29 Aug

The Best of Friends

When you think of the word friend or friendship who or what comes to mind?

I love using a Thesaurus and found the following meanings in terms of friendship and the components of what we might mutually bring to a relationship with friends.  Reading through how many of these statements resonate with you and the friendships you’re blessed with?

  • accord
  • affection
  • agreement
  • closeness
  • devotion
  • harmony
  • intimacy
  • love
  • rapport
  • understanding
  • affinity
  • amiability
  • company
  • consideration
  • empathy
  • fondness
  • friendliness
  • sodality

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I don’t know about you but I personally have the best of friends and have known many of them for over 35 years, oh boy, that makes me feel a little old though all things considered my friendships have lasted longer than my relationships.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, nationalities, ages, sexes with common goals and aims or opposing opinions.  I can understand the term ‘friends for life’ as so many of us are blessed with life long friendships from the day we form the friendship until the day we die, so many wonderful experiences can be shared with friends.

I invite you to take a moment today to honour your friendships and acknowledge them in some way, whether it be a call,  meeting up, sending a greeting by social media or indeed sharing this blog post just to say ‘thank you for being my friend.’

It’s often our friends who are there for us in our darkest hours and who are the first to want to celebrate our successes.

So on that note to all my wonderful friends, I love you, thank you for being in my life, you are the best!

 

 

 

09 Apr

Because it’s all a Matter of Trust

We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy ~ Walter Anderson 

  • What does trust mean to you?
  • Who or what comes to mind when you think of not trusting?
  • When has your trust been abused?
  • How hard do you find it to trust others or yourself based on past experience?
  • How will your life change when you are able to trust fully?
  • What are the benefits of trusting?

It’s been an interesting week.  On Monday I sent out a survey related to love and relationships and asked the question ‘what do you struggle with the most when it comes to relationships?’  An interesting theme emerged with over half of the respondents saying trust was their biggest issue on the other side of that was fear.

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Because the content of the survey was confidential I can’t go into the details of what was shared though we can explore further the issue of trust in general terms and it all comes down to the perceptions and beliefs we place on things.  Whether those beliefs be about men, women, people generally, organisations, government, religions etc,  it’s the meaning we place on people and events that will either make us trust or distrust.

It would probably be fair to say that those of you reading this have experienced either having your trust abused or not being trusted at some point in your life.

When it comes to trusting in love and relationships our past experiences become our filter and depending on the aspects of the past we may go on to believe our relationships will be not fulfilling, long lasting, fair or even trustworthy.  We literally take our past experience and project it into the future. I sometimes call this ‘mud slinging’.

Another example of not trusting might be a restaurant making a mistake with your bill total and charging too much.  You may never visit again or will check your bill every time you do.  You form a belief about what will happen which limits you tasting the delicious food or enjoying the ambience and good service.  You didn’t get what you expected therefore you might not trust them enough with your hard earnt cash to go back and have that extra order of garlic bread ~ with cheese! You are denying yourself of future pleasure because of a past experience.

It’s the same with relationships.  if you’ve been let down in the past by someone you trusted, it’s possible the residue of being hurt is still there for you and in new relationships you might find the need to keep checking your partner can be trusted.  This could come down to checking their social media accounts, their phone, their car and snooping on them.  As well as it being an invasion of privacy,  It really isn’t healthy to do this as you’re not trusting who you are is worth loving and you are!

growing from the past

The past need not repeat itself.  Being aware of the past is helpful but living in the past is limiting you too.  Let yourself be loved by trusting fully whatever happens, you’re still a worthwhile, beautiful and lovable person.

It’s natural to want to have the evidence you can trust someone but not trusting them or yourself is the beginning of the end.  From now on, every day look for evidence you can trust.

You can trust your alarm to go off, your kettle to boil, your body to function, your car to start, day to turn to night.  Look for evidence in your life of trust you have with others including your close friends, your colleagues who you open up to, the person at the bus stop you might tell your life story to.  Trust is everywhere, look for it, not for lack of it and more of the lovely stuff will show up.

Notice what you partner does, which indicates they can be trustednot what they don’t do.  Notice the qualities and attributes you have which make you a great catch!

Even though i’m a love and relationship consultant,  I write about this topic not from an expert point of view but through personal experience.  In my early relationships, i’ve driven people away from not trusting.  I may as well have worn the t-shirt ‘don’t come near me, I won’t trust you’.  I was my own worst enemy.

Even when significant others have told me ‘I love you’, I chose not to believe them.  I spent a good part of my life believing I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough etc and had the underlying belief ‘I’m not lovable’. 

Now that i’ve worked through where my abandonment issues came from i’ve been able to reflect back and understand why I wasn’t trusting and have been able to move out of fear and into love.

  • If you find yourself not trusting because you fear the past repeating itself, you’re not alone.  So many people don’t trust as it seems like a safe bet but actually you’re only limiting yourself from having an amazing relationship 
  • If you believe you’re not good enough you may even keep attracting, not good enough relationships and settling for second best.  Who you are is good enough and always has been.  The circumstances of your life need not shape your future. 
  • If you find yourself doubting your relationships will last, the doubt will creep in and grow.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life and an opportunity to build trust and in doing so create for yourself a happier future

If you really want to learn to trust again, the inner work begins with you.  I can share with you the tools and techniques which moved me from a snooping undercover detective to someone who trusts that whoever I meet whether it is on a new friendship, getting to know colleagues or investing fully in significant other relationships.  I trust totally and completely whatever I learn will be perfect for my self development.  I believe who I am is worthy and lovable regardless of what others say or do, this can be your experience too.

Who you are is so worth loving and when you trust yourself enough to believe in this the relationship you have with you and others changes.

Check out the free love and relationship resources including two audio downloads at http://www.wendyfry.com .  Be sure to download free from my website, the chapter on limiting beliefs from my first book Find You, Find LOVE  Helping you to get to the heart of your love and relationship problems.

Trust is the glue of life.  It’s the most essential ingredient of effective communication.  It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships – Stephen Covey

From my heart to yours, with love,

x Wendy

 

 

31 Jul

Trusting your Intuition

How often have you found yourself bypassing your intuition.  Only to regret later that you wish you’d listened?

Thinking back over the past, how might your life have turned out differently if you’d listened to that all important inner voice, feeling or knowing?

What have you learnt about not paying attention and going along with things in the hope that they will change – BUT, they don’t!

What is it that remains to be achieved for you?  

Perhaps a career goal, learning something new or indeed  that all having that all important relationship that’s right for you?

What if you were to start to listen and trust your intuition from now on?  

How will that serve you? 

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We can use our intuition on many levels and for many aspects of our lives. 

For example even though it isn’t ways nice to know my intuition has told me that people three different people I was very close to and a devoted pet were going to die.

These were all situations that were out of my control and I could not have changed the events, though I knowing how strong my intuition is, I now pay more attention to it.

In the past, I’ve also know intuitively when relationships haven’t been right for me but went into them blindly, thinking that things would get better.   Not any more!

Think about your own intuition now.  How does it present itself to you?

~ Do you get an inner knowing?

~ A feeling?

~ See something?

~ A thought or word come into your head?

~ A sensation?

We each experience our personal intuition differently. For me it’s very much a physical response, often my skin tingles, I feel heat or coolness, also I hear words alerting me to positive and negative experiences.

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I spoke to a friend recently who had a decision to make between two choices.  Totally torn between making a choice, even more so after asking hundreds of people ‘what do you think’ making a decision seemed even harder.

Trouble is when we put our decisions ‘out there’ for others to decide for us, those people would be telling you what they think based on their thinking/intuition or opinion.

So I took my lovely friend through a short process where they were able to listen to their own intuition. Simply by asking questions and waiting for the answer.

Our bodies are amazing and already have the answer.  Several times over my friend had definite clarity over what intuitively was the right decision.  They never thought of going within to find out what to do.

~ When it comes to love relationships, how has listening to your intuition served you well?

~ How has not listening impacted you?

~ What did you learn from either not listening or paying attention?

If you made a deal with yourself right now to pay attention to your intuition in what areas of your life do you want answers?

Set an intention and ask your intuition to provide you with the answers.

Be open to receiving intuition in a number of ways:  Knowing, sensing, seeing, hearing, feeling, symbols, dreams etc.

If you’d like to find out how to use your intuition and set your intentions in love relationships you might like to listen to these 2 free audio recordings  Standing in the Spotlight of LOVE and 21 Steps to LOVE

I’m also available for VIP Days Helping you to get to the heart of love.

 

Here’s to you and you your amazing intuition! 

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23 Nov

Are you still learning about love?

The Beatles sang ‘All You Need is Love’ but to love or not to love, that is the question?  When we are hurt and a relationship ends,  often the thought of ever loving someone again or being loved may seem like an impossible dream, is this true for you?

We all crave love in our lives, though sometimes love can be painful and that can create fear of ever loving again.  We are stuck between a rock and a hard place, uncertain of the future, unsure of our lovability or even our capacity to love again.

We may beat ourselves up and say things like ‘when will I learn to trust my instincts he/she was wrong for me from the start’ , we may berate ourselves and tell ourselves ‘I’m stupid to have ever trusted again’, we might wonder ‘what am I doing wrong?’and ‘why do I keep attracting the same type of partner?’  We might feel hopeless about love and relationships and steer clear of forming new ones based on past experiences and fear that the past will repeat itself again.

  • How much of the 86,400 seconds in your day is taken up worrying, anguishing and thinking about love and relationships? 
  • How much thought and air time do you give to talking about love when things go bad? 
  • How do your thoughts affect you physically, emotionally, spiritually?
  • Does love despair spill over into your working life?
  • What’s the cost of keeping hold of the thoughts and feelings about love and relationships that you may be having right now?

loves me loves me not daisy

  • What are you willing to change?
  • What actions can you take that would  make you feel better than you do right now?
  • How will you know when you’ve worked through your love and relationship problems and feel ready to love again?
  • What will that look like, feel like, sound like for you?
  • If you were to focus on what is possible in terms of love and relationships and you took actions to implement all that can be, how would your life be different?
  • Need some help in getting started?

As a love and relationship expert, many of my clients say ‘how long will it take to get over this?’ My answer is, it’s different for each and every person. When a relationship ends, it is always an opportunity for careful exploration of ‘the self’ and what may contribute to making the wrong choices from the start.

When you look inside and work though the things that may have contributed to love and relationship problems, well that’s the best relationship investment you will ever make.  Instead of looking outside of ourselves for love, acceptance, approval and a sense of self, it’s Important to do the ‘inner work’ and explore how we each operate in and out of a love relationship.

Find YOU, Find LOVE http://goo.gl/crnvoZ  is my first book about love and relationships and focuses on the relationship you have with yourself.  It’s a workbook full of practical exercises and techniques that help you explore your past and what may be contributing to love and relationship problems for you right now.

There is a full love and relationship inventory in the book, or you can download here for free http://www.wendyfry.com/resources   Use the inventory to gather the information that will help you work through your love and relationship beliefs.

You may need some support after completing the inventory to work towards transforming past doubts and future fears, though in doing so, you will gain a greater sense of self and in turn be confident that who you are is lovable regardless of the past circumstances and events that will have shaped you life up to now.

If you’d like to work with me in person in Surrey or over Skype, please do make contact to discover how The Spotlight Process and EFT (The Emotional Freedom Technique) can get you back on track. If you need some 1-2-1 support and guidance please do contact me direct to see how I can be of support to you via http://www.wendyfry.com

Still learning about Love?  If you want to take control of your future, resolve the past and make the rest of your life the best of your life.  Choose Find YOU, Find LOVE, in doing so you will find yourself, an endless fountain of love and joy that you may not have even been aware of.

x