity to transform your past and use it to your best advantage!

This picture if from the front of the card my dad sent.

Butterfly Card0007

Learning about love creates personal freedom and who you are is so worth loving.  

Know it, feel it, experience it.  

You are the butterfly, set yourself free form the past and be ready to live life.  

You are the creator of your future and the legacy you leave behind through learning…

As ever, from my heart to yours with love x

Please do make contact for personal support in person in Sutton, Surrey, UK or internationally over Skype info@wendyfry.com | Love and Relationship Support

cropped jpeg of logo

01 Dec

Slave to Love

Are you a slave or master of love?

Some of you may remember Bryan Ferrry’s Slave to Love hit single for Roxy Music back in the 80’s.  I was definitely a slave to love back in the day though that has all changed for me, what about you?

Take a moment to reflect on your love relationships

To find out if you are a slave or master of love check out The Love and Relationship Inventory taken from my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE It’s is free for you to download  at  https://wendyfry.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Love-and-Relationship-Inventory1.pdf

If you like what you read you may wish to explore all the amazing resources in Find YOU Find LOVE available on amazon http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1910202460

Get to the heart of love and relationships

The love and relationship inventory is designed to bring clarity to your love and relationship experiences and beliefs. As you read through the inventory, answer honestly if the statements resonate with you.   While completing this you will gain insights into whether you are indeed a slave or master of love.

Somewhere along the line you would have learnt beliefs and behaviours that meant you put love and self worth outside of yourself. There may have been times through your life experiences where you have felt unworthy, unloved and rejected, though if this has been your experience in the past, there is no evidence that history will repeat itself, except for your thinking making it so and making you a slave to love.

You may notice that you behave the same way in all relationships and that you l seek approval, acceptance and love from outside of yourself across a wide variety of relationship experiences.  You may find yourself drifting form one relationship to another without a gap, you may have affairs or seek out attention and validation through a range of outlets that make you feel loved, you may feel it too daunting to be single or alone, all these things may contribute to you being a slave to love.

Use the statements on the inventory as a guiding light to get clear on what you need to change about your perceptions and beliefs and how you view love and relationships. It’s never too late to improve the relationship you have with yourself and this in turn will lead you o becoming a master of love instead of a slave.

Slave to love

To check out if you are a master to love go to https://wendyfry.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Self-Love-Inventory-Heart-Based-Practical-Exercise1.pdf to see how well you’re doing in this department.

Emotions are a record of the past in their own right and there to help us, not to harm us, it just depends on how we view the emotion as to whether we use it to limit us or help us to grow from the experience of feeling this emotion.

It’s natural when you explore love and relationships that all sorts of thoughts, feelings and emotions could raise to the surface, some good and some not so good. If you feel you need some help and support to work through your love and relationship problems I offer a choice of  1-2-1 support services or workshops https://wendyfry.com/services/ It will be my pleasure to support you to become a master of love.

Working 1-2-1 in person or over Skype  www.wendyfry.com | info@wendyfry.com

23 Nov

Are you still learning about love?

The Beatles sang ‘All You Need is Love’ but to love or not to love, that is the question?  When we are hurt and a relationship ends,  often the thought of ever loving someone again or being loved may seem like an impossible dream, is this true for you?

We all crave love in our lives, though sometimes love can be painful and that can create fear of ever loving again.  We are stuck between a rock and a hard place, uncertain of the future, unsure of our lovability or even our capacity to love again.

We may beat ourselves up and say things like ‘when will I learn to trust my instincts he/she was wrong for me from the start’ , we may berate ourselves and tell ourselves ‘I’m stupid to have ever trusted again’, we might wonder ‘what am I doing wrong?’and ‘why do I keep attracting the same type of partner?’  We might feel hopeless about love and relationships and steer clear of forming new ones based on past experiences and fear that the past will repeat itself again.

  • How much of the 86,400 seconds in your day is taken up worrying, anguishing and thinking about love and relationships? 
  • How much thought and air time do you give to talking about love when things go bad? 
  • How do your thoughts affect you physically, emotionally, spiritually?
  • Does love despair spill over into your working life?
  • What’s the cost of keeping hold of the thoughts and feelings about love and relationships that you may be having right now?

loves me loves me not daisy

  • What are you willing to change?
  • What actions can you take that would  make you feel better than you do right now?
  • How will you know when you’ve worked through your love and relationship problems and feel ready to love again?
  • What will that look like, feel like, sound like for you?
  • If you were to focus on what is possible in terms of love and relationships and you took actions to implement all that can be, how would your life be different?
  • Need some help in getting started?

As a love and relationship expert, many of my clients say ‘how long will it take to get over this?’ My answer is, it’s different for each and every person. When a relationship ends, it is always an opportunity for careful exploration of ‘the self’ and what may contribute to making the wrong choices from the start.

When you look inside and work though the things that may have contributed to love and relationship problems, well that’s the best relationship investment you will ever make.  Instead of looking outside of ourselves for love, acceptance, approval and a sense of self, it’s Important to do the ‘inner work’ and explore how we each operate in and out of a love relationship.

Find YOU, Find LOVE http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  is my first book about love and relationships and focuses on the relationship you have with yourself.  It’s a workbook full of practical exercises and techniques that help you explore your past and what may be contributing to love and relationship problems for you right now.

There is a full love and relationship inventory in the book, or you can download here for free http://www.wendyfry.com/resources   Use the inventory to gather the information that will help you work through your love and relationship beliefs.

You may need some support after completing the inventory to work towards transforming past doubts and future fears, though in doing so, you will gain a greater sense of self and in turn be confident that who you are is lovable regardless of the past circumstances and events that will have shaped you life up to now.

If you’d like to work with me in person in Surrey or over Skype, please do make contact to discover how The Spotlight Process and EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique) can get you back on track. If you need some 1-2-1 support and guidance please do contact me direct to see how I can be of support to you via http://www.wendyfry.com

Still learning about Love?  If you want to take control of your future, resolve the past and make the rest of your life the best of your life.  Choose Find YOU, Find LOVE, in doing so you will find yourself, an endless fountain of love and joy that you may not have even been aware of.

x