18 Oct

Why Crying is Good For You…

When was the last time you had a good cry?

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It never ceases to amaze me how someone crying might make others feel uncomfortable. They might rush in saying things like:

  • Don’t cry
  • Pull yourself together
  • Don’t let anyone see you crying
  • It’s weak to cry
  • Don’t get upset

As children we may have been told things like:

  • Don’t be a cry baby
  • Be a big a big boy/girl
  • Grow-up
  • Pansy and other inappropriate name calling
  • You’re pathetic
  • Stop snivelling

It’s not long before we internalise all these negative messages and beliefs about why we shouldn’t cry!

The truth is our bodies are designed to release stress and build up of toxins through the secretion of tears.  It’s actually healthy to cry.

Perhaps you have found a way to keep a ‘stiff upper lip’ on your feelings keeping everything in, or maybe you are like me when you are in shock or deeply saddened, you too might shed a bucket load of tears.

If we continually keep emotions in we might find ourselves ‘imploding’ and this continual build up of stress and unexpressed emotions might lead to depression, low mood, sleeplessness, anxiety and a whole host of symptoms where the body tries other ways to release the build up of emotions.

Feeling like we can’t express ourselves in the moment we might also find ourselves exploding in anger and rage at the most inappropriate time.

When you next cry and someone tells you not to, it might be interesting to ask them ”what is it about my tears, that makes you uncomfortable?”

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Your tears, upset and emotions may well evoke in someone else the unresolved emotions they have not released, triggering off their own sadness, loss, grief, anger and the full range of human emotions that we all experience.

There is a lovely scientific study right here if you’re interested in finding out more about the different types of tears and why it’s healthy to release emotional tears.

In my work as a therapist, I have seen grown men, women and children cry.  In our work together, they are given the space and freedom to cry , encouraged to express the emotions that have been held in and allowed to vent what they are feeling.  Often the unresolved emotions go as far back as childhood when they were fist told not to cry.

There are a range of techniques I offer to aid emotional release though right here in this moment, the first step to coming to tems with how you feel is to join me in saying aloud.

  • I give myself permission to feel what I’m feeling
  • It’s okay for me to have these emotions
  • I allow myself to work through what I’m feeling

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Whenever your emotions surface unexpectedly repeat these statements to see you through, grab yourself some soft tissues and allow yourself to cry.

If you need a safe space to work through what you’re feeling, a place where you will be heard and supported I welcome you to make contact.  I offer a range of support programmes to suit your individual needs.

If you need help in coming to terms with love and relationships contact me here 

For general therapeutic support you can find out more here 

Remember crying is good for you. 

As ever, from my heart to yours with love,

X Wendy

23 May

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Have you ever laid on your back looking at the clouds?

Perhaps you’ve noticed shapes, patterns or even words written across the sky or simply lost track of time as the clouds pass by.

I was reminded yesterday of the phrase ‘every cloud has a silver lining’.  Even when things don’t seem to be going well and we don’t like the situation we are in, some good may come from it, yet to be revealed.

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As well as being an author a bigger part of my work is supporting others as an Emotional Health Consultant.  That may include working with people with physical pain too.

Yesterday my client came to me in physical and emotional pain.

I asked the following questions:

  • What is the gift in this situation?
  • How might this physical pain and injury actually be benefiting you? 
  • Since having this complaint, what have you stopped doing that you never enjoyed anyway?
  • What has this injury moved you away from that you are happy about?
  • What is it moving you towards that you want more of?
  • What is this injury giving you time for?

I ask a lot of open question in my work, some of the questions are frustrating and clients do get angry. They might shout and say ‘why would there be a gift in this, I hate having XYZ’.

Emotional and physical pain can be a touchy subject though asking these questions does bring clarity.

Sometimes a client might not know the answer straight away so I ask them to ponder the questions and either email me with the answers or share their learnings in our next appointment. It’s interesting to find out what their silver lining is.

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This reminds me of another client I worked with some time ago who didn’t like the question ‘what is the gift in this situation’, she shouted at me and rightly so, she was in chronic pain and had been for years with bouts of pain so bad she was debilitated for days on end.

She then emailed me a couple of months later to say I now have the answers to the questions you asked me.

This is a snapshot of what she said:

I’m sorry I shouted at you.  As much as I hated the questions I can now see that my body and the pain I was holding is in fact a gift.

The gift in this situation is my pain has stopped me going to work.  I now know now that I need to leave my stressful job and move away from the people in my workplace not respecting me or my time.  

I realise that a 3 hour commute each day is adding to my stress.  I hate working in London!

 

This pain is benefiting me as it’s actually laid me up in bed and given me time to think about what I want from life.

I want to live by the cost, in a small cottage and get a dog.  I want to be able to go on long walks with my dog and have time to live life and enjoy it. 

Since having this pain I have not been able to drive to see the people I have toxic relationships with.  It’s given me time to realise that I need to create new boundaries with family.  They weren’t respecting me and I wasn’t respecting myself.

This physical pain has helped me understand the emotional pain I’ve been holding onto from past events and given me an opportunity to work with you and get the right kind of help.

I’m pleased to say that this particular  young lady made contact last year to say she had moved to the coast.  Sent a picture of her adorable puppy.  She now has a new job which is walking distance and is living with a partner in a happy and harmonious relationship.

She is fit, active and only on occasional days when she does too much do the symptoms of chronic pain come back.  Se now has all the skills and resources to manage her pain through our work together.

So my questions to you are:

  • What are your silver linings?
  • How is the relationship you are in benefiting you? Or indeed if you are single what is the benefit of that?
  • The job that you do.  What is it stopping you from doing that you might be afraid of?
  • The physical or emotional pain you may be in.  How has this shaped your life and what do you want instead?
  • If you were free from the things that you don’t want and don’t like what might you have to do that scares you?
  • Now you know every cloud has a silver lining what can you do today that will support you in moving past your physical or emotional pain?

I have hundreds and hundreds of insightful questions that will help to bring clarity to your own personal situation.

I can share with you tools and techniques that put you back in control of your life.

If you’d like to work with me check out www.bepositive.me.uk Helping you to help yourself to live your life with purpose!

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