23 Jan

Wellness or Illness – What’s Your Focus?

Whether you’re reading this in the morning or at the end of your day, I invite you to take a moment and reflect on your thoughts for the day ahead or the thoughts you have had.  Is your anticipated day one of dread, doom and gloom or thinking back over your day has your focus been on wellness or illness?

Wellness isn’t just about physical health, our minds are powerful creators and depending on the direction of our thoughts they can either lift us up or pull us down.   It’s the same for illness.  No one wants to be ill, feel poorly or out of sorts though what we can do is focus on getting well, taking actions to help ourselves by eating the right foods, exercising, getting out in nature and taking our intention to one of healing and wellness.

If for any reason you can’t physically get out to do these things what you can do is to take your mind on an amazing holiday as often as you like until you feel re-charged and energised.  If the Caribbean is your desired location take your mind there right now, notice the blue of the sky, the feel of the warm sand on your feet, the smell of the sea, the taste of salt in your mouth from swimming or resting at the waters edge,  the sound of the waves lapping on the sure…hmmm….bliss wouldn’t you agree.

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It’s true to say many people walk about ‘unconsciously’, meaning they may not even be aware of there thoughts until someone like me comes along and asks…”are your thoughts working for you, yes or no?”  If what you are thinking makes you feel lousy, the good news is you can change your thoughts, after all you are the creator of your thoughts are you not?

In my line of work I get to meet some amazing people who are ready to master their thoughts as well as their lives.  These people have woken up from the unconscious walking around letting their negative thoughts rule them and instead show up ready to unlearn the negative hypnotising they have been doing to themselves.

Words are powerful creators, including the words we say in our heads as well as the ones we speak and share.  Would you really talk to another person the way you do to yourself?

It’s not until we explore our negative thoughts and patterns of behaviour including our thinking do we become enlightened that we have the choice.  We can focus on illness or wellness, it’s really quite simple.

I invite you to make a pact with yourself from today, whenever you find yourself going off on a tangent or thinking about the things that make you feel drained, unhappy, angry, fearful or emotionally upset, change your focus to the thoughts which lift you up.  Give yourself a healthy dose of encouragement, support, reassurance, love and kindness and notice how much better you feel when you turn your thoughts to wellness.

Here to guide you are the key questions from The Spotlight Process.  A unique technique which I have developed to bring your thoughts into balance.

1. Where is my thinking right now? (Past, Present or Future?)

2. What proportion of my thinking is negative?

3. How does it affect me when I focus on the negative?

4. Where is the evidence that what I think will happen will happen?

5. What do I want instead of thinking or feeling this way?

6. Coming from my heart instead of my head what would love do here?

Need a helping hand to further master your thoughts? There is a whole chapter on The Spotlight Process in my first book Find YOU, Find LOVE along with a chapter on EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to support you in finding emotional freedom.

Because I love to give and want you to succeed this guided meditation ‘Negative Memory Release’ will support you in moving forwards towards health and wellness.  It’s the first download you come to when you reach the downloads page, scroll down until you find it.  Enjoy…

So, love your day and love your life by simply changing your thoughts.

Your future self will thank you for it…

From my heart to yours, with love,

Wendy

 

 

 

09 Jan

When Nothing is Certain….

Everything is possible…

So many times different people both friends and clients have said to me ‘what if i can’t?’, my answer is always, ‘what if you can?’

Limits exist only in the mind, what we believe to be true becomes an end result or in some cases no result at all.

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It’s true to say in life there are often many challenges that come at unexpected times and also the events we know will happen with certainty that we have to prepare for.

Here are just a few examples of where people get stuck in their thinking:

  1. It’s impossible
  2. I’m too old
  3. No one will want me
  4. I’m not experienced enough
  5. All my relationships have failed
  6. I keep attracting the wrong types
  7. I don’t have the money
  8. I don’t have the energy
  9. It’s hopeless
  10. I can’t do it

I’m sure you get the picture and perhaps by even reading those few short statements your energy has slumped, you feel defeated, negative, unhappy.  Words are powerful and it’s the words we say to ourselves inwardly and outwardly that contribute to feeling stuck and often if were’re feeling stuck we take no action because we are in a place of fear often trapped in the past and scared it will repeat itself.

So here are my re-frames I offer when I hear the kinds of complaints above:

  1. How do you know?
  2. Compared to whom?
  3. Where is the evidence of this?
  4. What can you do to gain the experience you need?
  5. What have you learnt from these relationships?
  6. If you were to focus on the ‘right types’ what is the right type for you?
  7. What other resources are open to you to achieve what you want?
  8. If you did have the energy what’s the first thing you’d do, how will that one small action benefit you?
  9. What do you want instead of that feeling of hopelessness?
  10. Get rid of the T in can’t and you can

It’s an interesting fact to share…

We are not our thoughts though our thoughts will ultimately take us closer to a desired outcome or further away.

So on that note…

  • What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
  • What will this look like, feel like and sound like to you?
  • Looking back on how you achieved this how did you do it?
  • What advice would your ‘future self’ give you in order to get started?
  • If you were to become your own best friend what would you say to yourself which offers support, encouragement and praise along the way?
  • What’s one thought, action and deed you can take today which will take you closer to your desire?

Remember you can be, do and have anything you set your mind to and when your thinking tells you otherwise tell it to ‘go and do one!’ or something similar.

You are not your thoughts.  You are a magnificent creator and your dreams can be part of your reality and experience.

Begin today acting as if and work backwards…

Happiness, success, love, career progression, whatever it is you want is only ever a thought away

04 Dec

Stretch and Grow

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I don’t know about you but this passing year has been one where i’ve well and truly stretched myself out of my comfort zone doing both fun things and also taking risks even through my insides were shaking.  Have you been in that place too, part of you quaking in your boots and the other part excited, body rushing with adrenaline?

It’s all too easy to get set in our ways and say no to doing things because we’ve never done them before and our mind plays tricks on us showing us the worst possible outcome of how something will pan out.  The good news is, in my experience all the worse case scenarios I have projected into doing something new for the first time have never actually happened.

This year i’ve been invited to do many things I have never done before: Appear on Oxford TV (you can see me in action here being interviewed with the lovely Emma-Jane Taylor) I’ve been asked to speak in front of a large group of people (like 500 people which is yet to happen) Bring it on!  and asked to write some content for a friends forthcoming book.  I will admit building a new website and getting to grips with technology and recording meditations has been truly frustrating, confusing and downright annoying but I got there in the end even though I could have honestly given in more than once.

Now so as to get that all important work life balance I put myself and four friends forward to attend learning to play a Djembe drum along with African singing and dancing, it sure was a lot of fun even though we sang the wrong words out of tune and hit the drum drum when everyone else was silent.  We stretched ourselves as a group and the challenge was easier.  We simply laughed at our mistakes and had fun trying.

All of these new opportunities and invitations filled me with fear or concern that i’d get things right but then I thought ‘what the heck’, I may have never done these things before but if I do them for the first time, I can learn from from the experience and from the point of learning, next time I have to do the same things or something similar I will have more knowledge and wisdom as to how best have a positive outcome.

So yes, I felt the fear and did it anyway and I want you to know i’m no different to you, I still have fears though recognise fear get’s in the way of achieving the things which are important to me.   So on that note…will you join me in a stretch or three?

If you could do anything knowing you could not fail, what would you do? 

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What’s the cost if you do nothing to stretch and are you willing to pay that price?

Because I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions instead choosing to believe in stretching myself at every opportunity, I invite you to do the same.

Let’s begin with the power of two:

List two things you would like to do but have been avoiding, then break down these two goals into realistic and achievable steps and from this point (today) begin by making a commitment to yourself to take action until you too stretch and grow.  You will be glad you did.  In fact the future you is already saying c’mon, get your rear in gear, we are going on an adventure.

Feel the fear and do it anyway…it sure feels good!

Let me know how you get on with your journey and if you need a stretch buddy or someone to hold you accountable just make contact at www.wendyfry.com and we will work out a plan…

So  let’s reach two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…..and breathe….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our comfort zone operates as a self protection mechanism and although we say that we want positive change we still stay in this zone, although it might be comfort-
able it can be compared to being trapped inside a cage too frightened to move out of it even if the cage door is open.

Consequently, the love that we search for is often slower to obtain, or there is no
change at all if we stay stuck where we are. It’s as though this invisible comfort zone

 

Chapter 4:   The Past       109

 

 

is made up of a million voices telling us why we shouldn’t, mustn’t, ought not to, daren’t, don’t want to do whatever it is we say we really want to do.

ARE YOU STAYING IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE?

 

 

Insightful Questions

 

 

  • Has life been consistently knocking you down that as soon as you get

up, you feel as if you’re being pulled back down again?

  • Has it been too scary for you to take risks that could lead you to the

love you have been searching for?

  • Have you been using your past to motivate you or limit you?
  • How long have you been staying in the safety of your comfort zone?

Anything outside of this zone can appear scary, risky or downright dangerous and our survival instincts kick in. Fear and excitement are so similar in the way we expe-
rience the feelings, that we may be uncertain which one we are feeling and so talk ourselves out of doing certain things.   It’s natural to feel apprehensive when trying new things, but unless we take action, nothing will change.

Mistakes, or rather the fear of making mistakes and not getting things 100% right, create a comfort zone.

A comfort zone consists of mental conditioning that may not always be based on
fact and has been made up of our perceptions and the meanings we have placed
on things and people.   If we feel we have taken risks before and those risks have
not worked in our favour, we may be hesitant to take risks again in case it all goes
wrong.

CREATING OUR OWN PRISONS

The truth is, if we stay within the boundaries of the self-imposed walls we build up around ourselves, change won’t happen – we’ll be doing what we always did and getting the same results, feeling stuck, uncertain and unafraid.

By thinking and doing the same things, we get the same results. I don’t really need to tell you that as I know you are already fed up with getting the same results.

 

 

110      Find YOU Find LOVE

 

 

MOVING ON FROM THE PAST AND CREATING THE FUTURE OF OUR DREAMS

So, it’s time to join me and the hundreds of women I have worked with and form a united army moving on from the past and creating the future of our dreams.  Focus on all that could go right and take those first steps towards achievement.

 

 

 

25 Sep

Courage of Your Convictions

You and I both took our first steps with courage.

It never entered our minds to give up, we simply got back up and put one foot in front of the other and another and then another and there you are walking, talking, singing and dancing, all things you’ve had to learn at some point and whether you know it or not, that took courage.

Courage is all about taking action and having the determination to carry out one’s goals  and to do or say what you think is right regardless of another’s opinion.  Courage is about having confidence in yourself (or acting ‘as if’) until you become fearless.

Success and courage go hand in hand.  Limits I have to tell you only exist in your mind.

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Reflecting back, what have you already achieved despite believing it wasn’t possible?

What challenges have you overcome?

How did you achieve what you’ve already learnt? 

In what situations do you become fearful?

What’s beneath the fear? (is it fear of other people’s judgement, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough etc?) 

Acknowledging fears are nothing more than thoughts which create a physical response what small action can you take today to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone?

What can you hold yourself accountable for tomorrow, the next day and the day after that to conquer your fears and take those all important steps in the direction of your dreams? 

Half of what we fear never happens!  We make up stories in our minds to prepare us for the ‘worse case scenario’.  I personally prefer to take my mind to ‘what’s the best that can happen here’ and add to the movie how good it feels to achieve my goal, what I will see and hear and then I keep focusing on the results I want.  Truth is you can’t think a negative and a positive thought at the same time, try it and see.

Our thoughts can limit us until we acknowledge we are afraid.  Try shifting focus and know the end goal is much more compelling than the feeling of staying stuck where we are.   Make friends with Focus and Intention.  Spend time each day thinking about what you want and how wonderful it will be for your goals to come to fruition.  Heck, even buy the bottle of champagne in preparation of the celebration.

If you need some extra help in feeling the fear and doing it anyway.  You’ll enjoy reading ‘The Magician’s Way’  by William Whitecloud.  Although this book talks a lot about playing golf,  you don’t need to be a gold player to improve your swing and how you approach life.  Simply focusing on the target and acting as if will improve all life areas.

I want you to know you matter!  Take just four and a half minutes to watch this video Find Your Courage, you’ll be glad you did.

And just for the record, i’d been feeling nervous and uncomfortable about a forthcoming opportunity on Tuesday where to begin with I felt more than a little out of my depth but I had a word with myself and turned round my fears.  I’ve spent some time preparing and learning things I have previously put off and now my focus is on excitement and wondering what the best outcome will be.  Working through my own limitations and overcoming the obstacles and limiting beliefs in my mind, well i’m set for a great day and you know what, whatever the outcome it will be a perfect experience for me.

Courage is beginning with the first step and taking the next and the next and the next.  What’s the best that can happen?

” Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition they somehow know what you truly want to become” Steve Jobs

30 May

Our beliefs influence the way we feel and what we choose to do

A limiting belief is a thought, or series of thoughts, that stop us from moving forwards in life. Limiting beliefs could be based on past personal experiences or through witnessing the experiences of others.

When we truly grow up

Limiting beliefs also shape the form of our thought patterns, including irrational thinking. We all, at some point, experience limiting beliefs. Until we examine what it is we believe and change any limiting beliefs to a more empowering belief, we are often stuck in the prison of our own thinking.

This is the 3rd in the series of limiting beliefs, you can check out the previous blog posts Part 1 here and Part 2 here

Beliefs have the potential to be changed by cultivating awareness; we can choose what it is we want to believe. Challenging a limiting belief with awareness, effective questioning and using The Spotlight Process and EFT, may seriously improve a person’s sense of self worth, reduce fear, improve confidence, improve communication (internal and external dialogues) and open up all sorts of new and exciting possibilities.

What are your limiting beliefs?

Practical Exercise (10 minutes)

Measuring Limiting Beliefs using The VoC Scale (Validity of Cognition)

To measure the how true a limiting belief may be for you there is a scale called The Validity of Cognition (VoC) Scale which is an individualised measure of beliefs, developed by Francine Shapiro.

Use the VOCSscale to check the percentage of your current self limiting beliefs rating them from a 0 when you have no belief at all and 100 when the belief feels completely true for you.

Read through the list below using the Voc Scale to identify which limiting beliefs are true for you. Fill in the blanks where appropriate and add your own limiting beliefs that have been holding you back from love.

• Fear of not being good enough
• Fear of not being loved
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of separation or loss of relationship
• Fear of failure
• Fear of being controlled by another
• Fear of success
• I don’t deserve…..
• I am not worthy of…..
• I’m not lovable
• I’m too……..
• I’m not…..
• I won’t be able to…..
• It’s impossible
• I can’t…..
• Something bad will happen if…..
• What if it doesn’t work out?
• What if I get hurt?
• What if my partner isn’t faithful?
• What if I lose…..?

You may be wondering right now how you can transform your limiting beliefs so here goes:

Part of the process of changing limiting beliefs is cultivating awareness, so that we can distinguish the difference between:

• What we’d like to believe
• What we think we should believe
• What we truly believe.

It is often our limited and negative thinking that holds us back from the things that we seek. Beliefs are often so unconscious that we seldom question them.

With effective self questioning, taking into account:

• When the belief was formed
• Whose belief it is
• If that belief limits us or allows us to grow
• If the beliefs we hold are still appropriate for us

Each of us has a choice and by choosing empowering beliefs about love and relationships, much can be changed in our lives for the better.

In order to change a limiting belief we need to change the internal picture and representation that we have of ourselves, of others and about the world around us, so that over time, our creative subconscious mind recognises new pictures and beliefs as a new reality and filters from a different perspective, instead of looking through dirty windows at the same dirt, we notice things we never saw before or experienced before.

If a limiting belief is based on a lie or is a belief formed by someone else’s opinion, then it is time to change the belief. Challenging a limiting belief and working out where it comes from will provide enormous benefits.

Changing our beliefs offers a renewed sense of freedom and there is a willingness to take new risks once we decide to look at the world through new windows.

Ready to uncover your limiting beliefs and move beyond them check out my full range of services here It will be my pleasure to work with you.

09 Apr

Because it’s all a Matter of Trust

We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy ~ Walter Anderson 

  • What does trust mean to you?
  • Who or what comes to mind when you think of not trusting?
  • When has your trust been abused?
  • How hard do you find it to trust others or yourself based on past experience?
  • How will your life change when you are able to trust fully?
  • What are the benefits of trusting?

It’s been an interesting week.  On Monday I sent out a survey related to love and relationships and asked the question ‘what do you struggle with the most when it comes to relationships?’  An interesting theme emerged with over half of the respondents saying trust was their biggest issue on the other side of that was fear.

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Because the content of the survey was confidential I can’t go into the details of what was shared though we can explore further the issue of trust in general terms and it all comes down to the perceptions and beliefs we place on things.  Whether those beliefs be about men, women, people generally, organisations, government, religions etc,  it’s the meaning we place on people and events that will either make us trust or distrust.

It would probably be fair to say that those of you reading this have experienced either having your trust abused or not being trusted at some point in your life.

When it comes to trusting in love and relationships our past experiences become our filter and depending on the aspects of the past we may go on to believe our relationships will be not fulfilling, long lasting, fair or even trustworthy.  We literally take our past experience and project it into the future. I sometimes call this ‘mud slinging’.

Another example of not trusting might be a restaurant making a mistake with your bill total and charging too much.  You may never visit again or will check your bill every time you do.  You form a belief about what will happen which limits you tasting the delicious food or enjoying the ambience and good service.  You didn’t get what you expected therefore you might not trust them enough with your hard earnt cash to go back and have that extra order of garlic bread ~ with cheese! You are denying yourself of future pleasure because of a past experience.

It’s the same with relationships.  if you’ve been let down in the past by someone you trusted, it’s possible the residue of being hurt is still there for you and in new relationships you might find the need to keep checking your partner can be trusted.  This could come down to checking their social media accounts, their phone, their car and snooping on them.  As well as it being an invasion of privacy,  It really isn’t healthy to do this as you’re not trusting who you are is worth loving and you are!

growing from the past

The past need not repeat itself.  Being aware of the past is helpful but living in the past is limiting you too.  Let yourself be loved by trusting fully whatever happens, you’re still a worthwhile, beautiful and lovable person.

It’s natural to want to have the evidence you can trust someone but not trusting them or yourself is the beginning of the end.  From now on, every day look for evidence you can trust.

You can trust your alarm to go off, your kettle to boil, your body to function, your car to start, day to turn to night.  Look for evidence in your life of trust you have with others including your close friends, your colleagues who you open up to, the person at the bus stop you might tell your life story to.  Trust is everywhere, look for it, not for lack of it and more of the lovely stuff will show up.

Notice what you partner does, which indicates they can be trustednot what they don’t do.  Notice the qualities and attributes you have which make you a great catch!

Even though i’m a love and relationship consultant,  I write about this topic not from an expert point of view but through personal experience.  In my early relationships, i’ve driven people away from not trusting.  I may as well have worn the t-shirt ‘don’t come near me, I won’t trust you’.  I was my own worst enemy.

Even when significant others have told me ‘I love you’, I chose not to believe them.  I spent a good part of my life believing I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough etc and had the underlying belief ‘I’m not lovable’. 

Now that i’ve worked through where my abandonment issues came from i’ve been able to reflect back and understand why I wasn’t trusting and have been able to move out of fear and into love.

  • If you find yourself not trusting because you fear the past repeating itself, you’re not alone.  So many people don’t trust as it seems like a safe bet but actually you’re only limiting yourself from having an amazing relationship 
  • If you believe you’re not good enough you may even keep attracting, not good enough relationships and settling for second best.  Who you are is good enough and always has been.  The circumstances of your life need not shape your future. 
  • If you find yourself doubting your relationships will last, the doubt will creep in and grow.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life and an opportunity to build trust and in doing so create for yourself a happier future

If you really want to learn to trust again, the inner work begins with you.  I can share with you the tools and techniques which moved me from a snooping undercover detective to someone who trusts that whoever I meet whether it is on a new friendship, getting to know colleagues or investing fully in significant other relationships.  I trust totally and completely whatever I learn will be perfect for my self development.  I believe who I am is worthy and lovable regardless of what others say or do, this can be your experience too.

Who you are is so worth loving and when you trust yourself enough to believe in this the relationship you have with you and others changes.

Check out the free love and relationship resources including two audio downloads at http://www.wendyfry.com .  Be sure to download free from my website, the chapter on limiting beliefs from my first book Find You, Find LOVE  Helping you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems.

Trust is the glue of life.  It’s the most essential ingredient of effective communication.  It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships – Stephen Covey

From my heart to yours, with love,

x Wendy

 

 

30 Nov

Get out of Your Head and into Your Heart!

When was the last time you were in the dilemma where your heart said yes and your head said no?  

Two parts of you in disagreement, battling with each other for pole position…

How often have you found yourself unable to make decisions based on that inner conflict, not knowing which way to go?

A question I would like you to become familiar with and to apply every time you find yourself reacting to something or someone is to ask yourself:

‘Am I in my head or am I in my heart?’

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Often times we are so much in our heads our heads analysing, judging and constantly weighing up the pros and cons of a situation.

We are so far removed from being in our heart space and connecting in love, that we wouldn’t recognise it if it came up and stared us in the face.

Our heads it’s where our ‘voice of doom/destruction/negative thinking’ lives. It will continue to rear its ugly head until we rein it in.

If we’re not careful, we could let our heads rule our hearts and our future, never considering the heart’s needs or wants.

Wherever you go, go with all your heart – Confucius

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Opening your heart

An open heart is very powerful, it has the capacity to love and be loved.

• Your heart is wise

• If you listen to it you will find that it knows all the answers to all your questions

• Your heart provides you with valuable sources of information

• Your heart has a blueprint for happiness, joy and compassion for yourself and others

• Your heart stores that which you seek…love, contentment, joy

The heart is where our true self resides, that place of inner knowing and intuition, the higher self, the source, our oneness.

Our heart speaks to us in a gentle voice and will guide us back home to ourselves if we stop long enough to listen.

Our heart truly knows what’s best for us if we can get the head out of the way.

Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart – Sarah Ban Breathnach

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Heart Based Exercise: Listening to Your Heart’s Needs

• Listen to your heart’s needs

• Be aware of the fears in your head

• Make a note of where these fears come from. Are they fears from the past, fears related to current concerns or fears about things you imagine happening in the future?

• Bring yourself back to your heart each time you find yourself going back into your head

• Go back to the heart space using heart based breathing, connect with and expand that feeling of love

• Act from the heart in every situation

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Wrist Band Exercise:

This is a great awareness exercise that supports you in bringing head and heart into balance.

  1. Wear a loose elastic band, hair tie, charity wrist band or just your watch around your wrist
  2. Every time you go into your head (over analysing, judging, labelling and categorising) which takes you further away from love, change the item over from one wrist to the other, to bring you back to heart centred awareness
  3. Filter your experiences through your heart space and you will experience life through the filter of love

It’s a very effective and simple exercise that further brings awareness to your thought process and will aid you to re-direct your thinking to that which is more positive

It will show you the habits of your thinking and make you realise where your mind wanders to…you just need to pull it back again

I offer this exercise to my clients and some of the feedback I’ve had is:

‘’ I can’t believe how many of my thoughts are negative and critical ’’

‘’Although I got annoyed at how many times I had to change the band over, it made me laugh when I realised half of what I was worrying about might not even happen’’

‘’My wife and I are now doing this together, I want my dad to do it too and he is so negative’’ (of course this in itself is a negative thought and the band has to be changed over to the opposite wrist)

You can read additional feedback about my services, techniques and the results gained from working with me.

Have fun along the way catching yourself; the more you practice the more you get your head and heart in balance.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes – Carl Jung

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From my heart you yours,

With Love,

X Wendy

08 Nov

Your Mind is Amazing!

Your mind is amazing!

It’s a complete storehouse of information that you have gathered throughout your life from birth to now.

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We store information through our senses (sight, sound, taste, smell and through feelings)

Our minds can be compared to enormous filing cabinets or hard drives storing various movies that contain the good, bad and ugly experiences from out pasts.

Just imagine your mind as this enormous warehouse storing your own personal past.

What movies do you have archived away?

Which movies bring up fear, anger, sadness, bitterness and pain, putting you in a state of dis-ease?

These films are like taped conversations playing over in your head or an endless series of thoughts, feelings and emotions moving through you.

Although an event happened in the past we might re-live it a thousand times over by thinking about it, re-experiencing it like it was actually happening all over again.

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• Which personal movies of yours are on constant replay?

• How often do you wake up and go to sleep with an old movie still running?

• How does this affect you emotionally and physically?

• What do you want instead?

These movies often represent a constant flow of negative experiences that we’ve been through (the voice of our inner critic/voice of doom, like a parasite that eats away at us from the inside and a voice we start to believe in and feelings that we think are real).

We replay over and over the same movies and the same story, until story becomes engrained.

The movie or inner story then becomes a default behaviour that we respond to when presented with a situation that is like one we have experienced before and triggers off what we believe to be true.

Most of what we react to has very little to do with a new experience and everything to do with past experiences (old movies)

What a liberation to realise that ‘the voice in my head’ is not who I am. ‘Who am I, then? The One who sees that – Eckhart Tolle

Head F**k

Pardon my language here, though I feel it needs to be said.  What we allow into our minds and what we play over and over really does leave us feeling f**ked at times.

Think back to the past and remember a time when you spent all day worrying over something.  Perhaps you experienced sleepless nights and upset stomach?  Were you, smoking or drinking too much to help you cope?

We are our own worst enemies, re-living arguments from decades ago, complaining about the weather, our partners, the rate of inflation, the youngsters of today, the state of the health service, our fears for the future….I’m exhausted just typing this up and this is what our thoughts can do to us.

We cling onto negative feelings, thoughts and emotions not realising that it’s us that suffers.

We become addicted to talking about all the things wrong with life seldom coming up for air.

  • How often do you feel overwhelmed emotionally?
  • What happens to your physical body when your thought time is filled up with worrying thoughts?
  • What are your energy levels like when your focus is on what’s wrong going wrong for you?
  • What happens to your sleep pattern?
  • How is your daily diet and digestion affected?
  • What do you actually gain by going over and over events from the past, ranting, complaining, moaning and perhaps even nagging?

If you want a happier life, more connected relationships, greater confidence and good health read on.

Unless we gain control over our minds we really will be F****d! 

Remember, you are not your thoughts!

In order to change the world, you have to get your head together first – Jimi hendrix

 

Practical Exercise – Mind Dump: Freeing the mind one thought at a time

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Find yourself a note book or better still a lovely big pad of A4 paper and grab yourself a pen.  You’re literally going to dump out what’s in your mind freehand.

There’s nothing more liberating than setting yourself free from the ‘poop’ from the past that you’ve been holding onto. 

For this mind dump activity, I suggest that you do it first thing in the morning, last thing at night and whenever you feel emotionally overwhelmed.

If you’re dumping a lot that’s good – better out than in!

There’s nothing complicated about the activity you simply write out what’s on your mind un-censored.  Let rip and have a good old rant on paper, really say what you want to say, nothing is banned here, only you will see it.

You may have several topics that you write about such as people or outside circumstances that are causing you stress.

Write about your worries, concerns, fears, doubts, injustices, anxieties, frustrations, uncertainties etc.

Just write what comes into your head and allow yourself the freedom to voice your thoughts.

Write until you can no longer think of what to write.  Get it all out!

The more frequently you do the mind dump exercise the less you will find you have to think about and in turn the less you will have to write.

You will feel better for doing this exercise on a regular basis and feeing your mind.

No one else has had to hear your rants, you haven’t gone into the same story over and over in the day telling everyone you know what you’re going through, making them feel f****d too, you simply write and get it all out freely and easily.

If you need to cry do, get some extra soft tissues and make sure to give yourself some TLC (Tender Loving Care) as you work through freeing your mind.

Things can only get better from here on in.

The primary cause of our unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it –Eckhart Tolle

The Past is Over and You Have Your Whole Life Ahead of You

When we begin to realise that the past is over and it’s purely our thinking keeping it alive, we gain a sense of freedom.

No one ‘thinks us’. 

We wake up and realise that we do in fact have ownership over of the power of our own minds and that we can choose how we react and respond to life’s ups and downs.

If you need some help in finding clarity, support in working through your poop and making the rest of your life the best of your life I will be delighted to work with you please do make contact at info@wendyfry.com

For general therapy & support http://www.bepositive.me.uk

For love and relationship support http://www.wendyfry.com

20 Jul

When Nothing is Certain ~ Everything is Possible!

What is it that you have been worrying about?

Who or what has been taking up your thought time?

How often does ‘not knowing’ the result of something and ‘uncertainty’ throw you off balance?

What outcome do you focus on when what you want to know about something which isn’t yet known?  

What percentage of your thoughts are positive?

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It’s natural for our minds to think and prepare us for the worst case scenario when we are faced with making choices.  It tries to protect us from danger and harm.

Our animalistic’ fight and flight’ mechanisms kick in and sometimes we may also experience the freeze response and we are trapped inside our own thinking, too frightened to move.

In fact, what we create in our minds isn’t actual reality, it’s a story that we make up about what we think will happen.

I bet half of the things you’ve worried about from birth to now haven’t even happened!

Fear disables.  It stops you from growing, advancing, progressing and achieving!

Don’t let your fear based thinking get in your way, your thoughts can be changed!

I personally now tell fear to ”go and do one!”   I’m too busy thinking about what else IS possible!

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

OR

FEAR = Feeling Excited And Ready!

Which one are you?

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Fear and Excitement are often felt in the gut (solar Plexus).  Don’t confuse your fear with excitement, use the energy of excitement to motivate you into achieving positive outcomes for yourself.

I personally love writing happy ending stories and getting into the mindset of what is possible…

From this moment on , begin to pay attention to your thoughts…. 

Are you thinking ‘worse case nightmare’ or ‘best possible dream’ when your mind runs riot around an unknown outcome?

My best advice is to focus on what you want, not what you don’t want!

Notice how your energy, passion and zest for life, love, health and happiness improve simply by changing your thoughts.

Over a year ago I decided to write my first book

Find YOU, Find LOVE

FYFL JACKET

Back then nothing was certain!

I’d never written a book before, I didn’t know how to do it, I knew zero about publishing, marketing a book let alone know how to balance my time to write it.

I had to learn things I never knew. I had to work through some limiting beliefs about my book ‘being good enough’, I had to bring up old skeletons from my cupboard and work through them, I had to set boundaries, I had to learn a heap load of ‘stuff’ .  I had to stretch myself beyond what I thought was possible for me and I’m still stretching as we speak right now!

I focused on the positive outcome of what I wanted to achieve!

My goal  was and still is to get my book out to as many people as possible who need help with love and relationships and understanding the significant role they play in creating happy outcomes for themselves.

Part of my not knowing became clearer when I chunked down all that I had to do.  I used what seemed close to a million post it notes to form the structure and chapters of my book.

I asked for help and hired the right people to help me.  I surrounded myself with people who believed in me and also had to turn the ‘self belief’ notch right up as high as it would go.

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Every day for 6 months I got up earlier, I wrote every day, I laughed, I cried, I used EFT Tapping to get me past the blocks, fears, doubts and insecurities and came out the other side with a big grin on my face when I opened my fist copies of Find YOU, Find LOVE

You can watch me here at the Book Opening  so wish I’d done my hair! But hey ho, this is me, opening the books as soon as they arrived!

Today everything is certain!  

Find YOU, Find LOVE is featured in Today’s Daily Express 20th July 2015

‘ Change Your Life While Relaxing on a Sunbed’

A summer special written and shared by the lovely Monica Cafferky with much gratitude.

Dail Express feature 20th July 2015

This achievement was made by taking my own advice…

Take action every day in the direction of your dreams ~

When nothing is certain, everything is possible!

I’m no different to you.  I’ve had my doubts, fears, insecurities and experiences from the past that I don’t wish to repeat.  I simply used my fears as stepping stones to achieve the things that are important to me.

What action, thought or deed can you make today that even though nothing is certain, everything is possible? 

If you’d like to work with me to explore what else is possible for you please do make contact

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From my heart to yours, with love

x Wendy

26 Jun

Love is on the Other Side of Fear

Many say hate is the opposite of love though it is in fact FEAR!

What are you afraid of?

” Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast”  Lewis Carroll ~ Alice in Wonderland 

  • How often do you find yourself thinking like Alice? 

At some point in our lives we all, unwittingly sabotage ourselves through fear based thinking.

We dash our future hopes based on past experiences without any real evidence that what we fear will repeat itself.

Do you really want to stay at The Mad Hatter’s tea party or are you ready to live your life in the absence of fear?

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Which of these fears are true for you?

  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of not being loved
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of separation or loss of relationship
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of ill health
  • Fear of being controlled by another
  • Fear of success

What has been the price you have paid or are paying now based on fear of the past repeating itself?

Be aware that some fear based core beliefs come from our conditioning whilst growing up.

There is no blame here on our caregivers, we were very young when we formed our core beliefs and at the time, these beliefs seemed to be appropriate for us

Core beliefs may be formed based on the following conditions:

  • Fear associated with rejection/not being lovable, worthy or approved of
  • Fear associated with not meeting expectations, being good enough, adequate, recognised
  • Fear associated with criticism, judgement, being made wrong, being told off, being compared
  • Fear associated with people giving you attention, unwanted attention, smothering, feeling singled out, harassed, embarrassed

There is no evidence at all except the story in your mind, that the negative aspects of your past will repeat themselves.

It’s a story that you may have been playing for way too long and when you play that story over and over your body hears that story and will respond with the fear, sadness, despair and the limitations that you place on your future.

The future is not limited, but your thinking may be…

It’s time to change the story!

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If at this point you want to explore your limiting beliefs that may have created fear based thinking you can download for free Chapter 3 ‘Belief’s of my book Find YOU, Find LOVE 

When you are able to review your past as a learning experience taking with you the knowledge and wisdom gained from challenges, setbacks, wrong choices and perceived mistakes, it’s possible to make your past work for you to your best advantage.

Your past will no longer keep you in fear, terrified, doubtful, limited, trapped or anxious about the future. You simply transform your beliefs about fear and begin to take risks based on what you know for sure, not like Alice based on the imaginings of a creative mind!

Being aware of your responses to real and imagined situations is part of the journey towards transformation.

A fear only has to be acknowledged to be transformed!

The primary cause of our unhappiness is never the situation but the thought about it –Eckhart Tolle

Stepping into the space of love in the absence of fear and trusting that you can and will overcome your your limiting beliefs is the first step to the road to recovery.

When we get into our heart’s and out of our head’s fear dissolves.  We begin to feel rather than think!

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There are so many ways to create love in your life…

  • Self love
  • Self compassion
  • Simply ‘being’ in the absence of doing
  • Heart focused meditation
  • Love of another
  • Love of family
  • Love of a pet
  • Love of your work/vocation
  • Love of nature/gardening
  • Love of knowledge
  • Love of music
  • Love of people
  • Love of a faith/religion
  • Love of a hobby
  • Love of exercise
  • Love of reading/writing/journaling
  • Love of stillness/meditation
  • Love of life

What other things fill your heart with love and your life with joy?

My best advice is do the things you love and do the things you fear you never know you might just fly!

I love writing about love!….

If you would like to read more about how to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems my book Find YOU, Find LOVE will lead the way.

I also offer in person support in Sutton, Surrey UK and over Skype internationally

Find Out More ~ work with me!

Thanks so much for reading and making time for you!

From my heart to yours with love x

 

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